I’d never been good with feelings. Don’t get me wrong; I was on a first-name basis with fear and anger, but feelings of the romantic kind . . . Well, let’s just say our paths hadn’t crossed that often. I’ve never been what you’d call datable. When a man found out my last name was Benares, all I had to do was watch his face and know how that relationship was going to go—or not go. It was all in the eyes; they either bugged out in sheer terror, or narrowed in anticipatory greed. Unfortunately, there wasn’t much of a middle ground.
Mychael and Tam were two notable exceptions.
So far all my romantic encounters with Mychael had been for diverting enemy attention, for healing, or for relief that I wasn’t dead—at least those were his excuses. But after what he’d said, not said, and implied in his office a few hours ago, I had the feeling that Mychael’s excuses were turning into intentions. And regardless of what Vegard said, or Mychael might think, or I might want, the top lawman in the seven kingdoms could hardly get involved with a member of the top criminal family. Talk about a career-destroying move. Though with the Saghred involved, career-destroying was also life-threatening. But that hadn’t stopped me from pondering some intentions of my own. What had happened when he’d touched me wasn’t a feeling or a sensation; it was an experience of the once-in-a-lifetime kind. And I’d already been treated to it twice in two days.
Then there was Tam. I knew what Tam wanted from me—the same thing he’d wanted since the night we’d met. And during the time that I’d known him, those black, bedroom eyes of his made sure I didn’t forget it. I was pretty sure his feelings for me went beyond what would no doubt be an amazing time in bed—or on the floor, in the tub, or against the wall—I just didn’t know how far those feelings went, and Tam hadn’t seen fit to tell me. And in any romantic encounters with Tam, my good sense had left the room. Tam could do that to a woman, and he certainly did that to me. Then there was Tam’s past. Normally a man’s past wouldn’t bother me, as long as it stayed in the past where it belonged. But Tam’s notoriety, indiscretions, sins, and assorted crimes weren’t just chasing him, they were catching up.
Two gorgeous, sexy, dangerous, and downright delicious men. And now the Saghred was playing matchmaker for me with both of them, making it a bad situation with even worse timing, and I didn’t even want to think about the ending. But what if we got rid of the rock, and the bonds, and no one was trying to arrest and/or kill us anymore? What if it was just Tam and me, or Mychael and me? What would I do then? And who would I want to be doing it with?
I drained my tankard and reached for the keg’s tap.
“You might want to rethink that,” Sora Niabi suggested. “Or at least admit the reason for it.”
The demonologist was standing close enough to talk, but far enough away not to get hit with anything I might possibly throw in her direction. Apparently she’d seen her share of mean drunks in her time.
I bristled. “Why?”
“Draining that keg isn’t going to make whatever’s wrong any better, and pickling your brain never helps anything.”
“So you’ve never gotten pickled?”
She let out a snort of a laugh. “Plenty of times. I hunt demons for a living.”
“Since you’re here, does that mean the demon hunt’s over?”
“It does.”
“Wanna join me?”
“Love to.”
I looked around, seeing nothing but my tankard and one keg. “We’ll have to get—”
Sora flashed a grin and pulled a dinted metal mug from her robes. “I always carry my own.”
“That’s convenient.”
“And ensures I never go thirsty.”
Sora sat down on the deck next to the keg, filled her mug, and with a sore and weary sigh, slowly eased back against the mainmast.
“There’s plenty of room on the bench,” I told her.
“I’m good right where I am.” Sora took a long drink and nodded appreciatively. “A fine brew. My compliments to your cousin.”
I pushed on the tap and started refilling my tankard. “Phaelan thinks a happy crew is a loyal crew.”
“This would certainly help. And you’re sitting here getting yourself happy because . . . ?”
“I’m scared and I’m confused, and I’m overwhelmed by what I’m scared of and confused about.”
Sora’s brow creased in concentration. “That almost made sense.”
“Thank you.”
“And will emptying that keg make you any less confused, scared, and overwhelmed?”
“No, but—”
“Let’s see . . . One, you’re alive. And considering present circumstances, you used up half a dozen miracles making that one happen. Two, so you’ve got people after you.” She dismissively waved her hand. “They’re all assholes.”
“Powerful assholes,” I reminded her. I think my words were starting to slur.
Sora took another healthy swig. “All that means is they can blow more gas.”
I had to laugh, even though it hurt my head. “I don’t think Carnades blows gas.”
“You’re right. Too tight-assed.” She paused with a knowing grin. “Third, and the main reason you’re trying to drown yourself in a keg, you’ve got man problems.”
I saw no reason to deny it. “On top of all my others. And it’s not a man problem—it’s a men problem.”
Sora nodded. “Ah. Let me guess—two men, one you, and a lot of confusion in between. Seen it before.”
“Not like this, you haven’t. And it’s not like I’ve had time to sit around and make a list of pros and cons.”
“You don’t need a list. What’s your gut tell you?”
I grimaced and burped. “That I should have stopped two tankards ago.” I leaned forward and dropped my face into the hand not holding the ale. “And being anywhere near me is going to get them both killed.”
“Both meaning Mychael Eiliesor and Tamnais Nathrach?”
“That would be them.” My words were muffled against my hand.
“First of all, I’d like to congratulate you on some damn fine taste in men.”
“Thank you.”
“So you’re saying that you’re not interested in either one of them?”
I lifted my head and regretted it. “I’m saying that I can’t be.”
“You can tell yourself that until you’re blue in the face.” She indicated my ale mug. “Or in your case, throbbing in the head. All the ale on this island isn’t going to change how you feel here.” She took the hand that wasn’t holding her mug and poked herself twice in the center of her chest. I think she was swaying, or maybe it was me. “I take it that’s the source of your confusion?”
“Uh-huh.” I couldn’t tell her that it was also the source of my fear. Sora didn’t know about the Saghred’s foray into match-making, and it was safer for her if she stayed that way. Sometimes, ignorance wasn’t just bliss, it was survival. But I could tell her about Mychael’s excuses turning into intentions, and Tam’s lust turning into . . . well, serious lust and more. My love life had been mostly famine, but soon I might be confronted with a feast—and a choice.
I told her, and she listened.
“Being a demonologist gives you a certain perspective on life,” Sora told me. “I went up against I don’t know how many demons in that dark hall, with nothing but a handful of backup and half a dozen old and overused demon traps. By the way, that backup was some of your uncle’s crew.”
“I saw.”
“When you and Captain Benares went missing, the commodore went to Mychael and demanded to help find you. The paladin and I knew where you were by that time, and with the Guardians protecting the students, I needed some strong backs to haul in my big-ass demon traps.”
“Looked like a coffin to me.”
Sora flashed a grin. “For a demon, that’s what they are. My own invention. Once we got them spaced out around the Assembly outer hall, we opened them up and sucked the bastards right off the face of the
earth.”
“So what kept us from getting sucked in?”
“Shields and the fact that you’re not a demon.”
I chuckled and shook my head, slowly this time. “Some would say that’s open for debate.”
“Earlier models couldn’t tell the difference between demon and mortal.” She paused and looked a little embarrassed. “Design flaw.”
“That’s some flaw.”
“Especially to the poor demonologist who got sucked in there with them; I had a hell of a time getting him out. Your uncle’s crews hauled the traps in and then stayed to pose as lunch to lure the demons into range. Your Uncle Ryn and his officers took on a pack of Volghuls that arrived before we were ready to start the party.” Sora smiled fondly. “The demons were actually afraid of your uncle. He and his crew are a fine bunch of men.”
Now that was something Uncle Ryn and his crew had never been called. But I had to agree with Sora, any man who’d act like demon food, even for a few seconds, was worthy of any and all kinds of admiration.
“Your family’s good people, Raine.”
“They’re pirates.”
“Doesn’t mean they’re not good people.”
I smiled. Sora was good people, too. “All of your students are okay?” I asked.
Sora’s smile spread into a grin of fierce pride. “Every last one of them. And after what some of my grad students did in the Assembly, they’ll be graduating with honors. Two of them didn’t have the best grades in their class, but exam scores don’t mean shit when you’ve got a ten-foot-tall demon trying to have you for a snack. It’s what those two kids did to that demon that mattered. I’m proud of my students.” She looked me squarely in the eyes. “And having demons trying to eat you reminds you real quick what’s important and which things just don’t matter. It seems that our fine paladin’s acknowledging that he has some strong feelings for you. And I gather that you’ve known for some time how Nathrach felt. And you telling them that you can’t be with either one of them won’t do a damned thing to change their minds once they’ve made them up.” Her dark eyes sparkled appreciatively. “In case you haven’t noticed—and I’m sure you have—our paladin is a grown man.”
I raised my tankard in salute. “Noticed that many times.”
“And before Talon enrolled in the college, Tamnais Nathrach dropped by my office for a talk. Likewise, a grown man—a very well-grown man. And since they’re both big boys, they don’t need anyone to protect them from their choices—especially the woman it seems they’ve set their sights on.”
“No one’s set their sights on me.”
“I study demons, Raine. But deep down, I’m a hunter. I recognize my own kind. Mychael and Tamnais are hunters to their core.” She smiled slowly. “From what you tell me, and from what I’ve heard on my own, they’ve deemed you worthy of pursuit.” Her dark eyes twinkled. “Girl, you’d better watch your back. Though you might have more fun if you didn’t.”
“Sora, I’m trouble to my core. I don’t want them to die because of me.”
“Because you love them, or at least that’s the direction you’re heading. If you won’t say it, I will.”
“I don’t know what I—”
“Yes, you do. You’re just too stubborn—or afraid—to admit it yet.”
I didn’t answer. I didn’t have to; we both knew what that answer would be.
“Your not wanting them to die because of you won’t change how they feel,” she said. “The only thing you have to decide is what you’re going to do about it. Personally, when a class twelve demon finally catches me with no spells, no trap, and no hope in hell, I don’t want to have any regrets. How about you?”
I leaned forward and rested my elbows on my knees, letting my tankard dangle loosely from my hand, and stared down at the deck. As paladin, Mychael faced death every day. As a former member of the Mal’Salin family, Tam knew that death was hot on his heels right now. Both of them lived their lives like that, and they enjoyed living. I knew for a fact that Tam didn’t let anything get in the way of his having a good time. Yes, knowing me could get them both killed; it could get us all killed. But if they could live like that, so could I.
I raised my head—slowly this time—and grinned up at Sora. “You’re right. You’re absolutely right.”
Sora shrugged. “It happens from time to time. Though I can’t blame you for tying one on; you’ve literally been to Hell and back.”
I sat up straight and looked out over the harbor. The sun was lower in the sky. It’d be setting in about an hour; it looked as if it was going to be a beauty, and I was going to be sitting right here to enjoy it.
“I can’t let what might or might not happen keep me from living my life,” I said. “And I have no right whatsoever to tell anyone else how to live theirs—or how to feel. I won’t let Carnades and men like him ruin however long any of us have left.” I looked down in my mug; it was about half full. I set down beside me. “I’m done. I need what wits I’ve got left intact.” I sighed and grimaced. “I’ve got some thinking to do, but first I’ve got a rock to destroy.”
“Beautiful women getting drunk,” Phaelan said from behind me. “Mind if I join you?”
“Pull up another keg, Captain,” Sora told him. “This one’s about empty.”
“Is my cousin regaling you with stories about her exploits with the demon queen?”
Sora stretched her legs out, crossing them at the ankles. “I haven’t heard that one.”
I shot Phaelan an exasperated look. “Because there’s nothing to tell.”
“Nothing to tell? It was the best part of the whole day. Well, next to what I got to do.” He lowered his voice and grinned slowly. “But that’s highly classified information.” He winked at Sora. “Mine was more satisfying, but what Raine did trumped it for sheer entertainment value.”
I snorted. “For you.”
“Let’s let the professor decide. Raine started a catfight with the demon queen,” Phaelan said gleefully.
Soras’s brown eyes went wide. “A what?” Then she started to laugh. “Please tell me he’s kidding.”
“Afraid not.”
Phaelan chortled. “Two beautiful women, one of them naked, both rolling around on the ground. What’s not to enjoy?”
“That was insane,” Sora told me, incredulous.
I shrugged. “I know; but sometimes insanity works.”
“You won?”
“Not really.”
“You’re here; she’s not.”
“Uh, that was Tam’s doing.” I made a slashing motion across my throat. “With one of the Guardians’ green demon blades.”
“That’d certainly do it. But you attacked her?”
“Yeah, I did.”
“With her bare hands,” Phaelan chimed in.
“Hey, I had a reason. I had to get the Scythe.”
Sora’s brow furrowed. “I don’t think I’ve read or heard of anyone attacking the queen of demons before.”
“She did seem kind of surprised,” I admitted.
Phaelan draped an arm around my shoulders. “When word of this gets around, do you have any idea how this is going to enhance the family reputation? The one who isn’t even in the family business kicked the demon queen’s shapely ass.”
I raised a brow. “Shapely?”
It was Phaelan’s turn to shrug. “Call ’em as I see ’em. And thanks to you, I got to see everything.” His grin turned seven times wicked. “And with all that rolling around, I got to see everything at least twice. I’ve never been more proud to call you my cousin.”
I felt a presence brush my skin like fingertips. I stood, Phaelan’s voice fading into the background. I knew he was there before I could see him. I walked over to the railing and looked down at the dock.
Tam was standing alone, no dark mage hit squad, just him. His cloak blew back to reveal leathers and at least one blade at his hip. I was sure there were more. No battle braid contained his hair. It was down and
blowing in the evening breeze. Sora was right; I had some damned fine taste in men.
Phaelan stepped up behind me.
“Permission to come on board, Captain Benares?” Tam asked formally.
Phaelan blew his breath out through his nose. He wasn’t going to like it, but he was going to do it—for me. “Permission and welcome,” he called out.
“Thank you,” I whispered.
He smiled faintly. “Who am I to judge?”
Sora nodded in greeting to Tam and then went to join Vegard and Arlyn. Tam sat on the bench next to me. I leaned back against the mainmast.
Tam glanced down at the keg. “You’ve been drinking.”
“Extensively.”
“May I ask why?”
“You can’t guess?”
Tam didn’t say a word as his dark eyes gazed out over the harbor. “Piaras’s ceremony went well?” That was one thing you could always count on with a goblin—when a topic wasn’t to their liking, they’d change it.
“It was perfect,” I told him.
“I’m glad; he deserves it. I would have liked to have been there, but . . .”
“The three of us together in a room full of Conclave mages isn’t the best idea right now,” I finished for him.
I didn’t need to say out loud who was the third one of “us.” Heck, with our umi’atsu bond, Tam and I didn’t have to talk out loud at all. But to use the bond would be to acknowledge it. Until we could do something about breaking that bond, denial was working just fine for me.
“People could see us here,” Tam said.
“I don’t give a damn who sees us.”
The Trouble with Demons Page 36
