by S. L. Naeole
“Do you mind if I ask you what your answer was?” I asked anxiously.
“Why, of course I don’t mind. I might be a little vain, and maybe even a little prideful, but not so much that I cannot admit to doing something very, very wrong and without any real justification whatsoever.
“Quite frankly, dear, I only wanted to follow in my parents’ and my siblings’ footsteps because I foolishly wanted to marry an angel. I told them something completely different, of course, because I didn’t want them to hound me with talk of duty and obligation, but the truth was there in my head, clear as day.
“I lied about so many things during those days. Oh, I was terrible back then, a regular little hellion! When it finally came time for the test, I was surprised that my family would be there—that had never happened before—and I knew when I opened my mouth to answer that the worst thing that I had ever done was hurt them with my lies. I broke their hearts, but I also redeemed myself by being honest about it,” Ellie sighed, a wistful look in her eyes.
“That must have burned one heck of a memory into your mind,” I quipped and she clapped her hands, laughing loudly with little care to who heard or saw. I envied her that freedom.
“Oh, Grace. You’ve got wit. That’s good. It’s hard to find true wit in your generation. Too many smart mouths, not enough smart minds.”
“Thank you,” I said, smiling awkwardly at her compliment. “Do you mind if I ask you a few more questions?” I asked, my voice pleading, not wanting to miss this opportunity now that I knew she was so willing to share.
Ellie patted my knee and laughed softly. “Dearest Grace, ask me anything. I may not suffer pain like our sweet angels when they lie, but my conscience pricks when I do, so if you have any fears about that, don’t worry about it.”
I swallowed that bit of information and quickly ran down my mental list of questions I wanted—no, needed—answers to. There were so many, but the first one came up rather quickly, and I was ashamed at its existence, since it had not even been a thought until Sam had planted its seed during the ceremony.
“Are you still in love with Robert?” my voice was crisp, the hidden message in my tone was clear.
Ellie tittered. “Oh dear, I loved him, but I was never in love with Robert. He is lovely, I won’t ever deny that, but he and I would have never suited.”
I recalled Sam having said so, but pressed further, “What do you mean, you ‘would have never suited’?”
“Quite simply, my life was moving forward, and his was stuck in the fifth century,” she answered. “I wanted to get married, have children, have a home. Robbie couldn’t give me those things. He wanted to make me happy, but he simply couldn’t give me what I wanted. So, I found my future with someone else, and I haven’t regretted it once.”
I studied her smile and saw that it hinted at sadness, despite her claim of having no regret. “Has it been hard, growing old and watching him not age a single day even though he could if he wanted?”
She nodded, her chin quivering a bit. “I don’t want you to think it’s because I wish to be with him. Rather, it’s because I know that there will be so much that I’ll miss. I wouldn’t even be here today if not for Robbie. He saved my life.”
I reached for her hand and patted it, knowing exactly how she felt. “He saved mine, too.”
She looked at me, her blue eyes gazing at me with such intensity, I wanted to look away, but I didn’t. “Sweet child, I meant that he saved my life for one day. I’ve got a get out of jail free card, and it’s only good for this one night.”
I didn’t understand what she meant by that, and told her so. She removed her hand from beneath mine, only to place hers on top. “Grace, by this time tomorrow, I shall be with my Lord, and I’ll have gone knowing that I was able to see my granddaughter marry her prince charming. That was all that I had ever asked for in life, and it was Robbie that made sure it would happen. He’s a miracle. A walking miracle, that boy is.”
“I still don’t understand, Ellie. What did Robert do?”
“He postponed my death, Grace. I don’t know how he did it, and I thought I knew why-” she motioned to her granddaughter, who was now in the middle of what seemed like a shrimp eating contest with several bridesmaids and her new husband “-but seeing you, seeing how Robbie looks at you, I see that I was wrong. He’s very taken with you, you know.”
I blushed at that. It was definitely something that I could see myself being comfortable with. “So he’s told me.”
“Cherish that, Grace. When an angel looks at a human that way, it’s forever. Angels look perfect, but they’re incomplete.”
My confusion at what she said must have amused her because she gave me a knowing smile which made her eyes twinkle with mischief.
“Now then, those can’t be the only questions you have to ask. Please. Ask me anything. It’s the least I can do to repay Robbie for allowing me this one night,” she said sweetly, her smile no longer tinged with sadness.
I inhaled deeply, and asked her the first of what would compile the longest list of questions in the history of the world. Or at least, that’s how I looked at it. “What exactly are the angels’ secrets that need guarding?”
Ellie looked at me and smiled. “You mean other than the fact that not only do they exist, but that they live amongst us like normal people?”
If I hadn’t known she was a human, I would have sworn she was an angelic mind reader she was so spot-on with that reply.
“Well, I’m sure you’ve already figured out one major one; the angels aren’t perfect. Imagine the uproar in the church if it were to be found out that not only were angels singing in rock bands, or were standing up in front of congress, but they were also somewhat promiscuous?” she winked.
“Why? Why are they like that?” I leaned towards her, not wanting to miss a single word of her answer. I felt like a starving child, snatching at the bread crumbs that Ellie was handing out.
She held out her hands, examining them for a moment, then reached out and held mine. “Because of this. Did anyone explain to you about the differences between a juvenile angel and those that have ascended?”
I racked my mind through all of the things that I had been told, by Robert, by Ameila, by Lark…two things stood out. “I want to say that the juveniles don’t have wings…and haven’t received the call.”
“Yes. But it is also because they cannot feel anything…physical,” and she could tell by my reaction that I was aware of that, too. She continued, “Juvenile angels are such extraordinary creatures, with unbelievable strength and ability, but their one weakness is that they cannot feel joy and pleasure the way the ascended can, the way we can, and it deprives them of that emotion. So, they proceed to induce that feeling by giving it to someone else-”
I nodded my head, remembering what Robert had told me about feeling his touch through my mind, as opposed to through his own skin. The thought was still unsettling.
“-And that feeling can be very addictive. It can be like a drug to some juveniles, male and female alike. They crave it, how it makes their bodies feel, how it makes their minds suddenly free of thought. The ascended, they have a purpose. The juveniles, well…they don’t, other than to wait for the call.”
I didn’t know my jaw had been open until she had released one of my hands and pushed my chin up, effectively closing my mouth. Was Robert one of those…addicts? My eyes, which I was fairly certain were at max capacity with regards to how wide they could be, suddenly found an extra millimeter or two to open at the thought. Surely he’d never tell me, because I had never asked, but was he?
“Oh Grace, I know what you’re thinking, and while Robert may have appreciated being with women and appreciated their thoughts about him, he certainly never became like some of the others,” Ellie said, patting my hand, trying to comfort me.
“How can you be so sure?” I asked, not feeling comforted at all.
She stopped the patting, and removed her hands from me, her s
mile gone, “Because he told me.” She was offended.
Of course she would be. Angels couldn’t lie. If he had told her, it was the truth, and irrefutable. “I’m sorry. I should have remembered.”
She sighed, “I understand why you are so doubtful, Grace. You grew up in a world where things like angels didn’t exist, and truth and honesty are dead virtues that belong to no one. But, I do hope that you now see that neither is true.
“I don’t envy you, having to be pulled into this world without knowing anything about it, and having so much of this burden of truth be placed on your head. But, I guarantee you that it will be worth it. Robbie is special. Even among his kind,” she said, smiling while looking past me.
I felt the gentle hand upon my shoulder and looked up into his eyes. Of course they were his eyes. It could only be him standing next to me, and I knew Ellie was right. It will be worth it.
“How are you two beautiful ladies doing?” he asked, but only looking at me.
“Haven’t you been needling around in our heads, Robbie?” Ellie laughed, “Did you come to make sure that I didn’t chase young Grace here off, or did you come here to ask one of us to dance?”
He laughed, his eyes twinkling. “Ellie, if you don’t mind, I’d like to take Grace for a spin around the floor first.”
She waved her hand as if to dismiss us. “Go on, have fun! I’m no good at these new dances anyway. Too much oomph, not enough cha cha.”
Robert’s laugh grew louder, his perfect teeth shining bright white, his whole body shaking with his amusement. “There’ll never be enough cha cha for you, Ellie.” He bent down and kissed the hand that she offered to him. “I shall return for a dance with the second most beautiful woman here, so please save one for me.”
I had to admit, Robert did know how to win over the ladies. I could feel mine, but I was thoroughly impressed when I saw Ellie’s blush creep up her neck and slowly bloom across her cheeks. It was apparent that it had been a while since someone had made her feel—well…like a school girl. And who better to do that than someone who had known her when she was just a school girl?
Leading me onto the temporary dance floor that was crowded with party guests, Robert swung me out, then with a sharp tug pulled me back in, causing me to spin into a very tight embrace, one hand holding mine clasped against my heart, the other placed at the small of my back, my free hand falling naturally onto his shoulder. “I know you haven’t had much fun so far this evening,” he whispered into my ear, “but I do plan on making sure that the rest of it is pleasant, if not thoroughly enjoyable.”
“Robert, it doesn’t matter what we do. If I’m with you, it’s already enjoyable,” I promised. I rested my head against his chest, listening to the beating of his heart, and wondered what exactly was beneath the skin and bones that caused that beautiful rhythm.
It’s my heart. It is the same as yours.
I shook my head. No it isn’t. Your heart has beat for fifteen hundred years—and will continue to beat for at least another fifteen hundred—while mine will be lucky to beat for as long as Ellie’s has.
He kissed my hair and then pressed his cheek against my head. I will see to it that it beats for as long as possible.
I smiled. Of course he would. This is nice.
What is?
This, my first dance…our first dance. I think I expected it to be awkward and clumsy, and instead it feels like I’ve been doing this for as long as you have.
I could feel his body shake slightly as he laughed.
I lifted my head from his chest, looking at his amused face. Why are you laughing?
I think I was expecting the same thing.
My mouth opened in a mock gasp. So little faith in my dancing abilities?
He smiled. More like so little faith in my ability to cover up the fact that I had so little faith in your dancing abilities. That, and I wasn’t so sure I’d be able to heal my feet. You’ve got big feet; I should know, I bought the shoes you’re wearing tonight.
I laughed and then shrieked as he spun us around very quickly. Stop! You’re going to make me dizzy! I started laughing hysterically as he spun us faster, my head falling back, my hair coming loose of its pins.
He slowed and soon, we were simply rocking in a slow, gentle motion. I thought I was making you dizzy.
Giggling, I nodded my head before placing it back on his chest. “I think that no matter what you were doing, you’d make me dizzy,” that last bit coming out in a breathy gasp.
Resting his chin on my head, he sighed. I know what you mean.
I felt my hand creep up to his neck, my fingers searching for the pulse point there that would echo the beat I heard in his chest. You mean you make yourself dizzy, too?
He laughed softly. You silly girl. I meant that you leave me feeling very dizzy, too. It’s a rather odd sensation; I’m sure that I’m going to need to feel it often in order to truly understand it.
I felt his pulse quicken and that small piece of knowledge made me feel breathless indeed.
How strange. It’s the opposite with me. When I’m not around you that is when I feel breathless. I liken it to being a fish, and you are my water. When I’m not around you, I feel as though I cannot breathe. And you have to understand the irony in that because I’ve never in my entire existence ever needed to.
I lifted my head up off of his chest again and searched his face. Confusion, amazement, and humor at what he had just revealed to me could be seen plainly. What I had to search for was hidden in his eyes. He looked frightened.
Robert placed his hand at the back of my head and pressed it back down to his chest, sighing wryly. I am afraid. I don’t understand the feeling, but it is there. I have never felt it before, and it is exhilarating and strange and confusing all at the same time. I have always seen fear in the minds of other people, but I have never been able to understand it because it is a foreign emotion to me, and because of that, I couldn’t actually feel it. Does that make sense to you?
I nodded, understanding it completely. He was supposed to be the epitome of empathy, and yet he couldn’t empathize with the fearful because he had never been fearful himself. What did he have to be fearful of?
I don’t know. So much of this is new to me. I brought you into my world thinking that I’d be changing your life, when the opposite is more true; you have been changing mine in ways that time has never been able to. I can read and study the world and all of its inhabitants…but you’ve made me feel things that I didn’t know I had it in me to feel. It’s…strange.
I smiled. I was now the normal one, the one who was used to feeling something as trivial as fear, and he was the weird one. I felt his body shake once more with laughter and I sighed with contentment.
The hand that had been pressed against the back of my head lowered itself to the small of my back once again, and he pressed there, bringing me closer, embracing me in that moment of understanding. I nestled my face closer to his neck, wanting to smell his skin, lose myself in the scent and feel of him as we swayed slowly to the beat of music I couldn’t hear because his voice was in my mind…and it was the only sound I ever wanted to hear again.
STRANGE HAPPENINGS
Bliss is always short lived. I read that on a fortune cookie once. I didn’t think that would ever apply to me, since bliss wasn’t exactly a feeling that I was familiar with, but dancing in Robert’s arms proved to be as blissful as things could get at the moment, and like that tiny scrap of grease soaked paper predicted, it was short lived.
“May I cut in, brother?” a smooth, silky voice asked behind me, and I stiffened as recognition hit.
Robert eased his hold on me, nudging me to turn around, which I did. Slowly. Hesitatingly.
“Sam! I don’t see why not. I did promise Ellie to dance with her next,” Robert replied.
I did not want to go. I looked at their faces and knew that both of them knew that I did not want to. But neither of them had the nerve to refuse. Stupid angel etiquette.<
br />
“Fine, let’s dance,” I muttered.
Sam took my hand and placed it on his shoulder; he grabbed my other hand and raised it up, then started twirling us in large circles, his feet moving fairly quickly, and mine stumbling to keep up. He smiled brilliantly, and I was certain that anyone else would have looked at that smile and thought it the most beautiful sight they had ever seen, but to me, he looked like a shark. His teeth were gleaming, and sharp, and I would have bet money that had he opened his mouth, I’d have seen rows and rows of teeth on the ready right behind the ones up front.
I wanted to introduce him to Erica. They were both predatory creatures. Perhaps the larger shark would eat the smaller shark, and then the larger shark would get a serious case of indigestion and change his diet. I liked that idea. My smile reflected it.
He seemed to take that as a welcoming sign, and began talking. “I wanted to apologize for my lack of tact earlier. I shouldn’t have been so forthcoming with information about Rob and Ellie’s relationship. That was for the two of them to tell, not I.”
I nodded my head, gritting my teeth as I did so, because I wasn’t buying it for a second. I thought he knew it, too, until he started talking again.
“You don’t—your mind isn’t—you’re a very quiet girl,” he finally uttered, his expression one of confusion. I knew my face mirrored the exact same confusion because he continued, “I guess I can see why you fascinate Rob so. Your head is so empty of thoughts, it must seem like a sanctuary for him. It’s…quiet in there.”
My eyes grew wide as I recognized the signs. Sam couldn’t hear my thoughts! He was trying, but he kept falling into the void, the “empty ring” in my mind when my thoughts had gone into their own corners! I felt absolutely giddy at the thought. Not wanting him to think I was a total idiot though, I concentrated on clearing my head of any thoughts completely.
