Rising Darkness

by Nancy Mehl

  “I understand, but I promise you, my story won’t hurt Sanctuary.”

  “Unfortunately, that may not be in your power. If this man—this Terrance Chase—is found here, what will happen to us?”

  “I—I can’t answer that question, Esther. But we can’t allow him to get away with what he did, can we? Isn’t finding him more important than protecting Sanctuary’s anonymity?”

  She didn’t answer. It was obvious she was really worried.

  “All I can do is promise you I’ll try to keep Sanctuary out of the story.” Of course, there was no way to really do that. A twinge of conscience made me feel uncomfortable, but I couldn’t afford to be swayed. I had to do this. It was my only chance at the life I wanted. The life I needed.

  “You must try, Emily,” Esther pleaded. “This town is very special. To all of us.”

  “I understand. Just remember, he may not even be here. Or if he was ever in Sanctuary, he may have already left by now. Worrying about this before I find out the truth is a waste of time. That’s the real reason I’m going through the town’s books in the church basement. I’m tracking all the men who arrived after the robbery. Chase may be one of them. If that turns out to be the case and he’s already gone, I’ll leave and look for him somewhere else.”

  Esther sighed. “I believe we should finish eating our breakfast, Emily. Then you must go forward with your search, but I would appreciate it if you would keep me updated on your efforts. Maybe I can help you. If you share the names you find, I can tell you about them. I’m old and have lived here a long time.”

  “That would be incredibly helpful. Thank you.” I hesitated a moment. “You’re still calling me Emily. May I ask why?”

  Esther chuckled. “Again, I am an old woman. If I am not careful, I could blurt out your real name. If I continue to see you as Emily, the chances of this happening are lessened. Besides, if I see you as my Emily, it will help me. I trust her, and I want to trust you.”

  But you can’t trust me. The truth struck some part of me. A softer part that still existed inside the hard shell I’d wrapped around my heart.

  “The funny thing is, my Emily has another name, too. She came here under false pretenses. Like you.”

  “Where is this . . . Emily?”

  “She lives on a farm outside of town with her husband, Reuben. She usually comes by two or three times a week. You’ll meet her. She used to work for a television station. She goes by the name Wynter. Such a pretty name, but I still call her Emily.”

  A small alarm sounded in my mind. This must be the reporter who found her kidnapped brother in Sanctuary. “You can’t tell her the truth about me, Esther. Okay?”

  The old woman nodded. “I understand. I will not tell her. As long as you keep our bargain.” She offered me a small smile. “I still believe you are here for reasons you do not yet understand, Emily. You think you are searching for this Terrance Chase person, but in the end, you will find something much more important.”

  Her constant insistence that there was some kind of larger plan was starting to get on my nerves. But Esther had a good heart, and I didn’t want to hurt her. I just smiled and kept my mouth shut.

  It took me a few minutes to eat most of the food on my plate. By now it was barely warm, but I didn’t care. I needed to get to the church and do more research. I thanked Esther for the breakfast, carried my dishes into the kitchen, and rinsed them. Then, after grabbing my purse and my jacket, I left.

  As I got into my car and started it, my affirmations CD began to play. For some reason it irritated me, and I clicked it off. I was focused on finding Chase, and I wasn’t in the mood for reciting the same old words over and over. I wasn’t calm and relaxed and was failing miserably at controlling my thoughts.

  “But I am in charge of my life,” I said out loud. “No one is going to make me do anything I don’t want to do. No one.” For some reason, my words sounded hollow.

  By the time I got to the church, my irritation had turned into anger. I parked in front of the building, turned off the engine, and tried to figure out why I was upset. Was it that Esther had seen through me? That I’d lost the upper hand? Did I feel I was at her mercy now?

  I checked my makeup in the rearview mirror. “No one tells me what to do,” I said to my image. “I’m in control. I’m in control.” But if that were true, why did I feel so out of control this morning?

  Trying to quiet the emotions raging inside, I got out of the car and headed into the building. I found Pastor Troyer in his office. After telling him I was going downstairs again, I quickly made my way to the dark, dank basement. I went over to the old, beat-up desk and turned on the lamp. Once again, I started removing books, searching for single men who might be Terrance Chase. When one of them left town, I wrote that on another page. I’d compare the records later. I worked through lunch and into the afternoon. I was up to 2010 when the door to the room swung open and Dorcas Troyer came in.

  “I am sorry to interrupt, but I was worried about you. I brought you something to eat and drink.”

  I quickly closed the book I was working on and put my notebook on top of it so she wouldn’t notice the year on the front. Since she’d mentioned that Miriam and Clara’s family might have been among the town’s earliest settlers, looking through the 2010 book wouldn’t make much sense.

  “Thank you, but you didn’t need to do that.”

  As she came out of the shadows and into the circle of light offered by the lamp, I noticed she had a tray in her hands. “I hope you like chicken salad,” she said. “And I thought you might like a bottle of root beer.”

  Although I hadn’t thought about eating until that moment, I realized I was actually very hungry, which was strange because of the large breakfast I’d had at Esther’s. “That’s very kind of you.”

  “I work down here a lot,” she said with a smile. “There is something about this room that makes me feel . . . so alone. As if there is no one else in the world.”

  “I know what you mean. It’s a little . . . creepy down here.”

  “Creepy. Yes. The perfect word.” She put the tray down on the edge of the desk. “Do not worry about bringing this back upstairs. Just leave it here, and I will get it later.”

  I thanked her again as she turned to leave. She might have my mother’s name, but she certainly didn’t act like my mother. She was kind and gentle. She disappeared into the shadows, and I pulled the tray closer. After taking a few bites of Dorcas’s delicious sandwich, I went back to the book I’d been looking at before she came in. Page after page, person after person. I began to see patterns. People who moved here. People who died here. Children who left, and children who came back. For the most part, residents stayed in Sanctuary. I stopped a few times to eat and eventually finished my lunch.

  I made it halfway through 2011 and suddenly felt tired. I checked my watch. Four-thirty. Time to go. I didn’t want Pastor Troyer to wait for me, so I packed up everything, turned off the desk light, and headed for the door.

  When I got upstairs, I knocked on Pastor Troyer’s door to tell him I was headed out. I heard him call out, “Come in,” so I opened the door. I was shocked to see Jonathon sitting in a chair in front of the pastor’s desk.

  “I—I’m sorry,” I said. “I didn’t mean to interrupt.”

  Pastor Troyer waved at me. “You are not interrupting. I am afraid my friend and I have moved from spiritual things to debating the best place to fish. You have saved me from losing the argument.”

  Jonathon shook his head vigorously. “There’s only one way to settle this. Next time we go out, we’ll fish your spot, but after that, we’ll go to mine. If we catch more fish in my spot, you have to provide bait for the next three trips. If you win, I’ll bring the bait.”

  Pastor Troyer rubbed his beard several times while his eyes twinkled with humor. “I will take that challenge. But you must bring something besides those old, tired worms you tried to pass off as bait last summer.”

 
Jonathon’s expression was comical as he looked over at me. “I’m wounded. How can a man who calls himself a pastor accuse me of such a terrible thing?”

  I managed a weak smile. “I have no idea.” Wanting to get away as quickly as possible, I mumbled something to Pastor Troyer about being finished downstairs, and without waiting for a response, I closed the door and practically sprinted out of the church. Why did I keep running into Jonathon? Though I doubted he would ever figure out who I was, every time I was near him, it felt as if that dirty ragamuffin I had once been was trying to break out. I dreaded being seen as that person even more than I feared losing my chance of locating Terrance Chase.

  I was almost to my car when I heard someone call my name. I turned around to see Jonathon bounding down the stairs of the church, headed right for me.

  “Going to a fire?” he called out.

  I shook my head as I put one hand on the car door. “Sorry. I didn’t want to intrude.”

  “To be honest, I was waiting for you. I’d stopped by to talk to Jacob about something, and he told me you were working in the basement. I’d started to wonder if you were ever coming upstairs.”

  “Waiting for me? Why?”

  He cleared his throat. “I wanted to ask you to dinner. I mean, unless Esther is expecting you.”

  The word no was in my mind and on the tip of my tongue. But for some reason, “That sounds nice,” came tumbling out. Have I lost my mind? Unfortunately, my mouth seemed to have a will of its own. As did something inside me that went haywire every time I saw Jonathon.

  “Great. How about The Oil Lamp? The Whistle Stop closes at four.”

  “All right.”

  “Good. Why don’t we both drive over there? That way, we can each go straight home after dinner.”

  “Sure. That makes sense.” I got into my car, trying to calm my trembling body.

  Jonathon stood there for a moment, staring at me. I looked away and waited. Finally, he got in his truck and began to drive down the street. I started my car and followed him, beating myself up for allowing this to happen. I turned on my affirmations CD and began to echo the words that felt so false to me now. What had happened to me from the time I’d entered this stupid town until now? Why was I falling apart? Was it because it reminded me of Kingdom? Or was it because of Jonathon? I felt as if I might be losing myself somehow, yet I didn’t know how to stop it.

  At the restaurant, I parked next to Jonathon’s truck and got out, still feeling overwhelmed and unsure. I followed him inside and was met by an attractive woman in jeans, a bright red sweater, and a colorful apron.

  “Hey, Jonathon,” she said with a smile. “Who’s your friend?”

  Jonathon introduced me to Randi Lindquist, the owner of The Oil Lamp. Unlike Mary and Rosey, who were soft-spoken, Randi was much more assertive.

  “Good to meet you,” she said loudly. “Got a table in the corner, if that will work for you.”

  “Sounds great,” Jonathon said. He motioned for me to go ahead of him, and I walked past several crowded tables, people greeting Jonathon just like they had at The Whistle Stop. He seemed very popular in Sanctuary.

  We’d just sat down when I noticed Janet walking toward us with the pretty red-haired woman I’d seen leaving the house this morning and the same little girl following behind her.

  “Just had to say hello,” Janet said to Jonathon.

  “Hi, Janet.” He stood to greet her. “This is my new friend, Emily McClure.”

  “We’ve met. Hello again.” She turned to the redhead standing next to her. “Emily, this is Sarah Miller and her niece, Cicely.”

  “I’m happy to meet you.”

  “Esther tells me you’re doing some research about your family,” Sarah said.

  “Yes, my grandmother, Clara, was Miriam Byler’s sister.”

  “Oh?” She smiled. “Miriam was a lovely lady. I met Clara a few times when she came to visit. She was very nice. I’m sorry you never got to meet them.”

  “I am, too.”

  “Just wanted to check about Saturday, Pastor,” Janet said. “What time do you want the food delivered to the community room? Same as always?”

  He nodded. “I’ll open the doors at four. We’ll eat at six. As you know, there’s not a lot of refrigerator space, so tell everyone who is bringing food that needs to be kept cold not to bring it any earlier than five. We’ll have the warming trays ready for hot food.”

  Janet moved her purse to her other shoulder. “As hard as we plan for these dinners, we still get surprised. The women in this town love to cook.” She smiled at Jonathon. “But we’ll get it figured out. We always do.”

  Sarah laughed. “It’s not just the women. I hear Evan Bakker is smoking a turkey and Abner Ingalls plans to bring his fabulous barbequed brisket.”

  “Oh goodness,” Jonathon said. “My mouth is already watering.”

  Sarah looked at me. “Sanctuary is full of great cooks. I hope you’ll be joining us on Saturday.”

  “Janet already asked me. I’m looking forward to it.”

  “Good,” Jonathon said. “I was going to ask you myself.”

  Janet raised an eyebrow and looked back and forth between Jonathon and me. I felt my face get hot. Small towns. Everyone had to stick their noses in everyone else’s business. By the end of the day, people would probably be gossiping about Jonathon and me. Not only would that be unfair to Jonathon, I didn’t need the attention.

  “We’re going to grab a table,” Janet said. “It was nice to see you again, Emily.”

  “And it was nice to meet you,” Sarah added. She turned to look at her niece, who smiled shyly at me.

  “Nice to meet you,” the girl said softly.

  “Nice to meet you, too.” When they walked away, I frowned at Jonathon. “I hope my having dinner with you hasn’t put you in an uncomfortable position.”

  His eyebrows shot up. “I don’t understand.”

  “I—I’m sure you don’t want people in your congregation thinking we’re on a date or something.”

  His bright blue eyes seemed to see inside me. “I’m not asking you to marry me, Emily. We’re just getting to know each other. I hope that’s okay with you.”

  “Of course. I—I just didn’t want to give anyone the wrong impression.”

  He smiled. “I appreciate your concern, but don’t worry about it. Besides, it wouldn’t bother me too much for people to think we’re on a date. I’m sure every man in this restaurant would be jealous of me.”

  I opened my mouth to respond, but nothing came out.

  Jonathon’s eyebrows arched again. “Have I embarrassed you? I’m sorry. It wasn’t my intention.”

  At that moment, I had no idea what to do or what to say. The man I’d loved since I was a child was flirting with me. But of course it wasn’t really me. It was someone else. Someone I was pretending to be. If it wasn’t so sad, it would be funny. What could I possibly do? What could I possibly say?

  “It—it’s okay,” I choked out. “You just . . . surprised me.”

  He shook his head. “I probably shouldn’t have teased you. I hope you’re not offended. It’s just . . .” He looked at me strangely. “Ever since I met you, I’ve had the weirdest feeling. Like I’ve met you before. I haven’t been able to shake it. I know it’s not possible because I’d certainly remember.”

  Fear made me pull myself together quickly. “I’ve never been to Sanctuary before this. We’ve never met. I must just remind you of someone.”

  At that moment, Randi walked up to our table and slapped down a couple of menus. “What do you two want to drink?”

  “Coffee,” we said at the same time.

  Jonathon grinned. “Great minds think alike, I guess.”

  “Either that or you’re both bored,” Randi said wryly.

  “Definitely not bored.” Jonathon snuck a look at me.

  Randi chuckled. “Wow. You’re sure full of surprises, Pastor.” She stared at me a moment before turning to leav
e.

  Things were spiraling out of control. I had to find a way to stop it. “Jonathon,” I said after Randi was out of earshot, “I—I may have misled you in some way. I have a boyfriend. And as I said, I’m not a . . . church person.”

  Jonathon’s expression stayed the same, but I noticed a spot of color on each cheek. The old Sophie was screaming at me, wondering if I’d gone crazy, but the new Sophie wasn’t ready to be hurt again. And I knew that was exactly what would happen unless I pulled in the reins and stopped this from going any further.

  “I’m sorry,” he said quickly. “Please forgive me if I’ve made you uncomfortable in any way.”

  “Nothing to forgive,” I said. “If things were different, I’d be very interested. But we’re just not a good match. You need someone who believes in God.”

  “Actually, I find that almost everyone believes in God. They just don’t think He believes in them.” His eyes sought mine. “But He does.”

  As he watched me, his eyes suddenly widened. I felt as if my heart actually skipped a beat.

  “I just realized who you look like. I should have figured it out sooner. I’ve only known one other person with amber eyes. A girl from my hometown. Her name was Sophie Wittenbauer.”

  Chapter

  Ten

  I couldn’t seem to swallow past the huge lump in my throat. All I could do was stare at Jonathon and hope he wouldn’t realize who I really was.

  “She’s someone I knew a long time ago,” he told me. “You remind me of her.”

  My lips felt numb, but I managed to ask, “A past girlfriend?”

  He quickly shook his head. “No. She was just a child. A lost child.” He picked up his menu and squinted at it. “I tried to help her, but I failed. I think about her a lot, wondering what happened to her.”

  Feeling as if he’d convinced himself I couldn’t possibly be the person he remembered, I found it a little easier to breathe. I picked up my menu, too, and began to look over the dinner offerings. “Maybe she turned out okay. You never know.”