by Eve R. Hart
“I’ll get some more prospects over here. I’ll have them get a bunch of boxes,” he said pulling out his phone and putting it up to his ear a second later.
I didn’t wait around to see how long it was going to take. I walked over to the bed, swallowing down the lump in my fucking throat. As I snatched the sheets off the mattress, her scent swirled in the stale air around me. It hit me so damn hard and I could feel the moisture building up in my eyes. Which was stupid, really. Or was it? In a way, I almost couldn’t believe that it had taken me this long to crack.
There was so much weighing me down. I felt like I’d been doing everything I could just to crawl my way through every day. I guess all it took was being smack dab in the middle of where so many memories had been made. All those moments with her were here.
Tangled in the sheets talking.
Curled up on the couch eating.
Standing in the so-called kitchen area laughing.
I swore I could still hear that magical sound bouncing off the empty walls now. It was messing with my head.
“You okay, brother?” Iron said as he came back into the apartment and slapped me on the back.
I shook my head, trying my best to snap out of it.
“Yeah,” I said, my throat raw and my voice low.
“Mason is bringing a truck so we can load up the big stuff. We can store it in one of the empty rooms at the compound for now.”
“Sounds good. Thanks,” I choked out then finished stripping the bed.
With four prospects, Mason, Iron, Mouse, Ky, and myself, we were able to have the place packed up and cleared out in under two hours. To be fair, there wasn’t exactly that much there. But I wanted to make sure that I got everything. You just never knew what was important to someone. It could have been something as silly as a bottle of lotion. And I didn’t want to get her back and have that one item be the thing that set her over the edge.
We got back to the compound and unloaded everything into one of the empty rooms in the second building. I hated to see everything she owned reduced to a few pieces of furniture and a handful of boxes. I may not have been in her upscale condo more than twice, but I had seen all the fancy shit that filled that place up. I also saw all the shit she left behind. And all the things she didn’t even think twice about as she walked out of that condo for the last time.
And now there was only this. It didn’t seem like enough but Laurel never complained. I suddenly wondered if she would let me change that. If I had been straight up with her before and told her how I felt. If she had let me in. Would she even have let me take care of her as I truly wanted to do? None of that trying to be sneaky shit, showing up to her apartment with food claiming I had extra or a craving. I forever wondered if she saw through my act. And if she did, how hard was it for her to accept it. Maybe it helped that I told little white lies about it. Maybe that was just enough for her to feel okay.
But then I thought of her letter and it was clear that she knew. And she never said anything. She never stopped me. So maybe I had been placing imaginary roadblocks when I should have just been straight with her.
Sadly, none of that mattered right now. How much would she hate me because I cleared her apartment out? It would have been no problem for me to pay the rent. Hell, I could have paid the next year for her. And I would have too, without even batting an eye, but it wasn’t even worth it. I would find her somewhere that was more secure. Where I didn’t feel like shit for leaving her in the middle of the night. Where I didn’t have to scoot around drug deals going on in the hall just to get to her door.
A few more days went by and I was going out of my mind. I was ready to start tearing down doors. It didn’t matter whose. I was ready to go through everyone and everything just to find her.
“Need you to take care of a hand-off,” Iron said after he found me in my room. I was sober this time and wasn’t about to tell him no.
“Yeah,” I said getting to my feet.
“It’s with the Russians. They seem to feel more comfortable with you there. I guess because they see you more than the rest of us.”
That was true. Damn, I hadn’t been to the gym in a while. Maybe it was time to work out some of the shit I had going on. I could go crazy and find a big, scary Russian to spar with. That would surely distract me for a long while.
“Got it, Prez.”
“Two hours,” he said letting me know when I needed to be ready by. Like I didn’t know what was going on and all.
I had been there in the meetings. While things on my end were all over the place, it didn’t mean that my head was when it came to club business. I’d never let my Prez or brothers down, ever. Even if it cost me my last breath.
“Got it. I’ll be out front.”
He left as quickly as he’d come. He didn’t stand around watching for signs that I was about to crack. He knew I took club shit seriously and if I said I’d be there, then I for damn sure would be there one hundred percent ready.
Two hours later, we were riding over to the hideaway place in the middle of the shipping container death yard. This place was like a damn maze and I imagined if you didn’t know it as well as we did, you could easily get lost. This was the safest place to do business even though it was out in the open. If there was trouble, Cable would spot it coming. Also, Mouse and Tripp were tucked away with sniper rifles way up high on some stacked up containers. They knew how to stay hidden. Tripp may have been newly patched in but I trusted him.
And as far as Mouse went, that dude had been shooting most of his life. That was the one thing his pops could get away with, taking him off to the cabin under the guise of a manly hunting trip. Mouse’s mom wasn’t a huge fan of the club and didn’t like her little boy around it. Since his pops never wanted to push things, he kept the club members to a minimum when they went out to the cabin. The guy loved to spend time with his son so it was never a big deal if it was just the two of them. That time included teaching him everything that he knew. And Mouse, well, he soaked it all up and surpassed the master now.
Normally, I liked to be the one tucked away. But my face was needed here.
Pyotr showed up with Andrei right behind. No surprise there. Four more of his crew hung back but were on alert. Ya know, in that cool, laid-back way that didn’t look like they were. With their stupid sunglasses tinted so dark that you couldn’t see where their eyes were looking. But whatever. It wasn’t like we were going to do anything shady. There was a peace here on the coast. We all worked together and we sure as hell didn’t want to mess that up.
Andrei pinned me with a hard look for a flinch of a second. I stood tall, doing my best not to reveal anything. Sure the guy hardly ever spared a glance at me when I was at the gym, but I wasn’t dumb, I knew he noticed me. And he had probably taken note that I hadn’t been around in two or so weeks. I also knew that he wouldn’t say anything. So, I cocked up my brow and shifted my focus to Pyotr.
After we took the bags of money and handed over the right crates, Pyotr shook Knight’s hand.
I did admire the respect they held for us despite the fact that they sometimes acted like we were below them. Maybe that was it, the thing that rubbed me the wrong way. Though we were the ones that brought the shit in, checked it, and stored it until it was time, the Russians—mainly Pyotr—always had this air about them. Like we were there to do his bidding. At times, it almost seemed like he would rather be anywhere else than here with us. I got the same vibe whenever we had a sit down meeting with him. I couldn’t believe that I hadn’t figured it out before. But with that said, I still didn’t really think he’d dare cross that line and try to take us out. Or go behind our backs.
While we had made a mark in this city, we hadn’t really had a need to show our violent side so far. It was only a matter of time. We all knew it. You didn’t live this kind of life and only come out with Band-Aids covering tiny scrapes. But it wasn’t like we were the type to just throw around violence because we had something to prove. We li
ked for things to run smoothly. We hated to draw guns and throw down. Well, most of us. In a way, I saw it as smart. When we did get hit, people didn’t know what to expect. And that shit would be deadly. We wouldn’t lay the fuck down and take it. No, you hurt us and we fuck you up twice as bad.
While I saw it as an advantage, I could see where people like Pyotr saw it as a weak spot. He didn’t know the kind of damage we could cause, not really. Sure, he’d been around when we took down Savage which gave us the right to move down here and take over the docks. But I got the feeling like he thought all of us here on the coast were all the babies. The newbies. The ones that hadn’t been so hardened by club life just yet.
If he only knew…
Most of us had been there that night. We had been the ones on the front line of taking down the devil. I’d killed so many people that night that I’d lost count within the first five minutes I’d stepped in that place.
And I wouldn’t hesitate to do it again.
CHAPTER SEVENTEEN
Laurel
“It isn’t working out like you thought.”
That voice was new. Even through the closed door, I could hear the thick accent though I couldn’t place it.
I slowed my breathing and tried to listen in closely.
“No one has come for her. You sure she isn’t just one of their throwaways? My patience is running thin here.”
“I’m sure. She’s important to him,” my captor said and I could detect a slight hint of fear in his tone. Or it could have been annoyance.
“I am growing tired of your games.”
“You need me,” crazy-head said with certainty.
“I let you in because you made promises. Promises that you could bring me new clients. So far I have yet to see any of it.”
“I helped you. I told you when that fucker was sniffing around. If it wasn’t for me, you would have been caught.”
“I still lost a great deal. You have some vendetta against these bikers, deal with it on your own time. I lost half my men because of them. I want them to hurt like I have hurt. I want them to suffer. No one fucks with me.”
Even that had me shaking a little.
But…
Bikers?
There was no way.
I had been thinking this had to do with my father all along. Had I been wrong all this time? Was this really about Bryan and his men? His club?
“Get rid of the bitch or I will. I gave you enough time. Now she’s nothing but wasted money. And since you have failed to deliver on new buyers, I should sell her and keep her profit all to myself.”
There was a long pause of silence. I didn’t dare move.
“You have three days. Then I will be here to pick her up. I will take a loss just to get rid of her quickly.”
A door opened and closed hastily. I assumed it was the front one and that the other man was now gone. With a warning like that, I wouldn’t want to mess with him.
“You are fucking useless, bitch,” my captor said walking into the room then slammed the door behind him so hard it rattled the walls.
He was vibrating with rage. I swallowed hard because I hadn’t thought he could be truly dangerous until this moment. Crazy? Sure. Off balanced? Definitely. But so far he had just kept me locked up. He hadn’t attempted to touch me or hurt me. He barely spoke to me as it was. Right now was a different story. He was downright unhinged. A man humiliated and hanging on by a thread.
“I don’t fucking get it!” he roared. “Why? I watched for months. He was always sneaking in and out of your place. You! Only you!”
The way he was angrily pacing reminded me of a caged tiger. Which was kind of funny, seeing as I was the one in the actual cage.
“At first, I wanted to go after the Sergeant’s woman. But then I could never get close enough to her. Always someone watching. Just like with that other one… the younger you.”
He was ranting and I was trying my hardest to follow along.
He was talking about Gwen and Cami.
I knew for sure he was talking about Bryan and his club now. To think that he had been watching my sister sent a chill down my spine. How long had he been watching them? How long had he been watching me?
“But then I noticed him sneaking off in the middle of the night. I followed him and what do you know? He was always going to see you.”
I got the feeling like he wasn’t really talking to me. I curled up in the corner and tried to make myself seem as small as possible. But I didn’t dare take my eyes off of him.
“I thought you were special,” he said and abruptly stopped his pacing. His eyes moved to look at me with a slowness that made my skin feel itchy. “Why hasn’t he come for you?”
I swallowed down my fear and spoke the words that I had felt were true for so long.
“Obviously, I’m not that important to him.” I sat up tall and stared him down, unblinking.
“No,” he said and shook his head wildly. “No. That can’t be it. I must have not been blatant enough in my clues for those assholes. I need to do something more. Yes, more.”
He wasn’t around all that much after that. The walls started to close in on me and I was honestly surprised that they hadn’t done that already. I counted the holes in the walls. The planks of wood on the floor. The number of bars each cage held, again and again. The clumps of random dirt and dust on the bottom of my cage. I traced the lines of that room so many times I could have mapped it out with my eyes closed.
I was glad he was gone but at the same time, a huge wave of loneliness began to hit me. I guessed it was rather silly. Or desperate. Or just complete insanity. Why would I rather have him in here than feel so alone? It made no sense.
A day went by and nothing.
No food.
No water.
No coming in to empty my bucket.
My lips were dry and though I knew better, I kept licking them to try and get some moisture there. The night was cold and a dead kind of silence hung in the air. I wondered if he was even in the house anymore.
Maybe he was just going to leave me here.
This was how I would die.
How long did it take a person to starve to death?
Was it going to hurt?
Strange as it was, I never imagined my end before all of this. I was young, and like most young people, I thought my death was far down the road. Sure, I was aware that anything could happen at any time, but it didn’t really register, you know. Not that I thought I was untouchable. I knew I wasn’t.
A sharp pain shot through my midsection. I doubled over and tried my best to breathe through it.
Would this get worse?
Would I get so hungry that I would think about eating parts of my own body?
I wondered what went through people’s minds when they were in similar situations.
And what they thought about right before they knew they were going to die.
It was maybe a bit morbid but I was at a loss. I closed my eyes and let the images float through my head.
The first Thanksgiving after Cami decided to stop eating meat. How she got our house chef to make some weird tofu thing that was supposed to look like turkey. The way our mother looked at her with disgust and said something along the lines of her always being such a difficult child. And how she didn’t understand why my sister had to act so strangely. While I had a felt a sense of pride for her. Of course, I had to keep it hidden and I wished more than anything that I had let her know in those moments how much I loved her.
The Christmas when my grandfather gave me the necklace that had the tiny pearl and diamond. He whispered that I was his favorite and not to tell the others. I knew he probably said it to all his grandchildren but it still meant the world to me. Just like that necklace.
My mother had later scoffed and said that I should never wear something so small. That it would make my neck look fat. A woman always needed something big to make her neck look dainty. That was what she had always drilled into me.
Same went for rings and bracelets. If I had heard it once in my life, I had heard it a million times. Something with a lot of diamonds, preferably, because the sparkle distracts from how big your hands are, she pointed out at every chance she got. I never thought I had big hands. To me they were slender and maybe my fingers were a bit long.
Despite her nasty words, I loved and wore that necklace. Sometimes in secret, tucked behind my buttoned up cardigan.
How I wished I had that necklace now.
As my fingers came up to my chest where it would have rested, I could almost feel the smoothness of the pearl against my fingertips.
It was stupid to wonder what would happen to it. Or where it might have been at this very moment. Was it still in my apartment in my tiny jewelry box? Did I even still have an apartment? What would happen to all my stuff?
I know I didn’t have much but the thought of it all being tossed in the trash brought tears to my eyes. I imagined that was what would happen. I imagined my fluffy white comforter all splattered with dirt and grime. And my clothes being carelessly tossed in heaps into the giant, metal trash container that always smelled like rotten eggs and dirty tampons. And that necklace, would it end up in the landfill and lost forever?
I pulled myself out of those thoughts. It wasn’t like it mattered all that much now because I would be gone and I would never know.
I tried to remember more happy things. For some strange reason, I felt the need to search out some point where I had been worthy of this life. What had I done that was so good?
It was painful to realize that I couldn’t come up with one single thing.
Sure, there were times that I organized charity dinners. And while they did bring in some money to whatever organization we were supporting, the people that went to those things weren’t there because they cared. It was never about raising awareness and helping. It was all about image and keeping up the appearance that just because you had money didn’t mean you didn’t give back to the community in some way.
