You took a life popped into her mind as she moved through a fog toward home. She forced the thought out and replaced it with May Siew be safe from all harm. May Siew be free from all suffering. May Siew know joy. She couldn’t ask for herself, but she extended the wish for Suk Suk’s soul: May he be safe from all harm. May he be free from all suffering. May he know joy. She did wish him release from the cycle of suffering.
A dark and quiet apartment welcomed her back. Mei Ling’s desire for equanimity wasn’t to be. Sleep was elusive, with the fearful images of Siew replaced by Suk Suk’s bobbing head and the sounds of his gasping. She consoled herself by chanting, It was in service of her safety, in service of her safety, but that thought didn’t entirely drive away her fear that she would be caught and taken away from her family—perhaps forever.
In the morning she acted as if nothing had changed while she got the children ready for the day. She ignored the pounding suspicion that she must look different in some way. They would keep to their regular schedule.
“We’ll go to the park after school,” she told Siew.
“Hooray!” the girl replied.
After a long, tense day at home Mei Ling was glad to be outside. The air felt different as they walked the familiar route to fetch Siew.
“Did you play with Mimi today?” Mei Ling asked, hoping to learn if Suk Suk’s family knew that he was lost to them.
Siew replied, “She wasn’t at school today.”
“Perhaps Mimi is ill,” Mei Ling replied casually, though a pounding heart accompanied her reply.
Siew shrugged as they entered the park. June was in the midst of the Cantonese ladies, with all eyes on her as she told a story.
“Dorothy is getting the afternoon paper so we can learn more!” June declared with glee.
Joy wiggled on Mei Ling’s back, signaling that she wanted to get down. Mei Ling loosened the material knotted against her chest and released the toddler onto the grass. The little girl waddled over to Siew.
“Learn about what?” Mei Ling asked.
June looked at Mei Ling, unspoken intensity in her eyes. Then she looked away and announced, “Jack Wong is dead.”
Mei Ling’s heart lurched. “What?” she blurted out, then remembered to add, “How?”
June shrugged. “Maybe the newspaper has the details.”
Anxiety welled up inside her. How did they know? She had counted on his body being lost for days, if not forever, in the expanse of the bay.
Siew marched back toward their circle carrying Joy, the toddler dangling over her two arms clasped together, the little girl swinging from side to side with each step.
“She wants you,” Siew declared as she plopped Joy next to Mei Ling.
Mei Ling smiled and nodded but couldn’t speak. Her eyes welled up as she watched Siew skip back to her friends, her dark pigtails bouncing up and down. Protecting Siew was worth his life, she told herself.
Joy climbed onto her lap and leaned back to nurse. The little one grabbed Mei Ling’s thumb and waved both of their arms back and forth as she cuddled close. Mei Ling smiled at her daughter, a ball of nerves growing in her belly. She looked at Siew, playing with her friends, and thought of the woman who had given her life.
She whispered a message to the ghost: I kept her free. Now you keep me safe so I can watch over all of them.
Dorothy returned with the newspaper, the one in English, the Oakland Tribune.
June commanded her daughter, “Look for the name Jack Wong. Find that one and read it to us.”
Mei Ling intently watched Dorothy, her heart pounding so fiercely she could hardly hear the world around her. The girl scanned the front page, then opened it up. Her eyes moved back and forth and then down and over. She folded the paper.
“Found it,” she announced.
All eyes jumped to her, all mouths closed, and all ears opened.
Chinaman found dead in Estuary
The body of Chinese businessman Jack Wong, 35, was found early Monday morning in the estuary at the foot of Chestnut Street in Alameda. Investigators believe the Chinaman’s body had been in the water for only a few hours. He is described as being 5 feet 10 inches tall, 180 pounds with black hair. He wore brown trousers and a white collared dress shirt. Circumstances of his death are unknown and being investigated by the Oakland police.
June and Mei Ling exchanged a look. Mei Ling shook her head imperceptibly, signaling that she didn’t want to speak in front of these women. Terror pushed at her to act, but she forced herself to remain at the park, looking calm to the world. She wondered if the police were looking for her. She fought the urge to rush home and lock the doors; she resisted the impulse to find Kai Li to tell him that she may have ruined their lives.
CHAPTER 27
Oakland
February 1925
Late in the afternoon a loud knock on the door of their home caused Mei Ling’s heart to explode. Bo and Siew ran to open it, excited to have a surprise visitor. Mei Ling’s throat closed up tight when she saw the uniforms. Two White policemen stood framed in the doorway. They must have discovered what she had done and had come to take her away.
“We’d like to ----- with your father?” the taller one asked the children in English.
They were here for Kai Li!
“He’s at work,” Siew answered.
Wanting to display the innocence that would come with being hospitable, in English Mei Ling said, “Come in.” Her hand visibly shook as she gestured to the couch.
The men stared at her but didn’t reply.
“My mother says come in,” Siew repeated.
One of them answered, “No, thank you.” They understood Siew.
Mei Ling’s heart was hammering so hard that she could hardly hear.
“---- your father we have --------- we ---- to --- him.”
Siew nodded, fear now shining in her eyes.
“Bye!” Bo called out as the men walked away, oblivious to the situation.
Mei Ling collapsed onto the couch. Her chest was so tight she could hardly take in any air. She tried forcing a breath, but it didn’t work. Panic rose. Kai Li isn’t safe. Her hands shook and her sight was blurry. The children climbed around her, but she couldn’t attend to them. She closed her eyes and forced her shoulders to release. She tried a tiny breath. That worked.
Siew held a glass of water out to her. Mei Ling took it and managed to swallow a bit. Joy climbed onto her lap. She set the water down and cuddled the warm body. Bo’s little hand patted her leg. He could tell she was upset, though he didn’t know why. Siew studied her face, perhaps looking for reassurance. The girl asked no questions, an indication that she was scared too.
Mei Ling pulled up the corners of her mouth in a forced smile. She took in a deep breath and then let it out with a sigh. She took Siew’s hand and squeezed.
“I’m fine, only surprised to see them in our home,” Mei Ling tried to assure the children, but her words rang hollow. “What did they ask you to tell Bah-ba?” Mei Ling asked.
“They have questions they need to ask him,” Siew replied.
The walls closed in on her. Kai Li wouldn’t return home for hours. If the police questioned her husband at the Pardee home, he might be caught in a lie. He’d deny that Jack Wong had been to their home the previous night, making him suspicious.
Mei Ling couldn’t wait for him to return. She had to warn her husband before the police found him. She bundled up the children and set out to find Kai Li.
They shivered as they walked through the foggy evening. Mei Ling was concerned, but not deterred, about how she would be received. His employer might prevent her to speak with him. He would be confused by their surprise visit . . . and then upset with the information she had to share with him.
The children were quiet, too quiet. They sensed her emotions. Joy kicked her legs out at her siblings, but no one responded to her bid to start a game. Joy laid her head against Mei Ling’s back. She imagined the girl’s thumb in her mout
h, offering comfort in this strange situation.
They walked to the back of the building.
“Stay down here,” she told the older children.
She walked up the stairs to the door on the right. Mei Ling paused for a moment and took a deep breath. After she knocked, her life might change entirely. Watch over our family whatever comes, she asked Quan Yin.
She knocked and waited with a hammering heart.
Her husband opened the door. His sweet face instantly changed from surprised to concerned. He stepped out into the moonlit night and pulled the door behind him.
“What is the matter?” he asked, his eyes wide.
“The police . . . they came to our home to question you,” Mei Ling leaned in and whispered, protecting the children from their conversation.
His eyebrows knit together in confusion. Joy looked around from her back.
“Bah-ba!” The little girl squealed and reached out a hand.
Kai Li looked at his youngest daughter. He took her hand and kissed it with a tender smile.
“Hello, my Joy,” he said softly. “Do you know why they wish to speak with me?” he asked in hushed tones.
“Jack Wong is dead,” she replied. “I believe it might be about that.”
“What?” he questioned.
She leaned in and whispered, “He came over last night.” She paused, took a deep breath, and said, “I handled it.”
“What have you done, wife!?” Mei Ling heard the emotion in his voice and saw it in his eyes. She steadied herself on the door frame.
“I . . .” Mei Ling started to explain what happened.
“Stop. Please. The less I know at this moment the better,” Kai Li said.
Mei Ling nodded.
“He came over, drunk? Wanting our reassurance?” he asked.
“Yes.”
He nodded slowly. Kai Li looked at Siew and gave her a tight smile to signal that all would be fine. Then he gestured at the children, beckoning them to come to the porch. Kai Li picked up Bo, still small enough for him to carry, turned around, and led them inside the mansion.
A pile of chopped vegetables sat on the small table. Kai Li put Bo down on a bench and motioned for the others to sit. He went to the stove, the newest model, and stirred something in a pot. Mei Ling couldn’t read his expression, but suspected he was thinking.
“Wait here,” he said, and disappeared into the passageway. Mei Ling’s heart flipped. She looked at her daughter. The girl was staring at the spot where Kai Li vanished.
Then Siew looked under the table, her dark hair sweeping against the pale wooden floor. She stayed bent over, not moving, not speaking, staring at the place where she’d once slept. Mei Ling ducked down to see what the girl was seeing. Their heads nearly touched one another as they studied the tiny space.
Siew looked Mei Ling in the eyes and said, “It’s so small.”
A light chill passed over Mei Ling. They’d sacrificed much to rescue Siew from a life under a table. Even though she was terrified at the moment, she couldn’t regret ensuring freedom for this child of her heart. They both sat up. She put her arm around Siew and squeezed.
Mei Ling said, “I’m so glad you don’t live under there anymore.”
“Me too,” Siew agreed and smiled at Mei Ling.
Miss Haw walked into the kitchen.
“Hello Siew. It’s ---- to --- ---,” the woman said. “---- ------ -- -------- ---- the -------,” she continued. “----- --- ---- ---- --- --------- ----- we wait?”
“Yes, please,” Siew said. Mei Ling understood her own child’s English, but Miss Haw spoke with an accent that didn’t make sense.
“What did she say?” Mei Ling asked.
“Bah-ba is speaking with someone. We’re going to have hot chocolate while we wait.”
“Who is he speaking to?” she demanded, wondering if the police had come here already.
Siew shrugged. Mei Ling took a steadying breath.
“Ask,” she directed, working to keep her voice calm.
Siew spoke to Miss Haw. The woman replied. They went back and forth for a few sentences.
“The governor,” Siew translated. “Bah-ba is talking with the governor.”
Mei Ling questioned the wisdom of drawing his employer into their family concerns, but bonds were the path to success in China. It was likely that was true here as well, especially a man of high social standing—assuming the former governor would use his connections to help, not harm, Kai Li.
Miss Haw made the promised treat and finished cooking the meal Kai Li had started. She appeared to be accomplished in the kitchen, graciously declining Mei Ling’s offer of assistance.
After the hot chocolate was gone, Kai Li returned to the kitchen. He and the governor would meet at the police station in the morning. Miss Haw said something. She bowed to Kai Li before they left. Mei Ling was touched by her attempts to show respect and kindness to them.
They went home huddled together—walking in silence through the dark and foggy Oakland streets. Mei Ling begged Quan Yin to keep them safe from all harm.
The children were asleep when she told Kai Li what she had done the previous night, ending with the words, “I thought his body would be washed out to the bay and lost forever. I didn’t count on a change in tides.”
She studied his face for a reaction. Did he fear her now that he knew what she was capable of?
“We had time. I would have found a way to save her,” Kai Li said, his voice tight and hard.
“Husband, the uncertainty and the fear were eating at my soul. I had to know I kept her safe, whatever the price.” She stared at him, hoping for understanding but not regretting her choice if he didn’t. “I’ll go to the police; tell them it was an accident,” Mei Ling stated.
Kai Li shook his head. “They don’t suspect you. I will go.”
“You don’t need to pay the price for my choice.”
“We will both be paying if one of us goes to jail,” he said, sorrow filling his voice. The truth of his words hit her hard. A tense and poignant silence built between them.
Kai Li said, “Confess to being alone at night with a man who is not your husband?” He paused and shook his head. “We don’t want that shame. I would rather go than have your reputation as a mother and a wife besmirched.”
“I’m sorry.”
He stared at her. So many emotions wrestled on his face that she couldn’t read him. Obvious fear and anger. Was there any pride?
“No need to be sorry until we know the outcome of my interview,” he replied. “Your action was rash, yes, but also brave . . . and honorable. You protected our family.”
He tried to smile. Mei Ling’s lip trembled and a tear slipped out. He wrapped his arms around her. She cried against his chest, terrified this could be their last night together. He held her tight, probably shedding his own tears, not attempting to comfort her with meaningless words. They clung to one another through the long night.
In the morning, Kai Li was awake before the sun rose. Mei Ling watched him kiss each child tenderly, so overcome with emotion that she bit her lip hard enough to make it bleed.
He came to her. They embraced, her head leaning over his heart and her arms wrapped around him. She clung to his shirt, not wanting him to leave. Taking in his scent, she asked Quan Yin and the ghost, Please protect him. He is a good man and did nothing wrong.
Kai Li would go to the produce stand to let Mr. Johnson know he would be away for the day, and perhaps longer. Mei Ling didn’t let herself think too long about that possibility, but her body was on high alert. Her heart pounded in her chest no matter how many deep breaths she took.
Siew must have sensed the tension in the house, but Mei Ling didn’t speak directly about their situation to any of the children. They followed their usual morning routine. The walk to school was a haze, and then Mei Ling was in a quiet house with little to distract her from her anxiety.
She didn’t want to leave in case Kai Li returned.
Minutes seemed like hours. She alternated between sitting in a stupor on the couch and pacing around the living room. Eventually she took the little ones into the backyard. She could prepare the garden for planting as they played. Using the small shovel she turned the dirt, digging deep to bury the shoots of grass so they would turn into nutrients for the soil. The physical labor felt good for her jumpy body and investing in their future soothed her spirit.
A cry from Joy interrupted her project. The girl’s dress was caught on one of the berry brambles that sprouted up in their yard. Mei Ling carefully separated the thorny vine and unhooked her daughter. A bright-yellow flower caught her eye. She bent over to look at it more closely; it was small, less than two inches, and all alone, but it shone up brightly at her, somehow surviving in this prickly patch, reminding her there would always be flashes of beauty even in the midst of pain.
When she finished working the garden bed, they went inside for lunch and naps. She tried to sleep with the children, but rest wasn’t forthcoming.
She gave up on sleep and pulled out the book of Confucian wisdom from her father. She sat before their family altar and asked the ancestors to intervene on her husband’s behalf. She was there, meditating and rocking, when she heard a sound in the hall.
Her head whipped around. Kai Li stood in the doorway. He looked right at her, nodded with a smile, and crossed to her side. She exhaled in relief and a chill raised her arm flesh. He knelt down so close that their shoulders touched.
“We must thank the ancestors,” he said in a hoarse whisper.
They kowtowed to the altar in unison, waves of gratitude surging through Mei Ling. Thank you for your mercy, Quan Yin.
After they rose she asked, “What happened?”
He took in a deep breath and smiled. Then he shrugged.
“I’m free,” he said. “Our family is preserved.”
The knots in her shoulders loosened. “What did you say?”
He replied, as if recounting a story, “Jack Wong came over, already drunk. He and I went out as we had many times before. It was late when I headed home; he left as well. Perhaps he walked the wrong direction and stumbled into the water.”
Paper Wife Page 24
