by Eve R. Hart
“I hate you,” she said turning her head so that she could cut her eyes to look into mine. “But I need you right now.”
My jaw worked. Hearing those words was like swallowing glass. I nodded wordlessly because I understood too well what she meant.
Her fingers slid into the spaces between mine and I gave them a tiny squeeze.
“He said he wanted you to pay for what you did to his father. I think. It was all so confusing. He was mad because none of you had shown up or something. He pulled me out of the cage. It was the first time he’d let me out. He pinned me down and just kept saying how I was a… a, um, whore. Then he ranted about how all women were and something about his sister and the club killing his father. I think… I think he and his father did something to the sister.”
Iron’s eyes shot up and met mine. There was something on his face but I couldn’t get a read on it. Her story did nothing but confuse me. I’d been around the club a long time. And yeah, I’d done some shit, but none of what she said was ringing a bell with me.
“I’m really tired,” she said suddenly.
There was still more we needed to know. Like the whole part how she got away. Now was not the time to push her though and I was surprised she held it together to give us what she did.
There was a knock at the door.
“Charming, got a guy here for you,” Brand said without opening the door.
“You want to move her and I can get it all set up?” Charming said looking at me.
“Yeah,” I answered.
“Wh-what are you talking about? Can I stay here?”
“Yeah, princess. You can stay here if you want. We just thought that you’d feel more comfortable in your own room… with your own stuff.”
She shifted then, taking a long while to sit up and half-turn to face me as much as possible.
“Room? Stuff? My apartment?”
“Fuck that shit hole,” I said a little too aggressively. She flinched, and of course, I didn’t miss it. “Sorry. We moved your stuff here. Cami set up the room with all your things. I think you’ll like it.”
“Um, alright,” she said and there was something hesitant in her voice.
Then we moved. She wanted to walk but I wanted to carry her. I won. She was half asleep by the time I placed her down onto the bed. She muttered something unintelligible and wrapped her arms around herself in a way that I’d never seen before.
Of course, my mind went there. Thinking that it must have been something she started doing while she was held captive. It was in such a way that it made me think she was trying to cover her most vulnerable parts.
I covered her, moving her so she looked comfortable as Charming got to work setting up the IV.
I stepped outside while Charming was in there with her. Iron looked like he wasn’t ready to talk but I could tell he knew something.
“I have to make some calls, figure some things out. And see what Cable’s got. You gonna stay with her?” I nodded and he carried on. “I’ll find you when I have something. If she wakes up, see if you can get more out of her.”
“Okay, but I won’t push her if it looks like it’s too much.”
“Wouldn’t expect you to, brother.”
He walked off and I ducked back into Laurel’s room.
Then Charming gave me strict instructions not to let her sleep more than a couple of hours. I knew all too well about concussions, so he didn’t need to tell me all the other stuff. I had already decided that I was going to sit there and watch over her. At least until she told me otherwise.
I had her back.
That was something.
But it felt like it was just beginning.
And I didn’t have the first clue on what to do now.
CHAPTER TWENTY-ONE
Laurel
I woke to Bryan’s sweet voice and a gentle shaking of my body. I felt so groggy as I tried to pull myself out of slumber. My head was screaming at me that I needed to go back to sleep.
“Laurel,” Bryan said softly. “I need you to wake up.”
I let out a long groan and tried to pry my eyes apart.
He said my name softly again and I tried my hardest to fight against the blissful darkness that was calling me back.
“Alright,” I said as I blinked my eyes a few times. “I’m awake. Now can I go back to sleep?” I sounded like a spoiled child but I didn’t care in the least right now. I just wanted to sleep.
When I was asleep, I didn’t feel how my body ached. Or remember what I had been through. I didn’t smell the dirty state that I was still in.
And I didn’t have to deal with the fact that Bryan was there. Which was something I really didn’t have the head space to think about since I wasn’t sure how I felt about him at the moment. I was torn in two. I was angry, sure, but I was also so happy to see him. And maybe above all else, I felt safe with him here.
I rolled over and sat up. My muscles were stiff and sore and my face was throbbing. Without thinking, I brought my hand up and touched my swollen, puffy cheek.
“Don’t touch it. Are you in pain? I can get you something.”
“No,” I said shaking my head which made it feel like my brain was rattling around in my skull. “I don’t want anything.”
We fell silent for a long time.
I think neither of us knew what to say.
That was fine with me because I didn’t think that I wanted to hear anything that he had to say anyway.
My eyes were still blurry but I tried my best to look around the room. My room, I guessed. It was strange to think of it that way.
Out of the cracked open blinds, I could see the front building to the club’s… compound, I guess. I wasn’t sure what to call it and I thought I had heard Cami say that a time or two. At least I knew where I was. I felt some sort of safety in that. For some reason, there was something that wrapped my heart in warmth. Then it hit me, what being here did to me. How being surrounded by the members of this club made me feel.
I think a strange, sharp laugh slipped through my lips.
“What?” Bryan asked and I could feel his eyes on me.
It was then that I realized how close to me he was. He was sitting on the bed, propped up against the headboard and I wondered if he had been right there in that spot while I slept. I shook that thought off because it was silly. But there was something in the back of my mind that told me he had been.
“It’s just that I’m here,” I said and took in a deep breath because it was hard to get the words out. “At your motorcycle club’s place.”
“Yeah. And?” There was that tone. I knew that tone. It let me know that I had somehow offended him and he was on edge and ready for a fight.
But I wasn’t trying to fight. I wasn’t even trying to be nasty about it.
“Wait,” I whispered, my throat feeling so dry. “I just mean that right now I feel so safe. It’s funny.” I let out a dry laugh. “I’ve never felt like that. You know, completely comfortable and like nothing bad will ever happen to me. Not growing up in a mini-mansion. Not on my own trying to prove to the world that I could do it all by myself.”
He didn’t say anything and I felt like I wasn’t explaining it very well.
“I know it makes no sense. Especially since… well, you know. But I do. I feel safe here.”
“Laurel,” his tone was so soft that it almost sounded like a broken whisper.
“Please don’t,” I said and wiped away the tears that were streaming down my cheeks. “I was kind of a bitch to you. I want to be sorry, and maybe I was, but right now… I’m so hurt and confused that I can’t decide how I feel.”
I turned to him then. I shouldn’t have because the look on his face made it impossible to hold any kind of ill will towards him. But I did sort of blame this whole thing on him. I wasn’t sure what that guy’s deal was but he obviously had taken me because of Bryan. Or at least because of his connection to the club.
And the words that he had said still rattled around in my hea
d. That one word, in particular, seemed to ring out louder than everything else.
Whore.
In a way, maybe it got to me because that was how I felt for so long, though I wouldn’t dare admit it.
I was Bryan’s whore. His girl that he kept in secret. I gave him everything without a second thought. I let him into my life, into my body, and didn’t care that he kept me hidden for so long.
“I really need a shower,” I said as my way of cutting off whatever kind of conversation could have come next.
“Yeah, sure.” I heard the sad sigh in his voice. “You want me to get Cami or…”
“You’ve already seen me naked. I bet half the club has now.” I meant it to be a joke but it wasn’t very funny. “I don’t mind if you help me.”
“Right.” The word came out a little clipped.
He pulled out his phone and sent a text. A second later it chimed and I studied his face as he read it.
“Charm says I can take the line out while you take a shower, but I have to leave the base in.”
“Alright,” I said softly.
Once everything was right, he helped me to the bathroom. I told him I had to use the toilet and he let me do it alone. As I sat there, I took in everything about the bathroom. I noticed it all. My toothbrush sitting on the counter in the same spot I had kept it in my apartment. The bottles of shampoo, body wash, and conditioner all lined up in the same spots they had been in my shower.
I couldn’t fight the tears that filled my eyes.
“Can you get Cami, please. I can’t do this with you right now,” I called out, trying my hardest to keep my voice from sounding as shaky as I felt.
“Is something wrong? I’m coming in.”
“No!” I screamed. “Just get my sister.”
I held my breath until I heard him moving away from the door.
This was him.
All of it.
He had said setting up this room was Cami’s doing but she hadn’t seen my place that much. But Bryan had been there many times. He knew where I kept everything. And seeing it now, seeing that he had noticed the little things, began to break me.
I had been so blind.
So stupid.
I wished more than anything that I could have taken the last year back. I wished that I had found him sooner. I wished that I had never said yes to Brice. Or that it took all of this happening for me to realize that he truly cared about me. I wished that I hadn’t wasted so much time.
I was still hurting. My heart, it ached so bad. And seeing all of this now only pushed the dagger in deeper.
I had once blamed him for my life being ruined. I was wrong then.
But now I blamed him for what had happened to me. For being held against my will for the last three weeks. For not finding me. For not trying hard enough to protect me.
I hated him.
I was sick at the thought of him.
But I was also desperate to have him near. To know that he was here and that he could handle it when I broke down.
I had never been so unsure of anything in my life.
It was too much to deal with at once. I had to focus on one thing at a time and right now, I had to wrap my head around what I had just been through. And to do that, I needed a break from him. I feared that with him so close to me, I wouldn’t be able to see past the deep feelings I had for him. That my heart would talk so loudly it would drown out the things my head was trying to process.
“She’s on her way,” he said and I took in a staggered breath. “Do you… want me to go?”
There was something in his voice that made me cry even harder. So hard that my body shook and I had trouble taking in a breath.
It killed me to speak the words. To say what I really needed right now.
“Yes,” I gasped out.
I heard his sad, resigned sigh. I heard it through the closed door. I heard it over my sobbing.
“Is she okay?” Cami asked a few moments later.
I could tell she was trying to be quiet but I still heard her.
“I don’t know.”
“Is she in there?”
“Yeah,” Bryan said and I felt his stare even though I couldn’t see him. “Call me if she needs anything.”
Then he was gone. Even if I hadn’t heard his boots crossing the floor, I could feel it. A strange emptiness hung in the air and for some reason, it made the tears fall faster.
Cami opened the bathroom door hesitantly. She took one look at me and rushed to my side, throwing her arms around me and hugging me tightly. I didn’t care that my body ached, I was going to hold onto her as long as she would let me.
Once I pulled myself together enough to stand up, I got into the shower. She stayed there, talking to me about little things. I appreciated her trying to act as if things were normal even though they were far from it. I didn’t know what I would have done if she tried to ask me questions. She made sure to leave anything about Bryan out. As well as what had happened to me.
I knew it was only a matter of time before she sat me down and made me talk about it all. But she understood that now was not that time.
While I got out and dried off, she found me something to wear. It was almost strange to see her walking in with a pile of clothes that I was familiar with. Familiar because they were mine.
It reminded me once again, everything that Bryan had done for me. Not that I was ignoring the fact that Cami hadn’t helped but I knew that she didn’t know how everything was set up in my apartment like he did.
“Thank you,” I said to her as I reached for the pile of clothes. “For everything. For this.”
My eyes roamed around the room so she would know what I was talking about.
Then my gaze caught on the tiny box sitting perfectly on top of the dresser. There were those stupid tears again. I closed my eyes and I could see the pearl necklace nestled right inside. I didn’t need to go over there and flip the top up to know that it was in there.
I opened my eyes and tried my best to shake the emotions away.
“I have to be honest,” she said and gave me a small smile. “This was mostly B-ry. I was having a really hard time… I felt helpless. I sort of… had a breakdown moment in here and he was the one that found me. I unpacked everything, but it was really him that set it all up.”
I nodded because I had already figured that out.
“He’s a really good guy,” she said softly.
I bit my lip because I already knew that too.
“He really, uh, cares about you.”
“I know that now,” I said barely above a whisper.
And I was grateful that was all she said on the matter.
After I was dressed, I got back on the bed again. It was so plush and I swore I would never take it for granted again. My head hit the pillow and I let out a soft sigh as I stretched my legs out.
I was asleep before I even realized it.
When I woke again I knew he was there. I didn’t open my eyes but I could feel him. I always felt him. And it wasn’t just the heat radiating off his body and seeping into my back. There was just something that was like a beacon calling out to me every time he was near.
I didn’t move because I didn’t want him to know I was awake. I still was unsure if I could handle being around him. I figured that I hadn’t been out all that long given that he hadn’t woken me up. How long was that supposed to go on? I had never had a concussion or anything before and I really wanted to know when I would be able to sleep and not have to worry about the possibility of not waking up.
I heard him take in a slow, long breath through his nose. I wondered if he had a clue that I wasn’t asleep anymore.
“I realized a lot of things recently,” he said softly.
I had a feeling this wasn’t one of those conversations that people had with someone that was in a coma. The kind where you spilled your guts and hoped they really could hear it all. No, he knew I could hear him and he wanted me to.
“I k
now so many things about you. Things I don’t think most people get the joy of seeing. Or they don’t pay close enough attention like I do. I know how you secretly love food and that you have a massive amount of restraint when it comes to eating. Sometimes I worry that it’s almost on the verge of unhealthy.”
There was a long pause like he was trying to get his words straight in his head.
“I know that you really like pineapple because you always save it for last. You eat the melons first. Then the strawberries. Then the blueberries one by one. And the pineapple is always last. You chew it just a beat longer than the other fruit and you give me a look every time I try to eat one.”
A tiny laugh bubbled up my throat.
“But I don’t know if it’s your favorite. What if you like apples better? And I never even brought you one of those. Or raspberries. Or hell, what if you don’t really like fruit at all?”
Tears streamed down my face and I pulled the comforter up to wipe them away.
“I know that you have good days and bad ones just like everyone else. But I can always tell the bad ones because you try harder to stay strong. When you think something is inappropriately funny, your cheeks do this thing, it’s like they push up to your eyes making them narrow a bit. I can always tell that you want to laugh but you aren’t sure if you should.”
I wanted to ask him ‘what else?’ because I needed to know how many there were. How many things had he noticed about me that I probably wasn’t even aware of myself?
I got lost there, in the long pause, thinking about how I had missed it all. This man that didn’t just see me, he saw into my soul. He paid attention to the little things. Not only that, but he took every little thing in and remembered the slightest details.
“But I feel like that doesn’t mean anything,” he said breaking the silence finally. “I know next to nothing about you. I don’t know the important stuff. Like, what’s your favorite color? Do you like spicy food? Do you like to read? What do you like to do in your spare time? And so many times I’ve wondered about the deeper things and I always held back on asking. Like, what do you see in the future? Do you want to get married or is that something you felt like you had to do? What about kids? What kind of house do you want?”
