Daddy pushed her away then covered his face with his hands. “What in God’s name have you done?”
“I don’t know … don’t know,” she cried over and over.
“But you have to!” Daddy exploded. “Where is she?”
“Lost … don’t remember.”
“How could you lose your own baby? Unless you … ” Daddy’s voice broke and he was crying, too. “Tell me the truth … is Samantha dead?”
Then the memory ended.
* * *
My connection ended, rocketing me in another direction as if I had been snapped from a rubber band. I floated in a surreal state of energy, leaving Alyce behind as I sailed on a wave of lightness and freedom. But I was not alone — Gabe moved beside me.
Although we weren’t defined by human bodies, I could see him clearly as he wanted me to see him: the authentic Gabe Deverau. His skin was rough from the wind and bronzed from the sun, and his night-black ponytail trailed down his muscled back. I had a mental flash of him standing proudly on the deck of a ship, the anchor on his blue cap seeming to bob as the ship tilted and surged forward into the vast ocean. This was how he saw himself: the passionate link of his soul to the ocean, separate from all the borrowed bodies. Only his eyes — sea-deep and mysterious — remained the same.
But it was Alyce’s face that haunted me. Stealing into her thoughts felt like a betrayal of our friendship. Had she known I was there? Would she hate me for it later? I’d found out shocking things that I did need to know … but at what cost? Would I ever be able to tell her the truth, or was I now the one destined to lie about secrets?
Worry was a fish hook yanking me backwards, and I returned to Alyce’s current body with a shock as soul smacked flesh. My breath caught. I felt stunned, unable to move, and only faintly aware of the electronic noise from aquariums bubbling around me.
Blinking, I stared into Gabe’s face — the borrowed face that had once frightened me but now comforted me with a reassuring smile. There was no curiosity in his gaze, only approval.
“You did it,” he said, with a nod of satisfaction.
But I couldn’t talk, only sag against a counter stacked with bags of fish food. I had no idea how disturbing sinking into Alyce’s memories would be, and worse yet was discovering that she carried this memory inside her yet had never told me. There had been hints, though, like when she got angry at the card I gave her on her eighth birthday. It had said, “You’re like a sister to me.” She’d ripped it up, saying that being best friends was better than sisters. She’d also said her reason for going to cemeteries was to take photographs for her Morbidity Collection. But was that really why? Or was she searching for her baby sister Samantha?
Sam.
The signature Alyce gave to her painting wasn’t a random pseudonym. But why hadn’t Alyce confided in me? She could have trusted me to keep her secret. While losing a baby wasn’t unusual, hiding the death was illegal … and suspicious. Why did Alyce’s mother do such crazy things?
Maybe because she was crazy.
And I’d left her home alone.
“I need to go back,” I told Gabe, jumping up, the half-eaten candy bar falling from my lap to the chair.
“Not yet!” He shook his head, the golden brown hair beneath his sailor’s cap falling loosely out of its ponytail.
“Alyce’s mother may need me.”
“But we’ve only just started here — there’s so much more to show you.”
“I’ve seen enough … too much.” I started for the door; my head pounding like it would burst and spill out all my emotions.
“Wait!” He moved to block me from the door, tilting his head curiously. “I don’t know what happened with your friend, but obviously it was disturbing. Your energy is in distress mode — which can be dangerous to you and your friend.”
“Leaving Alyce’s mother alone for too long is a bigger danger. I can’t believe I never guessed what Alyce was going through. I have to be the worst best friend in the world.”
“You can be the best at everything if you let me teach you more powers. That was only the beginning of what you can do.”
“The beginning and end,” I said, overwhelmed with emotions. “I’m going to tell my grandmother to switch me back so someone experienced can help Alyce. And I’ll ask her to meet you, too, Gabe. I haven’t forgotten my promise.”
I reached for the door but as my hand touched the knob, the floor seemed to rise and sway. My mind spun like I’d been racing on a roller coaster for days and my knees buckled.
Gabe caught me before I hit the ground, my head so dizzy that I hardly noticed the electricity from his touch. I opened my mouth to warn him about touching me but there was no sound, only a feeble sigh.
“I was afraid this would happen,” Gabe said as he led me over to a chair and gently sat me down.
“What?” I rasped out, sagging against the hard wood.
“You overstimulated your psyche.”
“Huh?” I rubbed my head.
“Doing too much too quickly. The energy you tapped into is still pulsing through you, and if you don’t detoxify immediately you’ll risk soul burnout.”
I sucked in a shaky breath and stared at him with incredulously. “Detoxify my soul? That sounds painful. Why didn’t you warn me there were risks?”
“There are always risks,” he said, frowning down at me. “But I can help you through this if you trust me. I may need to touch your hand so I can share some of my energy with you. Otherwise, there may be serious damage from what you’ve just experienced. I had no idea your connection would be so intense.”
His voice, with its gentle lilt and deep caring tone, touched me with a similar tingle as the feel of his hand on mine. And I calmed down instantly, my mind and body seeming to merge together in the steady beat of Alyce’s heart. I thought of her mother, miles away and sleeping safely. I’d overreacted, worrying about her when I needed to take care of this body first.
“You landed too quickly,” he continued, “bringing back the same anxiety that caused your friend’s crisis, and your body is reacting as if pumped full of toxins. That’s why you should always separate your own emotions from those of your Host Body.”
“How do I fix it?” I sucked in a deep breath, struggling for energy.
“Rise out of the physical and cleanse away the trauma.”
“Leave Alyce’s body again?” I asked uneasily.
“Not completely. Otherwise the trauma will attack your temporary body — like a virus infecting a computer.”
“You’re scaring me,” I whispered, closing my eyes and focusing on his voice. For a bad guy, he wasn’t so bad.
“Don’t worry, I can fix everything. Take this.” His strong callused fingers intertwined with my own, tingling with familiar warmth that felt friendly, not frightening. I heard the rustling paper and smelled the sweet cocoa aroma of chocolate. He pressed a square of candy against my mouth, his fingers sizzling heat as they brushed my lips.
A cool breeze of energy swept through me, and I wondered if it had more to do with Gabe than with the chocolate. He guided me like he had before, asking me to focus inwardly and gather strength. It happened quicker — the lift and pull of my soul rising, and the awareness of separating. I saw Alyce’s body slumped in a chair below me. She looked so pale and lifeless, and I had to fight the urge to sink back inside her skin.
Before I could panic, I sensed Gabe’s presence beside me. And then a euphoric blanket of warmth wrapped around me like a comforting hug. I again saw him in his true form: his blue cap newer-looking and his black ponytail hanging over his muscled shoulder. I even smelled the salty spray of sea. And his gray-green eyes found me, too.
Although I knew our bodies weren’t flesh and blood in this surreal plane, more like holographs, when I reached out, I met his steady grasp. Shared warmth heated me like lava spilling from a mountain, and I felt strangely close to this dead guy who was supposed to be my enemy. He’d gone a long distance to
find me, risked his own safety, and was sharing himself in a way that went beyond casual friendship. It was hard to remember that I’d ever feared him.
Wild excitement surged through me. I found myself leaning toward him, longing for more … for a closeness that wasn’t physically possible in a human body. But we weren’t human anymore. We were two souls sharing an amazing experience, which was both freeing and terrifying.
“What’s happening to me?” I asked in thoughts.
“You’re detoxifying. I’m using my power to free you of negative energy.” I heard his answer although his mouth didn’t move, and I wondered if I was really seeing him or merely a projection he wanted me to see. It was all so confusing … but not unpleasant. It was as if we were both whiffs of wind floating peacefully on a summer breeze.
“Am I myself or Alyce?”
“You’re uniquely Amber and completely beautiful.” If he’d said this in a normal voice while in a physical body, I might have been embarrassed and worried that Gabe was hitting on me, but we were beyond all that, in our purest form.
A change sprinkled around me like gentle rain. I looked down to see my own square fingers with a small scar on my thumb from the first (and only) fishing trip with my father. Long braids no longer fell over my shoulder and I reached up to touch my too-curly hair. And I was feeling wonderful — joyful, with energy that seemed endless, as if I were connected to a blissful infinity of life.
“This is incredible.” I sent out with waves of gratitude to Gabe.
“It gets better,” he replied in that same wordless way. A glow spun around his handsome face like silvery rings circling a planet. “You’ve shown me more friendship than anyone in my entire life and death. You’ve given me so much that I want to give you a gift in return that you’ll remember forever.”
“What?” I asked soundlessly.
“Fusing. It’s a way to share my secrets and powers. I’ve never trusted anyone enough to make this offer — only you. When you learn what I can show you, you’ll be able to create your own miracles.”
Miracles? Like helping Alyce and healing her mother? With Gabe’s knowledge and the power that came with it, I could do amazing things as a Temp Lifer. I could help everyone without making any mistakes.
“Say yes,” Gabe whispered, with such passion and promise that I wanted to lean into him and discover his amazing secrets. He was so handsome, so intriguing and yet tortured, too. He could help me and I would help him.
He held out his ethereal arms, a dazzling light, shining in shades of flame, flowing from his hands. “Fuse with me, Amber.”
14
“Yes!” The word fought to escape from my thoughts, the dangerous word thumping with my heartbeats like a caged bird eager to fly.
How I wanted to fly with Gabe! I couldn’t imagine anything better than the euphoria already soaring through me, and I was curious to know and experience more. Desire thrilled through me. What else would I learn from Gabe? He’d already shown me so much, and to hell with the risks. The promise of power whet my appetite — like tasting only a small bite of the sweetest chocolate in the universe and longing for more.
Yet something held me back. I hesitated, racked with uncertainty. But why? Nothing had changed on the outside … it was deep inside … a whisper from my own heart.
And just like that, I thought of Eli.
I flashed back to our first conversation, at Jessica Bradley’s party, when I was feeling alone and suddenly there he was. Although we’d met briefly in school, that moment at the chocolate buffet would always be our First Meeting. In the week after that he’d shown loyalty and friendship. I loved the way his mouth tilted crookedly when he smiled, his romantic text saying his music was for me, and how he’d traveled hundreds of miles just to give me a small book. He didn’t teach me secrets of the universe, but he had his own kind of power.
“No,” I told Gabe, pulling away.
Gabe’s eyes darkened like storm clouds. “What do you mean, no?”
“I–I just can’t. There’s Eli … my boyfriend … ”
“This has nothing to do with him.”
“Maybe … but it would feel wrong, and I don’t want to hurt him. Besides, Alyce’s mother may need me so I shouldn’t stay any longer.”
“But I could teach you so much more!”
“I know, and I really appreciate it. I’m just ready to leave.”
Then I backed away from him, the heat fading and a chill settling over me. Was I making the right choice? Refusing knowledge that could help Alyce, her mother, and maybe others, too?
Here goes another wrong turn in my misdirectional life, I thought wryly.
Gabe had pulled away too, his energy hard to read. But I understood enough now to concentrate and tap into my energy. If focusing inward had worked to lift me out of a body, then it should work to bring me back. So I visualized happy things like my family and friends. Mostly I thought of Eli, and that seemed to work.
There was no shock of landing this time, only a mild thump.
Blinking, I looked around the semi-dark fish shop. Gabe was beside me but not moving, his expression dazed, then slowly changing. Color rushed back into his face and an electric sizzle cracked the air around him.
He seemed weakened, which made me feel guilty. Had he used up too much energy to help me?
“Are you all right?” I asked softly.
“I’m fine.” He straightened his shoulders and turned away from me to pick up the discarded candy wrapper from the floor. Crumpling it into a ball, he tossed it into the trash.
He said no more as he locked up Wet Pets and led me back to his car. It was late and the road was nearly deserted, swallowing us in darkness. I tried to talk to him a few times, but he ignored me. His expression was a mask, hiding the anger I sensed. I wished he would turn on the radio or say something — or at least look at me.
“Are you angry?” I asked as he turned onto Alyce’s street and parked in the shadows under a tree.
Gabe glanced out the window, then turned to me, frowning. “It’s not anger.”
“Then what?”
“Disappointment. We stopped too soon.” He let out a weary breath. “You didn’t learn how to detoxify and will need my help if you want travel by soul transit again. Unfortunately, there isn’t much time for another lesson. I’ll be gone soon.”
“I’ll be okay,” I told him, touched by his concern for me. He seemed weary, too, which made me feel guilty. “Besides, you don’t have to leave for a few more days.”
“You’ll meet with me again?” he asked eagerly.
“That’s not what I meant—”
“But will you?”
I thought of all the powers he promised and how useful I could be as a Temp Lifer. My self-help books often advised being bold and unafraid in reaching for what you wanted. And what I wanted most was to help my best friend.
So I nodded. “All right.”
“Excellent! We’ll plan for tomorrow.”
“Tomorrow?” I bit my lip. “That’s so soon … I don’t know … I’ll call you.”
“I’ll be waiting.” His eyes softened, lingering on me.
I knew this wasn’t the face he’d been born into, yet his eyes remained his own, shining with the power of an undercurrent that pulled me closer. I felt a little dizzy and I found myself reluctant to step out of the car, thinking back to the incredible feeling we’d shared while out of body. It had been so freeing, honest, and ethereal. Not like going out with a human guy, but something beautifully spiritual.
As I left the car, I glanced back into his compelling sea eyes and wondered what he’d teach me at our next lesson. I wanted to learn how to heal injured souls like Alyce and travel in soul again. I was so grateful to Gabe for teaching and sharing this with me.
And I wanted to experience it again.
Fusing together?
Maybe.
* * *
Alyce’s mother slept through the night but I hardly slept at all.
There was just too much to think about, and now that I knew about Alyce’s lost little sister, many things started to make sense. Like how my GEM kept telling me to look for “the lost.”
So the first thing I did, after making sure Alyce’s mother was safe, was to pull out my GEM and fire off questions.
“Is Alyce’s baby sister dead?”
Yes.
Although I suspected this answer, sorrow tightened in my chest.
“How did she die?”
Heart stopped.
“So it was a natural death?” I guessed.
Tragedy and joy are two sides of the same coin.
“What’s that supposed to mean? Oh, don’t bother. Just tell me where she’s buried.”
Underground.
“Well, duh. But where exactly?”
A cemetery.
I resisted heaving the GEM against a wall and asked which cemetery. But the GEM wouldn’t give me an answer. The only thing this stupid book was giving me was a headache. I closed the book and tossed it into Monkey Bag.
Then I sorted through the facts I did know. Alyce’s mother had disappeared shortly before Baby Sam was due. She’d had some kind of mental breakdown, and when she returned, no more baby. Somehow the child had (secretly?) been buried at a cemetery. Piecing together the rest of the story, I guessed that Mrs. Perfetti was disorientated, both physically and mentally ill, and becoming lost. When she found her way home, she couldn’t remember what had happened that night. “Don’t tell anyone!” she’d begged. And that’s what happened. The secret of Sam was buried in lies. This was probably what led to Alyce’s parents’ divorce. While her father went off to start a new life, Alyce was left alone with her mother.
Her crazy mother, I thought, sad that I never guessed how bad things were at Alyce’s home. When Mrs. Perfetti was rude to me, I’d avoided being around her.
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