by Toni Aleo
“So eager. He’s really in love.”
These two need to chill. I’m just now accepting I have feelings for Ally. Love. That’s a huge step in itself. I’ve never allowed myself to feel that for anyone, especially not Ally. It’s scary to realize that your person, your best friend, could be more. But I can’t stop thinking that, in an instant, I could lose not only my best friend, but more, if it goes sideways. My gut hurts, but I can’t let that hold me back. I need to go. I need to see her. I need her to help me figure this out.
I reach for another cupcake as my mom says, “Be sure you know what you’re doing, Asher.”
I look up at her. “What do you mean?”
“Taking it to the next level will change everything. Be ready to be all in because there is no other option. You can’t be friends with benefits. It’s either all or nothing.”
“Mom—”
“Ally isn’t Jasmine. Ally is already important to you. You don’t want to lose that.”
I feel as if I’m going to puke. “Are you trying to scare the shit out of me?”
She smiles sweetly. “Just being honest. If she goes to the next level with you, she will give you her whole heart. Are you ready to do the same?”
Am I? Shit, that’s terrifying. Fucking hell, I need to talk to Ally. “Can you take me now?”
Mom shares a look with her sister as if they know what I’m thinking and feeling, but she gets up. “Fine, fine. Let’s go.”
“Thank God,” I moan, but then my heart kicks up in speed.
I’m doing this.
Am I doing this?
I have no clue what I am doing.
Mom drops me off at Ally’s dorm, and when I see my car, my heart yearns.
“I miss you, Rocket,” I mutter as I head to the building. This no-driving shit is giving me anxiety. With my injury, Tony and Artie are very understanding. They’re giving me the week off to heal, but the thought makes me itch. I like working and keeping busy. I don’t need time off; I just need to be able to drive. Apparently, you can’t with one eye. Really, an unfair situation, but even so, I’d do it all over again for Ally. I don’t regret what I did. I know I didn’t think, I just reacted. But for her, it seemed natural.
As everyone has pointed out, that has to mean something.
I head up the stairs, ignoring the looks from Ally’s teammates. I’m sure pirates don’t hang out around the volleyball team. They may like guys without teeth, but eyes…they might want a guy with those. When I reach Ally and Angie’s room, the door is open. I don’t see her on her bed, so I knock as I look in. Angie is on her bed, her AirPods in as she writes in a notebook. She doesn’t hear me, so I knock again and call out her name.
I startle her, so I hold up my hand. “Sorry.”
She takes out an AirPod and waves at me. “Oh, hey.”
“Can I come in?”
She nods. “Of course.”
I walk toward her. “How are you doing?”
She shrugs. “Okay. I told my parents about it, and they’re demanding I come back home.”
I smile. “I wouldn’t expect anything less from the Paxtons. They love you.”
Her smile doesn’t reach her eyes. “Yeah, they’re also crazy overprotective, but it is what it is. I’m not going home. I’m staying here.”
“Good. Any word on the charges?”
“Actually, I spoke to my lawyer today, and he says he doesn’t think much will happen since Taco has lawyered up with the best and it’s his first offense. They’re gonna try to get him to do jail time, but they don’t think they’ll win. Gotta love our justice system. Money buys all.” That hurts my soul. Angie deserves justice. “I may end up leaving.”
I bring in my brows, confused. “I thought you said you were staying here?”
“Yeah, I don’t know. A spot opened up in the program I wanted in South Carolina. I’m thinking of transferring. I know it’s all still fresh and I may feel differently later, but I think I need to get away.”
I nod thoughtfully. “I get that. I came home when my fiancée turned out to be a lesbian. I hated that everything reminded me of her, that she didn’t want me.” As the words leave my lips, my stomach drops. All this could happen with Ally. It was tough to lose Jasmine, but losing Ally…that’s inconceivable. Again, the unknown—it’s a huge bitch. “A new start has been great for me.”
She smiles. “Thanks. I needed that.” I go to squeeze her arm, but she flinches quickly, and I stop midway. “Sorry, I’m—”
“No, please, don’t apologize,” I insist, flashing her a wide grin, and it doesn’t hurt my feelings. This situation isn’t something she can get over quickly. It’s gonna take some time, a whole lot of therapy, and probably a fresh start. I’d hate to see her leave, and I know Lucy and Benji will have a fit, but she’s gotta heal. She can’t do that in the place that reminds her of that asshole.
“The patch does wonders for your sex appeal,” she jokes then, and I scoff.
“Right? I’m about to pull so many girls.”
She snorts. “Please, there is only one girl you want.”
I’m so confused. “Huh?”
“Ally.”
Am I the only one who has been ignoring the idea of Ally and me together? I know I think about it and maybe fantasize, but holy shit, everyone else treats it like a done deal.
Why can’t I get on that level?
“Actually, do you happen to know where she is?”
She quirks her lips. “The gym. She came in pissy and needing to hit some balls.”
I grimace. “I am the reason she is pissy. And thanks, I’ll be protecting my balls.” She snorts, and I love the light in her eyes. “Thanks, Angie. Let me know if you need anything.”
“Will do. Good luck.”
I nod. “Thank you. I think I may need it.”
I head out, feeling good about Angie and me. I’m glad I didn’t do anything with her. She’s a great girl and she’s going to make someone really happy, but it isn’t me. It would have been a mistake, especially with how she suspected something between Ally and me.
What if she is right? What if Ally has always had my heart and I never knew? Jesus, I really need to speak to her. I need to know what the hell she is thinking, and maybe then things will make sense for me.
I make my way to the sports complex, cursing myself for not bringing a jacket. I’m freezing my balls off, which really doesn’t matter if Ally is as upset as I suspect she’ll be. It’s probably good my balls are numb, won’t hurt when she serves with them. I walk into the building, and I can hear the smack of a ball and then the sound of it bouncing on the gym floor. I head for the side door, surprised no one is around. When I was here the other day, everyone was here, working out, and it was difficult for me to work.
I reach for the door to the gym itself and pull it open. When I step inside, Ally is bouncing the ball on the floor. It’s like déjà vu. We’ve been here, and maybe I should have read into her actions earlier. Ally didn’t call me because she was mad that I didn’t want her going out with Taco; she didn’t call because she was jealous of Angie. She looks over at me, and she narrows her eyes. Man, there is fire in those green depths. I lick my lips as I head onto the court. She’s on the other side of the net, and when she serves, I pause as the ball whooshes by my head.
“What the hell? As much as I love being a pirate, I don’t want to wear two eye patches.”
She reaches for another ball. “What do you want, fuckboy?”
I throw up my hands. “Well, that’s rude.”
“Oh, is it?” she asks, serving the ball once more, almost hitting me. “If the shoe fits, buddy.”
“What the hell are you talking about?”
She slams her fist into the ball, glaring at me. “I put myself out there, and what do you do? Ghost me. How do you think that makes me feel?”
I scrunch up my face. “I didn’t mean to make you feel any of that. I’m confused—”
“Classic fuckboy excu
se!” she yells, and now she jump serves, which makes the ball even harder and faster as it flies by my head. She’s going to kill me. “Why did you even kiss me back? You should have just pushed me away or something.”
I balk at her comment. “Push you away? You must have not kissed yourself.” She gives me a blank look, and I shrug. “I’m nervous as fuck, Ally. Cut me some slack. This is all new territory we’re going into.”
“Whatever. Just go. I’m good.”
“No way,” I say, taking a step toward her. “We’re gonna talk this out.”
“What for? It’s obvious you aren’t into me—”
“Who said that?”
“Your actions!” She crashes her fist into the ball once more, and it bounces above her head. “I’m so fucking confused. You’re not violent, you’re easygoing, but you fought a guy for me. I thought that meant you were into me the way I’m into you, and so I kiss you and get ready for Jesus since he’s coming home because it was the best kiss of my life, and then you ghost me! So please, explain to me how any of that means you are into me?”
I swallow hard as my heart pounds so hard, I feel it in my neck. I have no clue what to say or even do, but I gotta say something. “I never meant to make you feel like that, Ally.”
“Well, you did,” she says simply. “Can you just leave me be?”
“No,” I say, coming up to the net. Hopefully, it’ll block her angry serves. “I want to know when your feelings changed.”
“It doesn’t matter,” she says, smacking her fist into the ball.
“It does. I want to know.”
She looks away, and I can see the tears gathering in her eyes. “When you were sixteen.”
Man. Whoa. Okay. “Wow, cradle robber, huh?” She flashes me a dark look. “Sorry, I say stupid things when I’m nervous.”
“Why are you nervous?”
“Because it’s you, Ally,” I say, staring at her in shock. “My best friend is admitting to having feelings for me since she was sixteen. That makes me feel stupid.”
“How?”
“Because I’ve always had this attraction to you,” I admit. “Don’t you remember, I tried to kiss you at prom?”
She looks back down at the floor. “I didn’t want a relationship at that time. And I knew, with you, it wouldn’t be just a roll in the sack—it would be forever. You were only eighteen, and I didn’t want to tie you down like that.”
It’s like she’s kicked me in the chest. If she had kissed me then, Jasmine wouldn’t have happened. “I thought you weren’t into me.”
She toes the gym floor, making a squeaking noise. “I was. I really was, but I was young and scared. I didn’t understand those feelings, and hell, I still don’t. But when you became a pirate for me and said why so beautifully, as if I was the only one you would fight for, I couldn’t hide my feelings anymore. I couldn’t resist you anymore. So, I acted.” She wipes her cheek, and my stomach drops. “But now I know that was a mistake.”
“How so?”
She meets my gaze. “Because it’s weird now. We don’t know how to act, and we don’t know what to do. It’s obvious.”
“What do you want to do?”
Her lips tremble as she throws the ball in the basket. “I don’t want to answer that.”
“Why?” I ask as she starts for me. I brace for impact, but she stops right in front of the net, meeting my gaze. “You can tell me anything, Ally.”
Her eyes search mine as she inhales deeply, letting it out through her nose. “I want to give us a chance.” She might as well have spiked a ball in my face, jump served it in my chest, and kicked me in the balls instead of saying what she did. I knew she felt things for me, but wanting to be with me? I hadn’t considered that. I thought she just wanted sex. I never have allowed myself to think this way. Damn it. “You can be attracted to me but not want to be with me. It’s okay. I can handle it.”
I blink, then narrow my eyes. Without really thinking, I take her by her shirt and pull her to me. Her body is flush with mine, her hands to my chest as I hold her hips. Her eyes widen as I stare at her through the net. I should move it, but I’m stunned by her eyes. They’re pleading with me to want her back, and she doesn’t have to plead for anything. She takes in a shaky breath, and I’m stunned to silence. She’s so beautiful, and I’ve always known this. Always. But it’s like I’m seeing her in a whole different light. A blinding light that is driving me into an asylum, but I can’t look away.
“I’m scared, Ally,” I admit, and I know I can because she is my best friend. Was. Is? My girlfriend? No. Wait, that’s crazy. What is happening?
She slowly nods. “Me too.”
Oh, well, that makes me feel better. Kinda. Not really. I let out a shaky breath. “There is this line and I want to cross it, but I’m terrified to lose you.”
“I know. It’s the same for me.”
“But I also can’t resist you.”
Her eyes snap back up at me, and I hold my breath. She turns up her lips as she asks, “No?”
“Fuck no,” I mutter before I pull her close and press my lips to hers through the net. It’s awkward and probably not sanitary, but I can’t think straight.
I don’t care.
I just want to kiss her.
Chapter Eighteen
Ally
Oh. Oh my.
Before the kiss deepens, Asher draws back and lifts the net to pull me closer to him. I’ll admit, I never thought of being kissed through a volleyball net. But now that I have been, I have to say, it was pretty damn romantic and belongs in all the movies and books. Asher snakes his arm around my waist before tugging me against him; his eye searches mine, and I swallow hard.
“So, we’re doing this?”
“I want to,” I say, dragging my hand up his neck.
“You sure you want to cross that line?”
I stroke my hand along his jaw and then my thumb along his bottom lip. His intake of breath could bring me to my knees if he weren’t holding me up. There is no other option; I want to cross that line and dance on the other side. With him. “I do. What about you?”
He doesn’t even answer, but I can see the battle in his eye. A noise rumbles in his throat before he captures my mouth once more, and holy shit, that’s hot. He holds me close with one hand as his other slides down over my ass to the hem of my shorts. He slides his fingers along the inside of the back of my thigh, and I groan in his mouth.
He pulls away and shakes his head. “You better stop that,” he says against my mouth, running his tongue along my bottom lip. “I have spent years acting as if I didn’t want you, Ally T. Unless you want me to take you to the nearest flat surface and have my way with you, I suggest you stop.”
I move my tongue along his, my eyes burning into his. “I want that.”
He looks scared. “Yeah?”
“Yeah, wanting you has kept me up many nights.”
He lets out a whistle. “Holy shit, we’re playing with fire, Ally T.”
I move my lips over his. I know we are. I know all this can go up in flames, but that’s a risk I have to take. I need to take. Nothing can hold me back anymore. I want him, and I want him desperately. The best part is I don’t have to wait. I don’t have to get to know him. I know him, I know his faults, and I’m about to learn the rest of him. His eye is so dark, and what the patch means turns me on even more. His fingers bite into my skin as he fights back his desire to drag me to the nearest flat surface. I’ve only seen sweet Asher, kind Asher, and geeky Asher. Never have I experienced sexy, hot, want to take me to bed Asher.
I don’t know if I’ll be able to handle him, but I am excited to try.
I feel myself trembling as I move my lips to his. Against them, I whisper, “Burn me, Ash B.”
He takes in a deep breath and then lifts me in his arms. I wrap my legs around his waist, and he holds me by my ass. I’m not sure what he is about to do, but the thrill is overwhelming. His hands are trembling, and suddenly, the mos
t beautiful grin comes over his face. “I’m shaking.”
I grin against his lips. “Me too.”
“I can hardly see you.”
I snort. “You don’t have your contact in?”
He shakes his head. “No, and that bastard broke my glasses.”
“So rude.”
“I know.” He leans in, kissing my top lip. “I know I said this before, but for real, I’d do it again, just to kiss you.”
“Well, guess what,” I say against his lips. “You don’t have to. I’m yours.”
He is surprised by my truth, and I realize I just threw all my cards out there on the table—but fuck it, let’s go. I don’t give him a chance to say anything else; I press my lips to his, and he melts into my kiss. Just the way I want him to.
“And you’re sure?”
I search his eye. He seems terrified. “I am. Are you?”
He swallows hard, and I can tell he isn’t sure at all. I know he’s cautious, but come on, dude, take what you want.
I.e.—me.
“I don’t want to lose you.”
“You won’t.”
“You don’t know that. We could only be good as friends.”
“But what if we’re great as both?” I ask, gliding my thumb along his lip. “I don’t want to convince you to do this, Asher. If you don’t want to—”
“Oh no, I want to, Ally. For real,” he says, capturing my hand and bringing it between us. When he places my palm against his hard cock, my heart jumps into my throat. “But he doesn’t think. He wants you, all of you, and he’d take you. Even my mind is like ‘Hell yeah. Get it, boy.’ But my heart, it knows that if this goes bad and I lose you, I wouldn’t know what to do.”
“My heart, my pussy, and my brain are all in this.”
He swallows hard. “Because you have thought of me that way. I wouldn’t let myself… I couldn’t think that way because it freaked me out.”
“I know,” I say, stroking his jaw, but he doesn’t look convinced. “I am worried too, Asher, and I hear you. I’ve gone over and over this in my head for years, and it’s kept me from ever making a move on you. But when you became a pirate for me, even though it’s only temporary, I realized it’s worth the risk to see if this can be what I’ve always wanted. I guess you need to decide if I’m worth the risk for you.”
