Oriel was solemn. ‘So you wouldn’t volunteer if you had your chance again?’
‘Bloody oath!’ He shook his head, apologized for the language, then sighed. ‘Ah, I dunno. What choice have yer got when yer mother needs yer? It was a rough old trot for sure, but if it taught me one thing it’s that Australia should be a nation in its own right, not just the appendix of another. I was proud o’ being part o’ the Empire once but after that lot I think we earned our colours.’
Her mind was in turmoil, filled with gruesome images. ‘Is it silly to ask if you still believe in God? I mean I know you never go to church but neither do I.’
‘That’s a big one. Yeah… yeah, I probably do. Can’t really help it, being a lifelong Catholic an’ that. Though I don’t know what kind o’ bloke He is to let that happen.’
Oriel shared this view. ‘That’s what I find so hard to understand. I look at the awful things people do to each other and I think, is this all there is? Surely there has to be something more. If there isn’t then what’s the point to any of it? Why does He let it happen?’
‘If I knew that—’
‘When you talk to the other men—’
‘Oh, blokes aren’t big talkers, yer know. Tends to strip yer naked, an’ I’ve never thought a naked bloke was a pretty sight. At least now yer’ve got a better idea of why poor Jim’s the way he is, why he doesn’t want to see anybody. Get a bit that way meself. Yeah, I think all us diggers’re likely candidates for the giggle house.’
Oriel said she found it hard to understand why some men were more affected than others if they had all gone through the same. Norman, for instance, seemed on a pretty even keel.
Daniel cracked a grin. ‘Yer’ve got to have half a brain to go mad. Nah, well, we all cope with it in different ways. Shove it out o’ sight – don’t think I go round talking about it to everybody.’
‘But surely you must’ve told Mel?’
‘Oh yeah… at least I’ve tried, but it’s not really the type o’ conversation she goes in for. There’s some things I can never tell – even to you.’ He noticed that she was pale. ‘And you thought I told yer the worst of it. Cripes, listen to us – Stiffy and Mo! That’s enough for today. Let’s talk about something more cheerful.’
He made a remarkable effort to resurrect the character whom he normally presented to the world, even going so far as to crack a joke. ‘Listen to me – I’m supposed to be back at work. The boss’ll kill us. Oh well, I’ll tell him the doc had a hard time finding me brain. Come on, we’d better make our way back. Think I can remember where I parked the car.’
Oriel was content to wander back into town, down towards the busy shopping valleys, holding hands with him, proud for folk to see them together and to think Daniel was her husband – which he was. She smiled up into his dear face. Never had she felt so much at home, so totally loved.
Daniel took out a cigarette then belatedly offered one to her. She declined, laughing as he found his matchbox filled with dead ones. Spotting a crippled veteran balanced on a trolley nearby, his empty trouser legs fastened up with safety pins, Daniel moved up to him and in easy manner asked, ‘Got a light, dig?’
Oriel adored his beloved face as he stooped low over the match, noted his nod of gratitude and his, ‘Thanks, mate,’ as he dropped a coin into the tin mug as inconspicuously as he could.
He took an inhalation of smoke, looked confused, then manoeuvred her round to face him, whilst shoppers milled around them on the wide pavement. ‘I’m gonna have to go home and tell her.’
She nodded. ‘I’ll have to tell him. He’s staying at his mother’s but he’ll no doubt be around later with some excuse, pretending I can’t do without him.’
Daniel looked concerned. ‘Will yer be right?’
She nodded. ‘I will if I know you’ll be coming back.’
He rubbed his palms over her shoulders affectionately. ‘It might take a few days. I’ll have to give up me job and look for another in the city. But don’t worry, I won’t let yer down, Kooka. It’ll come good. Should I ring y’at your house?’
She thought on this a moment. ‘Best not. I don’t know whether he’ll pick up the phone. I could leave a message with Dorothy, then you can telephone her when you’re on your way. Here, I’ll give you her number – but only ring through the day. I don’t want to cause any trouble for her.’
Tucking the scrap of paper into his pocket he kissed her then, a firm but not passionate kiss on the lips. ‘I can’t believe this is happening, can you?’
She gave a tearful laugh. ‘No! Only this morning I’d envisaged myself a lonely old woman…’ Her sentence trailed away. Now it was Melinda who was going to be lonely. She did not have to voice her fears.
‘I know, I know.’ He gripped her upper arms. ‘After all I’ve just told yer, it’s the worst thing I’ve ever had to do.’
‘I feel so guilty, Daniel.’
‘Don’t. I feel guilty enough for both of us. But even if you change yer mind I’ve decided I’m leaving her anyway. I have to. It’s not fair on anyone to continue like this, I’m taking my frustration out on the kids.’
Oriel nodded in recognition. ‘It was unfair of me to let it go on for so long. If only I wasn’t such a coward. D’you know, for the first time I understand how my mother felt about Father. She had more sense than I did. She knew he was the only one for her and wasn’t prepared to accept second best – not that I’m saying Clive is inferior in any way, I did love him once, but even then it wasn’t in the way I love you. I can’t believe I’ve found this happiness. I’m afraid that if I let you go now I’ll lose you again.’
‘Wherever you are, however long it takes I’ll find yer,’ promised Daniel. Both showed reluctance to part. ‘And you haven’t given me an answer – about marrying me.’
She sagged and gave laughing affirmative.
They hugged again, then Oriel was forced to break away. ‘I’ll have to be back for the kids coming home from school.’
‘Want a lift? The car’s about stonkered but—’
‘No, better not. I’ll have to explain to them first before they see us together.’
‘You can bring them to live with us,’ came the immediate offer.
‘If he’ll let me.’
Daniel shoved the cigarette in his mouth and looked at her, an unspoken question in his eyes.
‘But even if he won’t,’ she added, ‘I’ll have to come. I love them dearly. Besides you they’re the most important people in the world to me, but there’s nothing else I can do.’
‘God bless yer, Kooka.’ He finally allowed her fingertips to slip from his and uttered a gentle word of parting. ‘Ooroo.’
18
On her way to the railway station, Oriel did as she was advised by her solicitor and visited the main branch of her bank to alter the account details. Ordinarily, she would use the local branch but the sooner this was done the better. The teller accepted the bank book off her and gave her a receipt saying they would return it the next day to save her waiting.
She arrived home to find Clive mowing the front lawn. Initially her heart fell as, at the sight of her, he smiled and brought the mower to a halt. But as irritating as his frequent visits had become this one was opportune and she decided to take full advantage of it – if she could summon the courage. They reached the front door together. Clive removed his grass-covered shoes on the porch and made to follow her into the house. ‘I took the afternoon off, felt a bit bilious this morning but it’d gone by lunchtime so I thought I’d come and mow your front yard. Don’t worry, I won’t expect anything in return. I’ll just wait for the kids to come home then I’ll go.’
She crossed the hall and made for the lounge where, feeling his doglike presence behind her, she turned to look at him. This was going to be like kicking a puppy. Unexpectedly for both of them, she broke down and sobbed. He came to her but she recoiled and he did not press his attentions but looked on with sympathy as she fell on to the sofa and
heaved.
‘If you want me to stay tonight I could telephone Mum and Dad to say I won’t be back.’
How devious can you get, screamed Oriel’s mind. He had caught her in her most vulnerable moment and used it to his own devices. But she was too mentally exhausted to resist. ‘If you like,’ she muttered tearfully, ‘but you can sleep in the spare room again.’
Wearing a rather triumphant smile, she thought, he came to sit down beside her on the sofa and patted her knee as her tears subsided. ‘What happened to us, Oriel? We used to have some good times, didn’t we? Especially in bed.’ He gave a warm chuckle.
Were we ever in the same bed? demanded Oriel silently. Revolted by his touch she pulled away as far as the arm of the sofa would allow. It was sufficient. He withdrew his hand.
She braced herself. ‘I have to talk to you.’
He seemed to welcome this. ‘Maybe we should have talked more often.’
As ever he had received the wrong signal. ‘No, it’s too late for that,’ she answered tersely, and asked herself, is it me who’s giving out all the wrong messages or is he just stupid? What did it take to communicate with this man when all Daniel had to do was read her mind? That wasn’t quite true. Clive could read her mind as well, but disliking what he saw was fighting it in the only manner that he knew.
‘Oh.’ His face fell.
He thought I’d come to my senses, thought Oriel. He really can’t believe that I want to leave him. ‘The other day when I told you there was no one else,’ she began cautiously, ‘well, there wasn’t then… but there is now.’
The boyish face retained its composed expression but she knew him well enough to tell he was mortally wounded. He rose and moved across the room to another chair, facing her. ‘Do I know him?’
Oriel hesitated, balling her handkerchief. ‘Yes.’
‘It’s Errol Whatsisname, isn’t it?’
She prevented herself from laughing. ‘No, of course not.’
‘Well, are you going to tell me who he is or do I have to keep guessing?’
‘It’s Daniel.’
The announcement was a total surprise. ‘Melinda’s husband?
Did he have to remind her? ‘Yes.’
He shook his head in total disbelief. ‘And what does she think to all this?’
‘Daniel hasn’t told her yet.’
‘Ah!’ Clive gave a nasty nod. ‘This bloke wants his cake and eat it. He won’t leave her, you know. How long’s it been going on?’
‘Nothing’s been going on. We only met by chance today.’
‘Don’t give me that!’
‘It’s true.’
‘I don’t believe you! All those trips you made on your own to Yarra Junction – you were probably sleeping with him then.’
‘Oh yes, with his wife and four children in the same house,’ said Oriel wearily. ‘I haven’t slept with him. I didn’t even know how he felt about me until I bumped into him today.’
Clive’s temper increased, his pride hurt. ‘It’s bloody ridiculous! You don’t go off with somebody just like that. He must’ve given you an indication before this. All those times you visited—’
‘He wasn’t there most of the time. He was staying out of the way on purpose.’
‘And what kind of friend are you who pretends to go and see Melinda when all the time it’s her husband you’re after?’
She allowed him to berate her. There was nothing she could offer in the way of defence.
‘Well, aren’t you going to argue with me?’ Her lack of response seemed to add to his ire. ‘So what’s happening then? Where’re the pair of you going to live? Don’t think you’re bringing him here. That’s not fair while I’m stuck at my mother’s in a poky little room.’
Oriel was astounded that he could even contemplate this. ‘I wouldn’t do that!’
‘No?’ He obviously didn’t believe her. ‘Why should he have everything I’ve worked for?’
She noted that Clive’s initial fears were for material possessions, not for her or his children. ‘You can come back here if you want to,’ she said wearily.
He ceased carping. ‘D’you mean just for tonight or for good?’
‘For as long as you want. You’re right, it’s not fair that you’ve had to do without all your things.’ She noticed a spark of hope in his eye and uttered an inner gasp. My God! How could he even think she would have him back after what she’d just told him. ‘As I said before, you’ll have to sleep in the spare room. Now that you know there’s no chance of us getting back together I don’t mind you being here.’ Surely I can’t put it any plainer than that, thought Oriel.
‘Think you’ve got it all planned, don’t you? What happens if I say to the lawyers I don’t want a divorce?’
‘You can’t force me to live with you.’
‘No, but I can make it bloody hard for you! There’s never been anything like this in my family. Mum’ll be devastated. What am I going to tell people?’ His demand was pitiful. ‘They’ve just seen me move all my suitcases out now they’ll see me moving them back in.’
‘Who gives a damn what people think? It’s really nothing to do with anyone else. They’ll probably have more to say when they see me moving my things out.’ At his look of shock she underwent another period of inner rage – what did she have to do to get through to him that it really was over?
‘What about the kids?’
Oriel shrugged helplessly. ‘We’ll have to do what’s best for them.’ She composed herself, rising to look in the mirror and dab at her blotchy face. ‘They’ll be leaving school soon. I’ll have to go and meet them.’
‘I’ll take you in the car. When you say “what’s best for them” I assume you mean they should stay with their mother.’
She had envisaged this. ‘How would you look after them if you’re at work all day? You can see them any time you want.’
Another retort from Clive. ‘How would you like it if the boot was on the other foot and you were only allowed to see your children every weekend and somebody else was being mother to them the rest of the week?’
Oriel tried to remain calm. ‘Do you really think I haven’t put myself in your shoes a thousand times? I don’t want to hurt you but I have to go, Clive, and that means the children will have to come too.’
He looked tormented. ‘If it were just you, I’d let you stay here and move out myself, but he’s taking everything I’ve got as it is. I can’t let him take my house too, for God’s sake.’
‘Of course you can’t and Daniel’s not the sort to take it.’
The reply was heated. ‘I don’t want him taking my children either but it doesn’t look as if I’ve any bloody choice in the matter!’
‘He’s got children of his own—’
‘Then why doesn’t he stop with them?’ raged Clive.
‘He can’t. He can’t stay where he is and neither can I. But whatever happens, you’re still their father.’
After a moment, he gave a sigh of resignation and suggested gruffly, ‘Can we tell them together this time?’
She could barely control her frustration. He was still acting as if they were a couple – they had never been a couple – but she was too exhausted to resist. ‘If you like,’ came her dull reply.
The children were delighted to see both parents come to meet them in the car. Their happiness was not to last, however, as on arriving home they were told gently that their father was moving back in and their mother would be moving out shortly and they would be going with her.
Jennifer was confused. Since Mother had told them that their father would be going to live somewhere else little had changed apart from his disappearance from the breakfast table. Otherwise they had seen as much of him as they had always done. But the information that she herself would be leaving her home brought apprehension. ‘Where are we going? Will I be able to go to the same school?’
Oriel crouched in a pose of reassurance. ‘I’m not sure where yet.’ She would have to mak
e a start on that. ‘But you’ll still see your friends, and Daddy.’
Dorrie did not understand either, just knew that he did not like this funny feeling inside him. To disguise his anxiety he said, ‘Can I have a Vegemite sandwich?’
Oriel laughed softly and patted him. ‘Of course – but come and wash your hands first.’
After that, everything proceeded as it always had. The children were fed and bathed, were read a story by their mother and were put to bed. With nothing further to discuss, Clive went out and left her as he had always done.
Oriel seized the newspaper, intent on finding a new home. There were three columns of houses for sale but only half a dozen properties to let. Five of these were in St Kilda and Toorak – far too expensive to contemplate. The only other was a cottage in Parkville, on the northerly side of the city. Lacking option, she wrote down the details, spent an hour or so listening to the wireless, then went to bed, but lay awake for a long time imagining herself in Daniel’s arms. Shortly after midnight, she heard the door to the spare bedroom click. Somewhat more relaxed, she turned off the lamp and fell asleep carrying Daniel with her.
* * *
Jennifer was reluctant to attend school the next morning but Oriel jollied her into going, feeling it was best for the children to retain some form of normality. Besides, Clive had telephoned work to say he was still unwell. If she kept the children off school she would have to stay here to look after them and she did not want to be in the house with him. Upon wrapping their favourite playlunch and putting it into their satchels, she said goodbye to Clive but did not inform him that she would not be back immediately. As far as she was concerned now that the divorce was in motion she was not beholden to him any more. They were no longer man and wife – if they ever had been. After depositing the children at school she went to enlist Dorothy’s help in finding a property to let in Brighton.
A Complicated Woman Page 44
