They all stopped eating again.
“Your grandma dates?” Annabelle asked. “Weird.”
I shook my head. “It’s not weird. There’s lots of interesting and attractive people online.”
“Wait,” Lola said. “You help your grandma online date?”
“I used to,” I said.
“Wacky,” Macy said. “My grandparents don’t even own a computer.”
“Did it work?” Annabelle asked. “Does your grandma have a boyfriend?”
I didn’t want to talk about Grandma’s maniac welder boyfriend named Willy while I ate. So I steered around him. “It worked great,” I said. “If she wanted, she could have more than one.”
“I just want Jasper,” Annabelle said. Then she smoothed her hair behind her ear and leaned across the table toward me. “Be serious. What’s your best advice?”
So I leaned across the table toward her, because it turned out that I really liked giving advice—it made me feel powerful and important. “Establish a connection.”
“Ooh,” Dee said.
Annabelle kept leaning forward. “How? How?” She sounded panicked.
“Like I said. Be straightforward and tell him you enjoy his personality and spiky hair.”
“It seems so risky,” Annabelle moaned.
“Wait,” Macy said. “Don’t you have a huge crush on your next-door neighbor? Have you tried any of this out on him?”
I didn’t say anything. I had not actually tried any of this out on gorgeous Noll Beck.
Macy gasped. “She hasn’t.”
“Why don’t you take your own advice first and report back,” Annabelle said.
She made a good point.
“He is so stinking awesome-looking,” Annabelle said as she nibbled on her bread crust and stared madly at the back of Jasper’s head, now two tables away.
And then instead of talking about boys and crushes, my lunch friends launched into a not-so-thrilling conversation about perfume. This was something that happened a lot. And the worst part about this was it meant that everybody was about to pull out their perfume pages, which were a bunch of pieces of notebook paper stapled together that stank, because Annabelle, Macy, Lola, and Dee went to the mall on a regular basis and collected perfume sample sticks. And at lunch they liked to pull out these collected sample sticks and sniff and discuss them.
“Ooh,” Annabelle said. “That smells like vanilla pudding.”
“Try this one,” Lola said, offering her perfume page to me.
I took a sniff, but it smelled like an old saddle, and I wasn’t sure I should say that.
“What do you smell?” Lola asked.
“Um,” I said. “It’s hard to describe.”
“I know! I know! It’s got multiple tones,” Lola said. “But which one do you think is the overriding scent?”
That was a good question.
“Smell it again,” Lola said.
But my head was already hurting, and so I really didn’t want to suck more terrible fumes toward my brain. But I did it anyway, because I didn’t want to offend my lunch friends. I took in a big breath.
“Okay,” Lola said. “What’s the first thing you smell?”
And so I answered very quickly.
“The earth,” I said.
“What?” Lola said. “Are you sure?”
I opened my eyes. “Yep.”
“That’s weird,” Lola said. “Because it’s not even a musk.”
I looked sympathetically at her and her perfume page.
“I think I’m going to buy Garden Spring Breeze,” Macy said. “I’m ready to have a signature scent.”
“No way!” Annabelle said, coughing on her milk in surprise. “I want one too.”
I wasn’t sure that was a good move. Grandma Lefter once told me that the world was changing and people were wearing perfume less and less in an attempt to smell as inoffensive as possible.
“I want to smell like a waterfall,” Annabelle said.
“Ooh,” Dee said.
“So cool,” Macy said.
I just ate my sandwich. Until Annabelle said something that got my attention. “Why is Alice Potgeiser staring at you like she hates you?”
“Huh?” I said.
I looked over at the cheerleading table and Alice was glaring right at me. Ever since she’d failed to beat my butt for mascot and we’d tied, she’d been acting very hostile toward me. Mainly just by looking at me with disgust.
“She thinks she’s so cool because she can do backflips, but so can monkeys,” Lola said.
“Yeah,” Dee said.
“She’s a lame-o,” Macy said. “And I’m glad she hurt her wrist and has to wear that stupid brace on it.”
“Shhh,” I said. I didn’t want Alice to know that my friends and I compared her to monkeys. And before I could shush my lunch friends again or make my own quiet monkey comparison, a hand landed on my shoulder and I jumped a little. Because I wasn’t used to hands touching me during lunch. I looked up. It was our school secretary, Mrs. Batts.
“Your mother is in the office,” she said.
Annabelle, Macy, Lola, and Dee looked at me with interest and concern.
“It’s about the mascot uniform,” I said. I hurried to explain as fast as I could, because I was a little bit worried Mrs. Batts might mention my foot fungus. As I stood up and dumped my tray and left the cafeteria with Mrs. Batts, EVERYBODY looked at me. Even Alice and her cheerleader friends and the psycho-bullies. I was very disgusted when I saw Cola, Beacher, and Redge eating my Two-Taste Teton donuts. I wanted to focus on my shoes and the ground. But I thought that might make me look like I’d done something wrong. So I smiled and carried the rest of my ham and cheese sandwich in an unworried and happy way.
My mom was sitting in a chair in the school office.
“I thought you’d spring me out of public speaking,” I said. Because I thought that was the time my mom had said.
“This worked better for me,” she said.
I didn’t mention that getting out of public speaking would have worked better for me.
“Principal Tidge will be out in a minute,” Mrs. Batts told us.
While we waited, Mrs. Batts sat at her desk sorting papers and stapling them in a really intense way. Every time she smacked the stapler shut with her hand, my mom jumped a little. I tried to make my mom feel more comfortable by talking about my classes with her.
“In nutrition today, we learned that Americans don’t have a good understanding of portion size. We should only eat lean meat that’s this big,” I said, holding up my fist.
My mother looked at my fist.
“Mrs. Lefter,” Principal Tidge said. She stood in front of her open door, wearing a very well-ironed ugly suit and smiling huge. “Sorry to keep you and Bessica waiting.”
I followed my mom into the principal’s office. As soon as she shut the door I saw the furry bear suit. It looked way more awesome than I had thought it would. It was a honey-brown color and the fur looked incredibly soft. I wanted to rub my face in it right then and there. But I held back.
“Here’s some information about the upcoming mascot clinic,” Principal Tidge said, handing my mom a piece of paper.
“Wow,” my mom said. “A six-hour class in mascot etiquette.”
“Sometimes it only lasts five hours,” Principal Tidge said. “All mascots in the district are asked to attend. It gives the mascots a chance to meet each other and learn new cheers.”
“Awesome!” I said.
“At the clinic you and Alice will need to take turns wearing the suit,” Principal Tidge explained.
That wasn’t ideal, but it was okay. “The suit looks great!”
“Thank you,” Principal Tidge said. “I picked it out. And interestingly enough, and lucky for you, we have a choice in mascot footwear.”
I was very intrigued to learn about my choices.
“They accidentally sent us two sets of hind paws. We were going to send one bac
k, but considering Bessica’s foot condition, I think it makes more sense to let her and Alice each have their own pair of paws for the season.
“Since you were unable to make the meeting, and since Alice and I and Mrs. Potgeiser divvied up the schedule, I figured it made sense to let you choose which pair of paws you wanted.”
“That does make sense,” I said, nodding.
“Since it’s shared, the costume has to stay here,” Principal Tidge said. “But if you’d like, you can take your paws home. I imagine it would be helpful to practice jumping rope while wearing them.”
“Yes!” I said. “It would.”
“About Bessica’s foot condition,” my mother interrupted.
“It’s getting much better,” I blurted out. “I caught it early and I’m using special cream.”
“No need to tell me the details,” Principal Tidge said. “These things happen.”
“Actually—” my mom started.
But I cut her off. “Next time I go to the public swimming pool, I will not go barefoot!”
Knock. Knock. Knock.
“Yes?” Principal Tidge said.
Mrs. Batts poked her head in the door. “I just caught the head of custodial services. You said you needed to speak with him.”
Principal Tidge stood up. “I did.”
“That’s cool,” I said. Because I sort of wanted her to leave before my mom could say anything truthful.
“Bessica, I’ve printed out the schedule. It’s right here.” She handed it to me. “All your games are highlighted. Boys’ football. Boys’ basketball. And Track and Field Days.”
“Ooh,” I said. I didn’t realize I’d get to perform at Track and Field Days.
“Your first game is in two weeks. You’ll be cheering against T.J. the Snake River Tiger.”
“I’m cheering against T.J. the Snake River Tiger?” I asked. “I thought Alice wanted to cheer against him.”
“She’s cheering against the wildcat,” Principal Tidge said.
That was right. I had mixed up my big cats.
“Mrs. Batts has both pairs of hind paws, and she’ll let you choose which one you want,” Principal Tidge said. “Sorry to run out on you, Mrs. Lefter. But we have a ventilation issue.”
And then, before my mom could object, Principal Tidge was gone and Mrs. Batts entered the office holding up one pair of furry, fluffy, awesome paws with claws, and one pair of dingy-looking paws that looked like they’d already been used.
“You should probably use these,” my mom said, pointing to the cruddy paws. “They’d be easier to jump rope with.”
I shook my head. “But these look like actual bear paws.”
I took them from Mrs. Batts and stuck them on my hands. “Roar!” I said to my mom. I was so thrilled.
Mrs. Batts laughed at me. “Great choice.” Then she turned around and left the room.
“Bessica Lefter, I am beyond uncomfortable with what just happened here,” my mom said.
“I know,” I said. “But after she offered me my own set of take-home paws we really didn’t have a choice.” I reached up and touched my mom gently on the shoulder with one of my terrifying paws. “Grandma is going to love these.”
This made my mom smile a little bit. Because we both missed Grandma. Neither one of us brought up how stupid it was that she left us to go on a road trip in a Winnebago with her new boyfriend, Willy. Stupid Winnebago.
“Bessica?” a soft voice called.
I flipped around to see who it was. Half of Lola’s head peeked through the doorway.
“Hi, Lola!” I said. “This is my mom and these are my bear paws.”
Lola peeked the rest of her head through the doorway and waved very politely at my mom. “I was just checking on you. I’m going to go back to the cafeteria.”
“Thanks!” I said. “Tell everyone I’m cool and I was just getting my paws.”
Lola nodded.
“Nice meeting you, Lola,” my mom said.
“I eat lunch with her,” I explained. “She’s a very serious person. Also, we’re in PE together.”
“You should invite her over,” my mom said.
“Ooh,” I said. “Can we eat junk food and watch bad television?” Sylvie and I used to watch bad television and eat cheese puffs. I missed those days.
“Let’s invite her over for a movie and pizza. Okay. I need to get back to work. Hand me the paws,” my mom said.
But I sort of wanted to keep them.
“There’s no way they’ll fit in your locker,” she said.
But I thought maybe I could just carry them around all day. My mom kept her hands held out.
“Fine,” I said, handing them over.
“You better hope this grand moment of dishonesty doesn’t come around to bite you in the butt,” my mom said.
I was really surprised to hear her use the word butt in my principal’s office. Besides, wasn’t this all Sylvie’s fault? Shouldn’t she have been the one getting bitten in the butt?
I looked into my mom’s worried eyes. “That will never happen,” I told her. And when I said those words to her, I totally believed they were true.
“What do you have now?” my mom asked.
“Mr. Hoser,” I said. “Geography.” It sure would have been nice if my mom had just taken me home. I fluttered my eyelashes and smiled.
“You’re not leaving school early,” she said. “Have a great rest of your day.”
Then she kissed me on the head and walked out. I followed her into the empty hallway and finished the last bite of my ham sandwich and then almost gagged. Because Alice Potgeiser came rushing up to me.
“Which paws did you pick?” she asked. She was breathing heavy and looked upset. Then she poked her head into Mrs. Batts’s office and saw the cruddy paws still on her desk. She turned and looked at me like she wanted to stab me with a pencil. And this worried me, because the school office had a ton of those. “Are those mine or yours?”
“Yours,” I said. And inside I was laughing a little bit in delight, because I’d gotten the superior mascot footwear. Ha, ha, ha.
“Fine,” Alice said. “Take the better paws. It doesn’t matter.”
“I’m glad you feel that way,” I said. Even though I knew she thought it mattered a great deal.
“You’re such a nickel,” Alice said.
I just looked at her like I didn’t know what she was saying. Because I didn’t.
“It means you have very little value to me. Or anyone.”
I tried to think of a comeback. “I like nickels.”
Alice rolled her eyes. “You would.” Then she cleared her throat and smiled at me in an evil way. “Also, I should probably tell you that your mascot career is over.”
I gasped. Was it possible that Alice knew about my faked foot fungal infection?
“Yeah, I made it so you’d be cheering against the most vicious mascot during your first game,” Alice said.
But that didn’t sound so bad to me, because I thought me and the other mascot could maybe put on the best show ever.
“You’ll look like a dweeb. And T.J. will look like a rock star. Because he’s a pro and you’re a nickel.”
I considered reminding her that I liked nickels again, but I didn’t. I was starting to feel worried that maybe I would look like a dweeb in front of the school.
“You act like you’re special, but you’re not,” Alice said. “And everybody is going to be able to see that.”
And when she said those words, they hit me hard. I worried that maybe there was a little truth to them. I wanted to be special and find my spot. And part of finding my spot meant that I wanted other people to think I was special too. From there I’d become majorly popular.
The bell rang, and Alice looked at me and leveled her brace-covered hand toward my heart.
“I don’t know what sort of medical emergency you faked to get the good paws, but I’ll get to the bottom of it. And when I do, everybody is going to know that you
’re a total sham.”
I don’t think anybody had ever called me this many names in a row. Nickel. Dweeb. Sham. Alice didn’t stick around for me to start calling her names. I was surprised that Alice was able to hurt my feelings so much, because I didn’t even like her. But those names and their sharp corners kept tumbling around inside me. Nickel. Dweeb. Sham. And just when I thought my feelings couldn’t be hurt any worse, I heard Alice say the following terrible things after she turned the corner.
“Of course I’d like a Two-Taste Teton donut! Mmm, mmm, mmm. Thanks, Cola. These flavor flecks rock!”
When your life is going terribly, it’s pretty easy to have nightmares. That night I dreamed something so horrific and rotten that it made me sweat in my sheets. In my nightmare, I was stuck on the ledge of a building. And nobody would help me get down. And there was scary wind blowing and crazy birds flying and I was terrified. Plenty of people walked past with ladders: Annabelle Deeter, Sylvie, the gorgeous Noll Beck, Mom, Dad, even Grandma Lefter!
But whenever I yelled at them to get me a ladder, they all said the same thing. “You found your way up there. You can find your way down.” Even Grandma told me that. Which I couldn’t believe! Because standing on the ledge of a building is totally unsafe. Then Sylvie walked past and she had the best ladder ever. So I yelled, “Sylvie, I’m stuck on a ledge! Help me!” And she said, “You found your way up there. You can find your way down. Plus, you should have called me back!”
That was when I dream-yelled, “I’m sorry!”
And Sylvie dream-yelled back at me, “I bet you are, Fungal Foot!”
I popped my eyes open and stared into the darkness while I sweated and sweated and sweated. Holy crud. I had never expected Sylvie to treat me that way when I was stuck on a ledge. Then the hallway light flipped on.
“Are you having a nightmare?” my mom asked.
Even from my darkened room, I could see that she looked terrible. Her hair poufed where it was normally flat and was flat where it normally poufed. And she had white cream smeared all over her forehead and nose.
“You could tell I was having a nightmare?” I asked. Because that meant my mom was psychic and that freaked me out a little bit.
Bessica 2 - Bessica Lefter Bites Back Page 4
