Word and Breath (Wordless Chronicles)

by Susannah Noel

  “Liar. Tava said you believe in macho stoicism.”

  “Of course. What did you expect?”

  Riana’s face crumpled with emotion, even as she smiled. She reached for his hand and gently pushed her fingers against his.

  Mikel understood the gesture and understood what she wanted, so he opened a connection between them—a faint one. He didn’t have enough energy or concentration for more.

  But, through even such a light contact, he experienced the breathtaking rush of her gratitude, her affection, and her admiration.

  The recognition touched something deep inside him, something that had been cold for too long.

  She thought he was a hero. She thought he was the bravest man she’d ever known.

  She thought he was good.

  The knowledge warmed him, thrilled him, soothed him more than any painkiller ever created.

  In a dizzying whirl of sensation and emotion, Mikel ended the connection. He was drowning in the sweetness of her, and if he breathed in much more of Riana in his weakened state, it might do him in completely.

  Even after he broke the connection, Riana didn’t pull her hand away. She silently twined her fingers in his with an instinctive trust that needed no words.

  It was worth it, Mikel realized. All of it. Reshaping his whole world.

  Just for this.

  Jannie entered the room, then. She was walking—which surprised Mikel. He hadn’t realized she could walk on her own, but it was good since they’d had to leave her wheelchair in the bunker. She moved slowly, helped by Tava, but she was able to come over to them and sit down next to Riana on the floor.

  Noting their clasped hands, Jannie leaned over and whispered to her sister, “So I guess things have been moving along quite nicely since I’ve been gone.”

  Her voice was barely a breath, but Mikel had the heightened senses of a Soul-Breather. He heard her and it made him smile.

  It made Riana laugh.

  The others came into the room as well and started to talk. Mikel tried to follow the conversation, but he was completely worn out by the pain, the loss of blood, and the exertion.

  Like a fool, he fell asleep.

  He felt a lot better when he woke up, which was two hours later. His energy was partially restored, and the painkillers had started to take effect.

  Obviously, Riana hadn’t spent the last two hours fawning over him. Both she and Jannie had showered and changed clothes, and Jannie was now at the table, finishing up what looked like a meal of soup and bread.

  The others were scattered around the room, and Riana had returned to the floor beside Mikel. When he woke up, she smiled at him—in such an intimate way that Mikel reached out to take her hand again.

  “We were just trying to figure out what to do now,” she explained softly. “Are you hungry? I can get you—”

  “I’m fine,” he said, his voice surprisingly scratchy. “Thanks.”

  Connor sat in a leather chair across the room. His eyes had an oddly distanced appearance as he observed the two of them. Mikel was pretty sure he knew what caused it. He’d seen the way the other man had smiled at Riana in the alley earlier today.

  It answered a couple of important questions.

  Connor cleared his throat. All it took was that small noise, and everyone in the room turned their attention to the man.

  That inkling of a realization sparked up again in the back of Mikel’s mind.

  “Largan mobilized a search for Riana and Jannie,” Connor explained, obviously filling Mikel in on the information he missed during his nap. “To our advantage, he wasn’t supposed to have Jannie in the first place, so the police are looking for Riana alone rather than both of them. In two hours, I’ve arranged to have someone pick them up and get them out of town for a couple of weeks. I have a friend who has an estate in the mountains. It should be safe and restful.”

  “We’ll need medicine,” Riana put in. “For Jannie.”

  “I’ve got it all taken care of.” Connor’s smile softened as he moved his eyes over to the younger Cole sister. “I’m so glad you’re with us now, Jannie.”

  “Me too.” She was a cheerful little soul—despite her physical difficulties—and she had a remarkably ability to stay quiet when necessary that he’d never seen in a sixteen-year-old before. No wonder Riana loved her so much. “I never would have guessed you were a big rebel,” she added, grinning at Connor.

  “We’ll all need to keep our eyes open about what’s happening at Union headquarters,” Connor continued, after another smile at Jannie and an awkward shift in his chair at her teasing. “We still need to decide what’s best for Riana in the long run. The Zealots will still be looking for her, in addition to the Union. At least now we know why.”

  Mikel adjusted himself on the couch, taking care not to lose his grip on Riana’s hand. He didn’t at all like the way Connor was talking—as if he were in control of what happened to Riana, as if he could make decisions for her.

  “Other than getting Jannie back, the biggest blessing of the trip was getting this.” Connor put his hand on the sheath of papers they’d taken from the bunker—the illicit photocopy of Marshall Cole’s prized book. “Riana and I can start work on translating it.”

  “Assuming she wants to,” Mikel said rather pointedly.

  Connor looked vaguely surprised. He also appeared to be avoiding their twined hands. “Of course. If she wants to do something else first...”

  That wasn’t what Mikel had meant, but he saw Connor hadn’t deliberately misunderstood him. The man genuinely couldn’t fathom Riana’s not wanting to mess with that stupid book at all.

  Mikel had been surprised by Largan—going to almost fanatical lengths to get a book translated. While Mikel didn’t have any of the anti-reading sentiment that Zealots possessed, an ancient book would never be one of his priorities.

  Mikel had actually started to respect Largan for his sense and competence, but he couldn’t understand what would have driven the man to do what he did. To risk everything for such a trivial cause.

  “Excuse me,” he interrupted, straightening up on the couch. Lounging as he was put him at a disadvantage, “What I meant is that perhaps Riana doesn’t want to bother translating the book at all, especially since it’s likely to threaten her safety again. You’re imposing your own agenda on her. That’s what got her into this mess to begin with.”

  “Mikel,” Riana murmured, squeezing his hand, “It’s okay. You don’t—”

  “What exactly does that mean?” Connor asked coldly, speaking at the same time.

  “It means,” Mikel began, experiencing an icy streak of anger as he moved into the confrontation that had been long coming, “Riana might never have come to the attention of the Union had the Front not made advances on her. Pulling her into your political games put her life in danger. And Jannie’s too.”

  Connor’s blue eyes never wavered, and Mikel knew the man understood the undercurrents to his words. “And you hold me responsible for that.” It was a statement, not a question.

  It finally clicked in Mikel’s mind—that inkling he hadn’t been able to put his finger on until now. “You’re the one who makes the final call on things, aren’t you?”

  There was dead silence in the room for a second. Then a murmur as they realized the implications of his question.

  Connor was the Librarian. Mikel had been intentionally kept in the dark, but he was neither ignorant nor near-sighted. It wasn’t just the innate authority Connor carried with members of the Front. The mind Mikel had sensed behind all of the doings of the Front for the last week was the same mind that had planned a random manhole as an escape route.

  Meticulous, controlled, calculating, always careful. That was the mind of the Librarian.

  Connor’s mind.

  Riana must have known his identity, but Mikel couldn’t be angry with her. It wasn’t her secret she’d been keeping.

  Connor hadn’t shown any sort of reaction. “So now you’re
going to hold over our heads my identi—”

  “Stop it,” Riana cut in, her voice sharp with annoyance. “Just stop it. Both of you. This isn’t the time to play top-dog. I’ll decide what I want to do and what’s best for me. Anyway, we’ve got other things to worry about now.”

  Mikel bit off his angry response to Connor, out of respect for Riana, not out of any sort of submission.

  He could see Connor was doing the same thing, swallowing the confrontation until another time.

  That time was coming. Both of them knew it.

  But Riana’s tight expression kept them from pursuing it now.

  The conversation shifted into more casual small-talk, and Riana got up onto the couch to sit by Mikel. She didn’t say anything, but she studied his face intently, as if she were trying to figure out what he was thinking.

  He gave her a rueful smile, which she responded to immediately, reaching out to squeeze his hand again.

  Needing some assurance, he opened a connection.

  He felt her appreciation for him and her desire to be close.

  But, this time, he also tasted her doubts.

  He looked at her with a jerk of his head as she gently pulled her hand away from him.

  And he suddenly knew—he knew—that things weren’t going to go as he’d planned.

  She was torn. Not about her feelings for him, but about what she needed to do next.

  Connor was writing something in a notebook, but now he glanced over and said casually, “Riana, can you look at this for me and tell me if it looks suspicious?”

  She took the notebook he offered, scanning over the paragraph of handwriting. “Looks great. I’d never have suspected anything. You’re really good at this.”

  Her smile for Connor was friendly, nothing intimate or tender. Mikel knew she only thought of him as her friend.

  Connor himself wasn’t the threat. His idealistic mission of reform was.

  Riana must have read his body language because she reached back over to take his hand. She pressed it gently, so he triggered the connection again—this time more warily.

  His mind surged with how much she cared about him, needed him, wanted him around. She was obviously making an effort to share all of these feelings with him.

  It was heady, intoxicating—the delicious taste of Riana’s affection—but he knew it wasn’t all there was inside her.

  Despite his weakened physical condition, he pulled his hand away and stood up.

  Mikel had done what he’d done for Riana, and he didn’t regret it at all. But she was going to have to make a choice in the near future, and he might not be what she chose.

  He would bend as much as he could in order to keep Riana happy, but his nature had certain limits. He couldn’t be part of the Front. He would never support their mission or submit to their leader.

  Mikel loved Riana.

  But there were some things he just couldn’t do.

  ***

  When Mikel left the room, a wave of fear slammed into Riana. He may have just gotten up for an innocuous reason, but something about his set features told her something was wrong.

  She knew Mikel and Connor would always be at odds, and she was worried about how Mikel would react when she told him what she wanted to do now, which she’d decided by the time they’d gotten back to the apartment earlier that day.

  Besides, Mikel was injured and shouldn’t be walking at all.

  With a quick look at Connor—who was staring at her with worried sympathy—Riana followed Mikel into the kitchen.

  “Are you mad?” she asked, going over to where he stared out the window.

  He glanced down at her and gave her a half-smile, his skin slightly damp with perspiration. “No. I’m not mad.”

  “You should lie back down. You’re not in good shape.”

  “I’m fine.” Despite his predictable words, he winced when he moved his shoulder, and he compromised his stoic machismo enough to prop some of his weight against the kitchen table.

  Riana grew more nervous. She wanted to run away and hide from this discussion, but that wouldn’t be fair to either of them. Leaning back against the table next to Mikel, she prompted, “So.”

  He stared out the window at the late afternoon activity on the street and didn’t say anything.

  “Mikel? Do you want to tell me about your dramatic, broody exit just now?”

  He let out a huff of ironic laughter at her choice of words, but his eyes were serious as they met hers. “I think you know.”

  She knew exactly what he was talking about but, to suppress the knot of panic that tightened inside her, she hedged, “You know how I feel about you.”

  His impatient glance told her he knew she’d understood him the first time. “And you know how I feel. And I’d rather not let all of that get in the way of us.” He gestured toward the living room to indicate the “that.”

  “I know.” Riana turned to stare out the window too, trying to calm her irrational fear that everything was about to fall apart on her in an instant.

  “You know I don’t follow the Front’s agenda. I don’t care about many of their causes, and I don’t believe in any of their ideals. Some of them—Tava, Donn—have been quite decent to me. I recognize that and appreciate it. And I know they helped you, which is important to me.”

  Mikel’s voice was urgent—as if he really wanted her to understand—but the words seemed to bounce off Riana’s consciousness. Her vision started to darken slightly on the edges. She knew the words that would come next.

  “But I can never be part of it.”

  “You haven’t even given it a chance,” Riana said softly.

  “I don’t need to. It’s not who I am. I’m not a reformer or a freedom fighter. You know that about me. I just can’t be that person.”

  She had known that. The same thing that attracted her to the Front would always push Mikel away. “I don’t want you to be that person. I just want you to be you.”

  Mikel took her hand in his again and stroked her palm with his thumb. “I was fine working with them to get your sister back, but there’s no reason for us to get caught up in all of this now. It’s pointless. And dangerous. For you even more than for me.”

  Swallowing hard, Riana willed herself to breathe through the sense of impending loss. He’d told her last night when he’d soothed her to sleep what he wanted to happen next. Last night, she’d thought it might be nice.

  “Let’s get out of here,” Mikel said. He was too weak to move from his position propped against the table, but he took her by the shoulders to shift her until she was standing in front of him. His dark eyes were mesmerizing, and his voice irresistibly earnest as he continued, “You need to get away to where it’s safe. And I’m not convinced some country estate is the safest place for you. Let me get you away from the Union completely. Let’s go to a free island, like I said last night. You can be safe. You can finally relax. We can be happy.”

  “But Jannie—”

  “Jannie can come too, of course. I want you to have anything that will make you happy.” His eyes were so deep and tender her throat closed up as he lifted one hand to cover her cheek. “You don’t need all of the rest of this, Riana. Let me make you happy.”

  She wanted it so much. She wanted to just give in, sink into Mikel’s strength and tenderness and let it define the rest of her life.

  But it wasn’t what she needed.

  Mikel was who he was. But so was she. Over the last weeks, she’d finally understood her own nature and what she needed to do. She’d known it for sure that afternoon when she’d clobbered the guy with the butt of a gun because he’d threatened Jannie and Connor.

  She couldn’t help but lean her cheek against Mikel’s warm hand. “I can’t. Not now anyway. I need...I need purpose. I need answers.” When he opened his mouth to object, she spoke over him. “It’s my birthright, Mikel. My grandfather left this for me to do. And, even if he hadn’t, there’s this empty place inside of me. It’s
been there a long time. I need it to be filled.”

  For just a moment, as Mikel’s eyes cut over to the wall connecting to the living room, bitterness flashed visibly in his expression. “And Connor is the one who can fill it?”

  She made a frustrated sound in her throat. “If all I needed was a man to fill it, of course it would be you. Mikel, you know how I feel about you.”

  She’d shared her feelings with him—over and over again. The connection she had with him was more intimate than any she’d ever experienced, but she’d felt safe doing it anyway. She’d felt loved.