“I don’t know. But I have to run. My break is over.”
4. A New Arrival at the Zoo
“Yo! Elise!”
Glorious D. Every time she left the building she passed him. From what she could tell, he hung out in the driveway all day. Sometimes it was just him. Sometimes he was with his mom’s Chihuahua. His raps were pretty good and were probably the only thing she liked about Casa de Paradiso.
“Hey, Glorious D! How are you?”
He sported a blue and gold oversized Chargers blazer and a matching baseball cap perched sideways on his head. His gold necklace glimmered in the sun. “Cool. Whatch you been up to?”
She almost blurted out that she had been searching for a new place to live all morning but then remembered that he might include this detail in his next rap to Justine. “Just working on the novel. Now I’m off to baby-sit.”
The smile dropped from his face like an ice cube when she said the part about baby-sitting. “Man, that sucks. I baby-sat my cousin once, and it was boring as shit. Then the kid bit me.”
“Oh.” Well, my nephew is not like that, she wanted to say. He is the cutest child on the planet.
“But hey. Check this out. I made up a new rap. About you.”
So far, he hadn’t rapped about anything but her.
He began to nod his head. “She’s a killa writin’ a thrilla. Typin’ so fast. She gotta make it last. Right to the end. She makes a new trend. Nice girl hangin.’ Hangin’ in da hood. Takin’ her pimp ride does her some good.” He always became animated, throwing both arms to the side as he rhymed, moving his body with each beat. “That’s all I got right now. But I’ll get more for ya later.”
Her bug was far from pimp, and a lot closer to clunker, but nevertheless she loved his rap. “Thanks, Glorious D. That was the best I’ve heard yet.”
“Really?”
“Yeah. That was really great. I loved it.”
A boyish smile spread across his face. “Cool.”
As she drove to her sister’s place in Poway she sang Glorious D’s little tune. No one had ever made up songs or raps or even poems about her, and she really enjoyed it.
Her sister lived in a nice neighborhood in Poway, consisting primarily of families with friendly Labrador retrievers and swing sets in the backyard. Elise felt slightly nostalgic as she passed her high school and turned down her sister’s street.
When she pulled up to their home, she noticed Jeffrey riding his tricycle in circles in the driveway. He wore a helmet, and his chubby hands held on tight to the handlebars. Perhaps she was biased, but she really thought he was the cutest child she had ever seen. Blond ringlets and large blue eyes. His cheeks were a bit chubby, but it only added to his adorable features.
“Hi, Jeffrey,” she called as she closed her car door. Instead of jumping from his trike, calling out, “Aunt Lise,” and running to her open arms, he slammed on his brakes and turned his helmeted head in her direction. Lips pursed, he gave her one long stare before turning his back and pedaling away.
“I brought you something,” she cheerfully called after him. He sped up and pedaled toward his mother, who waved from the garage.
“He’s just being shy,” Melissa yelled. She held one hand over her stomach. Though she had just entered the second trimester of her pregnancy, she was already starting to show. Melissa was tiny like Elise. Her little legs looked like she was holding a large egg above them. She was dressed in light pink cropped pants and a matching maternity top with a collar and buttons down the front. Shortly after giving birth to Jeffrey, Melissa had hacked her long, layered hair and shaped it into something maternal. It was the kind of hairdo that screamed, I drive a minivan and fold laundry in front of Dr. Phil. Frankly, Elise thought she looked older, and she had always secretly wondered why having children made women feel like they needed to look as if they were constantly equipped with a Ziploc of Pepperidge Farm Goldfish and a packet of wipes. Did bringing a life into the world mean that you could no longer be cool? When she had kids, she was keeping her hair long and wearing faded Levi’s. She’d be the cool, hip mom, like Madonna or Kate Hudson.
Jeffrey stood with his hands on his hips, eyeing her as she approached. He was wearing orange and black velour shorts that looked about ten sizes too small for him, cowboy boots, and a T-shirt with the state of Colorado on the front. “Cool outfit,” Elise said.
“He’s really into dressing himself these days. There’s nothing I can do. And besides, I want him to make his own decisions.”
She gave Melissa what was supposed to be a hug but turned out to be a clasping of forearms because of her protruding belly. Then she knelt down in front of Jeffrey and handed him the coloring books and crayons she’d purchased for him.
“Hey, bud,” Elise said. “I brought you something.”
“Ohhh, wooow,” Melissa said in a baby voice. “Look at those. You’re going to have fun with Auntie Lise today, aren’t you?”
He looked up at his mother. “I wanna go with you.”
Melissa laughed. “No, sweetie, you’re going to stay here. With Aunt Lise.” Elise hadn’t expected him to love her right off the bat. They’d only met a handful of times in his short life. But she did want to click with him. She imagined by the end of the day he’d be begging his parents to have her back. They’d have so much fun together, he’d be asking about Aunt Lise nonstop for weeks to come.
“So, let me show you where everything is.” Melissa picked the child up, and Elise followed them inside. “Things should be easy,” she explained. “I’ll show you where all the diapers are, and what toys he likes to play with. We have movies, and he’ll probably take a two-hour nap around one.” Elise immediately heard the sound of a vacuum roaring when they entered the house. “Oh, and Lupe is here today cleaning. I’ll introduce you to her.”
She was sort of annoyed to learn that Lupe was there. She wanted the house to herself, the freedom to see what kind of food they had in their kitchen cabinets without Lupe watching her.
Every time Elise visited her sister she longed to have her own spacious home with new Pergo floors and throw pillows that matched. Her sister’s house felt like a home, a place where people felt secure in their lives and didn’t worry where the hell they would be five months from now. It was a place where you could curl up with a blanket in front of the fireplace during the winter or suck on a Popsicle while resting your feet on an ottoman in the summer. She hated to torment herself with daydreams, but she couldn’t resist wondering if she would ever have a place like this. At this point, she’d take the house without the husband and kid. She just wanted some sense of stability.
“All right. Well, I’m going to head to South Coast Plaza for the afternoon, so I’ll see you in about seven hours.”
“Seven hours?” Elise said, startled. “I mean, seven hours. That’s fine. I just didn’t realize you were driving so far.” South Coast Plaza was over an hour away.
“Well, I need to do some shopping, and you know . . . it is the best mall around.” They followed her to her minivan. “We’ll have to catch up on everything when I get back. I still haven’t heard about your new place.”
They waved to Melissa until she was out of the driveway.
“Well,” Elise said as soon as the garage door had closed behind them. “Would you like to color? Or maybe you could show me some toys that you like? Why don’t we take your helmet off?”
He released a whiny grunt when Elise reached for his helmet. “Leave on!” he screamed before kicking her in the shin and running inside.
“Okay, fine.”
She followed him to his bedroom and found the cleaning lady in there, vacuuming. Her shoulder-length curly hair and high bangs were crunchy with gel. The bottom half of her body appeared long and skinny in her stretchy jeans, but she was clearly an apple in terms of shape. Her tummy stuck out like a pouch, and she had huge boobs and soft, round cheeks. Gold rings decorated every single finger except her thumb, and she wore a gold chain with
a charm reading “Ramon” hanging from it. She stepped on a pedal sticking from the vaccum cleaner with her L.A. Gear high-tops, and the room became silent. “Hola,” she said in a heavy Spanish accent. “What your name?”
“Elise. And you?”
“Eleeze. I’m Lupe. You speak Spanish?”
“No. I actually took French in high school.”
She laughed. “Why you take French when Mexico so close?”
“I don’t know. It was a stupid mistake. I guess I wanted to be sophisticated and thought that speaking French was going to do that for me.”
She threw her head back and laughed as she fluffed a pillow. She noticed Jeffrey standing with his arms folded over his chest and an evil stare fixed in his eyes. Why he had taken such an instant animosity to Aunt Lise she had no idea.
“Qué pasa, Heffrey? Why you stand in the corner for Mrs. Eleeze?”
Elise took a step toward her nephew and smiled. “Heff—I mean Jeffrey. Why don’t you show me your favorite toy?”
With that suggestion, he began to scamper away. For a moment Elise thought she had sparked something fun. He was running for his toy, and they would play and be great pals before Melissa returned from shopping. However, he didn’t stop at his closet or toy chest but rather sped toward the bedroom door. Elise chased after him, but he was too fast and slammed the door behind him, barely missing her fingers. Though his actions were very abrupt, it seemed like slow motion as Elise listened to the sound of a dead bolt sliding in the doorframe and clicking shut. He had locked them in. She turned the door handle, hoping for a miracle, and it didn’t budge. “Jeffrey,” she said gaily, as if nothing were wrong. “Open the door, you silly goose.”
“No,” he squeaked. “You locked.”
“Please, Jeffrey. I want to show you a magic trick.” She didn’t know any magic, but he wouldn’t find that out until after he opened the door.
Lupe moved toward the door. “Heffrey! Why you do this to Mrs. Eleeze, Heffrey? Open the door, Heffrey. Now, you Heffrey. Open that door.”
Elise listened to the little pitter-patter of tiny feet trailing down the hall until his footsteps became so distant she could no longer hear him. Naturally, visions of her nephew playing with matches while holding a steak knife between his teeth popped into her head. However, there was no time to panic. She needed to get out of there. She was actually more irritated with Melissa and Brice. One, they had let him turn out this way. And two, who in the hell put locks on their toddler’s bedroom door?
“This eese bad,” Lupe muttered.
“No shit. Do you have a cell phone?” No sooner had Elise asked the question did she hear the sound of the “Mexican Hat Dance” from behind the closed door. Lupe did have a cell phone. One with a very lively ring, actually. And it was in the other room. Elise could see her own cell phone sitting on the dashboard of her car, useless in a time of need.
“Eye yi yi,” Lupe breathed. “We have to break window. They have pool in backyard. What if he jump in pool?”
This was only getting worse. “Let’s see if we can pop the screen.” It was the only alternative, and luckily they were on the first floor of the house. She just prayed there was a way back into the house from the outside. She watched as Lupe pried the screen off with her long acrylic nails that were painted fuchsia with tiny little blue flowers airbrushed on the tips. After popping the screen, Elise looked down. Even though they were on the first floor, the window wasn’t exactly close to the ground. It was going to be a jump. She slid through the open frame and felt her knees jolt as she landed on her feet. She ran to the front door. Relief washed through her veins when the handle turned.
“Jeffrey,” she called. “Where are you?” She heard something and stopped to listen so she could pinpoint exactly where it was coming from. She listened to a succession of quick scratching sounds and suddenly imagined Jeffrey jumping on the bed while sharpening a steak knife. She followed the noise upstairs and found her nephew. The crayons that she had brought over were scattered around his cowboy boots. He didn’t bother to look up at her as he scribbled all over his parents’ bedroom door with a brown crayon. “Jeffrey, holy—” She stopped herself. “What are you doing?”
As she pried the crayon from his sticky hand, she wondered why he had picked brown. There was lavender and red in there. She was wondering how she was going to explain this to her sister when the “Mexican Hat Dance” came to life again.
“All right. Come here,” she said as she stuffed him under her arm like a pillow and shuffled downstairs to free Lupe. “Want to go to zoo!” he yelled.
She held on to him while she unlocked the bedroom door and released Lupe. “Heffrey, qué pasa? You be bad boy today.”
Instead of admitting his faults, he ignored Lupe, turned to Elise, and began to whine “peener” over and over again.
“I’m sorry I don’t know what peener is,” she said, starting to feel helpless. “Do you have to go to the bathroom?”
“No! Peener! Peener. Peener now!” He slammed a cowboy boot against the tile.
She looked at Lupe. “No ask me.” Lupe shook her head before reaching for some furniture polish.
“Can you point to what peener is?” Elise asked him. “Why don’t you show me?”
“Peeeeeener!”
“Is it a toy?” She picked up a stuffed dinosaur and held it out.
He pushed the toy away before stomping his left boot. “Peeeeeenerrrrr!”
She started to feel like a terrible aunt who was not privvy to the language of Jeffrey. “Is it food?”
“Want peener!”
“All right. I’m calling your mother.” Melissa didn’t answer the phone, and Elise wondered if she had secretly packed a suitcase before leaving.
She tried her own mother. Grandma knew the meaning and origin of every word in the language of Jeffrey. Grandma wasn’t home either, so she tried Stan. He’d spent more time with him than Elise had.
“Yeah,” he answered after the first ring.
“What is peener?”
“Huh?”
“I’m baby-sitting Jeffrey, and he’s stomping his feet and demanding peener. Help me.”
“Oh. Peener. It’s a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Where have you been?”
“Sorry, I had no idea.”
“Here. Put him on. I want to say hi.”
“Jeffrey,” she said sweetly. “Guess what? I figured out what peener is, and Uncle Stan wants to talk to you.” She expected him to kick the phone from her hand, but instead his eyes lit up as he greedily snatched the receiver. A pang of jealousy nipped her when Jeffrey giggled into the receiver and even said “I love you” to Uncle Tan. When he was finished talking, he kicked Elise in the shin before dropping the cordless on the floor and demanding “pru.” What the hell was pru? She wondered while touching her throbbing leg. At least she’d figured out peener. Maybe that would distract him. She quickly made peener, cut it into four cute squares, and delivered it to him on a plastic plate with Pinocchio on it.
She expected delight from him and was surprised when he shoved the plate away and began to cry. “Jeffrey,” she said quietly. “Please stop crying.” She tried to pick him up, but he only screamed louder and began to flail his arms and legs.
What the hell had she done? She would’ve paid money to know. “Jeffrey, please tell me what’s wrong.”
“Go away!” he screamed through his tears.
When the phone rang she prayed it was her mother, offering to come baby-sit, or Melissa telling her that she’d changed her mind and was headed home. It was for Lupe.
“Lupe, the phone is for you.”
She explained that her cell phone was getting bad reception before speaking in rapid Spanish to the caller.
Jeffrey was still wailing when the sound of cleated feet came in from the foyer. Who could be wearing cleats through her sister’s house? Did Lupe invite a friend over? No. It was Melissa’s husband, Brice. “Hey,” he said in his golf shoes. “I just ca
me home to get my golf clubs out of the garage, and I heard Jeffrey crying. What’s wrong with him?” He picked up his son and looked to Elise for an explanation.
“I have no idea what is wrong. He asked for peener. I gave him a peanut butter and jelly sandwich, and now he’s upset. I don’t know.”
Jeffrey’s face looked like a prune with teeth, and by the way he was crying you would’ve thought that Elise had run his hand over with a tractor. Brice glanced at the sandwich. “Oh,” he said, as if the problem were so simple that only an idiot wouldn’t have figured it out by now. “He likes his sandwiches cut in triangles. That’s usually how Melissa does it.”
“Oh,” she said, wondering what other minor details were important to this young dictator.
“You can just throw that one out,” Brice said. “Start over.”
She started over, thinking optimistically about how nap time was just a half hour away. After Brice left for his golf game, Jeffrey pooped in his diaper, then refused to have it changed. He hid under the pool table for twenty minutes and then tried to persuade Elise to open one of Melissa’s gifts that had arrived early in the mail for her shower. Elise couldn’t help but wonder what had possessed them to bring another child into the world, and then felt bad. They were her family, and she had heard about the terrible twos. Perhaps her nephew was just going through a phase.
He finally fell asleep in front of Finding Nemo. She spent thirty minutes scrubbing the brown crayon off the bedroom door with one of Lupe’s sponges. Then she decided to go make her own sandwich. She found Lupe in the kitchen, scooping mint chocolate-chip ice cream into a bowl.
“So, you have boyfriend?”
“No.”
“Why not? You muy bonita. You need boyfriend.”
Elise looked at her necklace. “Is Ramon your boyfriend?”
Roommates Page 6
