by Bri Izzo
“Rex needs to stop. I already told Sky that nothing can happen,” I explain. “That was harmless. I just wish everything would go back to how it was when we were kids. The three of us did everything together, and now it feels more like it’s every man for them self.”
“It’s more like two against one,” he mutters under his breath as he rests his hands on the counter.
“Why? Because Sky and I are better friends than him and Rex?” I snap. “That’s not my problem. I’m not about to stop being friends or change how I am around him just because Rex has some stupid idea that we’re hooking up.”
“You’re wearing his sweatshirt,” Benny points out, glaring at me.
“I was cold in the car,” I defend myself poorly. We’ve been at the cabin for over an hour, and I still haven’t taken it off. It’s just so snuggly, but I guess it makes the situation look bad.
“Bianca, we all know you’ve had a crush on Skyler for years… maybe even before you knew you did. None of us expect it to just go away, but with Sky in high school and driving now… no one wants you to get hurt,” he explains, pulling me in for a hug.
“Why does everyone think he’s going to hurt me?” I mumble into his chest. “He’s better to me than anyone else.”
“I don’t think if he hurts you it will be on purpose,” he adds.
As much as I hate thinking about it, what Benny said makes a lot of sense. Skyler is clearly more experienced than me; Exhibit A: him casually sneaking his tongue into my mouth during our kiss.
“I don’t understand why it’s such a big deal that Sky and I flirt when Sam and Tiffany do it all the time. You and Sky never argue about them,” I point out.
“It’s different,” he claims.
“How?” I beg to know. If his answer is that they’re in the same grade, I’m going to flip shit.
“They aren’t as serious as you two are,” Benny snarls at me.
Touche.
When Benny and I return to the basement, I have taken Skyler’s sweatshirt off. It’s not cold enough in the room to sit in a fuzzy sweatshirt and all the blankets and pillows scattered all over the floor, and if Benny noticed I’m still wearing it then I’m sure everyone else has, too. I don’t need to dig my hole any deeper. This is exactly why I didn’t want to come this weekend. My feelings for Skyler have skyrocketed since he kissed me; I know they’re only going to grow. And apparently no one in this room approves of us as a couple, which fucking sucks. I guess I can’t be happy if I want everyone around me to be happy, too. So I decide to use Skyler’s sweatshirt as a pillow while watching the rest of the movie until we’re all called to dinner.
As Susie passes out the cake, she places a plate in front of me containing marble cake covered in vanilla frosting with sprinkles on the edges. I cringe just looking at it.
“Susie, I actually don’t want a piece,” I tell her with a fake smile. Even on my birthday I have to decline eating the cake because no one cares that I don’t like chocolate or sprinkles, so every time the cake has one or both disgusting features. I think they all think I’m trying to keep my athletic body in shape, but that’s not really the reasoning for my decline.
“Oh, I’m sorry sweetie,” she replies, taking the plate away from me. While her eyes are genuinely apologetic, my mom’s are the total opposite.
“As usual, Bianca has to be the rude one,” my mom mumbles from behind me.
“I’m not being rude. I don’t like -” I try saying, but she interrupts me.
“You don’t like anything,” she finishes my sentence to her liking. “Except making scenes.” I’m a little sad my dad obviously didn’t hear this. He would’ve shushed my mom since she was the one making a scene, but he was far enough across the room that he was unaware and couldn’t come to my defense.
Since my mom is standing behind me she can’t see me roll my eyes, but I don’t want to prove her right by drawing more attention to us. I decide to go for a drink in the kitchen to excuse myself from the spotlight and find Skyler fetching me my favorite ice cream - homemade cookies and cream, or Cookies and Fucking Cream as I like to call it since it’s a Skyler recipe. His Mac and Fucking Cheese is pretty good, too. When I return, I silently thank him and lower my head as I finish my ice cream to avoid the eyes that are showering onto me from around the table. They should all be used to my mom picking on me by now; I’m immune to it. She does it every single time she has the chance, and I’ve learned to just let her do it and try not to let it bother me.
Next to me Baylee nudges me so I’ll look at her, and I know she’s just checking in on me but I don’t need it. I flash her a smile and go to clean up my bowl and spoon. Baylee is the perfect girly daughter my mom always wanted, and ever since the two of us defined ourselves, her as a girly girl and me as a tomboy, my mom favors her. It doesn’t ever make me angry or jealous of Bay, but she’s still genuine enough to make sure I’m okay.
After dessert, everyone scatters throughout the house into different rooms to watch TV, play cards or board games, or gossip like little girls. That’s my mom, and I can hear her from two rooms over complaining about me dramatically wanting me to stay at home this weekend and then being convinced to come after all. I just can’t listen to her anymore. And I can’t go find Rex or Tiffany or Skyler or Benny because they’re all tiptoeing around me like I’m a baby sleeping, and I just need to get out. But it’s storming, and I have no idea where I can possibly go since the lake is obviously not a realistic option. I learned at an early age that there’s a difference between adventurous and idiotic.
As I put my clean bowl and spoon away in the cupboard and drawer, I remember that Skyler left his car keys on the front hall table when we walked inside earlier. I discreetly walk to the front of the house and grab his keys, looking around the front rooms to see if anyone sees me. No one is around, so I make a break for it. In the pouring rain, I dash to his car and hop in the passenger seat. I want to get out of the house, but I can’t betray Skyler by taking his Jeep, especially when I can’t even legally drive.
I’ve been sitting in Skyler’s Jeep for over a half hour when I see him sprinting in the rain towards me. Took him long enough. Gosh he looks sexy soaking wet.
“What the hell are you doing?” he demands to know.
“If I could drive I would be in Canada already. I told you I didn’t want to come,” I remind him as I try to pretend I don’t notice he’s looking me up and down trying to figure out my mood and my motives. I can’t handle him looking at me that way without severely blushing.
“Let’s go for a ride,” Skyler decides.
We spend an hour getting his Jeep stuck in mud, him revving the engine while the wheels splatter me when I push on the backside, and both of us throwing mud at each other until we can’t see skin. It’s kind of disgusting but also very thrilling to just let loose and not care that Skyler is running his hands over my once completely white tank top. I can’t breathe when he’s touching me like this. I can see his handprints on my shirt, but then they slide all the way down the fabric. He’s teasing me so well.
At first he’s just watching me and probably laughing at me on the inside for his muddy touch suffocating me. And just as I’m about to lean up against his Jeep to try to tease him back, he runs his fingers through my hair.
Which would normally be sexy, right?
Except Skyler has mud covering his fingers.
So now I have mud caked into my scalp.
Now the real fun starts. Payback.
“Not too much in my hair!” I shriek. “It’s gonna be hard to get out!”
If I could reach the top of his head, I would be running my hands through his bad boy hair, but I can’t. He’s over a half a foot taller than me. I try to climb him like a ladder, but he purposely makes sure I don’t succeed. So I settle for reaching underneath his clothes to get it on his abs.
“Like I fucking care,” Skyler chuckles as he pulls at the bottom of my ponytail.
“Ow, c’mon,” I
whine, shoving him in the chest with fistfuls of mud.
“What? You think I’m going to go easy on you because you’re a girl?” he teases, barely even wincing from my lack of force on him.
“Ha, never. I know you better than that,” I snicker, running one of my fingers covered in mud along his neck. Was that a flinch? Is Skyler Swanson affected by me?
“Don’t fucking look at me like that,” he pleads, holding his breath as his jaw clenches. The mud matches his spiky long hair and dark, brooding eyes. My God, the boy looks beautiful even covered in mud. I can’t help but stare at him.
“Like what?” I whisper while on my tiptoes trying to reach his ear with my lips as he partially leans over.
“Like how you are right now,” he continues to tighten every muscle in his body.
“How’s that?” I tease. Before I can stand back on my feet, he grabs my face and crashes his lips into mine. Rain pours around us, making the kiss as smooth as silk. I feel like I’m drinking him in as I bring my tongue to meet his and he increases his hold around me. This can’t be happening, I think as I hold onto the back of his neck. Thunder crashes in the distance, and since my senses are on high alert, I shy away from him unintentionally. I can feel the disappointment in his touch and his breath while his eyes zero in on mine in hopes of gauging my emotions. Although I recall telling Skyler earlier today that nothing could happen again like the kiss we shared at his birthday party, I really want it, and clearly he knows that. Somehow he doesn’t care what anyone else thinks, or he just wants to keep whatever this is between us a secret from them.
“Sky…we can’t,” I whimper, unable to process a full thought. I don’t want to argue with him. He’s right that I want to kiss him and be with him and whatever else. It just complicates everything around us. My head is in such a fog I can’t even say anything else.
“B, if you really don’t want me to kiss you then get in my fucking Jeep,” he demands, towering over me awaiting my response. His eyes still as they glare into mine, but they’re so genuine as if no matter what I choose nothing between us will suffer.
How I feel when I’m around Skyler is like being a bird. I’m able to take the quickest route to love through him. I feel like I can go anywhere with him and still be free.
Finally I make my decision and jump up to connect our lips again. Luckily he catches me around my waist and under my butt to hold me. He turns me so my back is pressed against his muddy Jeep as he pulls my legs to wrap around his waist.
I’m going to die. This is better than any daydream I’ve ever had about me and Skyler. Can he feel how much I freaking want him? I’ve never felt this much for anything, even softball. His kiss deepens as he runs one of his hands along my leg lathered in mud. I’m only fourteen and already know what it feels like to have Skyler Swanson turn me on. I’m pretty damn lucky.
After a few minutes of trying to breathe through the sea of rain surrounding us, Skyler releases his lips more permanently from mine as he still has me against his Jeep. Our lips are red and swollen from making out. I’m also worried he can feel the throbbing ache between my legs, but I have to pretend that it’s just in my head. I can’t figure out what he’s going to do next, but I hope this isn’t over.
“That’s it?” I giggle, innocently hoping to feel his lips on mine and his hands all over me again. I feel like I’m in a romantic comedy, and I saw what happened after Rachel McAdams and Ryan Gosling made out in the rain.
“I would kiss you in more places if you weren’t fucking covered in mud. Maybe if this was chocolate…” his voice teases. The way he’s looking at me makes me wonder if he’s just going to pretend the mud is chocolate; he clearly wants to devour me. I can’t believe he wants me this badly. What I will give to feel his tongue on my skin. I would definitely die right here.
“Okay, gross,” I laugh after focusing on the realistic aspect of that concept. With his tongue licking me all over or not, I would still have to be lathered in something I hate. It would only be enjoyable for him, and I would be screaming for him to get it off me while I cringe.
“Sorry… ice cream?” Skyler tries again with a guilty smirk.
“That’s more doable,” I grin. His face muscles loosen, almost into a smile. Sky having a relaxed forehead, level lips, and dark eyes is basically his expression of happiness.
By the time we return to the cabin an hour later, Skyler and I are covered in mud. The inside of his Jeep is destroyed - only took me a week to get the new car smell out. Score! The look on Skyler’s face says he couldn’t care less. My mom, on the other hand, is a completely different story. Her face is like a ghost when Skyler and I return covered head to toe in mud. She must’ve been passing by the front hallway and saw us through the window because she storms outside to scream at us for being childish and whatever else she thinks will make us listen. Nothing will. I learned to tune her out years ago. We just walk around to the side of the house to turn on the hose and rinse off more thoroughly than the rain is doing. I still hear her yelling until we’re completely out of sight. It just makes me laugh; her efforts of getting me to listen are about the same as me getting her to love me as much as she loves herself.
After we get most of the mud off our skin, we enter the laundry room through the garage so we can change into dry clothes. I strip myself of my brown dyed tank top and watch Skyler’s eyes brighten as my neon bra is fully exposed.
“Ugh, I forgot I can’t change in front of you anymore,” I grunt, grabbing a towel to wrap around my shoulders and cover my chest. I’m so used to him being my friend and somewhat brother-like figure my entire life, that I managed to forget we just made out for forty-five minutes in the rain while covered in mud and pressed up against his Jeep. The kissing makes me think I’m in a fantasy, so in reality Skyler should be able to handle seeing me shirtless in a small room.
“What? Why can’t you?” he questions as if he didn’t notice his boyish reaction to me taking my shirt off. I kind of love it, but I’ll never let him have that satisfaction.
“Because I’m up here and you can’t stop staring,” I exclaim, slapping his arm playfully. Shaking his head, he snaps out of his trans. “I’m sorry,” he stutters.
I’m fourteen, so they’re only B cups, but still.
And then the laundry room door to the kitchen flies open. Oh, great. Now my brother and my crush can see me in my wet bra. Perfect.
“Put a shirt on for God’s sake,” Rex demands, shielding his eyes. I have a towel on. Sheesh. “I just came to find out why none of us were invited to go muddin’.”
“It wasn’t planned. We just went. You can come next time,” Skyler explains coolly, not letting on that we did anything more than play in mud.
“There won’t be a next time. Mom is pissed,” Rex enlightens us.
“Shocker,” I sneer, throwing my hands up and exiting the small room to go find dry clothes. I ignore my mom when she sees me in the kitchen and resumes her scolding from earlier and head upstairs to my shared bedroom. After I shower and change into sweatpants and a t-shirt, I leave my room and run into my dad in the upstairs hallway. “Oh, hey Dad,” I quickly greet him as I try to scoot past him.
“Bianca,” he casually acknowledges me. As I hit the first step down, he adds, “Did you have fun playing in mud?”
“Yeah, I did,” I go on the defense slightly. I’m not sure if he’s going to be Switzerland in this instance or on my mom’s team. He usually chooses Switzerland but it’s always a gamble.
“Make sure you help Skyler clean his Jeep tomorrow if it’s not raining,” he orders.
“You’re not mad?” I wonder, trying to read his stern face. Skyler might as well be my dad’s kid for how similarly they (don’t) express their feelings.
“Did you get mud in the house?” he asks.
“No,” I answer him. Between the rain and the hose, we washed everything off before we got inside. The only evidence of muddin’ in the house is on our stained clothes and maybe a little mud
still in my hair.
“Then you have my answer,” he replies with the slightest grin that tells me he wants me to enjoy being a kid. He’s always been the biggest advocate for us creating memories as long as they aren’t illegal.
10 Skyler Swanson
I wish Buzz wouldn’t have left me alone with Alex in the laundry room. He acts like he’s all cool in front of her but as soon as she leaves everything gets fucking awkward again like my last interrogation. This is becoming too regular.
“Where’d you guys go?” he questions me.
“Just down the street away from the houses. Like halfway between here and the main road to go into town,” I tells him.
“The idea of you watching Bianca shirtless is disgusting,” he blurts out.
“She was changing out of her muddy shirt!” I exclaim. “And I’ve seen her change hundreds of times. In case you forgot, we’ve all been friends since we were fucking born.”
“Okay, jeez. Lay off,” Alex pleads, backing away from me like he’s scared I’ll hit him. I won’t just because it’s him. If it was anyone else it’d be a different story. He’s like my brother.
“You need to fucking lay off,” I demand. “She’s one of my best friends, and so are you. I’m not picking one or the other. We all grew up together. Don’t start this sibling rivalry shit now.” I storm out of the room before he can retaliate with anything and run up to my bedroom to shower in my parents’ bathroom and change clothes. When I come out I hear Buzz talking to her dad, Allen, in the upstairs hallway. It’s a short and sweet conversation, unlike the one her mom tried to fucking have with her. Buzz and I cross paths as I go to my bedroom and she descends down the stairs in loose fitting sweatpants and a Rockettes softball shirt of hers. The number 27 plastered on her backside makes me remember how close we all were before Alex and I entered high school. My jersey number is always seven and Alex’s is two, so when it came time for Buzz to choose a number, she combined them.
Knowing I’m as significant to her as her own brother means so much to me but she’ll never know that because I’ll probably never tell her. I’m too scared of jinxing it and losing her forever. She doesn’t know it, but she trumps anyone in my life. She’s always been the most real and my best teammate by challenging me to be better while Alex just rolls with everything. Even Benny won’t stand up to me.
