by D W Marshall
I refrain from ripping the box open because I am suddenly famished. We open our boxes, then we both stare at each other.
“What the fuck is this?” I ask.
“Damn. I hate gourmet shit.”
We both burst out laughing at our cheeseburgers that wouldn’t fill up a toddler.
“Uh, I think we’re gonna need more food,” I say.
“Good thing we all have so much money to pay for this expensive-ass food,” she adds.
We pick up our bite-sized burgers and I launch into the story about what happened between her brother and me, leaving nothing out.
“So, that means you really want to do it with him, huh?” She hops onto her knees and gyrates her body around causing me to laugh so hard I almost pee. I toss a pillow at her head.
“Yes, I really do. But what about Logan?”
She stops moving. “What about him? Is he here?”
I shake my head. She sounds just like Taron.
“Listen to me. You and I have a pact, right?”
“Yes. Sisters for life. Never lie. Put each other’s needs first,” we recite the words we made up in eighth grade.
She grabs my hands and squeezes them, then locks eyes with me. “I like Logan. He’s a nice guy. But you don’t need a nice guy, not after what you’ve been through. You need a ride or die cowboy—somebody who has lived life and seen shit. You need a man who can be sweet when you need it, but a beast in the streets and the sheets.”
I nod and tears fall from my eyes.
“Sis. Remember, it doesn’t matter what he tells you.”
“It matters what he shows you,” I finish her line.
She lets go of my hands. “And what did Logan show you?”
I suck in a deep breath, and when I try to let it out it has to fight to make its way around the lump in my throat. “He can’t handle the new me.”
She reaches up and wipes my wet face. “So, what do we say to the Logans of the world who can’t handle our greatness?”
I fold my fingers so that my middle finger on both hands are sticking
up. This conversation was so much easier when we rallied for each other as teenagers. Not that it didn’t suck back then, but when I look back, nothing was as bad as I thought it was. More seems to be at stake now that we’re older.
“Fuck him.” I hold my fingers up.
She nods and smiles at me. “Yes. Fuck him.”
I love her so much.
We collapse back onto the bed together.
“What about your brother? What do I do?”
She is silent for a few moments.
“If it were me. I’d play it cool and let things progress naturally. I definitely wouldn’t pass him up, though. He is just as wonderful as you think he is, and he adores you. Now that I solved your love life, it’s my turn. What do you think about Finn? ’Cause he is super fine.”
I roll onto my side and lay my head on her shoulder. “Um, he is protecting you, and if you get romantically involved he may not be able to do a good job of keeping you safe.”
“Damn. Well what am I supposed to do?”
Her face has fallen. Something has definitely sparked between them, because Tabitha is the skeptic in our duo.
“You get to know him and see what happens.”
“I love you, sis,” she says.
“I love you more…”
“…than a piece of cheese, but I love you more than the whole cow,” she counters. I can hear the fatigue in her voice.
We yawn and sigh in unison. My eyelids are heavy.
“I love you more than all the animals on the damn farm, now shut up,” I say. “I’m going to sleep, but I’m still hungry and you look like a tasty snack. I will perk back up and bite you.”
Our laughter is slow and heavy. Fatigue from the excitement of the day settles into our bodies.
14
The Chamber
I knew The Monster had a soft spot for me my first night in The Chamber because he told me so. He sent for me our first week inside. It was our night off, or so I thought. We were told in the beginning that Wednesdays and Sundays were our free days. We didn’t get to leave, but we didn’t have to go into our chambers. We didn’t have to have sex with anyone. That rule didn’t apply to me or Sapphire. It didn’t occur every Wednesday, but there were many over the course of the year when Genesis would summon me to meet The Monster in the Seduction Chamber. This room made my chamber look like a Sunday school room by comparison. The Monster was the consummate voyeur, so this room had swings hanging from the ceiling, pleasure horses throughout, and a gigantic circular bed. There were whips, canes, and feathery things on the walls. There was no misunderstanding about what was supposed to happen in this space.
“Dear, Violet,” he said. “Welcome to the Seduction Chamber. This place is all about exploring sexual pleasure for us both. Please come.”
He reached out to me and I took his hand without question.
“You are lovely,” he said and touched my cheek. “In time, you will become comfortable enough in this space to tell me how to please you. You will become a master of your own sexual experiences. I will be your teacher.” He instructed me to drop my sheer violet robe, which was the only clothing I was wearing. “Exquisite,” he said.
I didn’t know what to do, so I did nothing and waited for further instructions.
He moved so close that I could feel his breath on my cheek. My breathing sped up in anticipation. When he took one of my nipples into his mouth, I sucked in a deep breath. He took his time, sucking one, and then the other. He stood back to look at me while he removed his plum robe. He revealed his naked body and the snake between his legs that I’d been bitten by before. He simply pointed to his beefy erection. I knew what he wanted. I fell to my knees and began tasting him with the tip of my tongue. I tried to separate my mind from the act of sucking his enormous cock. I pretended it was my favorite ice cream. My imagination wasn’t doing much in this situation, but I used my acting skills.
Even though I was dying inside, I was talented enough to pretend otherwise. I took my time pretending to adore him with each suck, kiss, and lick. He liked it. I could tell because of how his hips moved and how he grabbed the back of my head. When the warm, salty liquid spilled into my mouth I knew I satisfied him. “The Monster is ready to play now,” he told me, and he tossed me onto the circular bed to slam into me over and over. I think he made me hate Wednesdays for the rest of my life.
15
It’s been a three weeks since we were sequestered at the fancy hotel. Our house is now a virtual Fort Knox. The only way to gain entry is with fingerprints. Taron installed motion detectors, panic buttons, video and audio surveillance equipment in every room. Mom has a personal security detail that is with her when she leaves the house. Tabitha left for school, and I miss her terribly. Her graduation is a month away and I can’t wait for her to come back. She sends me daily updates about her and Finn.
David is basically living at our house these days. There hasn’t been a Mason siting, but his visit and breaking into my house was enough to scare the pants off everybody.
I haven’t spoken to Logan this whole time. He is definitely showing me. I guess I was on the wrong side of innocent for him, through no fault of my own. But still, he did the opposite of what he promised me. He said he wouldn’t make me suffer for something that was beyond my control.
Even with all that has transpired between us, I wish him nothing but happiness. I want all of his dreams to come true. When he becomes a big-time film producer or director I will cheer for him. And when he marries the perfect virgin that I couldn’t be for him, I will wish them well.
The materials from AMDA taunt me from my desk. For some reason, I can’t bring myself to touch them. Returning to school was once my main goal, but I don’t seem to have any problem with hitting the pause button.
The Monster has turned my life inside out and upside down. He took me from the girl I once was, who never faced
difficult decisions, to this nightmare I am now. It seems like every day I’m faced with new decisions.
Things between Taron and I have cooled as well. He has told me what he wants, but seems to be putting that on hold in exchange for my safety. He is laser-focused on training me, and after three weeks, I will say that when I leave the gym, I don’t feel like I’m dying anymore. My back is straighter and my posture has improved. If someone surprised me and grabbed me from behind, I can now say that in eighty percent of the scenarios I could manage to get out of the hold. If I can do it with that much success with Taron and David, who are both huge, then my odds are good.
Taron shows me so much daily.
This morning, I plan on relaxing with a book and a cup of coffee before heading to the gym for my ten a.m. workout.
Just as I get settled, my phone buzzes. I’m surprised to see Logan’s name pop up on my phone screen. My first thought is to let it go to voice mail, but I think better of it. I may as well rip the bandage off.
“Hello?”
“Brinley. Hi, it’s me, Logan.”
“I know, Logan. Your name came up on my phone.” A pang of hurt hits my stomach. So much time has passed that he felt the need to identify himself. Did he think that in three weeks I would forget who he was or not recognize the sound of his voice?
He pauses and clears his throat. “Right. Sorry. I guess that makes sense.”
I pinch the bridge of my nose. Why is he acting like this is our first phone conversation?
“How can I help you?” I ask.
“I was…um…wondering if I could stop by and we could…talk.”
“About what?” I ask, my voice completely flat.
“Us?”
There is no us. But I don’t say that out loud. “Can I let you know in a minute? I’ll call you back.”
“Um, okay.”
I disconnect the call and dial Taron. He answers on the first ring. “Hey. You good?”
He always asks that first—like he has to establish my safety first before we can talk about trivial things, like the weather.
“Yes, I’m fine. Logan just called and he wants to come to my house and talk. I don’t know what the protocol is for visitors since I don’t usually get any other than you guys.”
He is silent for moment. “Well, if you want to see him, I will let David know that he’s coming by. Do you want to see him?”
I can hear the uncertainty in his voice. Taron and I haven’t focused on us since our make out session at the hotel because protecting Tabitha, Mom, and me from Mason has been the more pressing concern. But it’s clear to me that we still have something that he wants to explore, and I’d hoped that I made it clear that I wanted the same thing. Judging by the tightness in his voice, maybe I haven’t made myself clear enough.
“The only reason I’m even considering his visit is because I want to break things off with him officially. Nothing has changed for me regarding us, Taron. I’d meet him anywhere but the house, but I know we’re still on high alert.”
“Then I will let David know to expect Logan for a short visit.” His voice has returned to its usual relaxed brightness.
I let out a breath. “Okay, I’ll call you later and let you know how it goes. Unless you want to come over and hang out after training and we can talk about it then?”
“I’d like that.”
An hour later, Logan is sitting across from me at the dining room table.
“I can’t believe I missed all of that,” he says after I explain the security and Mason’s threatening visit.
“Yep, it was some scary shit. But we’re all safe.” I glance over at David who is sitting on my sofa pretending not to listen.
“So you wanted to talk?” I ask. He needs to get to the point because I need to get to my training session, which I’ve already had to move back an hour.
“How’ve you been?” he asks. “I mean, besides all of the stuff you told me about.”
I let out a breath. “I’ve been good. Just adjusting to being home. You?”
“Not so good. I was out of town the past few weeks. After the last time we saw each other, I got an amazing opportunity to work on a film, but they were shooting in Canada and I had to leave right away. I actually just got back this morning and you were the first person I called.”
I prevent myself from rolling my eyes. “And they don’t have phone service in Canada?”
He laughs softly with an embarrassed look on his face. “It felt like a dick move to apologize over the phone.”
I nod in agreement.
“That’s why I wanted to come and talk to you face to face. To tell you I’m sorry.”
I put my elbows on the table, rest my chin on my hands, and wait.
“I was such an asshole to you. I told you I wasn’t going to judge you or hold you responsible for what happened to you and you trusted me and I did just the opposite. I am so sorry for being an immature ass.”
“Thank you for that, and I accept your apology. Is that all you wanted to say?” I ask.
He glances back and forth between David and me.
“He stays,” I say.
Logan stares down at his hands, takes a deep breath, and blows the air out of loosened lips. When he looks up at me I can tell that he is unsure of something, but I wait patiently. “I want another chance. I don’t want you to give up on me.”
Interesting. He kicks me out of his house and car, and not a word for three weeks, and now he wants to get back together?
“And what would be different this time?” I ask.
He reaches across the table for my hands, but I slide them under the table before he can touch me. I don’t break eye contact.
“I want to try things your way. The sex part. After thinking about everything, it’s stupid to wait until marriage if I already love you, and Brinley I do love you so much.”
David snickers.
“Dude, if you don’t mind I’m having a private conversation with my girlfriend.”
Without even bothering to turn around, David replies. “She’s not your girlfriend, dude.”
Logan turns his attention back to me. I don’t even bother correcting David because he’s not wrong.
“Listen, Logan. I appreciate the apology and the sentiments, but the time for kind words was three weeks ago. I went through something fucked up and you said you’d be there for me, then you failed me. Now I don’t trust you—”
“But—” he cuts me off.
I put my hand up. “I’m talking. So don’t cut me off.” His days of controlling the narrative ended the last time we were together.
“You said back at your loft that I’ve changed,” I continue. “You are so right about that. I have changed, anyone who went through the shit I went through would change. Hell, should change. The whole time I was locked in that place, you were a beacon for me, and I thank you for that. I survived on the hope that you hadn’t moved on, that things hadn’t changed for us.” I laugh softly at the thought. “What I didn’t realize was that I got my wish. You haven’t changed, and that’s okay. But I came out of there tainted by a monster, forever changed in ways I’m only getting to know myself. I have a strength that could only come from what I went through. And there is a sexual awakening inside of me, a sort of sexual beast that I can’t put back in the cage. I didn’t want her to come out until marriage, hell I didn’t even know such a hunger existed inside of me. But it’s too late, the beast is out and I need a man that doesn’t want to lock her away. I need a man who will love all the parts of me, unconditionally.”
“And, you found him?” he asks.
I nod. “Yes. I found him.”
“Taron?”
“Yes, Taron.”
His shoulders rise and fall with his breaths, and his lips form a hard line. “But, you wanted me before. How can you move on so fast? Why can’t you forgive me?”
I sigh. “You broke my heart, and I don’t give second chances when it comes to my heart. You had a ch
ance to show me how you intend to treat me, and your message was received loud and clear. Besides, I changed, remember? The old me might have let you pull that shit and forgiven you, but the new me doesn’t fuck around. I do hope that we can be friends, though.” I offer him a genuine smile.
He rises from the chair. His expression is grim when he looks at me. “I don’t think I’m capable of that right now.”
I stand to give him a quick hug. His arms are loose around me. I pat his back. “Well, maybe you’ll feel differently one day. If not, that’s fine too. Good luck on your film career.”
Logan walks out the front door, and I feel zero regret.
“Wait ’til I tell my boy Taron how you annihilated that dude,” David says.
I roll my eyes. “I’m sure he’ll love that. I’ll be ready in half an hour to go to the gym.” I rush to my room to get ready.
16
“I hope you can lift the remote and play the movie, because I think you broke my arms,” I say to Taron when he sits next to me on the couch.
He scoots close to me and smacks my thigh. “You’re just building muscle. It’s part of the process.”
I roll my eyes at him. “I don’t get it. Shouldn’t I be used to working out by now?”
He laughs, flips on the television and goes through the menu until he gets to Netflix. He begins searching for the movie we picked. “Not the way I work you out. I change the routine so frequently your body never adapts. You’ll thank me.”
“That is something I highly doubt.” I flop back against the sofa. “I can’t wait ’til Tabitha gets back, she needs to be sharing this pain with me.”
He leans back and we are close, but not touching. The energy between us is so tangible it feels like we are touching. I even check the space a couple of times to make sure we didn’t accidentally move closer to each other. That wouldn’t be a bad thing, as far as I’m concerned.
