by Bri Izzo
At first I don’t see her, so I go to the table to give the guys a heads up that she’s coming. Today the table only consists of two baseball guys and one football player, all of whom Buzz and I grew up with playing t-ball and little league and, to this day, pick up games at the park. The two baseball guys are Brandon Wilkinson and Luke Borden, both of which played on the Rockets with me, and the football player is one of our school’s wide receivers, Evan Smith - aka Smalls. He’s the one who told us to get a room in the parking lot before school last week.
Before I have a chance to warn them, Buzz walks up to the table with just her backpack in hand, no food. Her eyes immediately land on mine and look like she’s trying to cover up being embarrassed about something. I have no clue as to what.
“Hey, I’m Bianca,” she introduces herself as if it’s her first time meeting them.
Oh my God. I didn’t even consider she doesn’t remember them or that she’s forgotten their names. I feel like such a fucking jackhole for not thinking ahead.
The guys all give her kind of weird glances but thankfully play along. Individually they say their names, and then each one looks at me like I could give them a silent explanation as to why they just had to reintroduce themselves to a girl they have known since they were five. I obviously can’t do it with her sitting right fucking there, so I ignore them.
“Where’s your lunch?” I ask her, noticing she just rests her head on her arms on top of the table. She doesn’t look like she’s even considering eating. Damn it, Alex! Damn it, Benny! I fucking told them to make sure she was eating!
“I usually just grab something in line,” she mumbles without picking up her head.
When she doesn’t move at all, I whisper to her, “Do you need money?”
“No,” she answers, slightly shaking her head at me. Ummm, okay? What the fuck is this? She literally just doesn’t eat? What is she waiting for? There’s literally no line.
“Here. I must’ve taken Savannah’s lunch; there’s fruit in it. I won’t eat it,” I offer her a bag of grapes and pineapple cubes.
“You don’t like grapes or pineapple?” she questions like it’s the most absurd thing she’s ever heard. Okay, so I’m lying to her. I know I didn’t take Savannah’s lunch because I packed it myself. I just want her to fucking eat something.
“No, I don’t,” I lie. My chest heats knowing I’m not telling her the truth. I can’t remember ever purposely lying to her, and I’m not a fucking fan of it at all, no matter how small it seems. However, I tell myself it’s worth it, and if I have to go the rest of my life pretending I don’t like grapes and pineapple I’ll fucking survive.
“Thanks,” she smiles. “You should grab her lunch more often.”
“Your mom doesn’t buy fruit?” I question. It seems like something Beth would do, buy fruit but most likely just for show. So there should be plenty in the Ferrari household if Buzz wants it.
“She does, but I’m rarely at my house in the morning, and if I am, I’m running too late to make a lunch,” Buzz explains, starting to eat the fruit with a satisfied look on her face.
For the rest of the week I bring Buzz fruit for lunch, and by the time Friday rolls around I’m craving pineapple. When the guys come over for “guys’ night” I suggest we order pizza, more specifically Hawaiian. Before the pizza arrives I go into the fridge and put some pineapple into a bowl to bring into the basement for myself.
“Can I have a cube?” Benny asks me once I sit down at the card table.
Rolling my eyes, I answer, “Fine.”
“What? It’s pineapple. Don’t you have more upstairs?” he presses.
“Yeah. Have some. I don’t fucking care,” I tell him, shuffling the deck of cards. Alex and Sam are studying me from across the table, and I don’t fucking like it. I’ve been crabby all night. While I’m paying attention to the deck of cards I’m shuffling, Sam sneaks a piece of pineapple from my bowl, too, causing me to sigh in disgust.
“Are you PMSing?” Alex jokes with his annoying Prince Charming smile.
“No fucker,” I snap. I take a deep breath to regroup. It’s going to be a long night if I don’t come back from the edge. The week dragged so fucking long, and I didn’t get to play catch or baseball once. That’s how I determine if it’s a bad week. It also doesn’t help that Buzz had a rough week. Her head has been hurting like crazy, and she’s been sleeping a lot. “I just need a pick up game this weekend.”
“Alright. We’ll make it happen,” Benny agrees.
“How’s Bianca doing?” Alex questions me. Although he’s smart enough to know that being away from her is killing me, he isn’t smart enough to phrase his question properly to not get an answer in the form of a bark.
“Shouldn’t you already fucking know that answer? She’s your sister,” I deadpan.
“How would I? She’s sleeps at your house every God damn night,” Alex points out. So it does piss him off? Ha.
“It’s a good thing she does because if something happens I’m there to fucking take care of her,” I argue.
“I’m sure that’s why you let her sleep over,” he concedes one argument and starts another. I didn’t think I was going to have to deal with his shit about liking his sister for a while. Buzz and I aren’t ready to tell everyone yet. Instead of arguing with him about it, I decide to deviate the conversation away from her.
“It is,” I affirm. “Can we just play cards and not talk about girls?”
“Yes, please,” Benny and Sam chorus.
Little did we know, the girls are about to crash our guys’ night. Ten minutes later the pizza shows up at the door, and I don’t know if the girls were spying on us or what, but they walk into my house five minutes after the pizza arrives. I’m betting it’s no coincidence.
“Aren’t you having your own sleepover tonight?” I snap at Tiffany, Baylee, and Buzz when they come into the kitchen eyeing up the pizza. I don’t mind that they just walk into my house like it’s theirs, but the pizza is ours.
“Wow, you guys pissed him off already? Nice work,” Tiffany fake applauds Alex, Benny, and Sam.
“It’s not like it’s hard to do,” Sam blurts out, stepping away from me once he slithers his hand into one of the pizza boxes to grab a slice. He’s smart enough to know I’ll hit him if he’s close enough to me.
“Benny said you guys were ordering pizza,” Baylee butts into the bickering, causing all of us to fall silent. He would fucking tell his adolescent crush we have pizza. And now I have to hide that I’m eating Hawaiian pizza with pineapple from Buzz - because fuck if I’m not getting my damn pineapple.
“Oh my fucking God,” I mutter, glaring at him from across the room.
“She’s practically your sister,” Alex reminds him. His evil twin look is perfected with his arms crossed and dark, scowling eyes, so much that it usually scares Benny enough to shut him up.
“Everyone here grew up together. Stop acting like everything is such a big deal,” Benny announces. Looking around, I can guarantee that no one knows whether or not he’s talking about him liking Baylee as the big deal or if he’s trying to play it off as they’re just friends. Either way it’s bull shit. Him liking her is a big fucking deal in every universe, and he certainly doesn’t think of her as just a friend.
“The weird part is that Baylee likes someone that looks like her brother,” Buzz mumbles for only me and Tiffany to hear. I know she doesn’t want to make Baylee feel bad or disgusting, but her statement couldn’t be any truer. Their resemblance never wavers as the years pass.
When Tiffany laughs at her joke, I growl, “What are you laughing at? You like my fucking brother. That’s no better than if you liked Alex.”
“Just be glad I don’t like you,” she snarks.
“Gross,” I call her on it. I would probably be more grossed out if Tiffany liked me than Baylee and Benny liking each other. I enjoy my pissy banter with her, but that’s as far as I’ll go.
After the girls eat half of
our pizzas, we push them out the door to go back to their own slumber party. Benny, Alex, and Sam surrender to the basement before the girls even leave. I watch Baylee as she pretends like it doesn’t bother her that Benny didn’t talk to her after we ragged on them, but it totally does. None of us want for Benny to be an ass to her like this, but Tiffany is already in repair mode trying to take Baylee’s mind off of it as they exit my house.
Like we telepathically plan, Buzz stays back for a private good bye with me.
“I have my phone on. If you need anything, call me and we’ll come over,” I tell her in case she forgets, which is literally impossible with how often I let her know I’m here for her. It’s just an instinct to constantly say it even though I know it must annoy her. I secretly want her to call because I miss her sleeping next to me already.
“Just have fun,” she replies with an encouraging smile. Her girly curls bounce on her shoulders as she nods at me, and I can’t help but notice that my girl is so damn gorgeous even in just a t-shirt and jeans.
“I’m sure I will,” I snicker, looking into her eyes in an attempt to relax and go back to the guys in a different state of mind that will allow us all to have a good time. I’m just so on edge.
Buzz reaches her arms up around my neck as her bright face lights up the dark foyer. “Why are you so crabby?” she wonders. She’s literally the only person in the history of the fucking world that can ask me that without me fucking attacking her for it. I don’t even have to pretend to not be angry with her. Looking at her makes me instantly happy, and I feel bad that she even has to ask me why I’m in such a sour mood.
“It’s just been a long week. I’m sorry,” I tell her.
“It’s okay. I know. Go kick some ass in poker,” she grins, pulling me down to give her a much needed kiss.
“If I win, I’ll take you to Toni and Marie’s for dessert tomorrow night,” I offer her. When we were kids and read the cursive font on the outside of Toni Marie’s, a local bakery in downtown Hinsdale that is one of Buzz’s few weaknesses, it looked like Toni and Marie’s. Our parents didn’t tell us it was actually just Toni Marie’s until the name officially changed to Toni’s a few years ago. Maybe to spite them we still call it Toni and Marie’s. Anyways, they make these glaze frosted shortbread cookies (with no sprinkles) that Buzz goes crazy over any time she goes downtown.
Gasping first, she responds in her rare chipper girly voice. “Ooh, I thought I liked you. Oh, hey. Would you be up for some batting cage time, too? I reserved some tomorrow afternoon.”
I squeeze her around the waist so I can lift her up and have her lips at my height. “I thought I liked you,” I create an echo.
When I retreat back to my basement, the guys are waiting for me in silence, and I wonder what I fucking missed in the extra five minutes I was upstairs saying bye to the girls. I sit in the empty chair and literally hear all of their eyes hit me.
“What?” I snap, picking up my cards from the spot on the table in front of me.
“Don’t mind us. We’re just playing a game of poker,” Alex mocks me.
“I was saying bye to the girls. I wasn’t gonna be rude like you fuckers,” I tell them.
“They came and ate our pizza, and we were rude?” Sam questions me. His theory is actually on point for once, but I can’t give him the credit for it.
“I wasn’t the one who invited them,” I point out, looking up from my cards to give an obvious glare in Benny’s direction. He just sits there quietly and takes it, which is very unusual from him. Actually the only person who would just take that on a normal day is Buzz; literally anyone else in our group of friends would shoot a sarcastic comment back at me. Even Baylee, but it’s kind of hard to consider a thirteen year old as part of our friend group no matter how much Benny likes her. “Hello, Earth to Benny.” I wave my hand slowly to try to get his attention. “Does this have anything to do with you not saying bye to Baylee?”
“Did Sam say a special good-bye to Tiffany?” Benny diverts the question.
“No. Why would I?” Sam answers, completely oblivious to anyone else’s feelings but his own.
“I rest my case then,” Benny wants to end the conversation. Nice try though.
“Those two are so dysfunctional they make Kanye and Kim look stable,” I banter.
“It’s true. There’s nothing real with us,” Sam backs me up. I knew he was going to come in handy to have as a brother someday.
“If you’re comparing yourselves to Sam and Tiffany then you’re in trouble,” Alex chuckles in agreement with us.
“I’m not comparing me and Baylee to anyone. We aren’t anything more than friends,” Benny argues, throwing his cards onto the table to fold. Or maybe he’s leaving to go home. Fuck, the girls are at his house. No way is that happening. When he stands up I’m about to follow him, but he just goes to the fridge and grabs a soda.
“Is there something between you and Makenna?” Alex blurts out. I shoot my eyes at him, hoping and praying he isn’t directing that ridiculous fucking question at me. Me and Makenna are so history we’re in my grandpa’s textbooks. But he’s looking at Benny, and he’s serious.
I’m not really breathing because I’m so shocked that this is even a possibility, but it helps me in waiting for Benny’s answer.
“I don’t know,” he sighs, coming back and slouching in his chair. It isn’t often that Benny looks defeated, but as he looks at me and Alex individually, he really appears like he’s lost a fight. How is he already hung up on this girl?
“You guys seem pretty friendly at lunch,” Alex says with no judgement whatsoever.
Lunch? Makenna goes to South…
“Okay, hold on,” I demand, dropping my cards on the table. “What the fuck am I missing? How do you see Makenna at lunch?”
“She transferred,” all three of them answer at the same time.
“What?” I’m in total disbelief. Why would she transfer after the first month of junior year? That’s so stupid. I don’t really have any beef with her anymore. However she causes trouble wherever she goes, and she’s friends with Leah who apparently does the same. How has no one told me this?
“We were just as surprised as you are when Leah brought her to our lunch table this week,” Alex sympathizes with me.
“Okay, and you like her?” I ask Benny.
“It’s complicated,” is Benny’s answer. Ha, I know complicated.
“What’s so complicated? You’re single; she’s single.” I really don’t see the issue, especially if him and Baylee are “just friends” like he says.
“You dated her,” he reminds me.
“Barely. That can’t seriously be your reason for holding back,” I tease him. If it is, he’s just being a fucking pussy about it. Because he, of all people, knows I can’t stand being with Makenna.
“When we were ten the three of us made a pact that we wouldn’t date each other’s exes when we got older,” Benny revives the most feminine memory we have with each other. I figured it wouldn’t be an issue; growing up the three of us couldn’t have been interested in more different girls. Even when we were watching movies or a TV show, we each fancied a different one.
“Benny, I sincerely give you my blessing if you want to fuck Makenna,” I tell him.
“Seriously?” he questions one more time.
“Yes, for fuck’s sake. She’s all yours,” I glare at him, trying to ingrain my words into his brain so we won’t have to have this conversation ever again. Remembering that I ever had something with that girl is painful. She’s fine as an acquaintance and a person in general, just severely not my type with all the drama she carried around in her purse. By that I mean she is severely not Buzz. “But what about Baylee?” I add.
“What about her?” he wonders.
“And I’m the asshole? Wow,” I disgustedly sigh.
After we go to bed a while later, I’m sleeping on one of the couches facing the TV and have a horrible nightmare play like a movie in my min
d. It’s a recurring one where Buzz is drowning in a massive body of water, sometimes a lake, other times an ocean, and I can’t save her. I’ll swim and push myself as hard as I can go, but she always keeps moving further away until the water finally takes her under.
All I can hear is Buzz yelling, “Why can’t you save me?” and I’m so confused. As I front crawl in her direction, I am actually gaining water for once and am so close to reaching out and touching her when a tidal wave hits me, throwing me back into the water. When I manage to pop my head out of the water about ten seconds later, all I see is Buzz lying face down in the water with blood pouring out of her head like the day of the accident.
“Buzz!” I scream in my dream, and the water starts shaking like an earthquake, which is unusual. As I start to panic, I finally wake up to Benny shaking me as he stands above me.
Deep breaths. It wasn’t real. It was just a dream. Buzz is okay. You’re okay.
“You alright, man?” Benny whispers, careful not to wake up Alex or Sam who are sleeping on the floor in front of the TV.
Still trying to catch my breath, I nod. “Yeah, just a bad dream.”
“About Bianca?” he questions. Damn it. He heard me yell for her? Fuck.
“Yeah,” I admit, standing up and heading for the wet bar to get a glass of water.
Following me, he asks, “Does this happen a lot?”
“Just when she’s not sleeping next to me. It’s like my subconscious knows if she’s next to me in real life,” I confess. I’m still breathing heavily from the stress these dreams bring me. Buzz has no idea about it, and I want to keep it that way. She has enough to worry about.
“Wow,” he gasps in disbelief. He doesn’t realize how badly I took Buzz’s accident either. No one does. “What’s the dream?”
Setting the glass on the countertop, I squint my eyes at him. I never talk about it with anyone except Dr. Hughes, so I’m not really sure how to say it without coming off as delusional. Scanning the room, I’m happy to know Sam and Alex are still asleep.
