Jim nodded. "I'm signing the final papers when I get back from this trip." Jim hadn't known how Claire would react to this news, but he hadn't anticipated her looking pained. He watched as she pulled away even farther from him, then stand and walk to the other end of the room, in front of the patio doors.
"I can't believe this," Claire said again. "You're telling me that after less than four years, you're divorcing the woman you left me for."
"We were never meant to be together," Jim said.
"Oh, really," Claire said, her tone changing from surprised to snide. "So, what you're telling me is that you broke up our marriage of twenty years for a woman who you didn't even stay married to for barely four years."
It was Jim's turn to be surprised. He'd have never guessed this conversation would turn on him this way. "No, Claire, wait a minute," he said, wanting to explain, but she raised her hands as if to ward off his words.
"No. I don't want to hear any more of this," Claire told him. "You know, when you left me, it took me a long time to get over it and forgive you. And even then, I still had trouble seeing you with that woman. But I told myself that maybe, just maybe, we weren't meant to be together and if you were happier with Diane, then I should be happy for you. But now you're telling me that you weren't happy. That you married a woman who you fell out of love with soon afterwards." Claire stopped a moment to take a breath. Tears began to roll down her cheeks. "I just can't believe that our marriage meant so little to you that you'd leave me just to marry a woman who you didn't even love enough to stay married to."
Jim stood and stepped toward Claire. "No, Claire. No. It wasn't like that. Please, listen to me…"
"No. Don’t talk to me," Claire said, sorrowfully. "Just leave me alone. I can't even talk to you. Just…leave me alone." Claire ran around Jim and headed out the door and down the stairs.
Jim just stood there in shock. He wanted to follow Claire and beg her forgiveness, but he knew she didn't want to see him right now. He dropped to the bed and stared out the open door.
"Oh, my God," he said, his heart breaking. "What have I done?"
***
Claire had run down the stairs and headed to the street in front of the lodge before she realized where she was going. She swiped the tears from her eyes as anger began to replace the heartache she felt. How could he have left her for a woman he didn't even love? How could he have thrown away their marriage like it meant nothing to him? Had he ever loved me? Or had he only married me because I was pregnant with Mandy? Questions spun through Claire's mind as she walked briskly downtown. Locals and tourists waved and said hello, and Claire tried to be nice and return their greetings, but it was so hard. Jim had been her first love, the father of her child, and, she had believed, her soul mate. But he'd left her, and now he revealed to her that the woman he'd left her for hadn't even been worth it.
By the time Claire made it to the coffeehouse, she'd walked off some of her initial anger. She wiped her face to make sure the tear stains didn't show, took a deep breath, and went inside to order a coffee and muffin. She'd have breakfast here, and try to work through her anger enough to get through the rest of the day.
Claire sat at the table that was partially hidden from the stairway and hoped that Jim wouldn't follow her here. She wasn't sure what she'd say to him if he did, and she certainly didn't want to make a scene here. She couldn't believe what a fool she'd been, believing that she and Jim could be friends again. Last night, when he'd kissed her, she knew she shouldn't, but it had felt so good. She'd almost wished they hadn't stopped. Now, today, she knew why he'd kissed her. He was no longer with his wife and he thought he could take advantage of Claire's kindness to him. Well, screw him. He was the last man on earth she'd ever be with again.
"Hey, Claire. Mind if I join you?"
Claire turned, startled by Glen's voice. She'd been so engrossed in her own thoughts, she hadn't heard him walk up behind her. "Yes. Of course. Sit down. Do you want something? A coffee?"
Glen sat in the seat across from Claire and shook his head. "I already had breakfast down by the pool this morning. I had a talk with Jim. Are you okay?"
Claire swallowed hard. She didn't want to cry in front of her brother over her ex-husband. "Did he tell you everything?"
"He said he told you he was divorcing Diane and you became angry with him," Glen said.
Claire's lips drew into a thin line. "Can you believe that? His marriage to her didn't even last four years. I can't believe he left me for someone he couldn't even stay married to."
Glen sat back and looked at Claire. "I can believe it," he said.
Claire frowned. "Why?"
"Because he was married to the wrong woman. It's obvious he should have stayed married to you."
Claire's mouth dropped open. "What do you mean?"
Glen leaned forward and folded his hands on the table. "It's always been obvious to me that Jim and you belong together. You were the perfect couple. His leaving you is what never made any sense. He belongs with you, Claire. Always has."
Tears threatened to fill Claire's eyes again. "He didn't want me, Glen. He's the one who left. I was there for him, and he didn’t want me. Now, I don't want him. I'll never be able to trust him again."
"Oh, Baby Sister," Glen said, his voice gentle with love. "You can say that all you want, but you know it's not true. You still have feelings for Jim. It's so obvious, and there's nothing you can do about them."
"What are you talking about?" Claire asked angrily. She couldn't believe Glen had said that. "I don’t still have feelings for Jim. I'm with Steven now. I was only being nice to Jim for Mandy's sake."
"Oh. Is that what you call it?" Glen asked with a grin.
"You don't know what you're talking about," Claire insisted. "I can barely stand being around Jim. The only reason we've been together this week is because we were stuck sharing a room and everyone else was paired off as couples. We had no choice but to do things together."
"Well, you can tell yourself whatever you want, Claire, but it won't make it true. I've watched you two this week. Your emotions have been all over the place. First you hate him, then you're sharing dessert with him. Now you hate him again. Come on, Claire. The only reason you're mad at him about divorcing Diane is because you still have feelings for him." When Claire started to protest, Glen raised his hand palm up to stop her. "No, you listen. You can't be mad at someone you don't care about. If you really didn’t have feelings for Jim, you wouldn't have cared at all that he's getting a divorce. Until you admit it, Baby Sis, you're just going to be miserable."
Claire sat quiet a moment, absorbing what Glen had said. She replayed the week in her head. She'd been nervous about spending a week on an island with Jim and Diane, and then was relieved when Diane hadn't come. She'd been angry when she found out that Jim didn't have a room and they'd have to share, but they'd managed to make it work after all. Then, Jim had coaxed her into having fun, and she had. She knew that if Steven had been here, they would never have enjoyed going bar hopping with the younger group, he'd have never talked her into going up in the lighthouse, and they wouldn't have gone parasailing. Claire had enjoyed all of those things, and it was because of Jim. And now, she was angry with him again. Glen was right. The week had been filled with emotional turmoil between her and Jim. But that didn't mean she still had feelings for him. Did it?
Claire thought back to last night and the kiss on the dunes. It had felt so warm and loving, just like when they'd been married. She'd liked feeling that way again. She loved kissing him. She'd stopped them. because at the time, she'd thought he was still married. Would she have stopped at just a kiss if she'd known otherwise?
Claire looked up at Glen, who'd been watching her as she thought it all through. "You're right about the fact that we've gone through a range of emotions since coming here. That was to be expected. Jim and I never had a chance to talk through what had gone wrong with our marriage and why he'd left. It had felt like a death to me, whe
re I never had any closure. And yes, I'm angry because he broke up our marriage for a woman who wasn't worth it. But as far as my having feelings for Jim, I'm not sure what I feel. He can be so nice, and so frustrating, all at the same time."
Glen chuckled. "Nobody ever said life was easy."
Claire made a face at him. "You're no help at all."
Glen turned serious. "Jim told me that Steven proposed marriage to you."
Claire looked surprised. "He wasn't supposed to say anything to anyone about that."
"Are you going to marry him?"
"I don't know. I haven't decided yet," she answered honestly.
"Do you love Steven?"
"What's not to love about Steven? He's kind, thoughtful, and considerate. And he's loyal."
Glen stared hard at Claire. "A dog has all those traits, too. But you didn’t answer the question. Do you love him?"
Claire wanted to say yes, she loved him deeply, but she knew it was a lie. She cared about Steven, and she enjoyed his company. But did she love him? She shrugged. "No, not in the way you think of love," she admitted. "But he'd always treat me well and we'd have a wonderful companionship together."
"Is that what you want? Just companionship? For the rest of your life?" Glen asked. "What about passion? What about fun? Don't you want to wake up every morning, excited about what the day held with the person you love? Why would you want to settle?"
"You don't understand," Claire said sadly. "I had all that with Jim, and he took it away. Is it so bad to want someone more stable? More reliable? Maybe lasting love isn't about pounding hearts and passion. Maybe it's about security and companionship."
Glen shook his head. "I can't tell you want to do, but I will tell you to think before you just settle for okay. Because when you have the right person beside you, everything is more than okay. It's amazing."
Claire sat at the table sipping a fresh coffee long after Glen had left. She thought about their conversation. The problem was, she'd already lived with amazing, and she was hurt by it. Maybe settling for just okay wasn't everyone else's idea of perfect, but it sounded pretty good to her.
Claire spent the morning away from the lodge, walking through gift shops and exploring the town. She didn't want to run into Jim yet. She wasn't ready to talk to him. But by early afternoon, she knew she had to return. She and Mandy were meeting with Sandra and Aneese one more time to lock down the details of the wedding tomorrow. And tonight was the groom's dinner, even though there wasn't going to be an actual rehearsal.
Claire decided to walk the beach back to the resort so she could clear her mind. She slipped off her sandals and walked on the packed sand next to the tide. The day was warm and the sky was clear. The water felt cool on her feet. Everything about this place was perfect. The only thing that wasn't perfect about it was her relationship with Jim.
When Claire climbed the steps that led to the bar and pool area of the resort, she wasn't very happy to see Jim sitting on the top step.
"What are you doing here?" Claire asked, all the anger from the morning returning.
"I was waiting for you. I figured you'd come back along the beach and I wanted to catch up with you and talk," Jim said.
Claire walked right past him. "I don't have the time to talk to you now," she told him. "I'm meeting with Mandy in Sandra's office in a few minutes to discuss the wedding plans."
Jim reached out and gently placed his hand on Claire's arm. She stopped and turned to look at him. "Then will you please give me a chance to talk to you after that? We can't have this anger between us, Claire. Please."
Claire stared hard at Jim's hand on her arm until he reluctantly removed it. She looked up at him. "I can't do this now. Maybe not even today, and especially not tomorrow. Just let me be, okay? I need to sort this out by myself first." She turned and walked away.
When Claire arrived at Sandra's office, Mandy was waiting for her outside. Sandra was on the phone, so Mandy was giving her some privacy until she was finished.
"Where have you been all morning?" Mandy asked Claire. "I was afraid you'd forgotten about our meeting."
Claire took a deep breath and tried to put on a calm exterior. "I had breakfast at the coffeehouse. Glen joined me for a while. Then, I just walked around town and along the beach."
Mandy narrowed her eyes at her mom, studying her. "Is something wrong? Dad seemed really upset this morning and he and Glen were talking seriously for a long time, too."
Claire managed a smile. "Everything is fine, honey. All I want you to do is enjoy today and be rested and relaxed for tomorrow. You're getting married, Mandy. Today and tomorrow is all about you and Craig."
Mandy stopped asking questions, but Claire could tell she didn't believe her.
Sandra waved them into the office and they confirmed the Officiant, flowers, cake, photographer, and the decorations for their outdoor dinner tomorrow night on the patio. The Officiant was a local man on the island who performed all the wedding ceremonies. Sandra assured them he'd be on time. Mandy gave Sandra a CD that she and Craig wanted played as background music during the wedding dinner. Aneese confirmed their dinner menu, the champagne, and when to bring the cake out after dinner. The resort had everything under control, and Mandy and Claire left feeling confident that the wedding and dinner would go smoothly.
Mandy left and went down to her cottage and Claire stood on the patio a minute, watching as two of the lodge workers strung up twinkle lights around the patio for their wedding dinner tomorrow night. It was going to be a lovely wedding and dinner. All she had to do was put up with Jim for tonight and two more days, and then they'd go their separate ways. She'd go home to Steven, and Jim could go on about his life. With that thought in mind, Claire walked upstairs to clean up and dress for dinner.
Chapter Thirteen
Claire managed to shower and dress before Jim came up to the room to change. As he came in, she stepped out without saying a word and met up with Glen, Lisa, and some of the other people from the wedding party who were having drinks by the pool. Tonight, everyone was dressed nicer than they had been all week. The women wore dresses and heels and the men had on dress slacks and shirts with ties. When Janice and Carl came to join the group, she wore a white skirt with a matching jacket and Carl had a light colored suit on.
Jim was the last person to show up, freshly showered and wearing a pair of stone colored dress pants, a blue shirt and tie, and a tan sports coat. The blue shirt brought out the depth of his blue eyes and his wavy hair fell into place perfectly. He looked handsome and relaxed, and Claire hated the fact that she noticed those details about him.
When the group walked the short distance from the pool to the Harbour View Restaurant, Claire reluctantly slid her arm through Jim's proffered arm. Everyone walked in couples, and it would have looked rude if she'd ignored him.
"You look beautiful tonight," Jim whispered in her ear.
Claire didn't reply. She'd worn a sleeveless, burgundy dress that had a V-neckline, a form-fitting bodice, and a full skirt that billowed out from the waist to just above her knees. Her heels added even more length to her long, shapely legs, and the dress showed off her narrow waist. She hadn't bought the dress to extract compliments from anyone. She'd bought it because it fit her perfectly and it was comfortable.
Aneese had set up two large, round tables that held six each in the private dining room that overlooked the harbor. The tables had been set to match the colors Mandy had chosen for her wedding with cream table cloths and coral napkins. Candles and tropical flowers in short vases decorated the center of each table. It was an elegant setting, and everyone exclaimed how lovely the flowers were as they sat down.
Mandy, Craig, Janice, Carl, Jim, and Claire all sat at one table while the rest of the group sat at the other. They all ordered their meals from the menu. Wine, courtesy of the Fishers, was brought to the table and soon everyone drank and chatted happily. Even Claire had a glass of white wine, although she intended not to drink too much si
nce she was such a lightweight.
"One more day until the wedding," Jim said, smiling over at Mandy and Craig. "Are either of you getting nervous yet?"
Mandy shook her head. "If this had been a big church wedding at home, I'd be scared to death by now, but not here. Having a small, intimate wedding is exactly what I wanted, so no, I'm not nervous."
"What about you, Craig?" Jim asked. "This is your last official night of freedom. How are your nerves holding up?"
Claire narrowed her eyes at Jim, but tried to keep her tone light. "Not everyone thinks of marriage as a life sentence," she said.
Jim turned to Claire, that devilish grin on his face that made him look so charming. "I was just teasing," he said lightheartedly. "It's just that women dream of getting married and men dream of…" he stopped and hesitated a moment.
"Better not finish that sentence, Jim," Glen spoke up from the other table. "Half the people in this room are women." Everyone laughed.
Claire, though, wasn't going to let him off the hook so easily. "Men dream of what?" she asked, staring hard at Jim. "You started it, so finish that sentence."
There was a long silence in the room as Jim shifted in his seat. Craig spoke up and broke the silence.
"I'm not sure what Jim was going to say," he said, smiling. "But I'm looking forward to a lifetime with Mandy." He turned and kissed his bride-to-be, and everyone clapped.
"Good answer, Craig," Glen said.
Claire sat back, crossed her arms, and glared at Jim.
More wine flowed, and the food arrived. Claire enjoyed her shrimp dinner despite the fact that Jim was only inches away from her. She couldn't believe what he'd said to Craig. Not all marriages ended in divorce. Just all of his marriages.
"Your food looks delicious," Jim said to Claire, apparently trying to make up for his foot-in-mouth error earlier. "Would you like to try some of my steak? It's excellent."
Claire just gave him a sideways glance and didn’t respond.
Destination Wedding ~ A Novel Page 12
