Something warm and wonderful unfurled inside Shane at the thought, despite his own exhaustion. He would love to be that person for Brandon. The one Brandon could come home and talk to about whatever stressful things he saw on the job, or just vent to, or laugh about whatever little absurdities he ran into while out on patrol.
“Do you remember when Peter came to the apartment?” Brandon asked, unzipping and then stepping out of his pants.
So… Brandon was still a boxers man. This particular pair had a picture of Yoda on the front, wielding a strategically-placed lightsaber over the words Do or do not. There is no try.
“Is that an invitation?” he asked without thinking, grinning at Brandon’s… lightsaber.
“What?” Brandon looked down, his ears going red again.
Not as red as Shane’s face suddenly felt, though.
Oh… God. What was wrong with him? He’d managed to keep himself in check for ten years, and now—after just a few days in Brandon’s company and a little bit of missed sleep—his mouth suddenly decided to run away with him? He stifled a groan, scrambling for a subject change that wouldn’t result in yet another too-suggestive comment or otherwise embarrassing gaffe.
Oh. That’s right. Brandon had brought up He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named.
“Of course I remember when Peter came by,” Shane said, a lead weight settling in his stomach at the thought of Peter’s most recent text. He’d threatened Brandon. Talk about a mental cold shower. “Why do you ask? Did something happen?”
Brandon fished his phone out of the pocket of the pants he’d just removed, then tossed them in the hamper, too. He tapped the screen, turning it to face Shane with the screenshot of Peter’s message pulled up. “When I saw this, I assumed that Peter was just trying to manipulate you by threatening me, but now I’m not so sure.”
“Oh my God, Brandon.” The lead in Shane’s stomach turned to stone-cold dread, and he crossed the room without thinking, needing to reassure himself that Brandon was okay. “I don’t want my problems to become your problems. Did he hurt you?”
Peter had never been violent, but Shane wasn’t at all sure that he couldn’t be, especially in light of recent events.
He ran his hands over Brandon’s chest, checking for damage. Up over his shoulders. Dammmmn, his arms were big now, weren’t they? But he seemed fine. Maybe better than fine. Really, um… really… fine…
“I love you, Shane. Of course your problems are my problems.” Brandon said.
Shane froze, his head jerking up as he met Brandon’s eyes. His heart started to race. Brandon loved him?
“You’re my best friend,” Brandon added, killing the crazy hope that had flared to life inside Shane for a split-second.
Riggggggghhhht. That kind of love.
“Still, if Peter is threatening you, Brandon—”
Brandon put a finger over Shane’s lips, shushing him. “There’s no way I’d let you deal with Peter on your own, honey. That wasn’t what I was worried about. That last call that Luis and I responded to, though, it was for a B&E, the purpose of which seems to have been to leave a written threat. I can’t give you a lot more detail than that, but the language of the threat was very similar to the message you received from Peter.”
Shane blinked, trying to make sense of that. Also trying to ignore the jolt of heat that Brandon’s touch had sent through him… and the fact that he was standing close enough to Brandon’s nearly naked body that he could feel the delicious heat radiating off it… or that his hands were still sort-of-okay-definitely stroking Brandon’s very broad, very hard chest—
Shane dropped his hands, clearing his throat self-consciously. “So you’re saying that Peter broke into some stranger’s home?” he asked, frowning. “That doesn’t make any sense.”
“The man who received the threat was the owner of bLoved.”
“The dating site?” Shane felt the blood drain out of his face. “Peter found that quiz I took on bLoved.”
“I’m not going to let him hurt you,” Brandon said, wrapping his arms around Shane and pulling him close. “And I don’t even know for sure that it was him. But the timing and the coincidences are a little too much, you know? My gut is telling me that Peter might be involved, and I needed you to know, because I need you to be safe, Shane.”
“Is the bLoved guy okay?” Shane asked. Brandon was smoothing his hand in slow circles over Shane’s back, and Shane didn’t ever want to move.
“He’s okay,” Brandon said. “I’m not going to let anything happen to him, either.”
Shane swallowed. “I can’t believe Peter’s threatening a stranger.”
Except… he sort of could believe it. Peter had always been vindictive, and anytime he’d felt that he’d been wronged, he’d latch on to the idea of revenge like a dog with a bone, not satisfied until he’d gotten what he considered his just due.
“What is wrong with Peter? What’s wrong with me, that I stayed for so long with someone like that?”
“Nothing’s wrong with you, Shane. This isn’t your fault.” Brandon said it like he actually believed it. “Don’t let yourself think that way, honey.”
“If he hurts this bLoved guy, that’s totally my fault,” Shane said, feeling sick.
Brandon’s hand went still on Shane’s back, and he leaned back so he could tip Shane’s chin up, the move requiring him to meet Brandon’s eyes.
“No,” Brandon said firmly. “It’s not. Peter’s actions are not your fault, Shane.”
Shane tried to nod, but ended up shaking his head instead. He knew Brandon meant well, but he just couldn’t bring himself to agree.
“It’s not your fault, Shane,” Brandon said again, more softly. “I just needed you to know my suspicions so that you can take care, but understand that I’m not going to let Peter get away with hurting you… or anyone else. If anything happened to you, honey, I couldn’t stand it.”
Shane swallowed hard, suddenly intensely aware of the position they were in. There was nothing between them except Yoda and his lightsaber, and Shane wanted Brandon. He’d wanted him for such a long time, and now Brandon was looking at him exactly the way Shane had always dreamed that someone would… no. Not the way that “someone” would.
The way he’d always dreamed Brandon would.
Shane took a breath, letting it out slowly and backing away so that he wasn’t tempted to do something stupid. They were both tired, and he was sure that the craziness with Peter was ramping up Brandon’s emotions just as much as it was his own.
Brandon dropped his arms instantly, and Shane knew for sure that he’d never try to hold Shane against his will.
“Shane?” Brandon asked, still looking concerned and sweet and protective and all the things that Shane wanted him to be.
Except his.
Frustration welled up inside him. Frustration and hopelessness.
“Don’t spend so much time looking out for me that you neglect your new boyfriend,” Shane snapped, the words bursting out before he could stop them. He knew it wasn’t fair, and for sure Brandon didn’t deserve it, but he couldn’t seem to help himself.
It was a cruel irony that while he was the one who always fell into relationships too fast, the one time he was free and had started to let himself imagine that he might have a chance, it was Brandon who’d found someone else.
Brandon reared back as if Shane had slapped him “What?” he said. “What are you talking about? You know I don’t have a boyfriend, Shane.”
“I’m talking about perfect, funny, interesting Jacob,” Shane reminded him, his heart starting to race so fast that he almost felt dizzy with it.
He was afraid that if he didn’t turn around and walk away, he’d end up saying all the things he’d always kept locked up inside himself… but he couldn’t seem to make his feet move.
Not that he had the same problem with his mouth, unfortunately.
On the contrary, it seemed hell-bent on continuing its streak of exposing all of his deep
est, darkest secrets.
“You told me he was fun, remember, Brandon? That he made you laugh and he had so many great stories and that your brother likes him and your mother approves and… and… your eyes lit up like the sun when you talked about your date with him. Don’t even try to deny it.”
Oh God oh God oh God, Shane was flushing ten years of friendship down the toilet and driving away the best thing in his life and he wanted to cry, but he still couldn’t make his traitorous mouth stop spewing out all the pent-up hurt feelings and jealousy that had been festering inside him.
“Have you seen him again? Are you taking him out? Have you already picked out your place settings for the wedding?”
Brandon just stared at him.
Shane wanted to die.
Then, finally, “You’re talking about Jacob Hansen? Um, he is a great guy, Shane, but he’s definitely not my boyfriend. I don’t want him to be.”
Oh. Well. That was… just great. Other than the part where Shane had just gone off like some kind of fishwife, of course.
After a moment, Brandon smiled. “Does it matter?” he asked softly.
Shane crossed his arms over his chest, suddenly feeling too vulnerable. He’d put too much of himself out there. “Of course it matters,” he said, hating that his voice still sounded testy, but not sure how to stop it. This was Brandon. Things were always easy between the two of them.
But, then again, maybe that was because there were certain things they’d never talked about.
“Everything about you matters to me, Brandon,” he said, hoping to salvage what they’d had. “It always has. At least, everything that you bother to tell me.”
Shane instantly felt like an ass. That last part had been overly snarky.
Brandon scrubbed a hand over his face. “Are we fighting, Shane?” he finally asked. “Because I have to admit, if we are, I’m not exactly sure what we’re fighting about, honey. Can you walk me through it from the beginning?”
Shane swallowed past the lump in his throat. Brandon was exhausted, and here he was hounding him about things that were probably better left unsaid.
“I’m sorry. It’s nothing, Brandon. I’m going to head to bed.”
But when he tried to turn and do just that, Brandon stopped him, closing the space between them in the brief interval between one heartbeat and the next.
“Please don’t walk away, Shane,” he said, taking Shane by the shoulders. “Everything about you matters to me, too. If I did something… or, if there’s something you think I haven’t told you? Something I’ve kept from you?”
Shane was shaking his head, about to deny it and apologize again, but then Brandon dropped his hands from Shane’s shoulders, taking a step back.
“Actually, there was one thing I never exactly told you,” he said, looking about as uncomfortable as Shane had ever seen him. “It’s something I actually knew for, um, for quite a while, but—”
“I thought we were friends, Brandon. I mean, good friends,” Shane interrupted, too tired and too emotionally bent out of shape to worry anymore about what he may or may not end up saying.
They were going to talk about this? Finally?
A look that Shane couldn’t interpret flashed across Brandon’s face, and to his dismay, Shane felt the hot prick of tears behind his eyes. “When did you figure out you were gay?” he demanded, a part of him glad to finally air his hurt feelings. “Because I can’t believe you never bothered to mention it to me. What, were you worried I wouldn’t be able to hold myself back if I’d known? That I would have been all over you? That you would have had to let me down gently? All those years that we were supposed to be such… good… friends, and then you tell everyone but me? ”
He emphasized his words with a series of hard pokes to Brandon’s stomach, but this time, unlike the last time he’d pulled that trick, Brandon flinched with each one.
“Of course we’re friends,” Brandon said, finally grabbing Shane’s hand to stop him and holding it in a firm grip that Shane doubted he could break if he tried. Brandon’s color started to rise along with his voice, and Shane blinked, a little bit shocked.
Brandon never got upset. At least, he never got upset with Shane.
“Ever since I’ve known you, friends is all we could be. You’re always with someone, Shane. Always. And… fine. That’s fine. I respect that. I haven’t wanted to interfere. I’ve just wanted you to be happy, dammit. I just wanted to do the right thing.”
Dammit? Brandon’s voice had escalated with every word, but “dammit” put it over the edge. He was definitely worked up if he’d let that slip out.
Shane still wasn’t quite sure what Brandon was talking about, but he was more than happy to have an excuse to keep venting his own frustration.
“Of course you wanted to do the right thing,” he snapped, letting his own voice rise, too. “You’re always nice, Brandon. Always thinking about other people. Always taking care of everyone. You always do the right thing.”
He really wanted to poke Brandon’s stomach again, but Brandon still had that tight grip on his hand… and now he was smiling.
Normal people fought back when someone yelled at them, but apparently seeing Shane get riled up had the opposite effect on Brandon. It was maddening.
Shane narrowed his eyes. “I’m serious, Brandon.”
“I know you are.”
“Stop smiling.”
“I can’t.” Brandon tugged on Shane’s hand, pulling him close. Closer. Right into his arms. “I don’t always do the right thing.”
“Yes, you do.”
“I don’t want to right now.”
“What do you mean?” Shane asked, holding his breath so he’d be able to hear Brandon’s answer over the pounding of his heart.
Brandon pushed Shane’s too-long bangs back from his forehead gently, trailing his hand down Shane’s cheek and wrapping it around the back of his neck.
Heaven.
“I know that the right thing is to give you some space. To give you time to sort yourself out after ending things with Peter. But, every time I do that, you end up falling for someone else.”
“And that matters?” Shane whispered, hoping hoping hoping.
Brandon smiled, his fingers stroking the back of Shane’s neck softly. And, okay, yes, the neck was definitely an erogenous zone.
“You know why my eyes lit up when you asked me about my date with Jacob?”
Shane shook his head.
“It didn’t have anything to do with him. It was because I got to come home to you, Shane. It’s always been you. You make the magic happen.”
“You love me,” Shane said, finally daring to let himself believe it.
Brandon’s smile got even bigger. “I’ve been telling you that for years, honey.”
Shane’s tears spilled over, but he didn’t even care. These were the other kind. And when Brandon wiped them away and finally, finally kissed him, Shane realized that the magic really had happened.
And he wasn’t even remotely tired anymore.
Chapter 12
Brandon
Brandon had never intended to kiss Shane, or maybe he always had? But, regardless, he wasn’t quite sure that he’d entirely followed the conversation they’d been having… or what Shane had been upset about… or how they’d finally arrived at this moment.
It didn’t matter though, because Shane was kissing him back.
Brandon smiled without moving away, letting his lips curve against Shane’s as he smoothed a hand down Shane’s back and pulled him even closer.
Shane… was… kissing… him… back.
Shane had stiffened in his arms for a split-second right after their lips had touched, but, before Brandon had time to worry that he’d done exactly the wrong thing, Shane melted against him. Exactly the way he always did… except better. Because, for once, it wasn’t just a friendly hug or a moment of comfort. Instead, it was exactly what Brandon had always wanted.
The exhaustion he’d
been fighting for the last few hours was forgotten, completely replaced by something that was both infinitely sweet and filled with a heat and urgency that went way beyond the simple needs of his instantly-hard cock.
Not that he was going to rush Shane more than this, of course.
Not that he expected—
“So, about that shower,” Shane said, wrapping his arms around Brandon’s waist as he broke the kiss and leaned back just enough to meet Brandon’s eyes. His were gorgeous, dark and sparkling and filled with all the same things Brandon was feeling.
Shane raised an eyebrow, cheeks flushed and pink, and—looking both daring and a little tentative, all at the same time—he asked, “Want some company?”
There was a little voice in Brandon’s head—the one that was always telling him to “do the right thing,” as Shane had said—that was still screaming at him to take it slow. For once, though, he ignored that voice. The feel of Shane in his arms and the heady knowledge that he seemed to want this, too, made it impossible to resist giving in to what he really wanted.
Especially when his body was fully, one hundred percent on board with the idea.
“Definitely,” Brandon said.
Still, neither one of them made a move to pull away from each other. In fact, when Shane slid his hands up Brandon’s sides, then pressed his palms against Brandon’s chest—sending a delicious shiver through him—Brandon realized that he would be perfectly content to never move at all, as long as Shane kept touching him like that.
“Oh my God, Brandon,” he said, his voice just above a whisper. “I can’t believe this is really happening. I didn’t think it ever would.”
“I know,” Brandon said, understanding exactly—both the sentiment, and Shane’s quiet, wondering tone. It almost felt like if either one of them spoke too loudly, they might wake up from their shared dream.
It was real, though. This was really happening. Something that the press of Shane’s erection against his own—the urgent heat at odds with the soft sweetness of his kiss a moment before—was making Brandon very, very aware of.
Intensely, wonderfully, vividly aware of.
A feeling of joyful elation bubbled up inside him, and even though his cock was throbbing insistently between them, he didn’t feel even remotely impatient to move things along—whether to the shower or in the direction of all the carnal fantasies he’d tried to deny himself over the years. He just felt happy.
Be Loved (At Last, The Beloved Series Book 3) Page 13
