“And you want to give me a leg up on the competition.”
“Totally.” She hugs me with a Machiavellian grin.
“You’re bad, Mira.”
“No, just assertive. And aggressive. Those are good traits, right? Anyway, Deborah is a marketing guru and super forward thinking. She’s going to be so excited about the social marketing you did in college. Plus, very few people who apply for internships have worked on the floor. You’re already ahead of the game.”
We walk down the hall, and Mira introduces me to Deborah, talking up my experience in e-marketing. Just like Mira said, Deborah seems interested in the internships I completed in college. The casino is moving away from direct mailings and into Internet marketing, so it seems like a good fit.
By the time Mira and I leave Deborah’s office, I’m even more optimistic about the internship. I’d planned for a position like this when I graduated from college—paid, of course. Minor detail. Working at Blue on their marketing team would be the perfect opportunity to gain experience with a national employer.
“Well, that went well,” Mira says, her eyes bright with excitement. “I would be surprised if you didn’t get the job. You have the experience they’re looking for and you work here, so they know you’re reliable.”
“I don’t want to get my hopes up.” Which seems like something I’ve been telling myself a lot lately. Considering how well things have worked out with Zach, maybe I should be more confident.
Mira wraps her arm around my shoulder and squeezes so hard my neck cracks. “Gah!”
“Sorry, I’m just so excited. We need more girl power around here. This place is overrun with domineering men.”
Blue’s management team doesn’t have the best reputation, but most people think it’s gotten better since they fired the guy who caused all the trouble last year.
She glances down the hallway. “How much time do you have? Can you spare a few minutes to check out one more thing? I want to show you the coolest place in the casino.” Her nose scrunches. “Not sure I’m supposed to bring people in there—”
“Oh my God. Don’t do something that’s going to get you in trouble.”
She waves me off. “Nah, you have to see the security room. It’s right here, and the guys in there love me.”
I roll my eyes and smile. “Of course they do. I can check it out, but just for a sec. I’m meeting up with Zach soon.”
Mira pushes open a heavy double door and we step inside. The air crackles in this room, the walls and desk surfaces filled with electronic equipment. It even smells like computers—heated plastic and new carpet.
“Wow.” I look around. “This is cool.”
Several men and one woman sit in front of dozens of tiny monitors tracking every aspect of the casino floors.
“Come on,” Mira says. “We’ll make a quick sweep.”
She walks me around the room, and I peer at the gaming floor and parts of the casino I’ve never seen from this stealthy new vantage point. My gaze stops on one of the small monitors, and I look more closely.
Mira backtracks and looks at what has my attention in a death grip. “Is that…?”
“Zach,” I say, prickles of unease running up my spine.
What’s he doing on one of the hotel floors? Zach said he was running home after work. He’s picking me up at Blue, but we’re supposed to meet in the casino bar.
I don’t want to keep watching, but it’s like a train wreck about to happen. I can’t look away.
Zach knocks on a door, and a woman answers. The same blonde he said he wasn’t seeing anymore. The woman grins and throws her arms around his neck, kissing him on the mouth in a not at all friendly way.
My breath hitches, my stomach roiling.
Zach pushes the woman inside the room, and the door slams shut behind them.
Mira shakes her head. “Zach. So typical.” She studies my face. “Hey, you okay?”
I swallow, but nothing comes out. No sound, no air.
“Nessa.”
“Can we leave?” I choke.
We walk into the hallway, and Mira stops me with a light hand on my shoulder. “What’s wrong, Ness?”
“I don’t feel well.”
She scans my face. “Give me a minute. I’m about to take off too. I can give you a ride. The security room is always so hot with all the monitors, and computers, and… Are you sure you’re not going to pass out?”
“No. I’m—”
Not fine. Sick at the heart.
I grab Mira and press my face to her shoulder, holding back the tears, but it’s no use. They come out anyway.
“Nessa? Oh my gosh. Come on.” She drags me to her office. I wait while she shuts down her computer and collects her things.
Mira doesn’t ask me what’s wrong, but she looks at me every few seconds as she drives me home, as though she thinks I’m going to die or something. I can’t blame her. I feel like I’m dying.
I didn’t bring my car to work. Teresa drove me in, since I was planning on going out with Zach…
Tears run down my cheeks, my chin. I’m not a badass who can keep it all in. My face and body have always betrayed my emotions. To make matters worse, I’m a sloppy crier, my face hot and likely blotchy.
I wipe the tears with the sleeve of my denim jacket. Why would Zach do this? I don’t understand. He dated around, sure, but he’s never been a jerk. He doesn’t lie to people. Not to me, or any other woman that I know of. From what he and his friends have said, he’s always been direct about his intentions and inability to commit. When he told me he wanted more, and asked me out tonight, I thought… I believed him. Believed I meant more to him.
But he lied when he said things were over between him and that woman.
Mira pulls up to the cabin she and Tyler share. Tyler’s at his computer when we walk in, but he stops what he’s doing and stands to give Mira a sweet kiss. He looks over at me, and his eyebrows pull together. He whispers something to Mira, and she shakes her head. The next thing I know, Tyler’s climbing the ladder to their loft and Mira is shoving sweatpants and a sweatshirt at me.
“Put these on,” she says.
I stare at the clothes in my hands. “I should go home.”
“Nope. You’re staying with me. We’re having a girls’ night.”
Sometimes it’s easier to do what Mira says than to argue, and right now I don’t have the strength. I put on the clothes.
Mira changes as well, and brings out a bag of chips and some sodas. “This is the only trashy food in the house at the moment.” She tugs on my sleeve until I sit beside her on the couch. “Now tell me—what’s up, Nessa? And don’t say it’s nothing. Something is definitely wrong. Was it the surveillance room? Zach? You seemed to change the moment we saw him enter that woman’s suite. That didn’t bother you, did it? Have you guys…”
“No.” I thought we were more, but I was stupid to think it.
Nothing has changed between Zach and me. And there’s no reason to mention how foolish I was to think otherwise. I already feel like an ass.
My phone buzzes in my purse, vibrating the couch. I reach over and pull it out of my bag. It’s a missed call from Zach.
The phone vibrates again, but this time it’s an incoming call. He’s calling me back.
I stand and walk toward the back door, stepping outside. “Hello?”
“Ness, where are you? I thought you’d be off by now. You still with Mira?”
“Yeah.”
“Okay, well, how much more time do you think you need? Should I go ahead and order you a drink?”
“Where were you tonight, Zach?”
“What do you mean? I was working.”
“After work. Where did you go?” I sound like a nagging wife, pushing him for answers, but I need to hear him say it.
“I went home to change. Nessa, what’s up? You sound upset.”
“What did you do once you returned to the casino?”
Silence—then, “I w
aited around for you.”
“You didn’t visit anyone?”
“What are you getting at, Nessa?” His tone is deep and serious.
“I saw you with her. The woman you said you weren’t seeing anymore.”
He sighs. “How did you—never mind. It’s not what you think.”
“We can’t be friends anymore, Zach.”
“What? Nessa, this is crazy. Give me a chance to explain.”
“Did you kiss her tonight?”
“Fuck, that’s not how it happened.”
“Did you or did you not put your mouth to hers and shove her in the room?”
“I—yes, but it wasn’t like that.”
“Goodbye, Zach.” I end the call and turn my phone off so I won’t be tempted to answer it again.
I don’t understand why he’s been stringing me along and acting like he wanted something serious. Had I given him the idea I’d be okay with him dating other woman while we saw each other? All’s fair during a hookup, but I made sure he wasn’t seeing anyone before I agreed to go out with him.
Why did I think things would be different between us? Zach never has girlfriends. I should have known something like this would happen. But I’d waited for him for so long. I wanted the chance to prove we had something special.
How wrong could I be?
I breathe in the cool evening air. Mira and Tyler’s backyard has no landscaping, just a square slab for a patio. The rest is native trees, dirt, and pine needles.
I’ve always liked their backyard. It’s pure. True. Unlike the boy I love.
I’m finished pining for Zach. He’s not capable of anything more than cheap encounters. Though what we shared didn’t feel cheap. It felt real.
I tuck my knees beneath my chin and cover my head with my arms, tears spilling down my face. My head and heart have never been more conflicted.
Chapter Nine
Zach
I knew my relationship with Alexis would bite me in the ass one day. I couldn’t be involved in something so wrong without the universe paying me back. Now that it’s hurt my chances with the only girl I’ve ever loved—and I am in love with Nessa, as much as I’ve fought it—I wish my dumb fifteen-year-old ass had said no to Alexis when she first started coming on to me. I pushed her off for almost a year, but ultimately, I caved. Big mistake.
I storm out of the casino. It’s my fault. I should never have responded to that note Alexis had someone deliver. The only reason I went to her room was because of my dad’s comments earlier. I wanted to know what happened the night my mother was irrevocably changed.
Alexis had lied to me. Well, not lied. Omitted. She has never once told me she was there the night my mother fell.
I knocked on the door to her suite, intent on getting answers, but before I knew it, her arms were around me, her mouth plastered to mine.
In the middle of the damn hallway.
I shoved her inside the room. “What are you doing?”
“You came,” she said. “I knew you couldn’t stay away for long.”
Running a hand through my hair, I sighed in frustration. “I thought I made it clear, Alexis. I’m not interested in a relationship with you anymore.”
“Oh, really? Then why did you come? Stop fighting this, Zach. We’ll always be in each other’s lives. You’ll always be my lover.”
How had I never noticed her stalker tendencies? The woman was losing it.
I should have left right then, but I’d come this far. “What happened the night my mom fell? What were you two arguing about?”
Alexis’s eyes darted to the side. “What are you talking about?”
“My dad said you and Mom were in some kind of fight, and that’s why she drank so much. Did you have something to do with her accident?” I moved toward her. “And don’t even think about lying. I’ll know if you are.”
Alexis might be a miserable person, but she isn’t a good liar. Her fingers are her tell. She’d twist a loose string, the hem of her top—whatever was at hand. It’s why she never played poker. She couldn’t bluff.
Her eyes widened. “No. I swear. I had nothing to do with her fall.”
“Then why was my mom upset that night?”
Her gaze darted to the side again, as if she was nervous. “She didn’t like how close you and I had become. She didn’t understand us, Zach.”
My shoulders suddenly felt like cement blocks. “So it’s my fault my mom got hurt.”
Alexis grabbed my arm. “It’s not your fault. It was no one’s fault. Your mother tripped at the top of the stairs. She fell and landed wrong. We were arguing that night, but she was my friend. I never wanted anything to happen to her. I didn’t push her, if that’s what you’re worried about. I was at the bottom of the landing.”
I shook off Alexis’s hand and walked to the picture window overlooking the lake that held some of the clearest water in the world. Amazing that I could look at something so beautiful and be surrounded by such ugliness. Alexis might not have pushed my mom down the stairs, but what she and I were doing had caused my mom pain—and those had been her last coherent thoughts.
I sensed Alexis approach from behind. “What we have is special. Your mom didn’t get it.”
“What we had was filthy,” I said over my shoulder, then turned to face her. “I want nothing to do with you. So help me, Alexis, if you come anywhere near me again—my place of business, my home—I’ll go to the police and tell them you raped me when I was sixteen.”
“Ridiculous. You wanted it.”
“Did I? I was a kid mourning the loss of my mother. I was vulnerable and you took advantage. The only reason I haven’t gone to the police before now is because I felt partially responsible, but I won’t let that stop me anymore. And if you think you’re going to turn around and try your hand at another underage kid, think again. If you come near me or my girlfriend, or if I hear even a whisper about you and some kid, I’ll press charges and show proof. Consider this your warning.”
“What proof?”
I gave her a look.
“Those emails? If you still have them, that just proves how much you wanted what we shared. And there have never been any other young men—as young as you were,” she clarified. “You were special. You are special.”
“You’re sick, Alexis. Get help. And don’t forget my warning. You know I don’t gamble. I’m not bluffing.”
“Zach!” Alexis called as I strode to the door. I shot her a glare, and her expression fell. She cradled her chest, her lips pressed together. “You’ll come back to me, and I’ll be waiting.”
“No, Alexis, I won’t.” I left and never looked back.
As soon as I was out of the hotel elevator, I attempted to track down Nessa on the casino floor. No one had seen her for over an hour. I waited a little longer, then called—and discovered Nessa knew all about Alexis and the kiss in the hallway.
She fucking knew. How did she know?
Didn’t matter. I’d just ruined the best thing that’d ever happened to me.
*
Nessa
I scrub at the dried tears on my face. It’s been almost half an hour since I got off the phone with Zach, and Mira hasn’t come out searching for me, thank God. She’s giving me space.
Maybe Zach had a good reason for meeting with that woman tonight, but what kind of reason could he have for kissing her?
I’m so tired of being in love with him and not having my feelings returned. He doesn’t see me the way I see him, and it’s time I gave up thinking things can be different. The night we spent together was one of the best nights of my life, and I need to lock it in a box and forget about it.
My stomach clenches. I press on the ache one last time before rising. I take a deep breath, tuck my hair behind my ear, and open the back door to the living room.
Mira’s on the couch studying me as I walk inside. “Ness…” she says, her face a silent question.
“Is it okay if we don’t talk about it right no
w?”
I don’t think I can handle spilling the story about how naive I’ve been thinking Zach really cared about me.
She nods, and I sit next to her. She turns on the television and we watch a reality show. No idea which one. My brain is numb, while my body switches between pain and nausea.
A knock sounds at the front door, and Mira looks at me.
I shake my head. “It’s not for me,” I say, staring blindly at the television screen.
Mira stands and opens the door. Zach is there. He’s wearing dark jeans and a button-down shirt with the sleeves rolled to his elbows. He looks handsome, but his eyes are tense and worried.
His presence steals my breath. My entire body hums with anticipation.
Damn my body.
How can I go from aching pain to fluttery anticipation in the span of a heartbeat? I feel everything when he’s near. I always have.
I want to run and hide.
I want to press my face to his chest and have him wrap his arms around me.
I am a conflicted mess.
Zach remains just beyond the threshold. “Nessa, can I talk to you?”
Mira walks to the center of the room. “I’ll just—” She looks left, then right, but her and Tyler’s place is miniscule. The single bedroom is right by the living room, and the walls are thin. There’s nowhere she can go that would give us privacy.
“Will you come for a drive with me?” Zach asks.
I nod. I don’t think it’s a good idea for me to be alone with him. I don’t want to be talked into something my heart is too freaking weak to fight. Where Zach is concerned, I want my head in charge for once, and maintaining distance is critical. But he’s right. There’s no place for us to air our dirty laundry without both Mira and Tyler hearing.
I grab my purse and slip on the nude heels I wore to Mira’s. I’m still in borrowed sweatpants and a sweatshirt, but whatever. Zach has seen me in worse. Or in nothing at all. God.
He presses his hand to the small of my back and walks me to his truck, opening the door for me. It’s such a boyfriend move, and it pisses me off. He’s not helping to resolve the confusion between my brain and my heart.
Blue Streak: A Blue Series Novella Page 8
