As Az begins, I glance over to Ethan who is entranced by Az’s performance. He analyzes every swing Az takes with his ax, and he studies every maneuver Az’s body makes. The alarm calls for Az to stop. A smile briefly whispers across Ethan’s mouth. He balls his fists up at his sides and then pumps them up and down. Az finished with a 99. There’s a chance for Ethan to win—a small chance, but it’s still a chance. I can almost feel the hope that’s flooding over Ethan’s body. Az’s inability to seize first place is great news for him.
Chasin and Cuyler are up next. They both use bows. Chasin out shoots Cuyler with an 89 to Cuyler’s 72. The male trainees generally outscore the females in the Trials. They have better endurance.
“Ethan, take your place on Platform A. Stand behind the white line.” Millie makes the announcement that I’ve been waiting for. I become a mess of nerves once again as I watch Ethan walk to Platform A.
After readying himself, Ethan stops behind the white line and waits for the alarm to sound. He holds a knife in each hand. He impressively uses both hands like me, but he takes a little longer to aim with his left. I catch myself holding my breath as he delivers hit after hit. They all hit the intended target.
The spectators are all leaning forward in their seats, trying to get a little closer to the action. The clock is ticking down. Ethan has one more dagger left with three seconds to go. He launches it over his head with masculine grace. It flies and embeds itself in the absolute center of the target, at the same time that the alarm rings. I take a deep breath, filling my lungs with precious air. I just realized that I had been holding my breath the whole time.
Stomping shakes the stadium seats. Millie has to speak loudly to be heard of the rumble. “Ethan is the first male trainee to score 100! Strength was surely with him today. Congratulations Ethan!”
As Ethan returns to his seat and the next competitor is called forward, Az thrusts his chest out and straightens his spine. He stretches to give him a few extra inches in height and width. Ethan clearly ruffled his feathers. I want to laugh.
The remaining four male competitors all take their turns. None score higher than Az or Ethan. The scores for the male and female trainees are posted on an electronic screen that sits at the top of the stands. My name materializes at the top. The number 100 flashes next to it, causing my chest to swell with pride. All the hard work and training paid off. I’m also grateful to Ryker for giving me the passion I needed to win—even if excruciating nerves accompanied it.
Millie makes one more announcement before the close of the First Trial. “Well done Mena and Ethan, who currently hold the first place rankings. We will meet again here in four days for the Second Trial. Strength be with you all!” Millie exclaims.
We all stand and start to shuffle out of the stadium. Val swiftly approaches me. I notice that Kinah can’t get away fast enough. “Well done, Mena. It’s good that one of us beat the beast,” Val says as she jerks her head toward Kinah’s retreating figure.
“Thank you, Val. You did well also. Your parents will be honored.” I would be honored by Val’s performance if she were my daughter. She possessed such elegance and power. It was inspiring.
“Thank you, but my parents are expecting a higher ranking from me than third place. Speaking of parents, I saw your father in the stands,” Val tells me.
I’m surprised to hear this. Not because my father doesn’t support me or seek honor through my placement, but because he never really seems to want to talk about the Trials. My mother must be on duty or she would have been here with him. I look around at the Exalted descending the steps and filing out of the exit. I search for my father’s ruddy face and wavy, auburn hair. I don’t see him. I suppose he’s left already. I’m a little disappointed he didn’t come to congratulate me before leaving. I guess he’s waiting to speak to me at the banquet dinner before the Second Trial.
* * *
Lunch is awkward. The silence is deafening. The younger trainees have even grown quiet, knowing how serious these upcoming days are to our age group.
The tension between the trainees is palpable. I try chatting with Val in a low voice. “So, I had my first patrol yesterday at the North Gate. It was completely different than the East Gate. It’s good to be able to patrol a building instead of just a field,” I say.
Val must be having some kind of internal struggle as a result of her placement in the First Trial, because she seems to have to force herself to answer me. “That’s good. I’ve been patrolling the barns, but not any of the fields,” she says wearily. Then she drops her head and studies her food as if it’s the most interesting thing in the room.
Kinah is staring at me in utter disbelief that I beat her. Her mind cannot process what happened this morning—she still sees me as a weakling. Small. Inferior. Her glare is making my skin crawl.
Okay, I’m out of here.
I inhale my food and leave the uncomfortable atmosphere behind. I want to enjoy the free afternoon by myself. I feel like I earned it. When I step outside of the stifling building, I can’t decide where to go. I wonder if I were to climb my magnolia tree if anyone would see me. I decide to take a chance and go for it. If I get caught I can always say I’m practicing for the Third Trial.
Going unnoticed proves to be easy. Everyone is still talking about the results of the First Trial. My name is heavy on Exalted tongues as they congregate in little groups outside of the training facilities.
I hurry along to my destination, skirting around the back of the buildings. I climb and sit, perched on a branch high above the ground. I look out onto the once golden fields. The harvest has left the fields bare. I look further out. Nothing moves beyond the lifeless fields.
Will Ryker ever find me again?
I wedge myself between two branches and relax, enjoying my time alone with the breeze that trickles through the gaps in the tall magnolia tree. I choose to stay here a while longer over returning to my melancholy friends or spying on the Ambassadors.
As I reflect on the First Trial, I realize that I’m even more confused now than I was before the Trial. I never dreamed that finishing first would be so gratifying; and then there are my parents. If I were to place first, at the end of it all, they would be praised for rearing such a fine protector for the Republic. I want to give them that recognition. If I were to leave, however, they would be looked down on for having a failure for a child. I certainly don’t want that fate for them. But what choice do I have?
TWENTY-EIGHT
The morning after the First Trial, I get up and get ready for the morning run even though it’s optional for the length of the Trials. I need to keep my stamina and endurance up. I don’t want Kinah or the other trainees to have any advantages over me. Val, however, doesn’t budge as I bang around the bathroom getting ready.
I struggle to push the stairwell door open that leads outside. When I finally get it open a crack, I only see black. The sky is about to rip open and release its fury. It’s dark and windy. The air is whistling as it whips around. I use my shoulder to force the door open enough so that I can slip through. I run as fast as my legs will take me, but not quite fast enough to beat the storm. Thunder claps in the distance and the sky lights up in response. Even though the rain is beating down on me, I feel like it’s washing away pieces of the night; washing away the little girl’s tears as she struggled to get free. But the warning or advice of the reoccurring dream is still with me. I choose to keep it close by.
I’m soaking wet by the time I return for a hot shower. I suspect some of it may have been from my own tears, but I’ll never be sure.
Val is slowly working her way from the bed to her dresser when I enter our room. “You went out in that?” She nods her head toward the window. Her short hair is sticking out in all directions.
“Yeah, I have to keep it up if I want to have any chance against Kinah in the Second Trial. Besides, I’m scheduled for patrol today anyway. I’m going to be right back out in it after breakfast,” I tell her.
“Sure,” I answer. “That sounds like a plan.”
* * *
Ethan and I head for the North Gate after breakfast. He seems excited even through the gloom of the rain. “So, we both finished first yesterday. Looks like we actually have a chance at being United.”
I look over at him. His big smile shows a hint of his white teeth, and his eyes crinkle in the corners. I feel so much affection for him and believe that I would be happy having a life with him, but this life isn’t that simple anymore. I’m at a loss for words right now.
After not saying anything in response, he cautiously asks, “Would you want that?”
I need to open up with him and be honest. He needs to hear how I’m feeling. “I still don’t know, Ethan. I mean, yes, if this is where I belong . . . But don’t you get tired of hiding your feelings? Didn’t you want to celebrate and cheer when you won yesterday? I know I did.”
Ethan’s smile fades and his blue eyes dim. He thinks about what I said for a moment and answers me with full disclosure. “Well, yeah, but I’m willing to sacrifice hiding my emotions if that means placing first, getting my pick of where I patrol, and winning you.”
This should make me feel warm and mushy inside, but it doesn’t. It makes me mad. “Winning me? Is that what I’ll be to you—your first place prize?” I lower my voice as a couple of older Exalted stride past us. Their armbands show them ranked as second place Uniteds. I bow my head and hope the noise from the rain drowned out most of what I said.
Ethan stops in his tracks. He pulls me to a stop beside him. The rain pounds my head and streams into my eyes as I look at him. “Of course not!” he exclaims. “You know what this competition means to me and my family. But it wouldn’t be the same if I were to share first place with someone like Kinah. It wouldn’t be worth it.” I want him to say more. I want him to tell me that it’s me he wants—first place or not—but he doesn’t.
Disappointment crushes me. I stomp off toward the gate. “Come on. Let’s just report to duty.” I don’t feel enlightened or even good about our conversation. I know Ethan does care about me even if he won’t say it out loud. That’s enough . . . for now.
The rain only beats down harder as I make the long pass around the horses’ fenced meadow. If there are marauders out here, I’ll never know it because I can’t see a thing. The wind blows so hard that I slip in the mud and stumble into some barbed wire fencing. The spikes bite into the flesh on my arm. Fortunately, the rain proves to be of some use—it steadily washes away the blood that seeps from my wound. I tie a piece of cloth around my arm when I reach the stables. The building is empty. No citizens pass through the breezeway. They’re waiting for the rain to pass before continuing their labors. Only the sounds of horses snorting and stamping their feet break the monotonous crash of the rain.
The mare that I was so fond of is waiting for me in her stall. She nuzzles my neck and brushes her soft nose against my cheek. It makes me smile. No one is here to see me slack off, so I take the opportunity to do just that. I lift the latch to the horse’s stall and slip inside so that I can brush her silky coat.
“Have I ever told you that you have a beautiful smile?” a voice whispers from the other side of the painted horse.
TWENTY-NINE
Ryker ducks under the mare’s neck, leaving his hiding spot in the far corner of the stall. “No,” I reply without debate this time. I decide that maybe it’s not so bad to be complimented on my looks. If it were, I probably wouldn’t feel such a frenzy stirring in my body.
“Well, you do. You’re whole face lights up when you smile, and your eyes somehow become even greener. That’s what first attracted me to you. It was your eyes. And now that they have life in them, I can’t look away,” Ryker admits with heady breaths.
I tuck my wet hair behind my ear and look down, suddenly shy. I notice that Ryker’s shirt clings to his stomach, hinting at the firmness of his torso. Embarrassed by my thoughts, I look back up to his strong face. The stubble that I like so much is teasing me as well.
“How was your First Trial, Mena?” Ryker inquires.
“I scored a 100 and finished in the allotted time. I earned first place.” As I’m answering, Ryker comes closer and closer to me. He backs me up against the wooden wall of the horse stall. I have to crane my neck to look into his eyes because he’s so much taller than me. His body is leaner than the Exalted men here, but still muscular. He’s so close. My heart nearly beats out of my chest. It’s pounding faster than the rain outside. I have never been so close to a man before. I freeze.
Ryker brings his face closer to mine. He kisses me. It’s soft at first, but once he gets a taste of me, he becomes more urgent. When his stubble scratches my face, I wake from my stupor. I’ve been thinking about how his face felt when it brushed against mine on our first meeting so long ago. I return his deep kiss with a passion that I didn’t know I possessed. Ryker presses his wet body up against mine and holds my face in his strong hands. I hold my hand against his back and run the other up behind his neck, pulling him even closer. I don’t know what’s come over me. I’ve never felt anything as right as Ryker’s lips on mine.
He breaks the kiss first and grabs my hand. “We barely know each other, but I feel an undeniable connection to you. I want to keep you safe. Please, come with me. We can leave together, right now,” he breathlessly urges me.
“What? No!” I nearly yell. “I mean, I can’t. The Republic would come after me. You said so yourself. I would never do that to your village. I would never bring them war,” I argue.
He grips my forearms as he pleads with me. “I can’t just wait and let you go through the Second Trial. I won’t do it.” He carefully strokes the side of my face like it will break. Maybe it will.
“Everyone goes through the Second Trial. You did.”
“Yes, I did. I know how brutal it can be. You could get seriously hurt. I won’t be able to stand it, waiting, not knowing what’s happening to you. Please come with me,” he pleads again. My heart aches for him, because I know that I’m not going to leave now—no matter how amazing that kiss was.
I return my hand to his and say, “No, Ryker. I’m going to stay here and compete in the Second Trial. Then, I’ll decide whether to stay or leave. I need to figure out how I can change what’s happening here. I need to know why it’s happening. And I’m absolutely not going to put anyone in danger when I don’t have to.” I clasp his hand tighter.
Ryker’s face falls. “Please be careful. Don’t take any unwarranted risks. You don’t need to finish first. I don’t need you to finish first—none of that matters to me. I just want you to be safe.”
“But I need to finish first for myself. I want it, even if I decide to leave in the end. I want to prove to myself and to the Republic that I’m stronger without the Pump, that we’re stronger without the Pump.” I feel confident about my decision to stay for now, but seeing Ryker’s face is devastating.
The conviction in my voice from my speech must have been enough to make him accept the inevitable. “I knew you’d never leave with me, but I needed to try. I wanted to try.”
He kisses me again, but it’s just a faint brush of his lips passing over mine, like he’s saying goodbye . . . forever. This scares me, so I ask him. “When will I see you again?”
“Not until the Third Trial.”
“But they’re going to spread us out all over the place. How will you find me?”
He smiles at me with a cocky grin. “Don’t worry about that, love. I will find you. But if something happens to me, and I don’t make it to you, we are five days walk northeast of the Republic. Our settlement is called Toledo Lake. When you get close enough, someone will find you. If you tell them my name, they’ll accept
you.”
The map the citizen dropped days and days ago briefly flashes through my mind. Toledo Lake was one of the locations that had a high concentration of those little dots, but before I can think more about it and ask Ryker what he thinks, he slips out into the storm.
He leaves me flustered and wondering what he meant when he called me “love.” My imagination gets the better of me, and I think I can almost hear the birds singing in the thunderstorm. My heart swells with warmth. I’m thankful there are no citizens or Exalted around to see this ridiculous smile on my face. I touch my bruised lips. Is it obvious? Will people be able to tell that I was kissed for the first time? I hope not. What about Ethan? Will he know when he sees me?
Ethan.
THIRTY
Ethan doesn’t seem to notice that anything has happened during my morning patrol or that I am somehow changed—whatever it is, I feel different. I also feel somewhat guilty for leading a double life that Ethan has no idea about. I can’t bring myself to tell him. He knows Ryker exists and that he told me about the Pump, but that’s the extent of it. He would probably be furious if he knew the extent to which the relationship between Ryker and me has gone.
Truthfully, the thought of Ethan being jealous excites me a little. He rarely shows any emotion. I’d like to see the same fire in him that I see in Ryker.
No matter how much passion I feel for Ryker, I keep going back to the idea of being with Ethan. Steady Ethan. I suppose he’s the obvious, safe bet, even though there’s no actual guarantee I will be United with him. Since that first day we were punished as children, Ethan became my anchor; letting me become the boat above that sways and dances in new waters. He keeps me from drifting too far off course. It’s very tempting to ride this thing out with him here; he does have the most beautiful eyes that are the color of a clear blue sky. However, I’m still not sure it’s me that he wants. It may only be the idea of me. He truly believes that I will beat Kinah and finish first.
EXALTED (An Exalted Novel) Page 13
