by Judith Keim
Her phone was ringing when she returned to her desk. Still savoring her victory, she picked it up and said a cheery, “Hello?”
“Sukie? My God, why didn’t you tell us you were Cameron Taylor’s date?” Carol Ann’s voice quivered with indignation. “The whole office is talking about it!”
Sukie’s breath left her in a whoosh. She collapsed in her chair. “What do you mean?”
“One of the girls in the accounting department was visiting another couple in the city. They saw you together at Jasper’s in Atlanta. She asked Cam about it and he told her it was true.”
Sukie stirred uncomfortably in her chair. “Is Cam there?”
“No. He’s out at a client’s. Oh, Sukie, I can’t believe it. You and Cameron? Wow! Is he as hot as he looks? He’s gotta be. You’ll have to tell us all about it on Friday,” Carol Ann babbled, oblivious to Sukie’s silence.
Sukie’s head began to pound. She felt as if her whole body was caught in a vise. What she’d intended as a very private evening had turned into another public nightmare.
“I’ve got to go,” she said, feeling sick to her stomach.
“Yeah, well, don’t forget. Fat Fridays women stick together. I’m so excited!”
Sukie hung up the phone and held her head in her hands. She’d thought she and Cam would have privacy away from town. She’d misjudged, yet again. Now she’d be forced to confront her children.
Somehow Sukie made it through the day, though every triumph at work was counterbalanced by the thought that she’d have to speak to Cam that night about ending their relationship.
Still fragile from the divorce, her underlying insecurity began to play games with her mind. Cameron was in his thirties and could attract any woman he wanted—a much younger, much hipper one than she. Sukie couldn’t understand why he’d wanted to be with her. Images of their lustful time together flashed in her mind. She swallowed hard. There had been something wonderful between them. But, still...
Exhausted from all the inner turmoil, she left the library.
At home, she sipped a glass of white wine and waited for a frozen diet meal to heat. It was the best cooking she could do on her Monday work schedule.
The phone rang.
Sukie checked caller ID and turned away. She was not about to talk to Ted; she could well imagine the tone of his conversation if news of her dating had reached him.
Just as the microwave beeped, the phone rang again. Madeleine. Sacrificing a hot dinner for news of her forthcoming grandchild, she picked up.
“Hi, Sukie. Just wanted to let you know we’re back in town. How are things going?” Madeleine’s cheery voice washed over Sukie in soothing waves.
“I’m going through a difficult time,” Sukie told Madeleine honestly. “But I’ll be all right. How’s the baby?”
Madeleine laughed. “Kicking and turning. I think there’s a real football player down there. Rob says he doesn’t care if it’s a boy or a girl, but I think deep down he wants a boy. We’ll see. I’m glad we decided to wait to find out.”
They chatted a few more minutes and Sukie hung up. In a couple of months, she would have her first grandchild to hold. She could hardly wait.
Sukie reheated her dinner and gulped it down so she wouldn’t be late for her computer class. The hint of teriyaki on the chicken tasted wonderful and reminded her of the appetizers she’d had at Jasper’s. It had been, Sukie reflected, a magical evening. Too bad it had turned into a public spectacle.
She arrived at the library to find the classroom empty. Disappointment roared through her.
“Has the computer class been cancelled?” Sukie asked the woman behind the circulation desk.
The volunteer nodded. “Mr. Taylor called to say his daughter was sick and he couldn’t find a babysitter. Class will be the same time next week.”
All the energy Sukie had built up to face Cam whooshed out of her, leaving her weak-kneed. She had to get the situation under control or she’d feel like hiding in her house again.
She went back to her car and sat a moment, stewing. She wouldn’t, she couldn’t rest until she’d faced Cam.
She drove into the neighborhood. The lights were on in Cam’s house. She hesitated, and pulled into his driveway, determined to resolve the issue of their dating once and for all.
“Hey, there!” Cam’s pleasure at seeing her when he answered the door shot warmth through Sukie. Her emotions whirled in confusion. Caught off guard, she stumbled for something to say.
“Is Chloe all right? I went to class and was told she was sick.”
Cam nodded. “Poor kid has the flu. It’s going around her preschool. She’s sleeping now, but she was really sick.” He waved Sukie inside with a sweep of his arm.
Her hands icy cold, Sukie stepped through the doorway. She hated confrontation, had always veered away from it.
“You look like you’ve got something on your mind,” Cam said, studying her a moment.
Sukie let out the breath she’d held. “It’s everything—our relationship, the talk around town about us, everything. You’re young. You can have anyone you want. I’m about to become a grandmother. My children won’t like us being together. I don’t know what got into us—me—the other night.”
“You don’t?” His mesmerizing blue eyes stayed on Sukie as he covered her cold hands with his warm ones and drew her toward him. “Sukie, what are you really worried about?”
They stood, holding hands, gazing at one another. It’s more than lust, Sukie thought, as she observed his concern. “I don’t know where we’re going, why I’m even here. . .”
His lips came down on hers. Soft, gentle, probing. Sukie couldn’t prevent herself from responding. In his arms she was a different woman—not the organized soon-to-be grandmother everyone knew and counted on, but the young, adventuresome, lusty woman she hid inside.
Cam’s eyes were shiny when they pulled apart. “Why are you so concerned about your age? I’m not that much younger than you. I’m what my mother calls a late bloomer, and you obviously are not. You had your children young.”
“Everyone is talking about us, you know.” Sukie waited for his reaction.
Lifting Sukie’s chin, Cam forced her to look into his eyes. “Does that bother you, Sukie?”
She nodded. “My whole life has been on display lately. And, I don’t know. . . “
“Aha. It really upsets you that I can’t give you any promises, doesn’t it? Well, let me ask you the same thing. Any guarantees from you that this is what you want?”
Sukie’s teeth caught the corner of her lip, seeing the situation in a whole new light.
Cam cocked an eyebrow. “Maybe it’s time to take a chance on us, Sukie. For you, as much as for me. No guarantees.”
“It’s more than just the sex for you, isn’t it?” Sukie’s voice quivered with the need to know.
He gave her a reassuring grin. “The sex was great but, yeah, it’s more than that. You know that thing, that connection, you mentioned? It’s there. Damned if I know what it is about you, but I want to keep it going.”
“Have you ever felt like this before?”
Cam swept a lock of hair away from Sukie’s face, his fingers gentle. “No.”
Joy and wonder filled her. She learned enough in that single gravelly word to know that she also wanted to give him, her, them, a try.
Cam reached for her and Sukie gladly went into his arms. His lips met hers with a deep-seated need she recognized. Tears of happiness misted her vision. Maybe some chances were worth taking.
CHAPTER TWENTY TWO
BETSY
Betsy had planned to talk privately to Sukie after the next Fat Fridays luncheon, but decided she couldn’t wait that long. As soon as she got settled at her desk at MacTel, she punched in Sukie’s number. Waiting for her to answer, Betsy’s stomach did a series of somersaults.
“Hello?” Sukie finally answered, sounding a little out of breath.
Betsy drew in fresh air. “Sukie, m
ay I stop by your house after work today? There’s something I need to discuss with you. Something personal.”
“Sure,” Sukie said. “Are you okay?”
Tears came to Betsy’s eyes. Her life was such a mess. “I just need to talk to you.”
“All right, Betsy. I’ll be waiting for you.”
“Thanks.” Betsy hung up more grateful for her dearest friend than she could say. She trusted Sukie to be honest with her and fervently hoped they could still be friends.
Throughout the day, Betsy carried out her duties at work with a worried heart. She imagined different scenarios with Sukie. Would Sukie understand what she was about to do? Would anybody?
As Betsy was getting ready to leave the office, Lynn came over to her. “Hey, are you okay? You’ve been real quiet today. I didn’t know if you were sick or what.”
Touched by Lynn’s concern, Betsy pasted a smile on her face. Of all the people in the Fat Fridays group besides Sukie, Lynn would be the one who might accept what Betsy had done.
“Thanks. I’m fine,” Betsy told her, amazed how easily she could fib when the situation called for it.
She waved goodbye to Carol Ann and Tiffany and hurried into the elevator, anxious to get out of the office before anyone else asked how she was doing. The truth was, she was scared to death.
###
Betsy pulled into Sukie’s driveway and took a moment to gather her thoughts. It wouldn’t be easy to tell Sukie what was on her mind. She’d hidden the truth for years. The therapist she’d talked to recently had helped Betsy understand it would be better if she faced reality head on.
Sukie greeted Betsy at the door with a hug, stepped away and studied her. “What’s wrong, Betsy? You look so worried. Come on in. I’ve fixed some appetizers and chilled a bottle of white wine.”
Betsy followed Sukie into the kitchen and stood by while Sukie poured wine into two long-stemmed crystal glasses, then handed one to her.
“I really need to talk to you.” Unable to hide the sting of tears, Betsy took a sip of wine to steady her frayed nerves.
“Is everything all right? Is Richie okay?” Sukie gave her a worried look.
Betsy nodded. “He’s fine. It’s me. Oh, Sukie, I’m so confused.”
Sukie took her by the elbow. “Come. We’ll sit outside, have our wine on the patio and you can tell me whatever is troubling you.”
On the patio, they settled at the glass-topped table and eyed each other curiously.
Heart pounding, Betsy cleared her throat. “I need to talk to somebody about what’s going on with me. Sure you don’t mind listening?”
Sukie gave her an encouraging smile. “That’s what friends are for, isn’t it?”
Toasting each other, they clinked their wine glasses together. Betsy hoped by the end of her visit, Sukie would still feel the same way about being friends. She swallowed hard, wondering where to begin, and blurted, “I’m falling in love.”
Sukie beamed at her. “Betsy! That’s wonderful! The black car I’ve seen in your driveway so often...does that belong to him?”
“Yes...I mean, no,” Betsy answered, and burst into tears.
Sukie reached over and clasped her hand. “My God, Betsy! What is it?”
“The car belongs to Karen McEvoy.” Betsy gave Sukie’s hand a squeeze. “What am I going to do? I love her. I really do. It’s what I’ve waited for my whole life, to feel like this. Poor Rich, poor Richie.” Betsy pulled a tissue out of her pants pocket and blew her nose. “It wasn’t Rich’s fault, but I could never love him to this extent. Richie is going to be upset. He adored his father. What am I going to do?”
“You’re gay?” Sukie’s eyes widened with surprise.
“I know it’s a shock...” Betsy gripped her hands together, waiting to hear what Sukie would say next. Her stomach knotted. After years of making herself do and say the right things, she was allowing her secret feelings, the ones she’d hidden for years, to emerge.
Sukie frowned. “Are you sure about this? I know how hard it is to live alone after so many years.”
Betsy laughed—a sad, bitter sound she knew so well. “I’ve been alone all my life, it seems. And, yes, I’m very sure about wanting to be with Karen. She makes me feel alive, fulfilled. We share so many common traits and interests. Sukie, I’m terrified by my intense feelings for her.”
“Does she know?”
Betsy sniffed and nodded. “Yes, she knows how I feel about her.” Betsy could feel her lips spread into a quivering smile. “Karen says she feels the same way about me. I’ve decided to follow my heart. I’ve asked her to move in with me.”
Sukie sat back in her chair, silent.
Betsy watched her with dismay. She could almost see Sukie’s mind working, trying to absorb the news she’d sprung on her.
“I’ve talked to a therapist about this,” Betsy said, trying to make Sukie understand. “She says I need to be straightforward, unashamed. But, Sukie, I’m worried about the neighbors. Do you think they’ll put up a stink about it?”
Sukie shook her head. “I don’t know. I suppose those that would are the same people who might be upset by me seeing a much younger man.”
Betsy drew herself up. “You know what I say, Sukie? I say, to hell with ‘em. We have a right to live our lives the way we want. Right?”
“Right.” Sukie raised her glass and saluted her, but Betsy could tell Sukie was troubled. Her heart sank.
Betsy waited for Sukie to say something, do something. Their friendship meant so much to her. She knew there would be others who would turn away from her—a lot of them from her church—but she couldn’t bear for Sukie to be one of them.
“You remember Karen, don’t you?”
Sukie nodded. “I met her last March when I ran into you and Karen at the mall. She seemed nice.”
Betsy gripped her hands together so tightly the blood left her fingers. “What do you think the girls in the Fat Fridays group will say when they hear about this?”
Sukie drew a breath. “They’ll be surprised.”
“Will they let me stay in the group?” Betsy’s voice shook. She’d grown to love them all, even with their differences.
Sukie rose and gave her a hug. “If they don’t, I’ll leave too.”
Fresh tears rolled down Betsy’s cheeks. “We’ve all become good friends and since you’ve joined Fat Fridays, we’ve become even closer. And now we have to stick together for Lynn.”
Sukie gave her a pat on the back. “I’m pretty sure they’re not going to abandon you, Betsy. You’re the one who’s brought everyone together. We all love you.”
Betsy choked back tears. “Oh, Sukie, I’m so scared. It’s such a big step for me to take. Yet, I know how unhappy I’d be if I didn’t acknowledge my true self, the one who’s tried so hard to fit in, to be proper, to do the right thing.” She blotted her wet eyes. “I deserve to be happy, don’t I?”
Sukie nodded. “Why don’t you make it easy on yourself? Why don’t you simply continue the relationship without having Karen move in with you?”
“She has a chance to sell her condo—the owner of the one next door to her wants to buy it to expand his space. In this slow market, if she doesn’t sell now while she’s got a good offer, she might not get another chance for a long time.”
“I see...”
Betsy gripped Sukie’s hands. “I’ve told no one else about how I feel. My therapist suggested one person, one step at a time. I came to you first because I knew you’d be honest. Honest and fair. I don’t know when I’ll tell the others. I haven’t even told Richie. I’m not ready for that.”
Sukie gave her a worried look. “I understand how hard the whole procedure will be for you.”
Betsy swallowed hard, glad the awkward situation was out in the open. “I’m going to take baby steps, like the therapist said. One thing at a time. Eventually everyone will know, but for now I’m just getting used to the idea myself.”
“That sounds reasonable. Good l
uck, Betsy. I’m happy for you. I really am,” Sukie gave her another encouraging smile.
Betsy took a calming breath, relieved she’d started the process of telling people with Sukie.
“Karen is going to be with me this weekend. Any chance you’d come for brunch on Sunday? You and Cam?”
“I’ll ask him,” Sukie said, “but that means he’ll know too. Is that what you want?”
Betsy nodded, rose and gave Sukie a hug. “You’re a dear, dear friend, Sukie. Thanks for hearing me out and supporting me. I’d better go now. I’m meeting Karen for dinner.”
Sukie walked her to the door. “Everything will be fine, Betsy. You’ll see.”
Betsy nodded, but she knew things were never that simple. Like it or not, in a small town like theirs, there would be ugly consequences for her. But she’d already decided she couldn’t be her real self if she was too afraid to tell people the truth.
Her heart skipped a beat. Telling her beloved son would be the hardest thing of all.
CHAPTER TWENTY THREE
SUKIE
Betsy was gay?
Sukie’s body felt numb with shock as she watched Betsy walk down the sidewalk, get into her car and drive away. She knew Betsy well enough to know this wasn’t something she’d decided abruptly. Betsy had told her before that she hadn’t been happy with Rich, that her life with him wasn’t satisfying. Sukie had no idea then what it all really meant. Maybe Betsy didn’t either.
Sukie wandered into the kitchen to fix herself a light supper. Betsy’s situation forced her to look at her own in a new light. She wondered how Rob and Elizabeth would handle it if her relationship with Cam grew into something permanent.
A new feeling of self-worth filled Sukie. She’d fight their disapproval, if forced. Like Betsy, she deserved to be happy. It had been years since she’d known real happiness. With Cam, she was fulfilled in a way she hadn’t believed possible. He made her feel beautiful—heart and soul. She and Betsy had each done their duty, raising their families with love and commitment. Now it was time to discover who they were and who they might become.
