by Imogene Nix
“Gu... Gustav?” Kera chanced the use of his given name as she laid her hand on his shoulder.
He didn’t move.
“Sir?”
He’d passed out. Kera redressed hurriedly, leaving him there, not looking back. What had she hoped for?
Nothing, she reminded herself with a dash of anger. He had made it clear that he wasn’t seeking a life partner. He never spoke of lifelong relationships except to state they stopped a man from achieving his full potential. She’d heard that a time or two when he’d spoken to Duvall.
“I’ll bet he doesn’t have any recollection of the night.” Muttering under her breath didn’t make her feel any better. Neither did mulling it over in her mind, but the memories continued to rise.
That night had been the only time he’d touched her in any way that could be called sexual. From then on, she’d vowed to never let him close to her.
Once arriving at the Admiralty, she looked for an escape from her own personal hell. Eventually Kera accepted a post in the diplomatic corps, based on the lesser Ru’Edan home world of Re’Erdant. Her work began ostensibly as a guard while she really strove to infiltrate their Senate. Gathering information to help the Empire form a long-term peace.
She had immersed herself in the position, telling herself she loved the work. She’d lied to herself though, because in truth, accepting it meant she was far away from Gustav. “Look how that had turned out.” She snorted, taking a long drink of the deep, rich coffee before throwing the empty cup into the trash.
Heading out the door, Kera ensured it locked behind her with a snick, and the palm plate turned a dull red. Her steps rang as she hurried to the stairs, taking them two at a time. She moved through the tunnels, toward the administration block, with an energy that still came from those burning memories.
Once inside the clear plas-glass tunnel leading to the Admiralty offices, she debated whether to go to her office or the admiral’s. Get the torture over and done with, then you can head to your office for another coffee and unwind. If her luck held, perhaps there would be something waiting to take her mind off the encounter.
With a snort, she hurried along the eerie, cold corridor, reaching his office. Kera scanned the area before swiping her hand over the palm plate and entering. The two women she’d seen before waited inside. The dark-haired woman—Allison McIntyre, according to her nameplate—gazed at her steadily.
“I’ll just check with the admiral, Commander. Please wait.” The woman buzzed the admiral on the communicator. She nodded once before touching a button and indicated to Kera to make her way through the opening door.
Moving forward, Kera entered into what she was coming to think of as the Lion’s Den, and waited until the door slid closed. “Admiral, you requested to see me?”
He nodded slowly and pointed to a chair. Kera gripped the arms of one of the wooden chairs and let herself sink into its soft padding, pressing against the firm cushion of the seat.
“Commander, I’m not going to waste time with unnecessary banter.” He spread his hands out, making the point. “By now, you’ll be aware this base has a problem. An incident occurred in the last year that put one of our senior cryptologists in danger.”
Kera waited, her mind mentally flicking through the files she’d perused.
“I’m aware of the incident, though...”
“She made her way to me and I arranged for her escort to a safe location. She’s subsequently been deployed to the Elector. Her work centered around the decryption of the communications of Crick Sur Banden.”
Kera nodded, having heard some of the gossip relating to the near capture of Meredith Gentry.
“We...I believe that we have a nest of infiltrators here. I need someone with the ability to investigate and shut that threat down.”
She nodded again, listening intently. Beckett had shared some of this information with her.
Gustav shuffled papers as he spoke. “Beckett’s been looking into this issue, but with little success to date. All the teams I have brought in to assist have also been unsuccessful. As you’re aware, we’re moving into a delicate stage of negotiations with the Ru’Edan ruling the Senate and the current ceasefire. I need this dealt with now.” He looked at her closely.
“Beckett has apprised me of certain details. In fact, he found evidence of the transmissions but is unsure of their origin. I believe, however, that we may be able to decode the wave pattern the perpetrator used.” She breathed deeply, taking a moment to gather her thoughts. “I spent last night looking at the instances of transmission, and based on my assumptions, I believe another is due any day. I’ve already begun a strategic targeting of interceptors.” She let that settle between them. He sat quietly, as if waiting for what she had to say next before drawing any conclusions, so she continued, “I also believe there is a pattern of sending and receiving. Although, as we are unsure of the information contained within these messages, I will be briefing your personal security team and ensuring their vigilance.”
Kera watched for signs of emotion. As always in his work mode, Gustav was cool and collected.
“If there is an effort to breach the Admiralty, I believe it will come soon and possibly be aimed toward you, as the head of the base. While we wait for movement from the infiltrators, I think we should also scan the records of all enlisted members based here, as well as officers and ancillary staff.” Kera stopped, looking him in the eye. “It can be run through the systems in security, in case anything new pops out, and my people can act with immediacy.”
She watched his face cloud, but he nodded his acceptance. She pulled out her small palm unit and entered the information, beginning the security runs while he waited.
“Kera...”
She glanced at him. “Admiral?” Kera smiled, aware she sounded official and businesslike. She placed the unit in her pocket, waiting for him to continue.
“Kera, have dinner with me tonight.”
The words stopped her cold for an instant. “We aren’t here to discuss this. Now, if I may be excused—”
“No. Kera, please. Have dinner with me so we can find some sort of resolution to this mess.” Her heart thudded at his words. “Please. Nothing more, just a dinner between two old friends.”
Kera didn’t really want to give in but found herself nodding.
“2000 hours in my suite?” He couched it as a query, but somehow it felt more like an order. He touched a button on his desk, and she heard the whoosh of an opening door behind her.
“Yes, sir.” She rose and walked out of the office, the door closing soundlessly at her back.
* * * *
Picking through her wardrobe, Kera tried to decide what to wear. The admiral commanded her presence for dinner, perhaps to smooth out the kinks in their professional relationship, though how that could happen she didn’t know. She hoped he would avoid any personal discussions. But for now, she needed to prepare for the ordeal of the night ahead.
Her formal uniform lay discarded on the bed, replaced once she arrived at her apartment by a flight suit and a range of more casual pieces of clothing that she had collected on her trip back to Aenna. “Oh, come on, Kera. It doesn’t really matter what you wear.”
In truth, her uncertainty about what to wear kicked up a notch with every outfit she discarded. Nothing seemed like it was the right look. Casual didn’t feel appropriate, but then what if she turned up in the formal uniform and found him in civilian wear? A flight suit seemed somewhere in-between, but what if he dressed formally?
With a snort of disgust, she pulled off the latest choice and tossed the clothing onto the pile filling her bed before stalking naked to the small bathing room. The shower jets engaged, and warm water sprayed her body, helping to release her pent-up tension. “Damned foolish behavior! What are you thinking?”
Having a water-recycling unit employed on Aenna meant she could only shower briefly, but it helped wash away some of the concerns flying through her mind. She lathered with a
n economy of action then let the warm water wash away the gentle foam. She reached out to disengage the head of the unit and stepped out to dry herself.
“If you keep doing this, you’re going to feel worse when you arrive and find him in whatever he has on.” Feeling disgruntled, Kera dropped the towel onto the drying rack and headed back toward the room. Pulling underwear off the bed, she dragged it on before reaching for her better ship suit. “The uniform will keep a distance between us.” She snorted with self-disgust as the words filled the air.
She slipped her feet into her favorite boots, scraped her hair back into a ponytail, and palmed the security disk and communicator. Gustav’s suite was two floors above hers, so Kera headed for the stairwell, taking the stairs two at a time. Hurrying on stairs allowed her to take advantage of the benefits of the cardiovascular exercise while saving time so she reached his floor in next to no time.
Kera checked the corridor and then looked for his door, marching up to it and swiping her hand over the panel. It silently slid open to reveal a masculine room all black and blue with silver accents. She wandered in slowly, automatically listening for the door shutting behind her.
“I can see this is something I’ll have to talk to him about.” She let her words echo.
“What was that?” Gustav entered the room, his hair wet and tousled. She felt a lump wedge low in her belly, burning with intensity as the punch of desire kicked in.
“Well, you really shouldn’t enable access to just anyone. You need to get into the habit of first checking to ensure they are who you think they are.” Her voice was higher pitched than usual; she hoped he didn’t notice. She needed to focus on her job, but how could she when the sexiest man alive had just joined her in the room?
At one point, after he’d left the Ishtar, he’d said his security staff had goaded him into shaping up. At the time she’d shrugged that off, because to her he’d had a nice physique. In hindsight, she realized it probably had more to do with his need to connect with his crew. Now here he was, trimmer and leaner, and she was ready to melt into a puddle at his feet. His shirt was partially open, and she could see that beautiful, bronzed, hairless chest of his. His casual pants molded to the lines of his firm body, and she felt herself steaming up. Maybe this isn’t such a great idea.
“Come on through to the lounge and I’ll grab you a wine. White?” He smiled at her, and any ideas of an easy night fled at the sight of his blue eyes. New lines sat at the corners. Funny, she hadn’t noticed them before. Kera nodded in answer to his question, and he gestured her through to the living area.
The smell of freshly cut flowers filled the air, and she breathed the scent in. Kera could hear him pouring her wine, and when he returned she gratefully accepted the glass he handed her. “Thanks.”
He pointed to the seats, and she lowered herself into the comfortable cushions, thinking they would be the perfect place for seduction.
“How was your day?” His voice was mesmerizing. It washed over her like a wave, caressing her heightened senses like a sensual massage, and Kera felt the tension seep away.
“It was good. I was able to start setting the net to catch the infiltrators. Talked with the senior officers and we all agree there must be several to be able to get into the cryptology labs undetected, and continue to get the transmissions out without detection.” She wondered if she should share the sensation of danger she’d experienced in the hangar the day she arrived. She shrugged inwardly; it had seemed so amorphous at the time, so she kept that to herself.
“You checked the senior officers thoroughly?” His words were lazy, and she felt herself relaxing fully. Sitting in the relative quiet, glass of wine in hand, Kera concentrated on his words and the topic.
“Yeah, everyone checked out as expected. I called in some favors from the diplomatic corps.”
“Excellent. Now, how is your wine?”
She laughed at the change of conversation. “Great. Spicy, but refreshing.” She grinned, and he smiled back. Her heart melted just a little more.
He was sitting near her, close enough that if she reached out a hand, she’d touch him. She fought the urge to forge the physical connection though. I’m here to talk work. If only she could remind her heart of that.
* * * *
The food was served before a memory surfaced and a spark of devilry emerged. “You cooked?”
His eyebrow rose. “You already know the answer to that!”
She smiled. “Well, I suppose I shouldn’t be surprised. After all, I can’t cook either.” Since both of them had spent the majority of their adult lives working for the Admiralty aboard various vessels, they never needed to learn how.
“Yes, I know, having to cater even a dinner like this is a sad, sad thing to admit.” His deep, throaty laugh filled the air.
The veal piccata was followed by a chocolate mousse cake which melted in her mouth. They talked about aspects of her role and his requirements of the position. The cares and concerns of experience and position skittered away. He made her laugh at some of the funny antics he’d had to deal with since she left Aenna.
“Of course, the ensign opened his mouth. He had no idea who I was and started repeating all sorts of nonsense about the admiral being a pain in the ass. How he wouldn’t let the head of his section take leave and generally didn’t understand how hard enacting the changes would be and more so if he wanted them in a hurry.” His eyes twinkled with mirth. “Needless to say, once the staff pointed out who I was, he didn’t know where to look. He couldn’t apologize fast enough. Poor kid blushed for a full ten minutes. That made me laugh.” He smiled at her.
“Yeah, you always were a big ogre!” Kera groaned. Her stomach hurt from laughing so hard, and she had to press a hand against the dull ache.
His eyes sobered. “You okay?”
“What? Oh, yeah. You shouldn’t let me laugh so much.” She caught her breath. Gustav continued to look at her as he leaned forward, topping off her drink again.
“It’s good to have you back, Kera.”
Her stomach curled, rather like a somersault. Not now. Oh please, don’t open this topic.
“Yeah, certainly better than my previous circumstances.” She took a deep breath. “It’s nice to be back here, even if I was only here for a couple of months.” She shrugged, hoping to head off the discussion he clearly wanted to have.
“Why did you go? You could have stayed. I would have liked you to stay.” His blue eyes searched her face with intent, and she wondered if he waited for a specific answer.
“I don’t want to discuss this, Gustav. That was a long time ago.” Kera let her eyes stray from his, fidgeting with her wine glass.
“It isn’t for me though. After you left...I worried about you. Then you disappeared and I... Let’s just say I didn’t handle the situation too well.”
Her eyes focused on his face once more. She had the uncanny feeling he was trying to say something without speaking the words.
Hope warred with the experience of desolation once more. How she wanted that to be the truth. But too many years of hopes dashed made her wary of looking for something that didn’t exist.
The burn, low in her belly, in reaction to his words turned hotter. She wanted to stop the conversation, to get up and walk away, but she couldn’t. His eyes held her in place; the emotion in their cool depths called to her soul. “Gustav...”
“Kera, please. I need to understand. Why did you leave?” His voice was both soft and compelling.
“I left because of something which took place on the Ishtar.” She knew the minute those words slipped out he would want to know everything. She turned away, her eyes stinging and her chest tight with the years of pain.
“The night of the farewell? The night I passed out on you?” The words were full of rough emotion. She turned back, the frown on his face confusing her.
“You remember?” Her whisper was full of pain, and he winced slightly. Anguish nearly bent her double.
“
I dreamed about it for a long time afterward. Touching you and kissing you. I needed to be sure, but you left so fast. So I spoke to the purser when the Ishtar docked here. He saw us leave the officers’ mess together that night. Very much together as he put it. It was then I knew it wasn’t a dream. Kera...” He stopped, a ruddy glow creeping over his face.
He remembered, and he hadn’t said anything.
Well, that firmly puts me in my place, doesn’t it? Time to get out of here before I embarrass myself further. Kera started to push away from the table, the lump in her chest crushing her, making it difficult to suck in the breath her lungs screamed for.
* * * *
Gustav stood, but let her stand. She seemed so shell-shocked by his words. Her jerky movements while attempting to push away from the table had broadcast the depth of her inner turmoil.
“Kera, if I had remembered before, I would have said something.” He reached out an unsteady hand, hoping she would listen enough to understand his situation. “Wait. Please.”
Her eyes were bright with unshed tears. “I think it’s time I left, Admiral.” The rasp of her words made him cringe with pain.
Damn, she’s freezing me out again. He needed to tell her everything. Only one last gamble remained though—if his attempt would work or not lay in the lap of the gods. At least this time he had a chance to do everything possible to rectify the mess of his own making. Time to roll the dice.
“I dreamed about you every night. I wanted to make you burn in my arms every time I saw you,” he said. She stopped at the doorway, shoulders stiff, and he pressed on. “I wanted you so badly, but I couldn’t get past my own inability to comprehend anything beyond my career. Or to understand the hurt my actions would cause you.”
She shuddered, reaching an unsteady hand to the door handle. His stomach clenched and roiled. The taste of bile crept up his throat at the knowledge of how deeply he’d hurt this generous woman.
“You could have found a way. The stars knew, I kept trying to reach you. Each time I tried, you cut me dead,” she said, her head bowed. Her words, so thick with emotion, speared him. He closed his own burning eyes.
