by Lacey Thorn
“You’ll be safest with Tah and the rest of your pride,” he said. “I’ve spoken to him. He’s taking you someplace where you won’t have to fear hunters sneaking up on you.” His hand cupped her cheek, his thumb rubbing across her skin. “You’ll be protected. No one will get to you. Plus, I’ll see you every moment I can.”
“You’ll see me when you can?” Did he even realize what he was saying? She’d be a booty call and nothing more, certainly not the mate she should be.
“I have no choice,” he groaned. “If I’d known you were here, who you were, I…”
“You would have walked away,” she finished, and a tear slipped from her eye.
He shook his head. “No,” he argued. “I wouldn’t have been able to walk away. I would have been prepared. I would have known what to expect.”
“You would have left me unclaimed. You would have walked away from me without ever letting me taste you.”
“Kenzie, I can feel your pain. It’s ripping me apart,” Gabriel said. “I would do anything to spare you this.”
“Anything but stay,” she whispered. “Anything but take me with you.”
“I can’t.”
She saw it then, an answering brokenness in his gaze, briefly there then gone. In that one moment, she’d seen the reflection of the deep pain she felt.
“My life is not my own.” He said the same words as if they were an oath he’d sworn. “There are people counting on me.”
“I see,” she said, trying desperately to hold herself together. She wanted to ask why again, to keep pushing until he gave her more than the sentences he seemed to be speaking by rote.
“You were never supposed to exist,” he growled, and something locked down inside her. Her whole life, people had made her feel as if she shouldn’t exist. Why would her mate be any different?
“Stop,” he commanded. “That wasn’t how I meant it. I was never supposed to have a mate. Mates are for others. My enemies are vast. Taking you, claiming you… Those rights were never meant for a man like me.”
“Maybe we’ll be lucky then,” she said. “Maybe someone else can claim what you don’t want.”
“Don’t even think about letting another man touch you,” he warned.
“Another already has, and he never left me.”
He growled again, his body growing tense where he surrounded her. “I might not have planned to claim you, but make no mistake. You are mine.”
“Your claim ceases the moment you walk away from me,” she told him.
He shook his head. “No. We both know that’s not how this works. Our DNA is meshing, even now. I know you feel it. Soon, we’ll be connected.”
Yet, she knew he feared it. She felt how much he didn’t want them tied together like that. “That type of bond grows over time. It isn’t instantaneous. It should weaken the longer we stay apart.”
He grimaced, his sharp canines flashing as a rumble sounded in his chest. “My mark will not fade. If he touches you again, he’ll be a dead man.”
“When you send me back, he’ll be there, just as he’s always been. I pushed him away before because I was waiting for you. Don’t expect me to keep pushing him away now that I know my mate doesn’t want me.”
“Damn you,” he whispered and pressed fully against her.
“Damn us both,” she countered, glaring up at him.
His lips claimed hers, and she clawed at him, fighting his clothes to touch flesh. Her heart was broken, her soul tattered and torn. Still, her body wanted. Her blood fired with the wanton need to feel her mate skin on skin. If he was leaving, she’d make damned sure she gave them both something more to remember than what had happened in that cabin surrounded by blood and death.
He swept her into his arms, and she didn’t care where he carried her. She heard the soft click of a door opening, and Gabriel broke the kiss long enough for her to glimpse the SUV and the back hatch he’d opened. The seats were folded down, leaving nothing but a large empty bed between the back and the front seats. He slid her in, following after and pressing her flat as he clicked the button again, shutting the door and locking them inside. Clothes were pulled off and tossed aside, and the next time they touched, there was nothing between them except an emotional wall they couldn’t strip away. His lips painted a path from her mouth, along her jaw, and down her neck where he left a searing kiss against the spot where he’d claimed her before continuing lower.
“Gabriel!” His name was a cry torn from her lips as he took her nipple and sucked it against the roof of his mouth. He used one hand to pinch and tug the other one.
She was on fire. Each stroke of teeth and tongue against her skin felt as if he were sinking farther inside her. He moved his mouth to her other nipple, and she shuddered beneath him, eagerly pushing her flesh into him. This. She would have this before he left her. She would soon cross into full heat, the perfect time for her to conceive a child with her mate, only her mate. Surely the fates would allow her that much when her mate was already planning to leave her.
His mouth moved lower, skimming across her belly and down until he reached the smooth flesh of her sex. His tongue flicked through the folds, tempting and teasing, making her cry out with need as she speared her hands into his hair and tugged him closer. His husky groan washed over her then his lips surrounded her swollen clitoris. He tugged it, licked it, sucked it into his mouth. Two fingers plunged deep in her channel, rubbing her slick walls and making her want more.
“Who do you belong to?” he demanded, tongue batting her clit as he glanced up her body to capture her gaze.
She shook her head, denying him. He didn’t get to make that claim. Not unless he was staying.
He worked her higher, bringing her to the cusp of orgasm and keeping her balanced on the sharp edge of it.
“Who do you belong to?” he demanded again.
“Myself,” she answered. “No one but myself.”
He growled against her folds, and she came with a harsh cry. She was still in the throes when he turned her over onto her knees. Her hands flattened against the floor as he came up behind her. A hard grip on her hips then he was slamming deep, tearing a cry of pleasure from her lips. He pummeled her flesh, punishing them both with the reminder of what they would live without.
She caught the sob that wanted to escape and heard the answer to it in the rumble of his chest.
“My name,” he urged. “Give me that much.”
So much torment in his voice. Pain and even anger. It was hurting him as much as it was hurting her, but the knowledge brought her no relief. Mating shouldn’t hurt.
“Kenzie.” He crooned her name reverently.
“Gabriel,” she whispered, unable to deny him.
She heard his groan of relief just before his teeth sunk deep again. His arms wrapped her tightly against him as they shared the type of pleasure only mates can. As the last echoes faded, he continued to hold her. She felt his heart beating and wondered if it was breaking as hers was. When he pulled away, she forced her trembles to still and used the cold that washed over her to help strengthen her resolve not to cry in front of him. Not to beg one last time for what he was unwilling to give.
Neither of them spoke as he opened the hatch, and they gathered their clothes. She could sense his remorse just as she could his determination to leave. Nothing she said would sway him. When she finished dressing, she stood, refusing to meet his hooded gaze or take the hand he held out to her.
“I’ll walk you back,” he offered.
She shook her head.
“Kenzie—”
“Don’t,” she interrupted. “You have a mission. People counting on you. You need to go. I’ll head back—alone.”
“I never meant to hurt you,” he whispered again, the truth of his words hitting her hard.
“Just go,” she said.
His fingers caressed her cheek before he turned, but she refused to give in to the desire to look at him. She didn’t wait for him to get in the car,
to drive away. It was enough for her that he’d turned away from her, his intentions clear. His emotions washed over her as she forced her feet to move. He was filled with guilt and pain, so deep and intense it rivaled her own. There was one difference between them, though. He’d been the one who’d made the choice to walk away. She was only following his lead.
She wrapped her arms around herself, doing her best to hold herself together as she made her way back toward home and the others. She knew something had happened as soon as she hit the yard. Joy was in the air and without asking, she realized Abby and Tah must have welcomed their child into the world. The first baby born into their pride. It was fitting the child should be from their alpha and his mate.
Reno briefly stopped her, his nose twitching as he gave her a funny look, asking if she was okay. She’d served with the majority of the pride as a Marine, and they knew each other fairly well. That bond had only grown as they’d discovered a deeper connection—many of them were shifters. She could have confided in Reno, but it wasn’t what she wanted right now. She told him she was exhausted and went to her room. She curled into herself atop her bed and cried the tears she’d held back from her mate. He’d left. Gabriel had really left her. What did it say that even her mate didn’t want her? As her heart broke, there was a change inside, and the cautious press of the beast she’d always known rested within her.
Kenzie concentrated on what she was feeling, not on the pain of losing her mate but toward the new sensations taking hold inside her. There was curiosity held in check, almost akin to fear—and hunger, a deep, abiding hunger. As if creeping gingerly through the doors of a suddenly opened cage, Kenzie felt her beast. Felt it nudging at her senses, a mere whisper against her skin. That was when she remembered the words spoken before…before her world had changed.
We’ve found her. The mark is on her hip exactly where we left it.
She left the bed and moved into the bathroom, stripping her clothes as she moved. She turned, staring at her hip, at the brown mark she’d had her whole life. She’d always thought it was a funny birthmark. Now, she wondered if it was something more.
We’ve found her.
He’d been speaking of her. There was no other answer that made sense. Why? What was so important about her? In that moment, she knew two things for certain. She couldn’t stay with Tah, Abby and the pride. The hunter had been on the phone, telling someone he’d found her, which meant someone knew she was here. If they’d been looking for her, it wouldn’t be safe for her to stay.
The second thing she knew was that she needed answers. Who was she, and why was she important enough for hunters to be searching for her? There was only one place she could go. Back to where it all began, and the people who had first turned her away. She needed to head home.
She flipped on the shower then doubled over as a hard pain hit her womb. Was it her body going into heat? The desire for Gabriel’s touch? Or something to do with the emerging animal inside her? She had no choice other than to lay low for a few days, stick to her room and keep herself away from the too-keen senses of those around her until she knew what was going on with her body.
It was almost funny. The shifter who couldn’t shift. The child no one wanted. The woman rejected by her mate. So why was it there had been excitement in the hunter’s voice when he’d stated they’d found her? Why did she matter to a group of hunters? More importantly, why had one of them been willing to fight the other to protect her?
Chapter Two
Kenzie was pissed. It had been just over a week since she and her best friend, Holt, had left Colorado, and they’d made no progress. Every lead Kenzie found hadn’t panned out. Added to that frustration was the fact her phone constantly rang with people checking in on her, seeing when she was planning to head to Oklahoma. Then when they didn’t get the answers they wanted from her, Holt’s phone would ring as if she wasn’t fucking sitting right beside him.
She knew they cared. She’d even accepted that with them, she really did have a family, which only cemented the fact she needed to stay away until she found what she needed. The hunters were after her, wanted her enough to leave without trying to get to Tah, Abby or anyone else. That spoke volumes to Kenzie and made her more adamant to get the truth she was searching for.
She’d expected to find something from the family who’d adopted her, but they’d disappeared without a trace. The neighbor said they’d left shortly after Kenzie had joined the Marines and headed to boot camp. So she’d gone to the foster care system, hoping to track something down on her birth parents or even her social worker, Ms. Karsey, who’d placed Kenzie. Sadly, Ms. Karsey had died, and there was nothing to be found. Kenzie had been wiped from the records as if she’d never existed. At least, not to them.
Kenzie didn’t understand. Ms. Karsey had given Kenzie information when she’d gone to her as soon as Kenzie had turned eighteen. She’d found her family once, had watched her mother and father through the lenses of a pair of high-powered binoculars as the couple had shifted into cougars then ran. She’d longed to go with them, and her defects had never been more obvious. She couldn’t shift, and in that moment, it had dawned on her that perhaps that was why they’d given her away as a baby. Things would be different when she found them, now. This time, she wouldn’t leave until she’d spoken with them.
“Are you sure this is the right direction?” Holt asked as he stopped the car.
They both looked down the dirt path Kenzie had been told to follow. She closed her eyes, took a deep breath and listened. Her senses had been going through the roof since she’d mated.
Just thinking of being mated had thoughts of Gabriel filling her mind and had her heart aching. She did her best to block them out. Her beast was emerging, and if her mate was the one who’d given it the push then she was grateful. She was growing stronger, her senses far surpassing the advanced level they’d been at before. Whether it was his genetics or the awakening of hers didn’t matter. What mattered was Kenzie was worried about what would happen if she had the urge to shift, and she wanted to be around other shifters the first time that happened. Holt was supportive but also human. He’d be very little help for her if she needed it.
“Kenzie?” Holt questioned softly.
She nodded without opening her eyes. Sometimes the scent of his pain overwhelmed her. Sometimes it was his anger. Those around them thought he was in love with her, would think him jealous of the fact she’d mated another. It made sense due to the fact once she and Holt had been lovers. Even Vic, who knew them best, had stated Holt might not be the best person for Kenzie to be around right now. She’d been surprised the other woman had thought that, but Vic had been dealing with her own feelings toward a shifter named Gideon. Turned out, he was Vic’s mate. Still, it bothered Kenzie how Holt was perceived by those closest to them. How little they all really saw. His pain. His anger. His sadness—it was because he knew her dreams, hopes and wishes better than anybody. He knew the importance she’d placed on finding her mate. Holt hurt for her. He was angry for her.
She’d been so worried when she’d made the choice to tell him they shouldn’t remain lovers that she’d lose her friend. Luckily, she hadn’t lost him. Instead, he’d become the best friend she’d already seen him as. He loved her as surely as she loved him. They’d both realized they weren’t in love with each other, and that made all the difference. They both wanted a chance at the real thing. Kenzie had always believed hers would come when she met her mate, but it didn’t look as if happily ever after was in the cards for her and Gabriel.
As if thoughts of him had conjured the man, her phone rang again. Her eyes popped open, and she glared at the screen. By this time, she knew Gabriel’s number and avoided it like the plague. She guessed Tah had most likely given it to Gabriel.
“He’s just going to keep calling,” Holt said with a deep sigh.
She felt his glance on her before they hit a bump.
He focused back on the road. “What if he shows up?
Are you ready for that?”
“He won’t show up,” she said. “His life is not his own, and until the day comes when that changes, he can’t be with me.”
“Bullshit,” Holt argued again. “We’re all in this war. Even me. Fighting doesn’t mean you give up living. I still say we should be going after him so you can convince your very stupid mate of exactly what’s important in life.”
“He’ll have to come to me,” she said.
“My offer to find him and teach him a lesson stands.”
Kenzie laughed then. “Planning to take on a fully grown liger for me? Suddenly have a death wish you need to tell me about?”
“Liger or not, I’ll kick his ass for what he’s putting you through,” Holt swore, and she knew he meant it.
She reached over and patted his arm. “I don’t deserve you.”
“Careful,” he warned and eased his arm away. He’d been vigilant not to touch her since he’d tried to hug her the day after she’d arrived back at the cabin in Colorado. She’d cried out in pain, her body rejecting the contact of anyone but the man who should have been with her.
“The heat is gone,” she said. “It doesn’t hurt to have you hold me anymore.”
The few days she’d been in heat, without her mate with her, had been absolute hell. Vic had seen Kenzie’s ravaged face and thought it was from the hurt of Gabriel leaving. It had been, just not exactly as she’d let everyone believe. Her stomach had been racked with cramps, so intense she’d been doubled over—gasping for breath. Her skin had ached.
She’d needed her mate’s touch and had been forced to curl in a ball and hug her middle, instead. She’d almost believed the changes were because she’d managed to conceive from the two times she’d had sex with Gabriel. She’d wanted a child, wanted his child, but it hadn’t happened. In retrospect, it had been for the best. She had too many things to figure out without dragging an innocent baby along for the journey. Especially when she had no idea of the outcome.
