They returned to base camp that night and Trucker and Smitty built a bonfire. The crew was still amped from an easy day on the slopes and they needed to expel a little of that extra energy.
The fire burned tall and bright against the blackness of the Alaskan sky. Some people were roasting marshmallows, a few were drinking beers. Light conversation and laughter floated through the air.
Lenny sat on a log near the fire, a little removed from the group. She stared into the orange glow and let her tense muscles relax with the buzzing of her friends voices nearby.
So much had happened in the span of a few days. The emotional ups and downs had been hard to keep up with. And now, she had to get her head together and figure out what the next step was. She thought she had this all figured out when she had left Europe but it had hurt more than she had anticipated. She wasn’t sure, that when push came to shove, she could willingly walk away from Luke again. Even if it was better for them both. It hurt too much.
Luke sat down next to her on the log, pushing close against her side till she moved over so he had room.
“Did you have fun today?” He asked her, pulling a charred marshmallow off of a stick.
“Yeah, did you?” She asked giving him a small smile. She was desperately trying to keep an emotional barrier between them. Luke always made her question every single one of her rational thoughts.
Luke popped the mallow into his mouth and grinned at her. She couldn’t help but grin back, his happy smile was infectious.
“I always have the best day when it’s been a day with you.” Luke said after he swallowed his mouthful a little more serious as he spoke. Her heart strangled in her chest. That’s exactly how she felt too.
Lenny had always been extremely independent. Which is probably why she’d chosen snowboarding as the first love of her life. It was free and wild, just like her. She loved her family and they had always supported her. But even they couldn’t explain the side of Lenny that came out when she was shredding a gorgeous line. Traveling and boarding all over the world, she had gotten to meet some exceptional people. She never had a problem making friends but she hadn’t truly made any deep connections. Not until she ran away with rock stars.
Even now, without Mike, Blake, Harrison and Sway here, she felt…homesick. Luke’s close proximity only made that feeling stronger. She had tried, really tried, to keep her barrier intact. But those rowdy group of men had won over her heart. And one of them in particular held more of heart than she had consciously agreed to.
She gave a sideways glance to Luke and tried not to stare at how the fire reflected in his pale blue eyes, making them glow even more intensely. The entire tour he hadn’t so much as looked at another woman. Not that there weren’t any around. Women were constantly throwing themselves at the band. They would do horrible things to get attention. Shameful, self-depreciating things. But the guys were professionals, and the tour had been clean and relatively easy. That’s what had been so shocking about the paparazzi photos of Luke with whoever that had been. It was so uncharacteristic of the Luke that she knew. But there it had been, in full, high definition color, the truth of what a life of fame often entailed. Lenny wasn’t sure if she could live that life.
“Do you want a mallow?” Luke asked her, reloading his stick.
“Um, sure.” Lenny tried to pull her thoughts back to the present.
Luke lit the marshmallow on fire and slowly turned them so they burned evenly all the way around. He presented the perfectly roasted mallow to Lenny and she gingerly removed it from the stick. She couldn’t help but smile at his proud grin.
Luke leaned against her as she stuck the gooey treat in her mouth. He rested his chin on her shoulder, looking directly at her face.
“Is it good?” He asked, eyebrows going up.
Lenny laughed out loud at his behavior and playfully shoved him off of her.
Luke chuckled, that low, hearty chuckle that sent shivers through her. She knew she was blushing but was hoping that the glow from the fire was covering it up.
Luke casually let his arm drape across her back and she instinctively leaned closer to him. After a few moments Lenny rested her head on his shoulder. They sat in silence, staring into the fire. Luke pressed his cheek against the top of her head and let out a contented sigh. Lenny knew what it meant because she was feeling the same way. It was like finally coming home.
No one bothered them. They left them in their own little world. Lenny had started to pick up on the collective thought of the group that she needed to stop resisting Luke’s attempts at reconciliation. She had feared they would hate him, nearly the opposite had occurred. It seemed Lenny was the only one who was still unsure. No, that wasn’t it. It’s not that she was unsure, it was that she was the only one who hadn’t gotten caught up in the romanticized scenario that had been playing out for all of them to see. She was the only one who could see the truth. And the truth was that Luke’s life came with certain…complications.
If she went back with him, it might be great for a while. But eventually, they wouldn’t be able to see each other every day. And Lenny didn’t know if that would count as being ‘on a break’ for Luke again. Would he seek solace with someone else? Or maybe he’d get tired of her all together and trade her in for someone far prettier and more…experienced. She swallowed at that last thought. She didn’t really have much to offer.
***
Lenny sighed and Luke glanced down at her face, lit by the roaring fire. He was beyond happy to be this near to her again but he was still intimidated by her presence. She was strong and brave and tender. Her eyes missed nothing, her heart felt everything. She was completely different than any woman he’d ever met. She spoke her mind but with kindness. She’d risk everything to protect those she loved. She was always trying to do the right thing, not just what felt good in the moment. Luke had no idea how he had ever gotten her to look at him in the first place. She could honestly have her pick of anyone out there.
But Luke knew he was the only one who was willing to fight this hard to keep her.
***
After a long while, the fire started to burn down and the other riders started to go to bed. Lenny knew they should probably turn in as well but she didn’t want to move. If they got up and went to their separate cabins then she would have to face reality again. And she still hadn’t made any definite decisions.
“It’s getting late.” Luke murmured against her hair.
“Mmhm.” Lenny confirmed, still not moving away.
“C’mon,” Luke stood up, pulling Lenny with him. “I’ll walk you to your cabin.” His fingers found and intertwined into hers and they slowly walked across the snow packed ground.
The light inside was on which meant that Shelby Lynn was in there and awake. Lenny slowed as they got closer to the door. Not wanting the peaceful moment to end.
Luke stopped walking and turned to face her, pulling her into his strong embrace. He hugged her tight against him and she wished there was more time.
“How about if you meet me for breakfast tomorrow?” Luke asked.
Lenny nodded, swallowing away the emotion that came out of nowhere. Why was it so hard to say goodnight? She would be seeing him again in the morning. Because every goodnight is closer to goodbye. Again.
Luke leaned down and kissed her cheek softly. His lips were warm on her cold skin and Lenny felt a tingle run through her. She gave him a shy, sad smile before going inside.
Shelby Lynn was propped up on one elbow when Lenny came through the door. She watched quietly as Lenny changed and crawled up the ladder into the top bunk.
“Are you gonna take him back?” Shelby asked as Lenny reached for the string to turn the light off.
Lenny paused at the question. She wasn’t sure how to answer. Was Luke really hers to take back?
“Why do you ask?” Lenny asked instead, pulling the switch and enclosing the room in darkness.
“Because we all think you should.”
&n
bsp; Lenny smiled in the dark room. “All of you think that, huh?”
“Well, it’s just been the most exciting thing that’s happened all week. We obviously talked about it.” Shelby adjusted her covers making the wooden structure rock slightly.
“It’s not a reality show, S.L.” Lenny pointed out. “The audience doesn’t get a vote.”
“I know.” Shelby was quiet for a few minutes and then she sleepily sighed, “You guys are so great together.”
Lenny pursed her lips up at the ceiling. The cabin grew quiet, Lenny heard Shelby’s breathing even out and knew she had fallen asleep. Lenny wasn’t so lucky. She lay awake for a long while after that, trying to figure out why Shelby’s logic seemed so sound.
***
The next day brought more adventure and even more confusing thoughts for Lenny. The group stayed together again and took some turns. Travis and Trucker started a slight competition with a small jump and pretty soon everyone was being a little more risky with their lines.
Luke was his amazing, charming, smooth self. Lenny loved how he fit in perfectly with her group of friends but that didn’t mean what she knew he was hoping it would mean. She still couldn’t shake the thoughts from the night before. He was a rock star. He would always be a rock star. And it would take a special kind of woman to be able to deal with all the things that came along with that. Lenny wasn't sure if she would ever fit into that category.
***
Luke was having a blast. Snowboarding was his new favorite thing. Lenny’s friends were awesome and being around Lenny was...intoxicating, as usual. She was unbelievable on the snow. Everything she did seemed effortless.
She had raced Serge to the bottom of a very steep mountain, tying Luke’s stomach in knots. But he couldn’t help but let his heart swell with pride at her confidence and talent.
When the others started doing some risky flips and rotations, she blew them all away. They had gotten heated and Lenny had removed her coat and flannel. She was wearing her black snow pants and a form fitting black tank with the entire back made out of lace. Luke assumed that every guy was checking her out but there was nothing he could do about it. She was captivating. Her perfect body twisted and soared in the air, her blonde hair glowing like a halo in the bright sunlight. She had no idea how beautiful she was.
When they got ready to head back to base, Lenny put her coat back on and Luke knew he heard some sad groans from the guys around them. She didn’t even notice. Of course she didn’t. She wasn’t one of those girls. She had no clue that very often she was the most gorgeous woman in the room. Luke had a devilish thought then. If Lenny knew how hot she was, with her confidence, the world would be doomed.
He chuckled at himself as he followed her into the helicopter. She gave him a frown that was more of a question and he just shook his head.
Everyone gravitated to the Lodge for the evenings activities. Luke sat up at the bar and watched Lenny try to teach Shelby Lynn how to play pool. It was comical and sweet at the same time. Lenny was good, like everything else in her life, but Shelby Lynn was very uncoordinated. She kept getting frustrated and would want to give up but Lenny’s patient words would bring her back to try again.
Shane took a seat next to Luke and nodded at the bartender for a beer. When he got it and took a sip, he chuckled at Luke.
“You’re so obvious.” Shane laughed again and Luke smirked, knowing he’d been caught watching Lenny.
“I can’t help it.” Luke replied honestly. Lenny looked up and caught his stare. He didn’t even try to hide it, instead he winked at her. He thought he saw her blush slightly before shaking her head and going back to Shelby Lynn.
“Have you guys talked anymore?” Shane asked curiously.
Luke sighed heavily. “No, not really.” He frowned slightly. “She’s being pretty stubborn.”
“Yeah, that sounds like Lenny.” Shane smiled around the lip of his glass.
Luke scanned the room, trying to come up with some kind of profound plan. He had thought that just spending time in Lenny’s world would prove that their relationship could work. But he was starting to get the feeling there was more to her rigidness than that. She wasn’t being completely forthright with him and he needed to get her to open up to him. Once and for all.
That’s when Luke spotted the unused dance floor tucked back in a corner. It was just beyond the jukebox. The lights around it weren’t on so that’s why he didn’t see it. It wasn’t in complete darkness but it would provide a nice little private space for them to talk without her feeling completely trapped. All he had to do was convince her to dance with him.
Luke grinned at Shane, “I have an idea.”
He hopped off his stool and made his way to the jukebox. He glanced over the song lists and starting pumping quarters in the machine. He thought he’d need about six songs for a decent conversation. He chose all slow, cheesy ballads, knowing she’d at least find humor in it if nothing else.
As Neil Diamond’s husky voice started to sing ‘Hello Again,’ Luke approached Lenny from behind. He saw Shelby Lynn’s eyes get wide but Lenny didn’t turn around. Luke smiled and gently clasped her wrist, slowly twisting her to face him. She was curious and her eyes sparkled. Luke didn’t say anything as he gently tugged her towards the dance floor.
He put his hands on her waist and she automatically rested her hands on his shoulders. She looked uncomfortable and Luke noticed right away that she was not a very good dancer at all. He kept the pace slow and she focused on the center of his chest, concentrating on the movements of her feet.
“I think we should talk,” Luke began in a hushed voice. He saw Lenny swallow and she subtly nodded.
“I want you,” Luke said plainly. Lenny’s eyes flashed up to his and her face flushed with his choice of words. He chuckled as he realized how that sounded. “I mean, I want you with me.” His face growing more serious. “I want you back in my life.”
Another verse went by as he waited for her response. When she spoke, her words came out stiffly, like it was hard for her to say them.
“Luke…” She began slowly, “You’re a rock star…and with that comes certain…complications.”
Luke frowned down at her face but he didn’t interrupt.
“I don't know how I can be…okay, knowing that the moment we’re not together for a few days, you’ll have women standing in line to fill that void for you.”
“It’s not like that.” Luke protested. “I made a really bad choice-”
“Luke, we had only been apart for a little while and you…” Lenny swallowed again. “You-”
“I know.” Luke began to plead. “I really screwed up, but it won't ever happen again.”
Lenny's eyebrows pushed together with confusion. “But, Luke, when you love someone, it doesn’t matter if you’re on a break. That person should still be the only one…”
Luke’s heart froze in his chest as he realized what she was telling him. He couldn’t undo what he had done. She was right. He had been in love with her and had allowed himself to look into…other options. If she had been out kissing other guys he would have felt completely betrayed. He had never put himself in her position. The idea of Lenny with someone else…kissing him, holding him…loving him. His pulse began to quicken with the rising panic of losing Lenny forever.
“It’s hard to…start over.” Her words were tiny slices in his heart, stripping away the hope he had left. “I can’t forget-”
“I know, you can’t forget. But maybe you could forgive.” Luke’s grip around her tightened, like he was afraid she would walk away from him any minute. “I’m so madly in love with you I can’t think straight. You’re all I want. I can give up the band, the music, Boston. All of it. Anything. Just not you.” Luke’s words were pouring out, he couldn’t stop them if he wanted to. “I know I messed up. I hate what I did. I never wanted to hurt you. Ever. I should have fought for you from the beginning. I should’ve never let you walk away…I need you in my life. You�
��re…” Luke’s voice cracked. “…you’re my best friend, Lenny.”
***
“Try to think about the future, Luke.” Lenny’s voice sounded small, even to her but she needed to get it out. “What happens when we’re separated? When I’m competing, maybe, and you’re around the world? And you get lonely? You’re the sexy lead singer of a major band, in case you’ve forgotten…you wouldn’t be lonely for long…and I don’t think, no, I know I can’t compete with that. I’m just…” Lenny searched for the right explanation. “…a regular person.” Her eyes settled on his chin as she said the words.
“You are not a regular person.” Luke's firm voice brought her eyes back up to his. His jaw clenched in seriousness. “You are a hell of a woman.” His eyes shone with emotion. “You’re it.” He brought one hand up to rest on her cheek. “There is no competition. You have my heart.”
Lenny had no words left. She couldn’t deny that her heart still ached to be near Luke. That the only time she’d felt any kind of peace in the past couple of weeks was when he had shown up in Valdez. She couldn’t refute that even the simple act of him holding her in his arms on the deserted dance floor made her whole body tremble with excitement.
“I have never known anyone like you, Lenny. You are brave and strong and beautiful. You make me think I can be a better person. More importantly, you make me want to be a better person.” He took a careful breath. “I know we don’t have it all figured out. I know I’m probably gonna screw up a few more times and make you mad at me. But I also know that you’re the one I want to be with to figure these things out. I don’t want to do this life without you, my best friend. I'm crazy in love with you.”
Learn to Fly Page 39
