I quickly remove as much of the mascara below my eyes as I can and stare at my hair. It’s knotted and sticking up, as though I’ve rubbed it on the side of a balloon. I don’t remember rubbing my head into the mattress, but well, I was preoccupied. Good Lord, I’ve never felt that good before. My body still hums from what Zach did to me. No wonder the ladies like him.
Gack! I hate thinking of him with other women. What if he goes right back to doing what he’s always done, hooking up and calling me Pipsqueak? How will I deal with it? I brace my hands on the counter and take a deep breath. This is exactly why I’m leaving before I’m forced to face truths too difficult to contemplate in my lovesick state.
I hobble out of the bathroom, my shoes and purse in hand. There’s no way I can walk in heels with my toe twice its normal size. Plus, I’m in stealth mode. I don’t need noisy heels waking Zach.
He’s in the same exact position he was when I left the bed. He hasn’t moved, his muscled leg peeking out from under the blanket. My chest tightens.
I hate leaving him, but I can’t suppress the fear he might regret last night, or worse, treat me like any other woman he’s slept with. I couldn’t handle that.
What if our night together ruined everything?
*
Zach
I blink away sleep.
Something isn’t right. Staring at the closet door, I try to figure out what feels off…
I sit up abruptly and glance at the empty spot beside me. “Nessa?” I call.
No answer. I leap out of bed and pull on gym shorts. I stride across the bedroom and nudge the bathroom door open the rest of the way. She’s not there, and neither are the clothes she folded and placed with her purse.
I walk down the hallway, my heart racing. My limbs are like liquid, serene and calm, while my chest is tight and anxious. I’ve never felt so conflicted after a night with a woman. But then, this isn’t just any woman. It’s Nessa. And she’s not where I left her.
She’s not in the kitchen or the living room, and the chain isn’t on the front door. I never forget to attach the chain before I go to bed. Though I wasn’t exactly thinking of burglars last night. There are a lot of things I forgot last night. Like my promise to never go there with Nessa.
But I went there anyway.
And it was amazing.
I knew I’d been cheapening myself with Alexis and the women I slept with afterward to cleanse myself of the guilt, but nothing prepared me for making love to Nessa. She would never use me, and I held nothing back. Because with this girl, I am myself.
Since the day I lost my virginity to Alexis, sex with women has never been serious. With Nessa, there was none of that crap. I care so much about her, and now that we’ve crossed the line, I’m not letting go.
I’m also about to go out of my mind if I don’t figure out where she went. Not a fan of her running out on me.
I scan the living room and storm toward the sliding glass door, peering out. The hot tub is uncovered. The bubbles shut down after a certain amount of time, but the light is still on. I didn’t even shut the sliding glass door all the way when I carried Nessa inside. That’s how much of a rush I was in to get her to my bed.
I open the slider and walk out in my shorts, the crisp morning air and cool deck chilling my feet and skin. I shut everything down and spy Nessa’s panties and bra by the hot tub.
I smile and walk over to pick them up. They’re sexy as hell, and I would have liked to see her in them, but not as much as I enjoyed seeing her out of them. I wring them out and set them along with my swim trunks across a chair to dry, and go back inside. Nessa didn’t even stop to grab her underwear before she left. Was she upset?
We were plastered against each other all night. I know, because I woke a few times and watched her sleep, until exhaustion stole my ability to creeper-stare at the beautiful girl next to me.
How could she leave without saying goodbye? If she thinks we’re going back to only being friends, she’s mistaken. And I’m going to show her how wrong she is. Just as soon as I find her. Think I’ll enjoy proving how well we fit together.
I don’t know why I fought things between us for so long, but I’m finished with all that. I may not have planned this, but I’ll do whatever it takes to make her happy. Nessa deserves everything.
I check the time. Eight. She couldn’t have been gone long, because the last time I woke it was five in the morning, and she was sound asleep. I’d rolled over and tucked her sexy little body up against mine. Took all my strength not to wake her too.
My lips twitch into a smile. I’m striding toward my bedroom, preparing to take a shower and hunt her down, when a loud knock sounds at the front door. Thinking it’s her and that she’s returned, I swing the door open with that ridiculous grin plastered to my face.
A whoosh of disappointment washes over me. “What’s up, Dad?”
“Someone had a late night.” He brushes past me and heads into the kitchen.
My father is average height, with broad shoulders and a few extra pounds, thanks to all the casino comps he gets. But he’s a good-looking older dude, or so I’ve been told.
I hover near the door. This better not take long. Can’t leave things the way they are with Nessa running off like that. Did I upset her somehow? Maybe I’ll swing by Muffin Top and grab bagels and coffee on my way to her place.
“What do you have to drink around here?” my dad asks as he opens and closes cupboard doors.
“There’s orange juice in the fridge and some milk.”
Dad grabs the orange juice, frowning. He zeros in on the cupboard above the fridge and finds the vodka I keep there.
“Dad, I’ve got somewhere to be. Can we catch up later?”
He raises an eyebrow, and I sigh. When my dad digs in his heels, there’s no budging him. I walk toward the kitchen and sink into the chair at the peninsula.
“What have you been up to?” He pours orange juice in a tumbler and adds a heavy splash of Absolut. He raises the glass to me and quirks his brow. I shake my head.
“Work. And work. More work.”
“Can’t only be work.” He glances around, his gaze narrowing on my swim trunks and Nessa’s panties on the chair outside. “Who’s the girl that left this morning?”
Leave it to my father’s powers of observation, honed by years of gambling, to scope out the incriminating items lying around. “How do you know she left this morning?”
“You’ve got a fire lit under your ass, and you’re”—he raises his hand and gestures at the side of his face—“peaked.”
“Seriously, you’re going there? Dad, I don’t want to talk about my personal life. We’ve never discussed it. No need to start now.”
He hands me a glass of orange juice, sans vodka. “Well, maybe we should. You still spending time with Alexis? What’s she up to?”
Fuck. I do not want to talk about Alexis. Not while I’m still high on Nessa.
Sometimes I wonder how much my dad suspects about my past with Alexis. “I don’t know what she’s up to. I don’t keep tabs.”
As far as I’m concerned, whatever Alexis and I had is over. And I plan to tell her so as soon as possible.
“Too bad—she’s got a hot little body on her.”
Now he’s just goading me. I don’t for one minute think my dad is after Alexis. She might be physically attractive, but I can’t see that anymore. All I see is what she’s like on the inside—something my dad saw years ago when he warned my mom about being friends with her.
“If Alexis is so great, why don’t you keep in touch with her?” I snap, and grab the glass he filled for me.
“Out of my league. She likes ’em young.”
I choke on my juice. Fuck.
Dad slams back his screwdriver. “Well, I’m outta here. Got an appointment in Reno. Go find your girl.” He winks.
“Try not to lose your shirt. Luck doesn’t last forever.”
“Bite your tongue. It’s lasted me six years and
counting. And it ain’t luck, it’s skill.”
He walks out and I drop my head into my hands.
No doubt there’s skill, but my dad has had his share of bad runs that almost put us in the poorhouse when I was in high school. Back then I had a part-time job in the afternoons and on weekends. I couldn’t add more hours without dropping out of school, and I wasn’t about to do that. I’m no genius, but I knew I needed a diploma to get anywhere. Thank God my dad’s shit-streak didn’t last long. He had more faith than I did, and won some big hands at the blackjack tables while rubbing shoulders with Alexis’s ex-husband.
Alexis divorced her husband when I was in high school—and took a good portion of his cash when she did. Now she plays the tables as often as my dad. She’s smart, though. She gambles other people’s money and lives off her cushy alimony payments. Alexis used to tell me I was the most important person in her life. It didn’t bother me that she dated other men. I thought we had something special, and I was pleased as punch to be called her favorite. That shows how young and stupid I was when our affair began.
Now, I don’t give a shit. I’m so sick of whatever it is we’ve been doing. Literally sick. The sneaking around, the crap she tells me to keep me strung along… I’m over it. What I want is so clear now. And this time, I’m reaching for it.
I shower off the filth that thinking about Alexis leaves on my skin, and dress quickly, my need to find Nessa and ensure everything is okay stronger than ever. But because this has been a hell of a morning, Alexis walks in the front door as I’m tucking my wallet in the back pocket of my jeans.
And it’s my fault, because I stupidly gave her a key to the place years ago.
There goes what’s left of my Nessa high—the beautiful feeling she infused into me last night with her gorgeous soul, taunting mouth, and incredible body. All of that lingering goodness gone the moment Alexis arrives.
“Hello, darling.” She closes the door and walks up, wrapping her arms around my waist.
I ease her back, but she’s got me in an arm lock. “What do you need, Alexis?”
She glances at me incredulously. “Is that any way to welcome your lover? What’s gotten into you lately?” She finally steps away, probably because I’m still pushing her back.
I walk to the sofa and take a seat. Because we need to have this out. I won’t put it off any longer. Everything has changed. Well, it’s been changing for a while, but now I want it finalized. No way am I risking things with Nessa because of Alexis.
“Look, there were feelings in the beginning.” I clasp my hands between my knees. “Or at least I think there were. I was young…”
She pouts and slides next to me, running her hand down my chest. I push it away and shift gears. Alexis is too aggressive to let down easily. “I’m not interested in a relationship with you anymore. We’ve both grown and changed. I should have ended things years ago. I want to end it now, and I’d appreciate my house key back.”
Her expression is frozen for a split second, a hint of real fear in her eyes. Then she huffs out a breath. “You can’t be serious.”
“I couldn’t be more serious. I wish you the best.” I stand and step toward the door, hoping she’ll get the hint.
I’d tell her she’ll make someone happy someday, but I don’t believe it after what she’s put me through. Alexis is conniving, backstabbing—an all-around miserable person. I hadn’t realized it until I finally came up for air. With Nessa.
The moment I kissed Nessa, my fucked-up world righted itself. This was how it was supposed to be. Not the cold, warped thing I’d had with Alexis, or anyone else.
“Of course we’ll see each other. You don’t cut ties like the ones we have.” She follows me toward the door and tries to touch me again.
I grab her wrist before she makes contact, and ease it to her side. “You and I have never been together. Not like that. And no, we won’t see each other again. I’ve moved on.”
Her gaze narrows. “With who?” There’s a hard edge to her tone, and I wish I hadn’t said anything.
“No one for you to concern yourself with. I’m sure you want me to be happy.” I don’t think she gives a fuck about my happiness, but I’m trying to subtly convince her to take the high road.
“Darling, we can at least be friends, can’t we?” Her words are sweet, almost warm, but I know better. She’ll use any means to sink her claws into me—to make me think she cares when she really only cares for herself.
More important, I don’t care for her anymore. “No. We can’t.”
She crosses her arms over her chest. “This is ridiculous. What does this little bitch have on you? Don’t tell me she won’t share. We both know you’re not the commitment type.”
I haven’t been, but that doesn’t mean I can’t be. The hookups I’ve had, in between nights with Alexis, were all a means to cleanse the filth, yet they left their own inky stain. I didn’t care for those girls, other than wanting to make sure they had a good time and got home safely. There’s never been anyone I’ve wanted to commit to, until Nessa.
There’s no way I’m sharing Nessa. Wouldn’t even consider it.
And if Nessa will have me, I’m all in.
Chapter Five
[I pull up to Nessa’s apartment around ten, after shoving Alexis out the door. I told her to mind her own damn business and stay away after she probed into who I was dating. I practically had to pry the key to my house out of her hand, but I got it back. If I hadn’t, I would have paid to have the locks changed.
Ironically, in the three years since I bought the place, this morning was the first time Alexis has ever used the key. And it will be the last.
I made a quick run to Muffin Top to pick up two lattes and some pastries, hoping to share a late breakfast with Nessa. Despite my unwelcome visitors, it’s still early enough that I might catch her at home. Where we can talk… and define things. Because I don’t like the way she ran out without saying goodbye. Left a bad feeling in my gut.
I knock on the front door of her apartment, and her roommate answers. “Hey, Teresa. Nessa around?”
“Hi. No, she’s out running errands.”
I let out a low sigh. This morning isn’t working out the way I expected. “You know where she went?”
“I don’t. Sorry. Want me to leave a message?”
I hand Teresa one of the lattes and the bag of food. “Just tell her I’m looking for her. I already left her a message on her phone.”
This is beginning to feel like more than Nessa and I simply missing each other. Is she avoiding me?
I walk to my truck and think back to last night—and the best sex of my life. The connection we had was intense. Was it too intense? Did I come on too strong? We’re good friends, and maybe she’s freaking out about what happened.
I rest my forehead on the steering wheel. “Get a grip.” I need to simmer down and let her volley back with a call or text.
I’m not used to caring about whether or not I see a girl. I don’t know how to handle the situation. A relationship with Nessa isn’t what I set out to have. I’ve tried to protect her—to stay away. But it didn’t work. I wanted her too badly.
Now that we’ve gone there, there’s no going back, and I don’t even want to. I didn’t realize what I was missing until Nessa and I made love.
God, I’ve turned into that guy—a pussy-whipped dude who thinks about love and shit. Whatever. Nessa’s worth it.
Tonight we’re both working the Bitchin’ Eighties party at Blue. If we don’t connect before work, I’ll ask her to meet up with me afterward. One way or another, we’re hashing this thing out, because her leaving me after the best sex in the history of hot sex was not cool. And if, in the back of my mind, I know the connection had way more to do with Nessa and less to do with sex, I’m keeping it there. I’m not about to overanalyze my feelings right now. I just need the girl to answer my calls.
*
Nessa
I’ve been a nervous wreck all
day. After running every errand I could find to keep from thinking about Zach, I finally checked my messages. My sister called once, and Zach called twice. Teresa said he also stopped by.
Teresa already interrogated me about where I was last night, and I’m pretty sure she knows something’s up. I didn’t go into details, but she’s aware I spent the night at Zach’s place. She’s asked me about my feelings for him before. I’ve kept mum about it, hiding them from her the way I’ve done with my other friends, but my roommate is definitely on to me.
The food Zach brought me was sweet, but it could also be a peace offering for the mistake he’d made. He may not have long-lasting relationships with women (or more than one date), but he’s always been a decent guy. He wouldn’t straight up bail—God, exactly the way I did.
I was a giant wuss this morning, and I still am. I don’t want to lose Zach, and I figure if I avoid him, I don’t need to face it. Irrational, but effective.
A little voice in the back of my mind keeps piping up that he might actually want to see me. That maybe he didn’t like it when I left this morning. I’ve been squelching it because I don’t want to get my hopes up. Zach is the king of casual hookups. In any case, I’ll see him tonight at Blue, because for once, we’re working together in the same room. No more hiding. Time to face him.
I’m freaking out as I make my way into Blue.
Deep breath. Still fifteen more minutes before my shift begins.
I take the elevator to the executive floor. I arrived a few minutes early to ask Mira a question. It’s the beginning of my shift and the tail end of hers, but I should be able to catch her.
I wave to Gayle, the receptionist, as I pass through the executive lobby. Word is that Gayle used to be a cocktail waitress until she landed an admin position. She’s wearing a professional pinstriped navy suit, but as always, she’s got on heavy makeup, and her hair is bright red. I can totally picture Gayle downstairs at one time with the rest of the waitresses. And I’m hoping to follow in her footsteps—with an executive job, not the red hair dye.
I wind my way down two corridors to Mira’s office. She has one of those cramped, no-windows spaces. I’d like to say it’s homey, but really, it’s not. One wall is taken up by a giant whiteboard filled with dates and events spread across it, the other houses a large, half-dead plant.
Blue Streak: A Blue Series Novella Page 5
