by Rosanna Leo
“Hey,” Suzan cooed as she joined her on the floor. She pried Fleur’s hands off her face, but Fleur still couldn’t look the other woman in the eye. “It’s okay. I know things have been rough for you. For all of us. I just want you to realize I’m here for you. August Crane might have incited his followers to hate, Fleur, but he’s dead. Don’t you think it’s time we move past the suspicion and mistrust?”
Fleur raised her head. Crane had likened Suzan and her friends to the devil. However, right now, thanks to her compassionate grin, Suzan outshone Mother Teresa in the kindness department. “I was so nasty to you, just because Crane told me to. You didn’t deserve any of it. His obsession, his cruelty. None of it. I should have known better than to listen to his warped ramblings.”
“You were a victim in all of this too.”
“I don’t know.”
“You were. He treated you worse than anyone else.”
“I just wanted to please him, to please someone. But nothing I did was ever good enough. I was never good enough.”
“August Crane,” Suzan declared, “was a piece of shit. He wasn’t worthy of licking your boots.”
“I still hear his voice every day, telling me I’m pathetic.”
Suzan’s eyes welled up. “Oh Fleur. Don’t listen to him. If it’s any consolation, I still hear him, too. I hear the screams of the people he hurt and I hear the last breaths of the people he killed. So we have to help each other forget. We can’t let him control us anymore.”
“Does that mean you forgive me?” Despite her best efforts, Fleur shed a few tears.
“I forgave you ages ago.” Suzan took the edge of the cardigan and wiped Fleur’s face. She then wiped her own, laughing.
“Thank you.” Fleur wanted to laugh too, but Suzan’s kindness inspired her to sob even harder. Why couldn’t she stop whimpering like a broken-legged pup? For so long, she’d fancied herself tough and strong and fearsome. Overnight, she seemed to have turned into a sniveling wimp. As the tears continued to fall, her nose began to leak. Without thinking, she wiped it on the back of the cardigan sleeve. “Shit. I just messed up your cardigan.”
Suzan laughed again and helped her off the floor, onto the bed. “It’s okay. We can wash it. You should keep it anyway. That color of blue looks nice on you.” She reached over to the bedside table and brought out a box of tissues, handing them to Fleur. “So. What’s up with you and Jani? You know, aside from the obvious sexually-charged mate denial thing?”
“Mates?” Fleur shook her head. “No, you’ve got it all wrong.” Fleur’s wolf howled in objection but she clenched her stomach to silence the creature.
“Fleur.” Suzan’s face was deadpan. “The man stayed at your side while you were at the compound. He fought next to you when we battled the Brethren. He defended you time and again. And the moment you disappeared from Gemini Island, he went insane trying to find you. Seriously. You didn’t see his face every night when he came home alone. He was a zombie for those two weeks, pale and despondent, but hungry. He’s totally in love with you.”
In love. Something about those words made Fleur’s heart stop and start. It all sounded nice, but she knew the truth. A man like Jani could never love someone like her, not truly. “He might be a bit in lust with me. I’ll give you that much, but not love.”
“And why not?”
“Because…because I’m not right for him. Besides, Jani is a control freak. He tells me what to do and what to wear. How could someone like that possibly love me for who I am? Jani Fodor doesn’t want to be with me, Suzan. He wants to improve me. He just wants to tick his little boxes, the ones that show he rescued a maiden from herself.”
“Are you sure?”
“Hell, yes! He pretty much told me so. And he’s consumed by the memory of his dead junkie sister, the one he couldn’t save. He says I remind him of her. He says I’m strong but he thinks I’m weak and impressionable, just like her. Jani doesn’t really want to help me. He just wants to lay his sister’s ghost to rest.” She played with the edges of the cardigan. “I’m a means to an end for him, just like I was for Crane. August never loved me for myself. He just used me to get to you.”
“Jani is not the same person. He’s a good man. Crane was evil and twisted. He wasn’t capable of love. No one knows that better than you and me, Fleur. He used me too.”
Fleur met Suzan’s understanding gaze, feeling a bond with the woman for the first time in their strange acquaintance. They really were alike in some ways, and they’d both been abused by the same man.
Only Suzan had moved on. She’d fallen in love with her gorgeous men and had mated with them. She had a bright future and would likely have a gaggle of red-haired little Moons one day. What did Fleur have? On her best days, her aspirations involved not ending up dead in the lake. She had nothing. With August, at least she’d had something to keep her motivated, as wrong as it was. He may have been evil but he’d given her a purpose.
So rescuing her junkie mother had become her new purpose. So what? She’d probably fail at that too. “I’m not good enough for Jani,” she whispered.
“Has Jani himself ever said those words?”
“He doesn’t have to.”
“Fleur, Crane abused you for years. It’s only normal you’d expect the worst from people. Don’t lump Jani and Crane in the same category. Jani cares. Maybe he’s a bit overbearing, but I’m sure he means well. Besides, you and I both know shifter men are funny that way. They like to think they have everything under control.” She winked. “What they don’t know won’t hurt them.”
She mustered up a giggle. “He kissed me tonight.”
Suzan’s eyebrows hit her hairline. “What? Why did you run away from him?”
“I don’t know. I’m just so scared. He’s the first person who’s been good to me in a long time. What if I ruin everything?”
“Oh, sweetie.” Suzan gnawed on her lip. “I think this evening calls for some hot chocolate. What do you think?”
Fleur’s stomach growled. “You wouldn’t happen to have any cookies to go with it? Or maybe a sandwich?”
“Percy was just about to rustle up some BLTs for a late dinner. I assume you like bacon?”
“God, yes. I could kiss you.”
Suzan stood, laughing. “Let’s not get carried away. If the boys happen to see us through the window, we’ll never get rid of them.”
* * * *
Jani moldered on a rock in the woods outside Percy and Byron’s cabin. The twins had made him swear he wouldn’t move. They had disappeared into the woods, promising to return promptly. Their vanishing act pissed him off. He shifted on the rock. It was too hard to sit on for long, which pissed him off too. It seemed everything put him in a curmudgeonly frame of mind these days.
He’d never been so mercurial, but lately he couldn’t seem to trust his own heart. It betrayed him constantly and all because of a certain she-wolf with an attitude. What was wrong with the woman? They’d been having a nice conversation and then, with no warning, it had gone up in smoke. Of course, he might have made it worse by mentioning Hanna and by losing his last shred of control, kissing Fleur.
Kissing delicious, curvy Fleur, whose moans might have been manna to a man roaming the desert.
Fuck. He dropped his head into his hands and smoothed them over his buzzed hair.
Was there ever such an idiot? He’d always known better than to play with fire. So why hadn’t he been able to resist sticking his fingers in the flames this time?
Percy and Byron emerged from the trees.
“It took you long enough.” Jani restrained his inner feline from growling.
“Relax, tiger,” Byron said, smirking. “We went to get your prince.”
Sure enough, Anton arrived right behind them, grinning as only his cousin would in such a situation. Anton tossed him a new pair of pants and a shirt. Jani caught the small pile of clothing and began to dress, happy to separate h
is naked ass from the cold rock.
Anton opened his mouth but Jani cut him off, zipping up his borrowed pants. “I don’t need a lecture. Go away.”
Anton parked himself right in front of Jani. “There is nothing I would like more than to rejoin Marci in bed. Unfortunately, I could hear your shouts from the other end of the island. I’ll probably never sleep again.”
“Piss off, you melodramatic kitten. Go back to your pretty mate.”
Anton’s brows arched and he laughed. Turning to the Moon twins, he said, “It’s a good thing you came for me. I can see he’s in a special mood.”
Percy clapped a hand on Jani’s shoulder. “We’ll leave you with Anton.”
“Fleur can stay with us tonight,” added Byron. “Something tells me she and Suzi might be pulling an all-nighter.”
Nervous energy forced Jani to stand, sending a shiver of worry between his shoulder blades. “You need to watch her. You can’t leave her alone. She’s hurt and scared and she might run. I need you to promise me…”
“It’s okay,” said Byron, peering into Jani’s eyes. “We promise to take care of her.”
“She can’t be alone.”
“Jani,” affirmed Percy. “You can trust us. We’ll keep Rapunzel safe in the tower.”
“I don’t want her hidden in a tower.”
“Right,” said Byron. “Would you rather we sit on her?”
“Or,” Percy added, “we could just chain her to the coffee table.”
“Listen, you Canadian assholes,” Jani stammered. “Don’t you need to pour some maple syrup on your pancakes, or something?”
Percy guffawed. “Now I’m just hungry.”
“Get some sleep if you can, you Hungarian bastard.” Byron stifled a laugh. “And don’t worry about Fleur. She’s safe.”
He knew as much, despite their ribbing. The twins had proven themselves to be honest, honorable men, just like the others from the Ursa Lodge. He liked these people and knew they would watch out for Fleur. “Thank you. If she asks for me…”
“Oh boy. You sure do have it bad.” Byron nodded at his brother and they headed back to the cabin, their shoulders rising and falling in mirth.
“I’m glad everyone finds my situation funny.” Jani rolled his eyes.
“I’m not laughing,” replied Anton with a grin. “Much.” He pointed toward the woods. “Come on. Let’s walk, cousin.”
As much as he felt like pouting and shuffling like a snotty kid, Jani held his head high and stormed through the trees. “Before you say anything, let me say this. I am fully aware of the fact I need my head examined. That, or I’m suffering from some sort of chemical imbalance. I should just go home. Fleur is impossible. The woman will not be helped.”
“And she needs your help specifically?”
“She needs someone’s help and I know her best.”
Anton was quiet for a spell. When he did speak, his voice lost all trace of hilarity. “Do you remember the last time we saw Hanna alive?”
An uncomfortable heat, much like heartburn, raced up Jani’s gullet. “Of course, I remember. She was my sister. Do you think I would forget such a thing?”
Anton ignored the dig and just walked through the dark woods with the calm, confident stride of a man who understood he was top of the food chain. “What struck me most was how far gone Hanna was. Even though the drugs had robbed her of her color and softness, making her look like an anorexic, her eyes were the same. I remember staring into those eyes, hoping I’d see a desire for change. A cry for help. Maybe some remorse for putting her family through hell. Something, anything. But there was nothing. She was dead in the eyes. She’d already given up. I knew in that moment we’d lost her.”
Jani’s eyes itched. He’d known it too. That last image of his little sister, sitting alone in a filthy drug den, was the one that still marred his dreams. He had trouble recalling the healthy, young girl from their youth, but he could see every hollow in the addict’s face.
Anton stopped walking and turned to Jani. “I don’t see anything like that in Fleur’s eyes, Jani. She’s a different animal, so to speak. She hasn’t given up. August Crane may have perpetuated many crimes but he didn’t rob her of her better self. She held onto that.”
“I know.”
“Good. So maybe it’s time you stop treating your mate like a delicate porcelain figurine.”
“I don’t treat Fleur like a…wait, what did you call her?”
“Has your hearing gone too? She’s your mate, you idiot.” His cousin’s smile returned. “Wake up and smell the fucking coffee.”
“Fleur is not my mate.”
“Oh yes, she is.”
“I’m thirty-six years old, Anton. I have seen the world. I have studied everything from politics to philosophy. My occupation, my vocation, involves rooting out trouble and fixing it for my prince. I like to think I’m a smart man.”
“You are a smart man. You’re just extremely dense when it comes to a certain she-wolf.”
Jani gritted his teeth. “Don’t you think I’d be able to recognize my own mate if I saw her?”
“Every single shifter male I’ve ever met has said the same thing when confronted by their mate, including me. Don’t worry. You’re not the only simpleton. We all lose our minds when we meet ‘the one.’ God knows I did when I met Marci.”
“Yes, well, I’m not like you,” Jani returned, crossing his arms. “I have some sense.”
Anton put up a placating hand. “I see. Please accept my apologies, cousin. Clearly, I’m wrong. Forget I said anything.” He resumed walking, his gaze trained on the path ahead. “So, Marci and I will stay at the Ursa for the next few weeks to help Ryland and the others get through Christmas. It’s bound to be a difficult time considering our losses, but after that, we’ll return to Hungary. Although there is a matter that has me concerned.”
“What? Have you heard news from home?”
“Attila was in touch today. That shit Patrik Bartha has been causing trouble, spreading rumors about the legitimacy of my claim.”
“That’s ridiculous. Everyone knows you came to the throne legitimately.”
“And as you know, I still have the odd enemy or two.” He paused and ran a finger over his bottom lip. “The people here are Marci’s family. They’ve become my family. I want to support them, but I need someone strong to represent me at home until I can return.”
“Attila is strong. He’s one of our best men.”
“Yes, but you’re my second-in-command and you’re blood. I trust you over anyone. You are my chief advisor and I’d feel more confident knowing you were in Budapest to handle any issues that might arise with Bartha.”
Something heavy dropped into Jani’s shoes. Considering the sudden hollowness in his chest, he assumed it to be his heart. “You want me to leave Gemini Island.”
“Not unless something important is keeping you here. If that were the case, I wouldn’t ask this of you.” Anton looked him in the eye, his gaze searching. “So tell me truthfully, do you have a reason to stay? Or have you simply developed an appreciation for log cabin living?”
“I…uh…”
“Don’t worry. It doesn’t have to be right away. Perhaps you could make arrangements to leave in a week or so. I wouldn’t dream of rushing you.”
“But…”
“Is there a problem, Jani?” Anton’s eyes flashed with intent and just a hint of a dare.
Jani shook a finger. “I know what you’re doing. You’re trying to get me to admit my sick fascination with Fleur is something deeper. You’re trying to force my hand.”
“Have I ever played such games with you?”
“No.” He gave Anton the side eye. “Or have you?”
“Look, this is bullshit. Are you willing to admit you love Fleur and need to be with her?”
“Love? By all things holy,” Jani sputtered, almost choking on his own saliva. “How did we jump ahea
d to love? What’s next? Children and diapers?”
Anton looked to the heavens. “And you accused me of being melodramatic.”
“Piss off. What do you know?”
He grinned. “Everything you’re presently unwilling to admit. Make a decision. Are you staying or are you leaving?”
Jani nodded. “I will prepare my things and go in a week’s time. There is nothing keeping me here.”
“Very good. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’d like to return to my mate. There’s nothing better than having the woman you love safe and warm in your bed. I’ll look forward to your reports on the Bartha situation. Thank you, cousin.” With a pensive smile, Anton turned and headed back to the other side of the island.
Jani watched him go, somehow frozen to his spot. After a couple of strange minutes during which the dark woods seemed to grow darker, Jani spun on his heel and headed back to his own cabin.
Was this what the apostle Peter felt like after denying Christ three times? Not that he would ever compare himself or Fleur to any biblical figures, but somehow the sentiment struck home. The guilt struck home.
He had denied his feelings for Fleur, chalking them up to a “sick fascination.” Not only did that sound insulting to her, it demeaned him. Acid burned in his gut and his tongue tasted of sulphur. Jani swallowed his regret, but the grotesque taste lingered.
Because of some dumbass macho bravado, he’d lost the chance to declare his intentions, and now his prince had provided him with a new mission.
He was an utter fool.
The tiger inside him lamented, roaring at what it called his “idiocy.”
As unfamiliar anger bubbled deep inside him, Jani reached for the nearest tree branch. With a roar of his own, he wrenched it from its trunk. Jagged chips of wood flew in all directions. Jani launched the branch at Lake Gemini. The missile broke the calm surface, disturbing the water with a loud splash. He didn’t move from his spot until the last ripple stilled.
What was wrong with him? He was better than this, wasn’t he? He’d never allowed emotion to interfere with his work and he wouldn’t do so now.
