“Amber again, huh?” I tease. “Troubles with the girlfriend?” I swirl my glass around before taking the final sip.
Saxon snorts in distaste. “She is not my girlfriend; we have an agreement. She knows I don’t have any plans to settle down, she understands what we are. You know me, Brooke.”
“No, I don’t actually,” I say with a sombre expression. I hate that I feel this way. I hate that he pulled away from our friendship once Nate and I were married. Now I sit here with him, knowing him for years, yet it’s almost like sitting with a stranger.
His eyes flip in shock to meet my sad ones. “I know we haven’t seen much of each other in the last few years, but I haven’t changed since college. I’m still the same guy.”
“You don’t seem it. In college you were happy, fun, and carefree. Now, you look like you carry the weight of the world on your shoulders,” I say quietly, avoiding his stare and fidgeting with my cutlery.
“You’re not exactly yourself either, Brooke.”
I knew what he meant, and he was right. Just as I lost my other half so did he. He seemed like he was carrying the weight of the world on his shoulders because he was.
I try to turn the subject back. “I may not know you as well now, but I know you never date a girl more than a few times, so why this one? How can it not be serious after so many months?”
“I’ve had too much going on to worry about dating. Amber is easy, she knows the deal and can accompany me to business functions and whatever without me having to worry about her wanting more.”
“And you can fuck her whenever you like?” There is clear disdain in my voice.
“Brooke.” His eyes go wide with shock. “It’s not like that.”
“I’m sorry, but you know what I mean,” I say, my cheeks warming with embarrassment.
“It’s not what you think. She uses me as much as I use her. ” I don’t know why he is acting so offended. He has never been ashamed of who he is.
“So you just fuck her, roll over, put your pants back on and say thanks before shutting the door to leave?”
Saxon’s eyes go wider, and I glare back at him, holding my ground. I can’t believe I said that. What should I care? It’s none of my business, and I’ve never been one to judge. I can tell he’s speechless, his mouth hanging wide open. He wouldn’t be used to seeing this side of me. It’s been a long time since even I’ve seen her.
I try and recover from the disaster this dinner has become. “Look, what I’m trying to say is, to a woman, as much as we say it doesn’t mean anything, it does. I promise you, Amber doesn’t understand, and she’s not cool with it.”
Saxon still stares at me in shock, and I’m mortified. I look down into my lap and consider sliding underneath the table and crawling away. Why did I go off on him like that? Why does it even bother me?
“You’re out of control without Nate,” he says, still looking at me in horror but a small smile tips the corners of his mouth.
Looking up from under my lashes, I can’t help but giggle with him. “I know,” I groan as I place my face in my hands. “What am I going to do without him?”
Saxon laughs. “I don’t know, but you need to get that shit under control. Nate was definitely the better half, or however the saying goes.”
“Gee, thanks,” I say sarcastically. “And no, the saying is, behind every good man is a great woman.” I give him a mock glare.
“Well, not in your case,” he says, all laughter gone from his voice.
Our eyes meet and we just stare at each other, like we can’t believe the joke we are having. It’s been years since Saxon and I have teased each other like this. Nate did keep me in line. He made me a better person, more grown up and mature, as well as more kind and patient.
I feel a little bit free, not caring what Saxon thinks and being able to say whatever pops into my head without thought.
Saxon’s face is tight, trying to hold in the laughter, but I’m not as successful and crack up laughing at our candid banter. As soon as I start Saxon follows, and it’s not long before we are both trying to catch our breaths.
“I was relying on you being the people person of Argo,” he says seriously. “Well, I guess that’s out the window. You are definitely back-of-house material.”
This only causes me to laugh more, and I’m clutching at my tummy trying to settle the cramps, tears running down my cheeks. I take a drink of my fourth cosmopolitan and settle back into my seat.
“I think you’ve had enough, Brooke. We don’t want all your inhibitions gone,” Saxon says looking at my half-empty drink.
“Come on, smart-ass.” I gulp the rest of my drink. “Let’s go.” I grab my purse and stand to leave.
Shaking his head, Saxon stands and throws a few bills on the table. “He’d be rolling over in his grave.”
“What about you?” I poke. Saxon looks at me funny. “Amber. Come on, you know as much as I do that if Nate were still here he’d be razing you about your … ummm … fuckercising lady friend.”
Giggling, I pass him and make my way out of the restaurant as he shakes his head at me.
Once I’m settled in Saxon’s car, I smile, thinking about the wonderful time we had at dinner, laughing at myself, at Saxon, and even about Nate.
My heart feels a little lighter and once again I have Saxon to thank for it. Tonight I saw the old Saxon, the carefree, smart-ass, loving-life Saxon. I wonder how long it has been since he laughed like that too.
Driving Brooke home, I notice the tension in my shoulders has eased. To see her at dinner like that, full of spitfire and attitude, it was a glimpse of the old Brooke. The Brooke I remember from college. I wonder if she was like this with Nate and kept her innocent, well put-together façade on for public only.
In college she was full of life, a sassy little thing, always teasing someone or razing them up, giving as good as she got. I guess being with Nate and trying to fit into his upper-class family made her rein it in. Not that Nate would’ve wanted her to change or hide who she really was. He loved her more than anything, but sometimes people rub off on you. Nate was a serious guy, always really mature for his age, and saw things from a more grown-up perspective. Nate was always the voice of reason. Not that I ever listened, but he was there for all the rebellious decisions. All the tattoos, all the drinking and all the women, always asking if I was sure.
I guess Nate changed Brooke like he changed me. How he made me a better person. You couldn’t help but be a better person when you spent time with Nate. He made you want to, and not because he looked down on you, but because you looked up to him.
Smiling as I think about Nate, I glance over at Brooke staring out the window. I wonder how she’ll cope without him. How I’m meant to help her cope, how I’m going to take care of her.
As we pull up to her house she lets out a huge sigh and turns to face me.
“I had a really nice time tonight, Sax. Maybe we could do this more often? Like make it a regular thing or something?” She’s nervous, and a hint of a sadness tinges her voice. She doesn’t need to be unsure. I vowed at Nate’s funeral I would look after her. After Argo, she is my first priority.
“With all the work we have to do I’m positive we have lots of late nights and office dinners in our future, Brooke.” I wink at her as she gives me the sweetest smile. Hell, I’ll eat dinner every night with her if it’ll make her smile at me like that again.
I watch as she lets herself into the house and closes the door behind her. My phone begins ringing beside me as I make my way to my apartment. Glancing over at it, I see Amber’s name flashing on the screen. Fuck. Is this woman for real? She’s become more persistent lately, and she’s starting to really piss me off. She can feel me pulling back, and she’s digging those fucking fake nails into me and trying to hold on for dear life.
Deep down I know Brooke is right. Amber is holding out for something more. She thinks she can be the one to change me. She thinks she’s special enough to make me stay. I
f only she knew how many have tried before her, how many there are like her out there. The only reason she has lasted as long as she has is because I seriously don’t have time to go out and pick up a new one like I used to. I know it’s fucked up, but it’s the truth, and I have been nothing but honest with her since we met.
My good mood from dinner is vanishing, which pisses me off too. Instead of heading home I make a U-turn and decide to head back into the office to get some more work done. I laugh when I wonder what Nate would have to say about the situation I’ve gotten myself into now.
“How was your date last night?” Nate asks with a smirk on his face.
“We didn’t make it to dinner.” I wink at him.
Nate groans as he falls into one of the chairs in front of my desk. “What the hell, Sax? I thought you said this one was special? Thought you were going to try and make something of it?”
“Trust me, she was special. Especially flexible.” I give him my wide grin.
“How long are you going to go on like this, Saxon? Don’t you want to find someone you can settle down with?” he asks.
“Don’t feel sorry for me. I get to have sex with lots of beautiful women on a regular basis with no strings attached. Trust me, I’m not missing out on anything,” I say just to piss him off, and I hope he drops it.
“Ha,” Nate laughs sarcastically. “There’s no way I’d give up Brooke for meaningless sex with bimbos. Going to sleep with her every night and waking up to her every morning? No fucking way would I trade that for anything.”
“Yeah, well, you did snap up the one perfect woman we know. Not many like Brooke around,” I say to him with laughter in my voice, even though he knows I’m serious.
“Fucking right I did,” he says without a trace of humour. “I’m sure you’ll find your Brooke one day, and when you do she’ll knock you on your fucking ass, and you won’t know which way is up.”
If only I knew then, that day would be today.
Three months later
I can’t believe how much my life has changed. I have gone from spending my days volunteering at the gallery, working on charity committees, and lunching with girlfriends to working sixty-hour weeks, running a staff, overseeing financials, and making huge decisions regarding issues I never even knew existed in the business world.
It has definitely taken a lot longer than I’d thought to get the grasp of everything I need to do. Not that I have the grasp of everything yet, but I’m getting there.
Saxon has been my right arm, and I have no idea how I could have done this without him. How I will do it without him. As much as I’ve learnt I could no way run this business by myself. I could go and get my degree and I still wouldn’t run this place as well as he does.
He has a natural way of doing things and takes running the company in his stride, like it requires no effort at all. He commands the place and everyone here, and most times I feel like a timid staff member when he enters the room. Watching him walk the halls and seeing people react to him, watching him on the phone or in a business meeting—it’s a beautiful thing, the way he controls everything in such a calm and precise way.
Saxon and I have built quite the routine during the last three months. Spending at least four nights a week together, either eating late in the office while we work or attending business functions. He has become my go-to, and I’m constantly calling him, searching the office for him or sitting behind the computer with him.
Neither of us have brought up him leaving again and hope furls in me that he might stay. The thought of not seeing him every day makes me oddly anxious, but I push it down and choose to not question it.
By working with him every day I think I know the real Saxon—well, most of him anyway. I see glimpses of the Saxon I knew in college and glimpses of the Saxon who Nate constantly talked about. There’s also this other side of him. It’s a side I’ve never seen and still can’t really work out. It’s there, hidden in the recesses where I know he wishes he could keep it.
He doesn’t talk much about his private life or his childhood, no matter how many times I’ve tried to steer the conversation into that subject. I know he can’t have much of a personal life as he spends all his time in the office. Many nights he’s walked me to my car only to ride the elevator back up and continue on working.
I have no doubt I’ve been the main reason for him being behind on his work and needing to be in the office more, but he has never complained. Every morning when I see him he still has a faint smile on his face, like he can’t believe I’ve shown up for another day. Sometimes he acts like I might crack at any moment and run, but he’s always mentioning how proud Nate would be, and how I can take it easy and do things at my own pace.
He’s wrong; I won’t be cracking. I haven’t felt this strong or content since losing Nate more than six months ago. Don’t get me wrong. I still miss him like crazy, still think of him every day, and still find it hard to breathe at times. Yet being so busy with the business, feeling like I’m achieving something, feeling like I finally belong somewhere, has made it easier to accept he is gone.
Saxon, Rachel, and everyone else were right. Coming to Argo was the best thing I could have done and now I’m more attached to it than I ever thought I would be.
The office phone rings next to me and I’m startled back to reality. I reach to pick it up.
“Hello?”
“Brooke, I have Amber here, and she was wondering if she could see you?” Ruth asks.
Who the hell is Amber? Ruth can obviously hear my question in the silence because she answers without me having to ask the question. “She is waiting for Saxon to get off the phone but wanted to see you while she waits.”
Saxon’s Amber? Is he still with her? I haven’t heard much about her during the past month or so, and she has never come into the office before. I wonder what she is doing here, and why she wants to see me.
“Has Saxon scheduled time off in his calendar this afternoon?” Did he invite her here?
“No, there are a few conference calls scheduled soon.”
“Does he know she is here waiting for him?” What could she want? Just a pop-in to see her fuck buddy? I shake my head, feeling bad for instantly being such a bitch to this woman. I don’t know her, and I know nothing about their relationship. Why her presence would bother me is ridiculous.
“No.” I can tell she is trying to word things a certain way so it’s not obvious what I’m asking, as I’m sure Amber is standing right there and Ruth has no doubt about why I’m asking these questions.
“I guess, send her in,” I say reluctantly.
“I’ll stay close to my phone,” Ruth offers quietly before hanging up.
I hardly have time to sit up straight before there is a tap on my office door, and it flies open.
“Well, if it’s not the infamous Brooke. I am finally granted permission of making your acquaintance.” Amber has a smile of vengeance on her face, and it leaves a bad taste in my mouth.
I can tell by her underlying tone and the fact she hasn’t sat down that she isn’t planning on a nice little get-to-know-you chat. I assume this is a spontaneous visit, and she has things she wants to say and is going to say them. No need to sit for that.
Feeling at a disadvantage, I swiftly stand and make my way around the front of the desk to perch myself on the corner of it.
“Amber, is it?” I ask, giving her the same fake smile she bestowed upon me while holding out my hand to shake hers.
“You know who I am,” she spits maliciously at me.
I pull my hand back and lay it in my lap. “I know you were seeing Saxon.” The look on her face says it all, sadness and shock turning to anger. Shit, I woke the beast.
“We still are. Not only are we still together, but we’re serious. We’ve been together for more than seven months and he’s even asked me to move in with him.” I don’t need to know Saxon well to know that is bullshit.
“Well, congratulations.” I wish I had a wit
ty response for that but I don’t. Damn, I wish I were more of a bitch. More like Rachel. She would have had Amber on her knees in tears by now.
“Don’t try and sweet talk me like you do Saxon.”
“Excuse me?” I ask in a demanding tone.
“You know exactly what I mean. Playing the poor little widow and needing him around all the time. Calling him, making him take you to all those business functions. I’m the one who should be there on his arm at those functions, not you.” She is shaking with rage, and I have no words as I stare at her.
She takes my silence as agreement and keeps pushing on.
“Are you trying to destroy our relationship?” Relationship? Ah, okay, I get it; she’s crazy. “Do you like having him run behind you like a little puppy dog?” Yep, deliriously crazy. “Do you enjoy playing with his emotions and confusing his feelings? Making him feel as if he’s trapped here, instead of leaving to start his own life?”
“Now hold on a minute,” I shout, standing tall and straightening my shoulders. Just as I’m about to defend myself she cuts me off.
“Is it just a fuck? He doesn’t want you, Brooke; he loves me.” This chick is totally off her rocker. “It’s done. As of this moment stop calling him, stop working late with him, and stop seeing him. Saxon is mine!”
The anger moves through me from the tips of my toes right up to the hairs on my head. My fingertips feel like pins and needles are running through them, and I find myself subconsciously flexing them to relieve the sensation. I shake my head at her as she continues.
“As a matter of fact, tell him he is done working here and you no longer need him. It’s the least you can do for trying to destroy us. How would Nate feel knowing you are fucking his best friend? Hmmmm? Chasing him and using him. What kind of wife are you? I’m sure Nate would be disgusted.”
That’s it! My body shakes as adrenalin courses through it and my hand automatically forms into a fist. I’m cocking it back before I even comprehend what the bitch said to me and just as I’m about to punch her…
Wherever You Will Go Page 11
