by Kirsty Ferry
‘Rob’s home?’ Cassie was astonished and delighted in equal measures. ‘And we can go right up to it? But won’t the people who live there get upset?’ She peered along the drive and saw a variety of tangled shrubs lining overgrown tarmac.
‘No, it’s fine.’ Aidan smiled. ‘It’s more or less derelict. Well, maybe not derelict in the true sense of things. It’s still got a roof and walls and things, but it hasn’t been lived in for years. Jack was sent to live with some relatives after Rob joined up, as their parents were both dead. This was the family home, and it was sold, eventually. Like I said, I started hunting around and it came up on a rather exclusive estate agent’s website. I’ve acquired the keys under the pretext of having a look with a view to buying and doing it up.’ He shrugged, almost embarrassed. ‘I don’t know if I believe in such things as Fate, but you have to admit, catching things at the right time is often quite as spectacular.’
‘Oh, my goodness.’ Cassie stared. ‘What are we waiting for then? Come on.’ Her stomach churned with excitement. ‘It’s another part of their lives, isn’t it? Oh, Aidan. Why didn’t you look up all of this earlier? You would have had a lot more information on Rob than you had when you first brought that book to me.’
‘I would,’ Aidan agreed, ‘but somehow it wasn’t as much fun looking on my own. It’s much nicer to share the journey with someone who understands. After all, it’s not just my relative that’s involved now, is it?’
‘No, that’s true. I wonder if Stella ever visited here?’ Cassie looked up the driveway. ‘Come on. If you’re sure it’s okay to go closer, let’s go right now.’
They kicked their bikes into gear and drove slowly up the driveway, Cassie enjoying the short, winding journey, skirting the potholes and overgrown shrubs that dipped over the edge of the lawns.
They pulled up at a reasonably sized manor house, probably dating from the Georgian times, looking at the classical lines of it. It was nowhere near as big as Hartsford Hall, but it was definitely large enough to be a comfortable, happy home to a boisterous family.
Cassie laughed in delight and looked up at it, her attention drawn to a first-floor window, where, she noticed, the room seemed to occupy the corner of the house as it had a window looking out onto the side as well. She cast her glance to the side and wondered if Hartsford Hall would be visible from it. She was willing to bet it would.
She turned to ask Aidan if he thought the same, and saw he was already inserting the keys into the lock.
‘There you go.’ He stood aside and made a sweeping bow. ‘After you, Lady Cassandra. I think you should have the first peek.’
‘No. It’s your uncle’s house – your family home. You should be first.’
Aidan shook his head and laughed. ‘But you know you want to go first.’
‘I do, but I was first in the wine cellar at Hartsford.’ She thought for almost a millisecond, then grabbed his hand. ‘We go in together.’
And, hand in hand, they stepped through the door.
Aidan was rather reluctant to let Cassie’s hand go once they had walked inside, so he didn’t. Not immediately, anyway.
‘Can you feel it?’ Cassie almost whispered, her voice echoing around the empty, square hallway. ‘It’s like Rob and Stella are waiting, just around the corner.’ Her gaze travelled to a door in the far wall, leading into what might have been a reception room at one point, then she looked at the staircase on the right-hand side of the hallway. ‘D’you mind if I have a look up there? I noticed a room before that I simply have to check out.’ She glanced at Aidan and blushed. ‘I just want to see if you can see Hartsford from the side window. And if you can, I’d like to imagine it was Rob’s room. I’d like to think of him sitting in the window seat with his sketchpad or his notebook and thinking of Stella.’
‘Sure.’ Aidan smiled. ‘It sounds like a good place to start. I’ll have a quick look around down here and let you have some space to explore for yourself. I might as well try to get a feel for the place as a developer.’ He shrugged. ‘You never know. It would be kind of nice to do some work here and bring it back up to spec.’ Reluctantly, he disconnected their hands and pulled a notebook out of his pocket. ‘I’ll see you in a few minutes, okay?’
Cassie nodded. ‘Yes. See you soon. And thank you for bringing me here.’ Then she hurried up the stairs and disappeared from sight.
Aidan watched her go and headed towards the room at the back. Unlike Cassie, he had felt a pull towards that room, and his heart began to thud as he walked in. There was a draught as something seemed to rush past him, and he looked quickly at the direction it was heading. It was towards the window – more specifically, one of the smaller ones at the side of what he now saw was a room with a big, square bay window looking out onto the gardens. He scanned the area, wondering if he had just been imagining it, but he had the same sort of feeling he’d had in the changing rooms.
Taking a deep breath, he went over and saw the glass was damaged near the bottom. That then, was where the draught had come from. Unless—
He leaned down and ran his fingers over what had originally seemed to be an area of multiple scratches and cracks. ‘What on earth?’ He looked more closely and saw there were some words scratched on the glass.
Biting my truant pen, beating myself for spite,
‘Fool’ said my Muse to me, ‘look in thy heart and write.’
Whoever had scratched that in, had taken their time over it. And had, quite possibly, been angry with themselves for some reason.
‘Was this you, Rob?’ Aidan whispered into the empty room. The whole building was listed, and this might explain why this quote had been left there, unobtrusively, not bothering any of the tenants, but perhaps just intriguing them a little bit …
‘Cassie!’ Aidan suddenly shouted, turning from the windows. ‘Cassie!’ He ran to the door and shouted upstairs. ‘I’ve found something!’
‘Me too!’ she called, her voice excited. ‘I can see the Hall from here! Come up. It’s a perfect view.’
‘Give me one moment.’ Aidan quickly took out his phone and snapped a picture of the quotation. Then he opened the internet search app and typed a few words in. This time, he thought his heart would burst out of his chest. He had to show Cassie this – he had to. He ran out of the room and took the stairs two at a time.
Cassie was standing at the entrance of the room, holding the door open, peering excitedly out along the landing. ‘There you are. This place is just full of Rob. I thought I’d be better at sensing Stella being here, but Rob has definitely left his mark and—’ She cut herself off, abruptly. ‘Not that I’m seeing ghosts or anything.’ She went scarlet. ‘That would be weird for you, wouldn’t it? Not weird for me, perhaps, but you don’t need to know that just yet. I mean, not ever. No. Not ever. I mean – oh, God. What do I mean?’ She looked up at him searchingly.
Aidan looked down at her and suddenly a wave of emotion flooded over him. He knew he was seriously attracted to her, had known that since the very first time he’d met her, but here it was all condensed and distilled. And being in the very room that Rob might have slept in, might have dreamed of Stella in, did something to him that he couldn’t quite describe.
‘I don’t know what you mean,’ he said, ‘but I think I understand. They’re all over this place, aren’t they? Not only Rob, but Stella too. The idea of Stella.’
And if we don’t leave Rob’s bedroom, then I’ll be forced to follow in his footsteps. And it won’t stop at a kiss.
‘All over it.’ Cassie nodded. ‘But I haven’t … seen … anyone. Sometimes, I sort of see them at Hartsford.’ She dropped her gaze. ‘Weird. Sorry.’
‘Not weird. Understandable, I would say.’ Aidan chose his words carefully, then took her hand in his and squeezed it gently. ‘Come and see something that’s almost as exciting.’
But not as exciting as spending more time with you …
Chapter Twenty-Three
February 1942
&nb
sp; ‘Oh, God, Stella! You should see them!’ Mary was ridiculously excited. She had met her very first US Airmen, in High Wycombe, when she and Lois had been travelling to London to see if there was anything they could get involved with for the war effort. They had decided being Land Girls in the Suffolk countryside wasn’t quite the life for them, and wanted something less physical – and somewhere, Mary admitted with a giggle, where they’d have contact with a few more of those very brave boys who were fighting.
‘Is there any real reason why you had to go via Buckinghamshire?’ Stella felt like a huge, beached whale, and even the cheerful presence of Helen and the twins couldn’t take her mind off it. She could no longer see her toes and she was grumpy. She’d eventually had to give up her post office job as well, and, to top it all, she was bored. She grimaced as the baby stretched and her stomach tightened in that awful way it had; the way that shot arrows of pain down her legs and into her pelvis. Every time it happened, she thought the baby was coming, which sent her into fresh waves of panic.
‘We truthfully did have some time to kill between trains, but we had heard the chaps were landing,’ admitted Lois. She lit a fresh cigarette and leaned back, crossing her legs elegantly. Stella had forgotten what it felt like to cross her legs any higher than at the ankles and envied her slim friend. The baby kicked at her ribcage and she flinched, gasping at the force of it.
Mary looked at her curiously. ‘Are you quite all right, darling?’
Stella gritted her teeth and shifted position again to satisfy this demanding little thing inside her that refused to allow her any comfort at all. It protested at that, and she hauled herself up to her feet, shaking her head. ‘No. No, I’m not. And if I ever see Rob Edwards again, I’ll kill him.’ She arched her back and tried to stretch, but that just hurt her spine. ‘This is awful. It’s just awful.’ She began pacing around the room, pressing her hand into her back. ‘Come on, darling. Take my mind off it. Tell me about your GI’s.’
Lois cast a glance at Mary and they both giggled. ‘We’ve got a dinner date with two of them on our way back. We told them we were visiting our poor, widowed friend before she had her baby and they were very sympathetic to your condition. One of them said his wife had been just the same when she was knocked up.’ She blew a perfect smoke ring, unconcerned.
‘Lois! Is one of them married?’ That was Helen – she’d been pouring out tea for them and had slopped some into the saucer in horror.
‘Yes, but it’s fine. I’ll behave myself.’ Lois grinned at Helen and dipped her biscuit into her tea.
Stella thought it rather ironic that they were chatting around a pot of tea and a plate of biscuits when their weekends had usually been centred on champagne and swimming pools. What had they become?
Grown-ups, part of her said. She shuddered. She didn’t really like that, as it intimated responsibility and adulthood. She caught sight of herself in the mirror – a pale, puffy-faced woman standing awkwardly, a marked curve in her back, her feet planted far apart as she counter-balanced the weight of the baby. She blushed, furiously, and looked away, back towards her friends. Rob’s words came back to her: You know that things will change. We won’t always have tomorrow; we won’t always be like this – young and silly and wild. One day, we will have to grow up and become sensible.
The time had come, then. The time had come for her to grow up, and at the grand old age of twenty-six she supposed it was only right. And she wished desperately that Rob was by her side, helping her. She looked at the plain gold ring on her wedding finger. Her finger had swollen up and the ring dug into it, impossible to take off. Yes. She wished Rob was here. She wished, again, that she had agreed to marry him long before she had.
Mary was twittering about her conquest, a twenty-year-old from Connecticut, and said he was a dear little thing with the most perfect smile.
‘Isn’t he a little young for you?’ Stella leaned forward over a small table as one of those horrid pains gripped her again, and the sweat prickled between her shoulder blades.
‘Maybe, but if I can cheer him up, then that’s not so much of a problem, is it?’
Mary’s voice seemed to be coming from a long way away and Stella caught her breath on another agonising pain. This time, her stomach hardened, and she suddenly felt faint.
‘Helen?’ There was another sensation, one that made her panic like never before.
‘What is it, darling?’ Helen was at her side, rubbing her back, her face full of concern.
‘I think … something’s … happened.’ She dipped her face, mortified. ‘I’ve got … something … running down my legs. Help me? Please?’
‘Stella! Oh, God – I think your water just broke!’
‘Oh, no, oh, no!’
And everything after that was just a horrible, messy, painful blur.
Present Day
Cassie hesitated, and looked out onto the landing. Part of her was reluctant to leave Rob’s room and the view of the Hall, but another part, the greater part of her, wanted to go with Aidan wherever he chose to lead her.
‘Okay.’ She turned and took a last look at the Hall, and at the room whose heart seemed to beat in tandem with hers.
‘Oh, Rob!’
The voice was soft and quiet and ended on a giggle. Cassie quickly ducked her head and blushed furiously. Stella had been here, then. And quite possibly still was.
‘Yes. Let’s head downstairs.’ She suddenly found it highly amusing as well as quite embarrassing. She didn’t want to hear any echoes of spiritual love-making, thank you very much.
Aidan led her out of the room and, still holding hands, they went down the stairs. He took her into the room opposite the entrance and steered her towards the edge of the huge bay window. He stood her in front of the side pane and pointed to a collection of scratches on the base of the glass.
‘Have a read of that. Go on. Tell me what you think.’
‘All right.’ Cassie leaned forwards and read the words, then caught her breath. ‘Aidan! Is that Rob? Really?’
‘I think it is. Look. It gets even better.’ He showed her his mobile phone screen.
Three words jumped out at her. ‘Astrophel and Stella. It’s part of the first sonnet! It has to be Rob. That is amazing.’ She leaned forward and ran her fingers gently over the scratches, feeling the roughness under her fingertips, almost sensing the anger that had urged him to engrave the glass with that couplet. ‘And it’s still here.’
‘The window pane obviously never needed to be removed. Lucky for us. There are a few places that still have these wonderful inscriptions on the windows – odes to unrequited love, or names or initials. Fascinating. Even people like the poet Robert Burns did it. I bet our Rob was aspiring to be like him.’
‘The more I hear about Rob, the more I love him.’ Cassie laughed. ‘He sounds such a character.’
‘He does.’ Aidan looked affectionately at the window. ‘I took a picture of it, so I could remember it.’
‘Well, perhaps we could go back and compare it to the handwriting in the book?’ Cassie suggested. ‘Put your book, and Stella’s list book with that moon poem and the note about Jack Shelley in it, and the Astrophel letter together with your photo and see if it all looks alike?’
‘I’d put money on the fact that they do all look the same.’ Aidan smiled at the window pane and it was his turn to touch the glass reverently. ‘I’d like to spend a little longer in here, though, if that’s okay. I don’t know when or if I’ll get another chance to explore. Then we can head off.’
‘That’s fine by me.’ Cassie nodded. ‘I’ll wait outside. I think I’ve seen everything I needed to see in here.’ And maybe heard more than enough as well, she wanted to add. ‘So I’ll let you have some time alone and see you when you’ve finished.’
‘Thanks.’ He transferred his smile, gratefully, to Cassie and her legs went a little weak. She cleared her throat, nodded and headed outside.
To get some fresh air, if nothing else, and
to try and not think of herself in Stella’s position, in Rob’s old bedroom …
Aidan spent a little longer in Fenwharton and made himself some very comprehensive notes about it. Well, he was allowed to dream, wasn’t he? What if he could get this place, and renovate it, and bring it back to standard? Perhaps even live in it? That would just be the icing on the cake. And if Cassie was nearby? Or – he dared to dream a little deeper and a little more dangerously – if Cassie was with him? Well, that would be the cherry and the whipped cream on top of that icing. Then he shook his head and grinned at his daydreams. It was maybe a little soon to be thinking about such things long-term.
After they had met up outside again and driven back to Hartsford, Cassie was as good as her word. She unlocked the door of her little cottage and headed inside. ‘Come on. I’ve got the bits and bobs in here. They were too precious to be left in the squash courts.’
Aidan ducked as he followed her into the cottage and looked around him. The ceilings were far too low for him, but that wasn’t unusual. He had banged his head on too many beams in these sorts of cottages to count.
‘The lounge is on the left. Take a seat, I’ll be in soon,’ she called through. Aidan heard the sound of a tap running and the click of a kettle switching on, and he smiled, settling himself into a comfortable sofa. He looked around at the jam-packed bookshelves in the alcoves and the casual disregard for tidiness he kind of expected from Cassie, and his smile grew wider.
‘Here you go.’ Cassie came in with the sketchbook Aidan recognised so well, and, balanced on top of it, Stella’s list book, with the page open at the poem and a folded piece of paper which had to be the Astrophel letter. ‘I’ll pop them on the coffee table, and you see what you think next to your photograph.’ As she put them down, the draught she caused by whisking past the sofa made a little piece of paper flutter to the ground.
Aidan leaned down and picked it up, glancing at the address. ‘The Dordogne.’ He raised his eyebrows appreciatively. ‘Very nice.’
