by Lavinia Kent
And he could determine if the dark fantasies that had begun to fill his mind could possibly be true. Could he reveal himself to Bliss, reveal his whole self?
His hand rose and brushed through tangled curls as he considered how good they would be together. She fulfilled every fantasy he’d ever had and then some. For years now he’d known that she was the wife for him, but only now did he understand how surely his instincts had led him. He’d always believed that he’d have to separate his desire for his wife and the coarser desires that ran through him. With Bliss he began to wonder if that was completely true. He would probably never wish to show her the true depths he had sometimes played with, but it had been a long time since he’d gotten much pleasure from extreme play.
He’d have to go gently—and they would probably not travel far along the road. But a single kiss with her was far better than any fuck he’d ever had. He might still need control, might still wish to play, but they could find a happy medium, one that would leave him wanting no other.
Which brought him back to his plan.
So how was he to go about finding her the right men to be husband material and yet to ensure that none of them were a better choice than himself? Not that he had doubt on that count. He was as right for Bliss as she was for him.
The only true issue might be her lack of desire for a title. He had to admit that he could well understand her lack of aspiration to be a countess. He found great satisfaction in being an earl, in caring for his tenants and his lands, but it was a great deal of work and he would never pretend that it was not. There were other men who ignored their responsibilities and merely enjoyed their privileges. That had never been his nature, and despite her espoused wildness he did not believe it was Bliss’s either. When she was his countess she would take her duties as seriously as did he.
“You’re looking a strange mixture of glum and gleeful,” Swanston said as he strode into the library.
Duldon peered over his shoulder. There was no sign of his porter. “Sneaking in again, are you?”
“I do get tired of all the fuss. But no, I merely told your man that I could see myself in.”
Duldon stared at his friend, showing no expression.
Swanston chuckled. “Fine, I commanded the man to find something else to do.”
“That sounds more like you. I would chide my servants for obeying orders other than my own, but I do know how you like to command—and how well you do it.”
“I am training to be a duke.”
They both knew that had nothing to do with Swanston’s desire to dominate. “I will make no comment. You can fetch yourself a brandy then, if you so desire.” He waved to the decanter and glasses on the sideboard. “If you will dismiss my servants you must take care of yourself.”
“Ever the gracious host.”
“As gracious as my guest.”
Swanston walked over and poured himself a good measure. He held the glass up to Duldon in question.
Duldon shook his head. He needed clear wits if he was going to figure out how to handle Bliss and her antipathy to marriage.
Swanston took his drink and then settled into a chair across from Duldon. He swung his feet up in duplicative action. “So why did you wish to see me? A footman mentioned you’d stopped by earlier and so I decided to call. I imagine it’s about my sister and that sliver of land you wish as a dowry.”
“Yes.” They both knew that the land was only an excuse, but it was a much more comfortable reason between the two men than the truth. Duldon well understood that no man wished to think of his sister and a good bedding in the same moment, particularly not men of their tastes.
“You are rarely verbose, but that degree of brevity will not get you the answers you wish.” Swanston took a large swallow of the brandy.
“Does your sister dislike children? She got the strangest expression when I mentioned them to her the other day.”
“Not as brief, but very direct. She doesn’t, at least, not that I’ve ever seen. When our oldest sister, Anne, visits she loves to play with the young ones. And she is always sending them trinkets and gifts. I’ve never seen any sign that she finds the task unpleasant. And they love and adore her. When she is with them she acts like another playmate. I’ve known her to let them tie her to a tree in the garden when playing pirates. I did have to insist that she not let them strip her to her shift. I’ve no idea why they felt that was a necessary part of the game, but the garden lads were finding it much too distracting.”
Duldon imagined it was. It was a good thing he had not been around at the time or he might have felt a great desire to pass out some punishment. “I believe you, and yet there was something. I though perhaps that was why she is not eager for marriage.”
“It is true a fear of childbirth is common. And our mother did not have an easy time with pregnancy. She was sick for months and that is not to mention the two stillbirths. Bliss was quite young at the time and I can see that she might find the whole matter frightening.”
Duldon stared up at the ceiling and considered. “That might explain some of it, but I am not sure it is that simple.”
“I think you are overreacting. I am sure that if Bliss does fear something you will figure it out and correct the matter.”
“Perhaps.” Duldon did not feel convinced. “I do wish I understood what was holding her back.”
Swanston smirked. “Perhaps she is afraid of the marriage bed. Our society tells women much of its horrors and little of its pleasures.”
Duldon had to resist rolling his eyes. “Do you know your sister at all?”
Swanston shrugged and took another sip of brandy. “I would admit that Bliss has never seemed shy. I know she used to peek at us boys when we swam. I always meant to scold her for it, but…”
Duldon had the feeling there had been a lot of “buts” in Bliss’s life. “No, I do not think she fears the marriage bed. For some reason she is simply opposed to marriage—and particularly marriage with me, although none of the reasons she gives make sense.”
“Does she need a reason to dislike you?” Swanston was almost laughing.
“She doesn’t seem to dislike me, just the thought of marriage to me—and she truly doesn’t seem that eager to wed anyone.”
Swanston’s smile stilled. “You are right about that. You would have thought I was asking her to walk over hot coals when I told her I wished her to marry you, but she didn’t seem much happier when I gave her the out of finding her own husband. Perhaps she does wish to avoid children. I will have to give the matter some thought. Perhaps I will have Louisa talk to her.”
It might not be a bad idea to have Louisa talk to Bliss, although perhaps about more than childbirth. Louisa seemed to be a quite satisfied wife. A sudden thought took him. He’d never heard Swanston talk of women and children in such a manner. “And what of Louisa? Does she have this desire for children?”
Swanston’s face grew flush with color. “Of course.”
“And have you done anything about that desire?”
An even deeper flush.
Duldon laughed. “And when is the happy date?”
“Blast you. Sometime early next year I expect. But please do not tell anyone. Louisa wishes to wait to pass on our happy news.”
“I will be discreet.” Duldon could not help the smile that formed upon his lips. A year ago he would never have believed he would see Swanston like this.
Now if only he could solve the problem of why Bliss was so opposed to marriage—and marriage to him.
—
Why had she let Duldon touch her in that manner? Bliss dropped her head as she considered. Why had she ever even agreed to go with him into a brothel? Well, the second question was unfair. It wasn’t as if she’d needed any persuading. He’d been the one opposed to the idea. No, she couldn’t blame him for that; she could only blame herself, and her curiosity. And Lady Ormande. What had the Countess been thinking? Granted, Bliss could not say she was sorry she’d gone. It
had been most enlightening.
In fact, she wished she could go again, if she was completely honest. There were definitely more questions she’d like answered, more things she would like to see.
No, it was the touching she didn’t understand. Why had she let that happen?
Not once had she asked him to stop.
She’d barely moved away from his touch.
Blast. Blast. Blast.
She’d spent years trying not to think of Duldon in this manner, trying not to think of him as anything but dull, and now it seemed that her mind could not be controlled.
She had enjoyed his touch, reveled in it. It made her want to know how much more was possible. What would it be like if he’d suckled her breast like he’d wanted to? And what would it be like if he’d used his mouth on her like Lord Banks had on Julianna? And what if she used her mouth on him?
“What on earth are you thinking, Bliss? You almost walked into a tree,” Angela’s voice cut through her thoughts.
Bliss’s head jerked up.
She was in the park. She was taking a walk with her friend. They might even go feed the ducks.
Angela continued, “I’ve never seen you like this. You frequently drift off in conversation, but I’ve never seen you look like you didn’t know where you were.”
And she hadn’t. For the last few minutes she’d been at Madame Rouge’s, not strolling on a sunny afternoon. She shook her head. “I am sorry. I am distracted by this whole matter of marriage and trying to understand why Lady Perse did not give me an invitation.”
“I suppose I can see how that would be distracting. I always thought that Lady Perse liked you. I would have thought you would be among the first to receive an invitation.”
Bliss refrained from snapping that Angela’s words did nothing to help the situation. “I am trying not to think of that. Perhaps she thinks I do not need her help. She is Duldon’s aunt. Perhaps he has broken his promise to not discuss the possibility of marriage between us until the end of the season. If she knew he wished to marry me she might not wish to assist me in finding another husband.”
“That must be it.”
“Only last night he promised he would help me find a husband, so perhaps now she will issue me an invite. I know it is rare for her to give out later invitations, but it has happened. I know that when she found out the Robbinet girl was already engaged she asked someone else.”
Angela nodded. “That would make sense. Should we go ask her? I believe that we passed her a few minutes ago. She was with her maid. I think she was throwing crumbs to the ducks. And we have bread.” Angela held up the bag.
Bliss was tempted to say yes, just because she could not imagine Lady Perse feeding the ducks and it would be worth the effort to see such a sight. However, she said, “I am not sure that would be wise. She may not have spoken to Duldon yet and I would hate to cause her any embarrassment.” And Bliss certainly didn’t want to face such embarrassment herself.
“Oh, you may be right. Now tell me, when did you see Duldon last night? I thought you were home with a headache. Did he call on you? If I’d known you were well enough for callers I might have persuaded Mother to let me visit you instead of attending the Penssils’ musicale evening. I can tell you that I certainly had a headache by the end of it.”
“Oh, did Sarah Swilp play the harp?” Please let the question distract Angela. Bliss had no desire to discuss just when she had seen Duldon. It had been a slip of the tongue to have mentioned him at all.
“Oh yes. Two pieces. I believe that several men were crying by the end—and not with joy. I don’t know why she is always asked to play.”
“I am just as glad to have missed it then. I do hate having to think of a compliment for her at the end. I believe last time I told her that I had never heard such an interpretation of the piece.”
“And the time before that you told her that her harp had one of the most unusual tones you had ever heard.”
“Yes, that is right. And she always takes it as the greatest compliment.”
“You are lucky to have missed it. Now, how did you recover so quickly? My mother made it sound as if you were about to drop dead from the pain in your head.”
Perhaps she had oversold her illness a little. “I am sure she heard that from my father. You know he does tend to exaggerate everything.”
“When he bothers to pay attention to you at all. Do you remember the time you broke your arm and he told you to lie down until it felt better?”
Bliss shuddered at the thought. “I believe he was waiting for several litters of rabbits to be born. He wanted to see if he had succeeded in breeding ones with even longer ears. Luckily the housekeeper sent for the surgeon anyway.”
“Who would want longer-eared rabbits? I do believe their ears are quite long enough.”
Bliss smiled and nodded. At least Angela had been distracted from her questions about Duldon. It was almost worth reliving the broken arm to escape that conversation. What would she have said? Oh, after he rubbed his fingers back and forth between my legs, pinched my nipples until I almost screamed, and left me shuddering with ecstasy, he agreed to help me find a husband? No, she didn’t think that would have gone over well. And despite her mistruth on the subject of her headache she didn’t like to lie to her friends. And she hadn’t even strictly told a lie about the headache. She’d merely told her father that she was worried she might be getting one. She’d never actually said that she had one.
Not that any of it mattered. She’d never been one for cutting hairs. “I must agree with you. A floppy-eared bunny is cute, but I don’t think longer ears make them any better. Are you going to tell me more about the musicale?”
That had been a mistake. Angela’s eyes narrowed. “You’re doing it again. Trying to distract me. Where exactly did you see Duldon last night?” she asked.
“He took me out to try and prove that he was not quite so dull. I set him on an adventure, rather like a quest. I wanted him to prove that I could trust him.” Unless she was willing to lie outright to her friend there was no way to avoid telling at least part of the truth.
“An adventure? I love adventures. Did he race his curricle? I’ve always loved fast horses, and despite being a dull man Duldon does have the most beautiful matched bays.”
His horses were quite something. There was no denying that. Again the temptation to lie came upon her and she shoved it down. “No, no races. He took me to a men’s club. I snuck in.” Bliss could only hope that Angela would make the same mistake she had and would not ask further questions about the nature of the club.
“Duldon snuck you into a men’s club? That does not seem at all like him.”
“I would admit that it does not sound much like the man that I thought I knew, pretended I knew, but I am starting to reconsider. He is not at all as bad as I expected.” That was at least honest—or mostly so. It was clear that even in her mind she could no longer pretend that Duldon was boring.
“That sounds like you are warming toward him. Are you considering marriage then? It would make everything so much simpler if you simply wed him. Then you would not have to go against your brother and it would not matter that Lady Perse did not like you.”
“Let us not talk of Lady Perse. She is Duldon’s aunt by marriage and as his mother died when he was quite young I believe they are close. If she has taken a dislike of me it will only bring trouble—although I am hopeful she will change her mind once Duldon talks to her. But, to get to the more important point, no, I am not actually reconsidering Duldon’s proposal. I still do not believe he is the husband for me. I want somebody more controllable and he has not yet persuaded me that is the case. No, he is not for me.”
“You do not sound as convinced. Did he try to kiss you?”
“No, he did not kiss me last night.” That was true, even if it left out the previous kiss in the library and did not even begin to explain all those things he had done that would be far beyond Angela’s imagination.
>
“I suppose that would have been too much even for this new Duldon that you speak of. He always has been such a stickler for high morals.”
Bliss could still feel his fingers thrusting between her legs, feel the ache coiling within her. “I’ve never quite thought of him that way. It was more that I didn’t think he was interested in things like kissing”—memories of all the things they’d used the term “kissing” to cover filled her—“than that I thought he disapproved.”
“If you say so.” Angela did not sound convinced. “And did you say that he was going to help you find a husband? Why would he do that?”
“I have no idea. Although I do believe he still hopes to persuade me that he is the best man for the position.” Lifting her head, Bliss found that she was being stared at. Lord Temple stood a bit down the path, his gaze firmly fastened upon her. His eyes ran from her ankles, barely visible beneath the hem of her skirts, up to her bosom and then on to her face. He seemed quite lost in contemplation as he raised his long fingers to his lips.
She turned back to Angela, pretending not to notice. He was probably lost in thought and not thinking about her at all.
Before she could say anything Angela spoke up. “Oh, there’s Lord Temple. Do you suppose we should greet him? He did seem quite taken with you the other night at the Evanstons’ ball. Perhaps he should be on your list of possible mates.”
Bliss opened her mouth to answer, but Angela had already turned and was hurrying up the path toward Lord Temple. Giving an inward sigh, Bliss had no choice but to follow. She could only hope that Angela was wrong about his interest. He’d never impressed her as a man she would want to marry. Still, perhaps she needed a more open mind. Perhaps Lord Temple was different than she’d always thought him to be.
Pasting a determined smile upon her face, she strode up the path.
“It is good to see you, Miss Timms and Lady Bliss. I do hope you are recovered from last night.” Lord Temple took a step toward them.
