She leaned her head against the back of the seat. She was going to have serious withdrawal after she left these guys. She wondered who would take her place for the next tour. Would they treat them as good she would? Would they follow Carl’s guidelines and put the band first? Would they fall in love with the lead singer?
Lenny couldn’t handle anymore thoughts. She squeezed Luke’s hand instinctively and closed her eyes. Maybe she would feel better about her plan after she had gotten some sleep.
***
Luke felt the gentle pressure on his hand and frowned slightly at Lenny’s resting posture. Her eyes were closed but her face wasn’t relaxed. She appeared to be thinking hard, trying to will sleep to happen. He wondered what was bothering her. Well, it had been a long trip, Luke decided. She was probably just tired.
***
The plane landed in New York and they had a two hour layover before their next flight to Boston. The guys napped in the waiting area, jet lag was a bitch. Lenny was kind of surprised that there was a ticket for her to Boston as well and not somewhere further west. She assumed it was Carl and decided that Boston would be as good as any place to say goodbye.
The flight was fast, only an hour, from LaGuardia to Boston. Lenny barely had time to collect her thoughts. As they were disembarking, she knew what she had to do. She tapped into that special feature in her brain that she reserved for competitions. She shut everything out and took a deep breath. The wall came up, separating her from her surroundings. She had a mission, and it was time to execute.
They were at baggage claim and Lenny waited for the guys to gather in a huddle around her. No one noticed that her bags hadn’t arrived. They naturally gravitated toward her and she waited till she had their attention.
“I’m going home.” She said plainly, her tone gentle. She didn’t want to hurt them but someone needed to rip the Band-Aid off. She’d already gotten a connecting flight that would have several stops before she reached home. All she had to do was catch her next flight.
“What do you mean? I thought you were going to Luke’s house.” Harrison’s eyes were already starting to water. Lenny loved his tender heart, he didn’t like change.
“I was not aware of that plan.” Lenny looked to Luke but his eyes had lost focus. The reality had hit him.
“This is where you guys live, I don’t. My job is ended.” She got a confirmation nod from Carl and continued. “But I have had the best time of my life with all of you.” She looked at Luke again. He was staring at her with the saddest eyes she’d ever seen.
“I have a whole other life that needs tending to out west.” She paused, her mental barrier starting to strain against the heavy emotion that was threatening to overpower her. “I will miss all of you, more than you know.”
The guys hugged her one by one, their heads low. They backed off a little to give Luke and Lenny some space.
Lenny’s resolve was weakening as she looked into Luke’s eyes that were starting to turn red from held back tears.
“I will miss you the most.” She offered a small smile. She grabbed both of his hands in hers and whispered, “I have never, in my life, felt for anyone what I feel for you.”
“Then why are you going?” Luke’s voice was hoarse with emotion.
“Because it’s time,” Lenny whispered. “I can’t hang around like a fan girl the rest of my life. I have to grow up one of these days.” She tried to get him to smile but he wouldn’t.
Luke suddenly took her in his arms and held her tight. He whispered in her ear, “I don’t want you to go.”
This was Lenny’s moment. She gave him a long embrace and then pulled back, kissed him tenderly on his lips and looked him in the eye. She wanted to make sure he knew she was for real.
“I love you, Luke Casey. I will always love you.” She stepped back and took a shuddering breath. “Now, go.” She smiled as sincerely as her heart would let her. “Be amazing.” She allowed herself to behold his masculine perfection one last time, trying to memorize every single striking detail, and then she turned around.
He didn't call out to her or chase her. He was letting her go. A tear escaped and splashed onto her cheek. Her legs carried her onward and her heart quaked in her chest. She would feel better in a few days. This was how it had to be. He couldn’t face reality, so she had to do it for the both of them. The longer they tried to make it work, the harder it would be to end it. They would each resent each other making it an ugly end. And Lenny didn’t want that. She wanted to remember her time with Luke as the greatest adventure of her life. Because it truly was.
Chapter 17
Drive All Night
Lenny rubbed the sleep out of her eyes and looked around. She had to reorient herself. Where was she? Oh yes, she thought, layover hell. She had flown from Boston to Atlanta and what was supposed to be a ninety minute layover turned into three hours. Then she flew from Atlanta to Salt Lake City where a blizzard greeted her and the other passengers. She had been waiting in the terminal for six hours until they were cleared for flight to Jackson Hole.
She sat up in the chair and tried to straighten the kinks in her back. She grimaced as it popped and pulled. It’s tough getting older, she thought wryly. Being an adult sucks, she had concluded during her first layover of the trip. Leaving Luke was the most painful thing she had experienced and she still wasn’t in a place where she could properly grieve. Surrounded by strangers and airport personnel, she couldn’t very well break down into choking heaving sobs, she would cause a panic. She would have to wait till she got home.
Home. It was still so far away. She hadn’t told anyone she was coming home so no would be expecting her. She figured she’d rent a car and drive to the Lodge and crash for a few days until her clock readjusted. Maybe she would just stay in bed for the rest of her life. Yes, that was the new plan.
At long last, the call came over the intercom to board her final flight. She shuffled through the line with the other passengers, feeling more raggedy than she had her whole life. Just an hour more. She focused on the next step.
As she settled into her seat, the flight attendants reminded them to please turn off their cellphones during takeoff. Lenny glanced at hers painfully. She had left it on, hoping Luke would call. But he hadn’t. No one had. Not Harrison or Sway or Mike. No one had called or texted to even check on her. The heaviness in Lenny’s chest increased substantially as the plane started its taxi down the runway.
***
When they left the airport in Boston it got ugly. Harrison openly wept and Blake was so pissed he threw his luggage at a sign and they had to be escorted from the building. The guys had yelled at Luke. They demanded to know why he had let Lenny walk away. Why didn’t he chase her? What was stopping him? Wasn’t he supposed to be in love? They were beyond disappointed in their fearless leader. He had no answers for them. Instead he set his jaw and got in a cab and took off.
Sway got incredibly emotional and called a girlfriend to come pick him up. Carl shrugged, muttered something about “rock stars” and got his own cab.
Mike was angry. But he was handling it better than Blake whose face was now a lovely shade of purple. He rubbed his temples in the back of the taxi that he was sharing with Blake and Harrison.
“Harrison, please stop crying,” Mike grit his teeth together.
“I’m sorry,” Harrison sniffed pitifully.
“It’s alright, man. Just try to calm down.” Mike tried to be understanding. But he didn’t understand. What was that bullshit Luke had said about wanting to marry her?
“I’m gonna kick his ass” Blake declared. “I don’t care if he is Luke freaking Casey. I’m gonna knock him out.”
“Get in line,” Mike muttered.
“What the hell are we supposed to do now?” Blake asked pointedly. “I thought Lenny was a permanent member of this band. Sonofabitch!”
“So did I,” Mike said.
The cab brought them to their building where they all had their own separate
loft in the same massive structure. Luke had bought a large colonial style house in the countryside. Sway’s living quarters were a small apartment near the TD Garden where he lived in complete anonymity. But Blake, Harrison and Mike had lived in the same building for years.
The elevator slowly rose to their floor, Harrison leaning heavily against the steel doors.
“Let’s go get her.” He muttered, his breath making a fog on the metal.
Blake and Mike exchanged glances but didn't respond.
“We can go to Wyoming and get her. Tell her it was a misunderstanding. She’ll believe us. We’ll bring her back and Luke will be so happy he…” His voice trailed off.
“He’ll what? Propose?” Mike reacted with more bark than he intended. “Right. She tells him she loves him in the airport but that’s not enough to ask her to stay. But we forcibly bring her back and suddenly he sees the light?”
The door to the elevator opened on Blake’s floor and they all got out.
Harrison hung his head and shuffled along in front of them, stopping at Blake's entry. “We have to do something.” He said quietly.
“Yeah, get over her,” Mike said sardonically.
Blake wrestled with his key before opening the door and going straight for the refrigerator.
“God bless you, Claudia,” he said out loud, pulling a huge chocolate cheesecake out of the fridge and setting it on the counter. Claudia was his housekeeper and she faithfully left a massive dessert in the refrigerator for Blake on the day he returned from a long tour.
“You guys want to drown your feelings in some serious calories?” Blake produced forks and tossed them down.
“Why not?” Mike answered. It was better than going down to the corner and buying a bindle, which he had thought about for maybe a millisecond.
Harrison took a bite of the cake and started crying again. “We have to get her back,” he lamented.
“How?” Blake asked contemptuously, “If Luke doesn’t want her around what can we do?”
“We can fire Luke and put Lenny in his place.” Harrison’s eyes lit up at the prospect and it made Mike chuckle.
“That might work actually.” Blake assented with an emphatic nod. “I’m so pissed at him, I don’t want see him for a very long time.”
“Me either.” Harrison shook his head in disgust. He pulled out his phone, “I’m calling her.”
“Nah, man. Her phone is probably off. Just wait a couple days, let her get home first.” Mike said reasonably.
“Okay.” Harrison begrudgingly put his phone down.
***
Luke had been driving for a awhile, he wasn’t sure how long. He had gotten home and unloaded his luggage inside his big empty house. The house he had been planning on bringing Lenny to. Then he got his old pick-up out of the garage and started to drive. He didn’t really have a plan; he just didn’t want to be in his house. Not without her.
He stopped at a tiny gas station to fill up. It was cold and he pulled his leather jacket tighter around his neck as he waited for the pump to stop. He looked around at his surroundings and decided to buy a map.
He spread the map out on the seat next to him and gave it a good look. Pennsylvania. Why did Wyoming have to be so fricken' far away?
He started the truck and pulled back out onto the road. Maybe the drive would give him time to think about what he would say to her when he got there.
The guys were pissed at him. He knew they blamed him for Lenny leaving. Shouldn’t they, though? He didn’t want her to leave, that was the last thing he had been expecting. He'd been completely blindsided. But as she broke down the details, the obvious dawned on him. They lived in separate worlds. Goodbye had been inevitable.
No, that wasn’t right either. She had left because he hadn’t explained his plan to her. He had left her out of it. Of course, she had been making plans, too, it seemed and had left him out of it. Why hadn’t they been talking to each other about this? Because they were enjoying the moment. Moments. All of them.
Sure, he could’ve dropped to his knees in baggage claim and proposed right there. But wouldn’t that have seemed forced? Especially since he didn’t have a ring yet? And what if she had said no? That thought scared him the most. She said she loved him but then she left. She just…walked away.
He regretted everything that had happened so far that day. He needed to get away and think. He had to fix this somehow. He had to get to her. Show her that he loved her, not just say it.
***
Lenny didn’t know how long she’d been sleeping but it still didn’t feel like enough. She pulled the covers tighter over her head and cursed the daylight filling her bedroom.
She had taken a cab all the way to the Lodge when she had landed in Jackson Hole. It was not a cheap ride but she hadn’t called anyone she knew for a ride because she didn’t want to talk to them. Anyone.
She had heard Duke coming and going downstairs but he had never come up to check on her. He had to know she was home, she’d left her luggage strewn at the bottom of the stairs. It only added to her self-inflicted misery. No one cared about her.
She checked her phone again. Still nothing.
Lenny angrily pushed the covers off of her and glared at her giant windows letting in all the horrible light. Out of the corner of her eye she saw her luggage stacked neatly in the corner. Obviously Duke had brought them up. That meant he had checked on her after all. Lenny felt worse for thinking harsh thoughts about him.
She got out of bed and dragged herself to the bathroom. She stared at her face in the mirror with loathing. She looked terrible. Black mascara smudges all the way to her chin, her eyes were red and puffy from hours of crying into her pillow. Her hair was matted and greasy, she hadn’t showered in days. She was wearing an old ratty pair of shorts and Luke’s t-shirt that she had kept after he said she could.
So, this is my life. She thought as she examined her atrocious appearance. No wonder Luke doesn’t want me. I look like death. She heard her stomach rumble and frowned. She hadn’t eaten in a while, maybe there were some cookies or something stashed in the kitchen.
She took the stairs slowly, trying to listen if Duke was home or not. She didn’t want to see or talk to anyone right now. She crept into the kitchen and started rummaging through cupboards, finally finding an unopened package of Oreos. She poured herself a glass of milk and shoved a few cookies in her mouth as she headed for the stairs to go back to bed.
“Hey, she lives!” Duke said from behind her. Lenny froze in her tracks. She thought about continuing on upwards without saying anything. But she slowly turned around, swallowing her mouthful of cookies.
She was confused at first by Duke’s clean shaven face, it took her a moment to adjust. She'd never seen him without a beard and she almost didn't recognize him.
“You look awful.” Duke stated with a serious frown.
“Thanks,” Lenny said forlornly, shoving another cookie in her mouth and wiping some milk dribble off her cheek.
“I mean, you look like you need a shower.” Duke tried again, frown not flinching.
“You’re not helping,” Lenny glowered. “What happened to your face?
Duke reached up and stroked where his beard used to be. “I thought it might be time for a change. It was making me look older.”
“Whatever.” Lenny said with no conviction.
“Sorry.” Duke took a step towards her, discomfort all over his face. “You wanna talk about it?”
“No.” Lenny said and turned to go back to her room. “The world is a horrible place and I’m going to die alone in my room.”
She heard Duke stifle a laugh at her response. “Maybe you should have something better to eat than cookies.”
“No,” Lenny said belligerently.
“Lenny…” Duke began nervously, “I…there…are some people I’d like you to meet.”
Lenny paused and turned on the third step, staring at Duke dumbly.
“They’re gonna be he
re soon-” He tried to speak calmly, looking at her not ready for guests appearance.
“How soon?” Lenny asked.
As if on cue, the front doorbell rang and Lenny’s eyes widened at him. “No, Duke. Whoever it is, tell them I’m sick or dead or something.”
But there was no time, a young boy came racing into the kitchen and grabbed Duke around his middle.
“Hey!” Duke greeted the boy and hugged him back briefly. Lenny watched with the eyes of a woman who thought she might be losing her mind. Before she could process the child’s presence, a tall, black haired beauty entered the room with an apologetic smile.
“Sorry, Tyler figured out the door was unlocked.”
“That’s okay.” Duke answered her with a smile. What was that in his eyes? Adoration? He was beaming at this stranger in Lenny’s kitchen as if he had known her for years. And she was looking at him the same way.
What is going on? Is the boy Duke’s? How long have I been asleep? Am I even here anymore or did I finally die and I’m a ghost watching my friends and family move on with their lives?
“Hi, you must be Lenny. Duke has told me so much about you.” The raven haired woman reached her hand out.
So they can see me, that rules out ghost. Lenny stepped down into the kitchen, adjusted her milk and cookies into one arm and shook the tall woman’s hand. She knew she was gaping but she really couldn’t stop. She had high cheek bones and the straightest, shiniest, blackest hair Lenny had ever seen. Her scent filled the kitchen, Lenny couldn’t place the fragrance but it was warm and intoxicating. Not overpowering, but comforting, like a blanket that Lenny wanted to wrap up in and sleep forever.
“Lenny, this Natalie Rodgers. Her father was Colonel Henry Clay, her and her son, Tyler, are moving up to the Clay cabin.” Duke introduced proudly.
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