Chapter Four
He shouldn’t have come here. Didn’t he know better? But he pressed down the kickstand to his motorcycle and climbed off the bike anyway.
Crossing his arms, Joel surveyed the land where the Community Church of Goose Harbor once sat. Visible from everywhere in town, the white spire topped with a cross had been the tallest point in Goose Harbor. Until he burned it down.
If he could go back in time... If he could have a redo... If he could...
Joel shook his head. Entertaining what-ifs never helped anyone.
He raked his hand through his hair and then stepped over the small metal fence that closed in the area. Not worried about the sign that said Private Property Keep Out.
Weeds and knee-high grass covered the area. Some litter collected where the wind had blown it against the fence. Nature had taken over, but a trained eye could see the outline of the old church foundation, where the basement probably still was. Other than that, this piece of land could have been any other abandoned lot.
Joel dragged his fingers over the top of the long grass as he walked. When he had lived in Goose Harbor as a teenager, this was where he’d become friends with Miles and Caleb. They hadn’t had any classes in school together—what with him being held back a year at one point—but youth group had served as an equalizer. For the first time ever, Joel had known friendship and belonging. He’d wanted to stay.
Right here.
He’d learned about God and had opened up to the possibility that his heavenly Father might love him, even if his earthly father had not.
Joel sighed. Where he stood was about the place the old youth pastor’s office would have been—where Joel had been given his first Bible and had prayed with the pastor to become a Christian. When he closed his eyes, he could picture Pastor Brent in his dress pants and gym shoes, always ready to talk, and constantly reminding them they were all loved.
And it was all gone because of him.
Joel closed his eyes, bowed his head and prayed out loud. “I’m so sorry. I see now what one rash act of anger can do. I never meant to destroy this building. In the last fourteen years, You and I have come to a good spot—not without a lot of me digging in my heels and fighting You—but we’re here and I’m thankful. When I’ve strayed, You’ve come after me time and time again. We may be on right standing these days, but I know I never asked for Your forgiveness over what I did to this church. Please forgive me, Lord. Let me move on in this town.”
Asking for forgiveness didn’t feel like enough. Joel had ruined another person’s property and he owed that person an apology. He should tell someone. He really should. Didn’t the Bible say Christians were to confess their sins to each other? Pastor Brent had moved away from Goose Harbor, but perhaps Joel could track him down. The man had always been easy to talk to.
Then again, maybe it was enough to ask God’s forgiveness. Ultimately, the church was His. And if that was all Joel had to do, then there wasn’t a need to face any consequences that might come with fessing up to a long-ago crime. Especially since telling the truth would ruin any chance he had of putting down roots in this town. Not to mention it would probably get him fired. What was that phrase? Silence is golden. Yes, he’d stick with silence.
The sound of a car on the street behind him made Joel open his eyes and turn around. The flashing emergency lights of a police car reflected off the metal of his motorcycle. The police car parked nearby and an officer with large mirrored sunglasses climbed out.
Joel’s mouth went dry and his stomach corkscrewed. For a moment, he contemplated taking off at a run, but he wasn’t some kid in trouble. If the officer wanted something, Joel would have to deal with it like a man. But his palms started sweating all the same. The policeman couldn’t know he was linked to the fire. Could he? Whatever it was, Joel knew all cops were bad cops. All the ones he’d known over the years sure confirmed that.
“Can I speak with you, sir?” the officer called out as he crossed the street. Why did every cop possess the same purposeful stride? Maybe they took a class in the police academy called How to Walk Intimidatingly. If so, the instructor deserved a raise for a job well done.
Joel cleared his throat. He hated that his childhood fear of the police could still make him nervous. “What seems to be the problem, Officer?”
“Let’s see. For starters, you’re trespassing on private property.” The officer was getting closer.
Joel stepped over the low fence again. Keep calm. “I believe it’s only considered trespassing if you’re not welcome on the land. It so happens I’m friends with the property owner. We could call her if you’d like to verify that. She won’t mind that I’m here.”
The officer tugged off his sunglasses and smiled. “Well, I’ll be—Caleb and Shelby said you were back in town. I was planning to look you up at the firehouse later today.” His old friend, Miles, held out his hand.
Joel shook it. “Glad we bumped into each other before then.” He should have recognized Miles right away. Just like Caleb, Miles hadn’t changed much in appearance since high school. “So, there’s no trouble with me being on this property, then?”
“Not now. Fact is, I heard you’re working with Shelby to rebuild.” Miles hooked his fingers on his duty belt and scanned the vacant property. The gold star pinned on his chest glinted in the morning sun. “It’ll be nice to have a church here again. We’ve been meeting in a movie theater in Shadowbend for more than ten years. I’d really like to go someplace where my shoes don’t end up stuck to the floor and my clothes don’t smell like popcorn by the end of service.”
“Actually, I’m not rebuilding it. I’m just helping with the fund-raiser.” Joel rubbed the back of his neck.
Miles wagged his head and whistled low. “You have no idea how persuasive Shelby can be, then. She’ll have you out here balancing on scaffolding by the end of the week, if it’s up to her.”
“Not likely,” Joel mumbled.
Miles raised his eyebrows. “Just wait.” He eased his stance a bit. “What brings you back to Goose Harbor, anyway?”
Had Caleb told Miles the truth about why Joel had left town? For some reason, he hoped not. Old friend or not, he wouldn’t be able to trust Miles. Not now that he was a cop.
Joel worked his jaw back and forth. “Are you asking me as a cop or as a friend?”
“I’m both. I don’t think I can separate the two.”
He rolled his shoulders, forcing the muscles under his coat to relax. “Weren’t we always dodging the police after curfew? I never would have figured you’d cross over to the dark side and become an officer.”
Miles barked out a laugh. “If I’ve crossed over, then you have, too. Police and fire are both first responders. We’re basically the same.”
“They’re not even close to being the same. People actually like firefighters.” Joel smirked.
“Oh. You slay me. Really, Joel.” Miles put his hand on his chest and pretended to be offended. Then he straightened back up. “In all seriousness, I’d forgotten how much you hated the police. We’re not all bad.”
“Yeah, well.” Joel unclipped his helmet from his motorcycle. “When your only interactions with them are as a kid being put in the back of the squad car because your parent don’t want you, I guess it’s hard to form a decent opinion of them.”
“If it helps, the police are like any other profession. There are good ones and bad ones. But by and large, we’d lay down our lives to help someone we didn’t even know, just like when you rush into a fire.”
“Speaking of which, I need to get to work. It’s my first day. Probably not the best impression if I show up late.”
“I won’t keep you, then. Tell the chief I said hey and that he still owes the department pizza from when we won the chili cook-off.”
“Will do.” Joel nodded and pulled out the key for his bike.
“One last thing.” Miles positioned his sunglasses on his face. “You have only a month to update your license
and registration. Make sure you do that because, friend or not, I’ll have to write you a ticket if you don’t.”
Right. All cops were bad cops. Even Miles.
Joel would have to be careful not to restart their friendship because, like Miles had said, he couldn’t separate who he was from his job. Joel didn’t need to be friends with someone who someday could arrest him for an unsolved arson in town.
* * *
“Everyone will think I look silly.” Shelby stared at her reflection in the bridal shop’s floor-to-ceiling mirrors, which showed every angle of her body. The celery-green dress shimmered when she moved. The shimmer wasn’t the problem. The issue was that the dress was ankle-length with an accompanying mother-of-the-bride-like blazer.
Paige, her future sister-in-law, came up behind Shelby and cupped her shoulders. “You look beautiful, like you always do.”
“But you’re having an outdoor wedding. In summer. People will think I’m crazy wearing clothes that cover every inch of my skin.” Or maybe they wouldn’t since she always covered up. She liked to imagine her day-to-day wardrobe choices didn’t stick out so much, but up in front of everyone in this dress, she might as well wear a flashing sign. Shelby shrugged off Paige’s hands and turned around. Away from the wall of mirrors.
“Shelby...” Paige took a deep breath.
“I know you want to say something.”
“It’ll sound mean.”
“Just say it.”
“I don’t know why you feel the need to cover up everything.” Paige played with the hair tie she wore around her wrist. “People know. It’s not like they don’t.”
Shelby shook her head. “Actually, a lot of people in town don’t know. I mean, they know I was in the fire, but they’ve never seen the scars. They have no clue what I look like, and I’d rather it stay that way. And as for the couple of people who have seen, the last time I showed my scars I was thirteen, so I’m kind of hoping they’ve forgotten how bad I look. Or maybe they’ll think I’ve healed.”
Paige bit her lip. “Well, you have some options.”
“Like?”
“For starters, people won’t think you’re crazy for wearing the long sleeves. They’ll think I’m the loony one. The bride gets the blame for what the bridesmaids wear. It’s part of my job. They’ll all think I was so afraid of you outshining me that I had to cover you up.”
“Nice try, but Maggie isn’t wearing this dress, and she’s your maid of honor.”
“She said she would if you wanted her to. You know Maggie wouldn’t mind.”
Shelby glanced back in the mirror. She really looked ridiculous. The outfit was designed for someone a good forty years older than she was. Although, she had no one to blame but herself, since she’d insisted on an outfit that covered her arms and legs. “I’m not making Maggie wear head-to-toe fabric in the middle of summer.”
“There is another option.” Paige tilted her head.
“I’m listening.”
“You could wear what Maggie’s wearing.” Paige pointed at the dress hanging on the sidewall, a sweet little frock that scooped at the neck and floated out at the knees. Maggie would look so cute, and Shelby would have loved—for once in her adult life—to wear something like that. Instead, she’d look ridiculous all alone.
She blinked back tears. “You know I can’t wear something like that. Didn’t you hear me? I just said I don’t want people to see.”
“You could,” Paige’s voice grew soft.
Shelby whipped around. “My scars would show.” She dashed the hot tears off her cheeks.
Paige spoke gently, “Caleb’s said it to you time and time again, and I’ll say it, too. You’re the only one letting that hold you back from life. We don’t even see them. We just see beautiful, sweet and kindhearted Shelby, and that’s all anyone would see if you’d let them.”
Easy for Caleb and Paige to say. For starters, Paige was a gorgeous blonde. In Shelby’s opinion, her brother’s fiancée could secure a job tomorrow as a runway model if she decided not to be a teacher anymore. But more than that, Paige hadn’t lived with the stares and people stepping away from her once they saw her skin. There was a good reason Shelby hadn’t let anyone see the marks in almost fourteen years.
Paige hadn’t had to break up with two great guys before the relationship became too close. Each time, Shelby had cut it off before she had to tell them. What was the use? There wasn’t a reason to date any longer—not once she’d realized no man would want her when they could have a wife whose skin glowed in a cute sundress.
“You guys don’t get it,” Shelby mumbled, shuffling over to the changing room. She closed the door and tried to keep the rest of her tears from falling. She fanned her face for a minute and then peeled out of the coat and dress, sucking in deep breaths to try to calm down. The wedding was only one day. For one day, she’d have to stand in front of a large crowd with everyone wondering why she was dressed like a grandma. She could do it for Caleb and Paige. She had to.
As she hung the dress on the hanger, she caught sight of the large scar on her back. It was the size of a dessert plate, located almost in the center of her back, but a little to the left. It marked the exact spot where the ceiling beam had pinned her to the ground. Another scar, as long as an unsharpened pencil but three fingers thick, ran from wrist to elbow on her right arm. The left arm had faired a bit better with only two small patches—one on her forearm and one small spot on her biceps. She looked away before assessing the backs of her legs.
Shelby finished dressing quickly and then left the changing room, matronly dress in hand.
Paige waited for her on a plush couch near the front of the small store. “What did you decide?”
“You don’t really need me to stand up in your wedding.” Shelby dangled the dress behind her by hooking the hanger on her fingers and resting the back of her hand on her shoulder.
“Of course I do. You’re my new sister. Besides, I already paid the clerk for it.” Paige stood and held the front door open for Shelby.
Another cloudless blue sky met them outside. It was going to be a hotter than normal summer.
Shelby walked beside Paige to where Paige’s car was parked. “But doesn’t Caleb still only have Miles standing up in the wedding? It would look better if just Maggie and Miles walked down together. I’ll be this awkward third wheel in front of everyone.”
“You’re not getting out of this, missy. We’ll just have to double our efforts to convince Caleb to ask another guy to stand up.” Paige’s car chirped. “Hey, what about this Joel guy?”
Shelby thought of him and smiled. “Joel would definitely look great in a suit, and he and Caleb were best friends when they were teens.”
“And you wouldn’t mind walking down the aisle with him—not one bit, would you?” Paige’s hand shot out and squeezed Shelby’s free one. “He’s cute, am I right? I can tell by how you said his name. And a fireman. That’s perfect. Everyone loves a fireman. I can’t wait to meet him.”
“I’m actually going to the firehouse now to see him.” It was only a short walk from the bridal shop, and then she’d double back to her apartment and pick up her bicycle.
“Are you now?” Paige’s voice rose and she waggled her eyebrows.
“Yeah, I need to pick up his house key.”
“Shelby, I don’t know if you should—”
“Wow. My overprotective brother has already rubbed off on you. Relax, okay? Joel’s giving me a key so I can check on his dog when he’s on shift at the firehouse.”
“So, do tell.” Paige grinned. “You two seem to have clicked right away. Are you thinking romance? I’ll definitely have to meet this man and see if he’s good enough for my Shelby.”
“Paaaige.” Shelby drew out her name. “Don’t embarrass me. And it’s not like that. At all. He’s just a friend. Less than that. He was Caleb’s friend and I was just the little sister.”
“Ah, but you’re all grown up and wonderful now. He’d
be a fool not to see that.”
“We’re both better off just staying friends.” Shelby hugged the dress to her stomach.
“Shelby, you’ve got to start letting people love you.”
“I do.”
“More than just family.”
“A lot of people in town love me.”
Paige rolled her eyes. “Okay, I mean a man—romantically.”
“That’s not for me.”
Paige leaned against the side of her car. “Why not?”
“Let’s not get on that topic again.” Shelby turned to leave. She wouldn’t go through this conversational loop again. Paige was a sweetheart, but she could be like a bloodhound stuck on a scent trail when she wanted to prove a point. Yet another reason she and Caleb were perfect for each other.
“Because of the burns? Shelby...” Paige caught her arm and stopped her from walking away. “Someday you’ll have to let someone in. Why not now? A man—the right man—won’t care one bit about your scars.”
“That’s not true. Even I think they’re ugly. How can I expect someone else not to?” She held up her hand. “I know you’ve seen pictures of my mother. She was so beautiful, probably the prettiest woman I’ve ever seen in real life. But what did that get her? Even being that beautiful, my dad still left her. What chance do I have, if she couldn’t convince a man to be faithful to her when she didn’t have anything wrong with her?”
“That’s not a fair comparison, Shelby, I—”
She stepped back. “I need to get going.”
“Me, too.” Paige checked her watch. “I’m supposed to meet with the florist in half an hour.” She pointed at Shelby. “This conversation isn’t over. There are still some things I want to say and some things I think you’re wrong about.”
Shelby waved goodbye and started down the sidewalk.
The conversation was over. Forever.
Chapter Five
Joel twisted the faucet and warm water rushed into his cupped hands. He splashed his face. No matter how many fires he responded to, he’d never get used to reeking of smoke afterward. He had been in the house for only a few minutes, and in full gear, but the smell had leeched into his hair and seeped into every pore. Prior experience had taught him he could scrub with industrial soap, but he would always smell smoke and ashes days later.
The Fireman's Secret Page 5
