Sitting in the car, I start the engine, turning the heat on, before leaning back in my seat and closing my eyes. The radio DJ announces the next song as “Wherever You Will Go” by Charlene Soraia.
The song begins to play and a beautiful female voice croons to me. I listen carefully to the lyrics and they flow through me, warming me from the inside. It’s like it was written for me. Written for me to hear at this exact moment.
The songs seems familiar, although I don’t exactly recognise it. After the final notes the DJ says it was a remake, the original by The Calling. My eyes shoot open at his information. The Calling? They were one of Nate’s favourite bands. I sit up and immediately open my centre console and begin riffling through it, searching CD after CD. There are covers without CDs and CDs without covers… shit.
I flip two more CDs… there it is. The Calling. I replace the current CD in the player and begin flipping through the songs, hoping it’s on this album. As soon as the first notes flow through my speakers my body relaxes. I hit repeat and lie back in my seat, closing my eyes once more.
I let the words wash over me, as if Nate was singing them just for me. I never really believed in the afterlife, wasn’t sure where we went after death. I didn’t believe the dead contacted us from beyond, but this message from Nate could not have been clearer unless he was here sitting right next to me.
I’m not sure how long I stayed like this, listening to the song over and over. Opening my eyes, I become aware of the shadows of late afternoon taking over. It’s time to go home and face this.
Sitting up I wipe my eyes and realise they’re dry. I haven’t shed one tear listening to that song. It’s the first time I’ve thought of Nate and not cried in nearly a year.
My shoulders feel lighter, my head clearer. It’s seems so obvious to me now. I throw the car into drive and speed out of the parking lot. Ideas and processes are running through my head, and I need to get to the office. Figuring it’s probably a little late and remembering I don’t really want to be there alone, I resign myself to going in the morning. I can spend tonight at home planning, making lists and spreadsheets.
My body hums with excitement and the peace which normally only comes with Saxon envelops me. I didn’t need to rely on Saxon for that peace. I just had to find it within myself.
As I make my way back to the house it hits me. The final stage of grief. Acceptance.
My hand shakes as I lift it in a fist to knock on his door before bringing it back down to my side. It’s been more than two months since I’ve seen him and to say I’m nervous would be an understatement.
Thankfully I have been way too busy to miss him. No, that’s complete bullshit. I have missed him more than anything, thinking of him every night before I went to sleep and every morning when I woke. I just hope I’m not too late.
I wanted to ensure everything was in order before I came to see him. I needed everything sorted and in its place. I want him to know how I feel, and words just aren’t enough for how I feel about Saxon Reed. After what I’ve put him through, all the back and forth, I need to show him.
The moment I left the boardroom this morning after dotting all the i’s and crossing all the t’s it was a weight off my shoulders. Feeling so high and elated, I would have sworn I could fly. The whole process has been a headache, and this morning’s final product ended with three lawyers, two accountants, two bank managers, two conveyancers, a real estate agent, and a few signatures and handshakes.
Rushing home to pack up a few more things, I then made my way here to Saxon. I was desperate to come, as if I had been waiting forever. Dreaming of this big reunion with hugs and kisses. Now, standing here, I’m not sure what to expect.
Maybe I should have called before I came, maybe I should have called weeks ago and told him I was sorting my shit out and to wait for me. God, what if he hasn’t waited for me? I could be walking in on something here. Ughhh, just the thought of it makes my stomach turn.
Without thinking, I bang hard on the door. For a brief second I consider bolting, but there’s not enough time to ponder it further before Saxon opens the door. He stills and a myriad of expressions cross his face before he settles on a blank, bored look.
“Brooke.” There’s no emotion in his voice, and he stares at me expectantly. Shit, I wish I had thought about what I was going to say. Maybe practiced it on the way over.
“Hi.” I smile warmly at him.
Saxon continues to stare at me blankly as he steps to block the door. What the fuck? For the first time I consider the possibility that he may not take me back. He may not want to give this thing a go with me.
His huge body fills the doorway, and I can’t help but stare, my eyes taking him in. He looks tired, worn. His eyes have dark circles under them. His hair is longer now. The urge I have to run my fingers through those thick locks is indescribable.
He stands there blocking the doorway with a bodyguard stance, arms crossed over his chest. What does he think I’m going to do, try and run past him into the apartment? Placing my hand on my hip, I glare at him. “Are you going to invite me in?”
He doesn’t respond for a few seconds, then slowly stands aside, his face reluctant, and gestures for me to enter. I storm past him and notice the corners of his mouth lifting slightly, almost like a proud smile marring his face. He shuts the door and walks further into the room while I keep my position closer to the entrance.
He stares at me with interest. He’s ready to listen yet I’m not sure what to say. I might as well start with the obvious.
“I’m sorry for what happened.”
“It took you two months to find me? Or two months to realise I deserved that?” His cold tone throws me off balance. I guess this isn’t going to be the love-fest reunion I was hoping for.
“No, I had some stuff to take care of, and didn’t want to come until it was all sorted,” I say, defensively, wondering again if I really did make the right decision in doing that.
“Stuff to take care of, or after two months you’re now struggling with the business?”
“Saxon,” I say, his words punching me in the gut.
“What, Brooke? Let me guess… you want me back. Want me to come back to Argo and go back to how things were between us.”
My mouth opens to say something and quickly shuts when I realise I have no words. I knew Saxon could be cruel. I had no doubt he had it in him, but I never thought he would be that way to me.
“I didn’t come here to hurt you, Saxon.” A tear rolls down my cheek.
He sighs deeply. “I know, Brooke. You never mean to hurt me, but you do, and you have.”
My heart constricts and more tears roll down my face.
He closes his eyes as if in pain. “I don’t want to be needed, Brooke. Just for once, I want to be wanted. I want you to want me just for me. Not for Argo, and not for anything else.”
“I don’t want you for anything else other than you, Saxon. I’m not everyone else, I’m not your parents. I just want you. Your friendship, your company, and if you’ll give it to me again, your love and your heart.”
“And to come back to Argo?” he states unfeelingly.
“No,” I stress.
He studies my face, as if he’s trying to figure out my trick. The catch.
“You don’t want me back at Argo?” he says suspiciously.
“No. I mean …” He rolls his eyes. “I mean,” I say in a firm tone, “you can go back to Argo if you want. I’m sure they’d love to have you.”
His forehead creases in confusion. “They?”
“The new owners,” I say casually like it’s no big deal.
His eyes are wide and he just stares at me.
“What?” he whispers.
“I sold Argo. I signed the final paperwork this morning.”
He shakes his head as if he can’t comprehend what I’m saying.
“Can we talk? Please?” I plead.
“Ye …” He clears his throat. “Yeah.”
&
nbsp; He walks towards the couch and I follow, sitting close enough that I can feel his warmth, but we aren’t touching. It takes everything in me not to climb onto his lap and beg him to hold me, but I don’t think he’s ready for that yet.
“Start from the beginning,” he says as he stares at the floor, his elbows resting on his knees.
“It was Nate’s business, Nate’s dream. What was I doing? Saving it for later? I don’t know what I was thinking working there. Like I was going to work there for the rest of my life. I friggin’ hate finance.” I laugh.
“I don’t understand.” He turns to me frowning. “What brought this on?”
I take a deep breath. I might as well tell him everything. “That night when you came to my house, I was sure you would forgive me. Sure you would always stay with me, take whatever I was willing to offer. Going to work the next morning, seeing your office like that…” I pause. “… it broke me, Sax.” The last part comes out on a sob and Saxon sits up, his eyes shooting to mine.
“I’m sor—”
“Don’t,” I cut him off. “Don’t be sorry. I pushed you. I know I pushed you to your limits, and even though I knew I was pushing those limits, I was too selfish to do something about it.”
We sit in silence for a moment and digest the words spoken. I decide to continue. “I went to see Nate that day.” Saxon looks at me in disbelief. “I haven’t been since the funeral, and I needed to see him. Talk to him. Feel him. I accepted a few things while I sat with him and made a few decisions.”
I don’t tell him about the song, wanting to keep Nate’s and my last intimate moment between us. “I was living with anger and in a deep depression when you came and got me. I was living in denial every day: denying he wasn’t coming back, denying the issue of the business, denying the need to move forward, and denying that I had fallen in love with you.”
“Brooke,” he breathes.
“Just let me get this out,” I tell him. “I love you, Saxon. I have loved you for a long time. I couldn’t recognise it, or didn’t want to, because I thought to love you, I had to stop loving Nate. But I don’t have to stop. I don’t have to choose. I don’t want to fight anymore; fight what my heart wants, what it craves, what it needs.”
Before I can finish Saxon leans forward and takes my mouth in a hard punishing kiss. He pulls away before I can even respond.
“I have never felt for a woman the way I feel for you, Brooke. Not even close. I didn’t know how to deal with those feelings. I thought we were making progress, and I was willing to wait, take it slowly. That night at Jeanie’s, I felt like we took so many steps back and I couldn’t keep going back and forth with you. I can’t do that anymore.”
“Feel?”
“What?”
“You said feel about me, not felt?” I ask anxiously.
Saxon gives me a small smile and cups my cheek with his hand. “Yes, Brooke, feel. I still feel the same about you.”
Turning my face into his palm, I take in his words and let them flow through me. I meet his eyes. I want him to see it, to feel it. “I love you, Saxon. I love you so much. I don’t want to live without you. I don’t think I can.”
He closes his eyes at my words and tightens his grip on my neck. “I haven’t been living Brooke, not since you drove away and left me that night.”
Leaning forward, I softly take his mouth with mine, and it’s only a second before he’s moving closer to me and holding my face in two hands as he devours me. He takes control of the kiss and tilts my head where he wants it.
Saxon moves his hands down my neck, slowly dragging them over my ribs and then wrapping them around me. I grab onto his neck tightly and pull him harder towards my body. He senses my need as he grabs my hips tight and lifts me onto his lap so I’m straddling him.
Our kiss turns frantic and I know we’re both putting everything in us from the past two months into this moment. Hell, the past year. All the hurt, all the pain, all the want and need. Everything we’ve been through, together and apart.
Breaking the kiss, Saxon stands and lifts me with him. I tighten my arms and legs around him as he makes his way towards the hallway.
“Wait,” I yell.
I struggle out of his hold and slide down his body. His lusty haze has turned into confusion as he watches me. Opening the front door, I grab my suitcase from beside the wall and wheel it in.
Saxon raises his eyebrows at me. “I need to stay here for a while, if that’s all right?”
“Why?” he asks with amused curiosity.
“I don’t have a place to stay at the moment.”
“Why not?”
“I sold the house too. I can find somewhere else to stay if it’s a problem,” I say with mock annoyance.
Before I can say anymore Saxon is storming towards me to pick me up in his arms. He kisses me fiercely, as if I have just promised him the world. I guess I have. Well, I’ve promised him me at least.
I’m the luckiest son of a bitch. I can’t believe she’s here. Not only is she here, but she wants to stay. She’s giving me what I’ve wanted all along. Her. She loves me. She fucking loves me. I knew she did, but to hear her say it, to declare it, to see it in her eyes and feel it in her kiss is another thing.
Seeing her standing at my door earlier was like looking at a new Brooke. She seemed calm, put together, strong, and happy. Whatever changes she’s made over the past two months, and for whatever reasons, have helped her heal. She started to put back together all the broken pieces. Whatever happened at that cemetery has given her the strength and clarity to start a new life. And she wants to start it with me.
She drops her suitcase as I carry her down the hall, kissing her hard. I can’t stop kissing her. I need her. Need to feel her.
It has been a fucked-up two months, and I didn’t know how I was going to pull myself out of it. I couldn’t live without her. I couldn’t go back to how things were before her. Now that I know what loving someone is like, I couldn’t go back to loving only myself.
Brooke pulls away from the kiss as we hit the wall. “Watch where you’re going, babe. We can kiss all you want once we get there.” She giggles.
I freeze, looking down into her warm eyes.
“What is it?”
“You called me babe. You’ve never called me anything other than my name. Say it again.”
“What? Watch where you’re going?” She has a cheeky grin on her face, and it warms me all over. I smile back at her and raise my eyebrows.
“Oh, you mean babe?” she asks causing my smile to widen. “Take me to bed and make love to me, babe,” she says in a low sensual drawl.
I take her mouth again and kiss her with everything I have. She’s labelling me, claiming me, and the cavemen inside me raises his head again.
Carrying her through the bedroom and to the bed, I gently lay her down on it. I crawl straight over her and begin taking off her top. “Saxon.” She pushes my hands off her.
“Yeah?” I continue trying to grab the hem of her top.
“You haven’t answered my question. Is it all right if I stay for a while?” She has a mischievous smile on her face, and I don’t know what she’s playing at now.
“You can stay on one condition,” I say as I lean my forehead onto hers. She looks up at me expectantly. “It’s not a temporary thing. You can stay as long as it’s permanent, and you promise to never leave.” My tone is serious, and she knows I mean it. That’s it. No going back and forth, I want to move forward with her, and this is the next step. I need this from her. I need her to commit to me, to us.
“I’m glad you feel that way,” she says biting her lower lip. “Because I have three more suitcases and a trunk full of boxes downstairs.” Her nervous smile turns to a shit-eating grin, and I can’t help but return her excitement.
She leans up to kiss me and I sit back, taking her with me. I break our kiss to lift her top over her head and unclasp her bra and throw it down to the floor. Brooke lies back, and I can’t help
but take her in. It feels like forever, and I just want to explore her, feel her, savour her.
I lean back and unbutton her jeans, then pull them and her panties down her legs. She quickly kicks off her shoes, and I pull her pants right off. Slowly nibbling and licking up her leg, I make my path back up to her beautiful mouth. She lets out little moans as I go, and I struggle to control myself. My head is telling me to take it slow and appreciate her, but my dick is telling me to slam inside her in one hard thrust.
As I reach her pussy I can smell her arousal and it makes my dick jump. I rub my nose between her folds and take a deep inhale as Brooke gasps in shock. I continue my soft kisses over her pussy, up her belly and across her ribs. I take my time with her breasts, licking, sucking and nibbling on each one in turn. She’s fucking perfection.
Kissing along her collarbone, I make my way to her ear and kiss underneath it before nibbling on her lobe.
“You’re mine, Brooke,” I whisper into her ear. She moans as she arches her body into me. “Mine. Do you have any idea how long I’ve waited to say that?” She moans again, and I lift my head to meet her eyes, which are closed tight. “Look at me, baby,” I growl, and her eyes pop open and focus on mine. “You’re mine, Brooke, mine. Tell me you’re mine.”
“I’m yours, Saxon.” Her body arches into mine again. “This is where I belong, where I’m supposed to be.” Her eyes never leave me and I know she means every word.
“Marry me?” Her body stills, and she stares at me with an open mouth. “Marry me, Brooke. Let me make you mine. Officially.”
She doesn’t answer me straight away, and I can see the wheels turning in her beautiful head.
“Yes,” she whispers.
“Yes?” My voice is loud and shocked.
“Saxon, I don’t want to waste any more time. No more back and forth. I came here for you. You’re it for me, and I’ll do whatever it takes to keep you. I’d be honoured to be your wife,” she whispers the last bit, and my eyes soften.
I lean down and kiss her longingly, slowly devouring her mouth, exploring with my tongue and leaving no space untouched. I pull away and stare down at her.
Wherever You Will Go Page 26
