by Melody Grace
“So don’t.” Tegan gives me an encouraging smile. “You know better now. You can do it differently this time.”
I shrug. “Maybe.”
But I know, deep down, that’s not an option. Alicia and Tegan want the best for me, but they do know the dark beast lurking in my chest, how my craving twists and claws at me, demanding satisfaction.
I want the spotlight. I want it all. But if I give in, if I go back even for a second, I don’t know if I’m strong enough to keep it under control. All or nothing. Desperate restraint or total oblivion. I’m not sure there’s a middle ground, even with everything I’ve learned these past years.
I can’t risk it, not when it could hurt the people that I love.
23.
ALICIA
I busy myself with work emails and spreadsheets for the rest of the morning. It could wait, Lily’s got everything under control for me back at the office, but I want to give Dex and Tegan some space.
So much has happened in the last twenty-four hours, yanking my emotions all over the place. First, the day on the boat with Dex, twisting me into a frenzy of pure, wanton desire like I’ve never known before; tasting pleasure, taking control. Then, his broken revelations on the beach. Suddenly, it wasn’t about our physical need anymore, but something deeper. His soul crying out for comfort. My heart answering the only way I knew how.
And now…Now my head is spinning all over again. I sigh, sitting in the chair by the window of the guest bedroom, looking out across the bay. Somehow, having Tegan here has made me doubt myself all over again. Before, nobody knew about this crazy bargain I struck with Dex. Even my assistant Lily doesn’t know where I am. I felt like I was taking a moment out of my regular life: a vacation from myself. I would come here, spend the week with Dex, and go back to normal, and nobody would ever know the truth.
But now the stakes are higher. I can’t pretend this is a crazy fling if I tried. And seeing myself through Tegan’s eyes…She thinks I’m just another one of his groupies, and for all I know, maybe I am.
I go over to my suitcase. It’s spilling clothes and accessories all over the dressing area, but instead of tidying them away, I pause. My insecurities—soothed away by Dex’s masterful touch—now rear back up, full of self-conscious doubt.
This whirling emotion was never part of the deal. He said one week, and already I’m in over my head. Maybe I should just pack up and use the gig in the city tonight as an excuse to head home early.
And if I get in any deeper with Dex, who knows what will happen?
“Hey,” Tegan enters into my room without knocking. She pauses, seeing my case. “Are you leaving?”
“No,” I reply quickly, in case she thinks I want to get away from her. “Just…trying to figure out what to wear for the show tonight. I don’t know if I have anything that works. Maybe this?”
I hold up a simple white camisole top I like to wear with jeans. Tegan makes a face. “No offense,” she adds, “it’s just not exactly rock scene.”
“Well, neither am I.” I give a rueful smile. I like to listen to all kinds of music, but the truth is, I’ve seen mainly classical or opera live.
Tegan brightens. “Let’s go shopping!”
I hesitate. “I don’t know—”
“Come on, it’ll be great.” She talks over me. “We can drive up early together, and meet Dex for dinner and the show. I’ll help you find the perfect outfit. Plus, we can get to know each other better. What do you think?”
Now I know why Dex calls her a force of nature.
“Let’s see what he says,” I reply diplomatically, but I regret it when Tegan whirls around and charges back out into the house yelling,
“Dex!”
I pull a robe on and follow her, finding them in Dex’s office area. Dex is holding the phone against his chest, looking distracted as Tegan fills him in on our new plans.
“—so we’ll meet you after,” she says. “OK?”
“I said maybe we would have other plans today,” I add, catching Dex’s eye with a private smile. But he nods. “Sure. I have a bunch of business stuff to deal with Eddy, so you guys go ahead.”
My heart falls.
“Awesome.” Tegan kisses his cheek and bounds out. “Alicia, we’ll take my car!”
I pause, lingering in the doorway. “Is everything alright?”
Dex gives a weary sigh. “Just some bullshit with our old contracts, but I need to stay on the phone and go through the whole thing.”
“Well, see you later,” I say awkwardly, turning to go.
“Wait up.” I feel a hand on my arm, and then Dex is pulling me into his arms. “Aren’t you forgetting something?” he asks, his distracted expression melting into a teasing grin.
“You’re right.” I smile back. “I’ll pack some snacks for the road.”
“Those aren’t the supplies I’m talking about.” Dex trails a finger across my cheek, and down over my lips, rubbing softly, back and forth. “I’ll miss you.” His whisper is a low, possessive growl.
I shiver. My pulse kicks.
“You’re meeting us in a few hours,” I point out, trying to keep it light.
“And I’m going to spend every minute thinking about you naked in my bed,” he promises, rasping in my ear. “I’ll be planning all the things I’m going to do to you when we’re alone. Tasting those tight little nipples.” He brushes a hand over my breasts, and I gasp with the sensation. “Licking my way down your body…” Dex’s hand trails lower. “Spreading those sweet thighs open and sinking into your wet, luscious pussy. All the way to the fucking hilt.”
Dear God.
It’s just a whisper, but already, I’m so turned on, I can barely stand. I cling to him, my heart racing.
Dex’s eyes gleam with mischief. He looks down at me, softly pressing his fingertips between my legs. I tense, looking over to the living room.
“Dex,” I gasp. Tegan is somewhere down that hallway, she could come back at any minute.
“Yes, sweetheart?” Dex rubs his fingers in a delicious circle against me, and I have to bite my lip to keep from moaning.
I open my mouth to tell him to stop, but then he rubs harder, and my whole body shudders under his touch. “Oh God,” I whisper, flushing. I can’t believe he’s doing this so casually, right here in the middle of the hall, and worse still, that my body is rising, arching up against his hand, alive with pleasure even through the fabric of my dress.
“You can call me anything you like, baby.” Dex chuckles, still circling his fingers with mind-blowing accuracy. “As long as you’re moaning it like that.”
I let out another whimper.
“What do you think?” Dex muses, stroking me slow, too slow, so good. “Should I leave you like this?”
He stills his hand and I make a noise of protest. Dear Lord, I’m so close to the edge, my body panting for release.
“Or would that be too cruel?” Dex keeps teasing me, rubbing gently then pausing so I can’t find a rhythm to hold onto, any way to make the feeling continue. He flutters his fingertips against me, and I shake in his arms. My nerves are swollen under his touch, electric, that tight knot of sensation shimmering with every torturous stroke. “To make you wait all day for me, wet and aching. Do you think you could cope like this? So close to the edge?”
I shake my head. No way. I’m half-crazy already, I couldn’t take another second in this state of desperate longing, let alone the rest of the day. “Please,” I whisper, my body tight and aching for him.
Dex looks at me for a moment, as if he’s deciding something. Then his lips curl in a devious grin.
“Patience, sweet Alicia. I want you wet and ready for me.”
He drops a kiss to my lips, and then steps back, releasing me. I gasp for air. That’s it?
“I promise you, sweetheart, it’ll be worth the wait.” Dex winks, then turns away, strolling over to the desk to pick up his phone again. He hits a button. “Yeah, Eddy, I’m still here.”
I realize in a shock that his manager has been on hold this whole time.
I fight to pull myself together, but I’m still strung out, my body aflame with need for him, for his hands, his tongue…
His body.
“Yeah, it’s the residuals we need to double-check.” Dex smiles across the room at me, a victorious edge in his gaze.
Through the haze of lust, I feel a spark of challenge flare, the same reckless rebellion that drove me on during our pool game, and the trip on the boat. He thinks he’s won this round, but maybe I’ll walk away with the upper hand.
I stroll over, leaning to whisper in his other ear.
“Maybe I won’t wait.”
Dex turns in surprise.
“Maybe I’ll have to sneak away,” I murmur, too low for the man on the other end of the phone to hear. I slowly trace down my body, brushing lightly over my breasts, mimicking his teasing route. But this time, Dex is the one who’s eyes glaze with lust; his breath coming in short, ragged breaths. “Maybe I’ll find a quiet corner in the store dressing room, and give myself the release you denied me.” I tell him, relishing the power shift, how I’m the one turning him on now. “All alone, just me and my fingers, and my wicked, wicked fantasies…”
Dex groans, reaching for me, but I duck away. “What did you say?” I remind him with a smile. “Patience.”
I wink, and then walk away, adding a swing to my hips. I’m still wound tight, but instead of aching need, there’s a new anticipation building.
Whatever he has in store for me tonight, I’ll be ready. And with Tegan’s help, I’m going to look like a million bucks too.
**
Tegan insists on driving, and soon we’re heading out of Beachwood Bay on the highway towards the city. It’s a few hours’ drive, but we’re not even past county lines before Tegan takes up her interrogation.
The Spanish Inquisition has nothing on her.
“So what do you do?” she asks, snapping gum as she reaches to flip through the radio. “Any brothers or sisters? How did you meet Dex?”
“I’ll do that!” I yelp, diving to grab the dial before she crashes the car. “You focus on the road.”
“Relax.” Tegan looks over her sunglasses at me, her lips curling in a knowing grin that’s so familiar, it sends a shock of recognition straight through me. She and Dex really are more alike than I could imagine. “So what’s your deal?”
“I don’t have a deal,” I shrug. “I’m a business manager for a fashion brand. Nothing crazy like you guys.”
“And you met my brother at his show?”
“Just briefly.” I gloss over the fact we spent a crazy, life-changing night together. “We reconnected this week. I’ve only been at the house a few days.”
“Huh,” Tegan sounds intrigued. “Interesting.”
She doesn’t say anything else.
Fine, I’ll bite. “Interesting how?”
She smiles mysteriously. “Nothing. Hey, you want to pass me those chips?”
I do, and Tegan falls silent for a while—silent save the crunch of chewing as she quickly demolishes my entire supply of road snacks. I watch her out of the corner of my eye, trying to process her contradictions. There’s something bold and vibrant about her, quizzing me so openly, teasing Dex back at the house, but then the laughter falters, and I see flashes of a different girl, frail and delicate, a bird like the ones she has tattooed on her arm. I remember what Dex told me about her being in love with Connor, and how she wound up in rehab after his death. He didn’t share the details, but I can see that whatever she went through back then, Tegan is determined to pull her life back together now.
“So how much of this mess did he tell you?” Tegan’s voice comes, wry, and I realize she’s seen me watching her.
“I…I don’t really know what to say to that,” I reply, after a moment’s hesitation. “Dex confided some things, but, it’s not my place to say anything.”
Tegan arches her eyebrows at me, then smiles, like I’ve passed some kind of test. “You want to change the station?” she says instead. “This pop stuff makes me want to blow my brains out.”
I laugh, going to hit the dial. “Are you a music snob too?”
“Snob?” Tegan protests. “Just because I’ve got taste, doesn’t make it a bad thing.”
“I know, but you guys take music pretty seriously, don’t you?”
“Me and Dex, sure,” Tegan replies, relaxing now that I’ve found a classic rock station. “But Ash couldn’t care less about it, he’s more a classical, opera kind of guy. Now he’s the snobby one,” she adds with a grin. “And Blake…let’s just say, if he could move to Nashville and become a country star, he’d die happy. Unfortunately, he can’t hold a tune to save his life.” She beams affectionately.
“Blake, he’s out in LA, right?” I try to keep track of the many Callahan siblings.
“Making it in Hollywood,” she drawls, then laughs affectionately. “I’m not even kidding. He’s an actor. Nobody’s really heard of him yet, but he’s shot a couple of big deal movies. The action one launches in a couple of weeks, one of those alien invasion blockbusters. I keep telling him, once it hits, everyone will know his name.”
“I would have thought Dex would have talked him out of that,” I note, recalling Dex’s discomfort over being recognized.
Tegan laughs. “Blake won’t listen to him, he never does. He’ll handle the fame better. Even now, he’s doing interviews, all kind of press to gear up to the big premiere. He loves it, he was always, I don’t know, more comfortable with that stuff than Dex. Dex would be happy if he could play his shows and then flip a switch and turn invisible,” Tegan adds with a grin.
“It’s a shame,” I say quietly. “You can tell, he misses it bad.”
Tegan looks over. “Maybe tonight will remind him how much he loves the music. I know I guilted him into it,” she adds, “but it kills me to see him deny such a big part of who he is. When he’s up there on stage, playing…I’ve never seen him so happy.”
“Maybe…” I pause. “But don’t push him. He’ll come back when he’s ready. And that might not be for a while yet.”
Tegan watches me thoughtfully for a moment. “You’re not like the others, you know that?”
“Is that a compliment?” I ask.
She smiles. “Maybe. I haven’t decided yet. But big brother seems to like you plenty, so we’ll just wait and see.”
24.
Tegan drags me to half a dozen stores—places that I’d never dream of going myself, populated by intimidatingly cool, pierced, tattooed people. I veto almost everything, all the crazy mini-dresses and three-inch heels, but we finally manage to put an outfit together for me in the nick of time before meeting Dex.
When his jaw drops open when I meet him outside the show venue, I know, it’s all worthwhile.
“I…wow…You look…Wow.” Dex gulps for air. His eyes rove over me from head to toe, a dazed expression on his face like someone just dropped an anvil on his head. “You look incredible.”
“Thanks.” I blush. I’m wearing a black leather mini-skirt and form-fitting black silk T-shirt, with bare legs and strappy leather sandals. It’s edgier than anything I’d usually wear, but Tegan insisted that I looked great. My reflection in the dressing room mirror agreed: with my red hair loose and tousled, a line of smudged bronze eyeliner making my hazel eyes glow green, and a layer of berry lip-stain, I look sexy and seductive, a million miles from my usual neat, conservative self.
“You look pretty hot yourself,” I tell him, teasing. Dex looks like he just strolled off-stage from a sold-out stadium show: all dark denim and faded black T-shirt, fitting just right on his muscular torso. His tattoos snake enticingly up his arm, and I can’t resist reaching out to trace the dark ink over his bicep.
He grabs my hand and yanks me against him, claiming my lips in a searing hot kiss. I cling to him, my head spinning, until an amused voice cuts through the haze.
“I guess n
obody cares what I’m wearing,” Tegan announces. I turn in time to see her sashay past us with a grin. “See you guys backstage!”
Tegan greets the bouncer like they’re old friends and disappears past the velvet rope. There’s already a line around the block of excited people chatting about the event. I guess the news of Austin’s secret show didn’t stay secret for long.
“Oh my God, it’s him!” I hear the now-familiar gasp from one of the girls in line. “Dex, Dex! Over here!”
Dex tenses beneath my hand. I feel my heart twist, waiting for his reaction, but instead of bolting, he raises his hand and gives the crowd a wave. “Hey,” he calls. “Are you guys excited for the show?”
There are yells and flashes as people start snapping cellphone pics. A couple of girls rush out of line towards us, but the bouncer quickly steps in their way and Dex smoothly steers me to the door, before we can be mobbed.
“Are you OK?” I check quietly, once we’re safely inside.
He exhales. “Yeah, I think. I was ready for it. It’s different when I’m just out shopping for groceries or whatever, but here, I knew they would be like that.”
There’s a determined line to his jaw, and I realize that he must have been bracing himself for this all day.
“I’m sorry I wasn’t around to distract you,” I tell him, leaning into him for a moment to inhale his musky scent and feel the warmth of his body, pressing gently against mine.
“Believe me, darlin’, you were distracting me just fine.” Dex’s eyes turns smoldering. He trails a hand down my back and I shiver, feeling the blaze of heat through the silky fabric of my shirt. “Tell me, did you keep your promise? Because I went half-crazy imagining all the things you could be doing to yourself.”
My stomach twists. I’m caught in his gaze, dark and hungry. I slowly shake my head. “I waited, like you said,” I whisper. “It’s not the same without you. You’re the only one I want touching me.”
