Drew ignored him and began the exercise while Justin counted reps. Justin was a S.E.A.L., and he’d been acting as Drew’s coach for the past three months. And since the shooting, he’d been at Drew’s side every day, urging him to stay busy. To keep his mind off what it worked over endlessly whenever he was alone or idle. Hell, he’d owe Justin a hell of a lot more than alcohol if he made the team.
Drew had wanted to be a S.E.A.L. for as long as he could remember. His father had been one, but it wasn’t carrying on a family tradition so much as spite for the man that drove Drew forward in pursuit of the goal. One of these days he’d show the son of a bitch that he was twice the man his father would ever be.
He’d never walk out on the mother of his children. Or marry a woman half his age. Or forget his kids even existed. And he wouldn’t end up with a dishonorable discharge from the Navy, either. If Drew’s entire life was defined by being what his father wasn’t, then he’d be fine with that.
“Twenty-eight, twenty-nine…” Justin counted.
“I heard a rumor that command might be ordering me on R & R leave,” Drew said on an exhale.
Justin didn’t respond immediately. “It’ll be good for you, you know,” he said slowly, as if weighing each word.
“I don’t want to have any extra time on my hands. Makes me crazy right now.”
“So spend all day training. You’re going to need it.”
Drew had thought of that already. He nodded, unable to muster any words at the moment.
“Maybe you ought to get away somewhere. Take a trip down to Mexico or Hawaii. Just get the hell out of here so you’re not looking at the scene every day.”
He’d thought of that, too. He still had a ticket to Hawaii from a canceled vacation that he needed to use.
“Alone?” he grunted.
“Hey, man, I’d go with you if I had any leave left. What about that girl you were dating? Tanya? Tawny?”
“We weren’t a couple, and it ain’t happening.”
“You stopped seeing her?”
“Ages ago. No chemistry.”
Justin watched him for a while, counting. Then he said, “I guess everyone’s being given R & R, right?”
“So rumor goes.”
“You ever notice how Lieutenant Commander Thomas looks at you?”
“No.”
“Like she wants to have you for dinner. Maybe you ought to take her on vacation.”
“She’s my freaking boss, asshole.”
Justin shrugged. “So what? What happens on R & R is your own business. And no one’s gonna blame you for dealing with your grief however you need to.”
“Don’t be such a prick.”
“All right, all right. Sorry. I just think there’s something intriguing about that woman.”
“I’ve never noticed.”
“Fair enough. But I tell ya, man, if she ever looked at me the way she looks at you, I’d be all over her. Screw rank.”
Drew tuned out Justin’s comment. Between training and the shooting, seducing his boss was the last thing on his mind right now—or at any other time, for that matter. Besides, regardless of what Justin said, Lieutenant Commander Thomas had never treated him as anything other than a subordinate under her command. She was career Navy and he’d lay odds she wasn’t even capable of action outside the code of conduct.
He grimaced as his abs and lats began to burn.
“Hey, you know,” Justin said, “I’ve got a diver buddy who runs a school in Honolulu. I could hook you up with him for a little extreme training if you head out that way.”
“Not a bad idea.” Drew blinked at the sweat dripping into his eyes, then closed them as he pushed onward.
If the rumor mill was correct and mandatory R & R was forced on his ass, he’d go to Hawaii. It sounded like as good a place to recuperate as he could think of. And the extra dive training along with a ramped-up workout regime might be enough to distract him.
Hell, he might even be exhausted enough to sleep at night.
DREW SAT AT THE BAR next to Justin and did his best not to notice the people crowding the place. He didn’t want to talk, didn’t want to smile, didn’t want to do anything but down a few triple shots of Jameson and get lost in the whiskey’s sweet, warm haze. Going out for drinks had been Justin’s idea, and it had sounded like a good one to Drew when the alternative was being totally alone.
He was exhausted from his workout. On top of that he hadn’t slept for more than an hour last night. Not exactly prime socializing condition, but he couldn’t imagine going home alone right now. He didn’t want to be in an empty house with nothing but his tortured thoughts to entertain him.
He’d come to think of his constant state of agitation as an adrenaline hangover. Same way he’d felt two years ago during the war in Iraq.
Same as it never was.
Justin caught the bartender’s eye and they both placed their orders, then they sat silently, both aware of Drew’s morose mood. Drew pretended to be interested in the game on the flat-screen TV across the room. But he saw little more than color and motion. Nothing else registered. He wasn’t numb inside. More like numb on the outside while internally, he felt a raging torrent threatening to escape.
He’d seen a friend die in action, but that was war. That was different. He hadn’t ever gone into the office in peaceful, easygoing, no-worries San Diego expecting to see his coworkers mowed down by gunfire.
Damn. That train of thought went nowhere good. To distract himself he scanned the room. His gaze landed on a familiar figure near the door.
Justin spotted her only a moment after Drew. He nudged him with his elbow. “Hey, if it isn’t the very woman we were talking about before.”
Drew ignored him. But he couldn’t ignore Justin’s earlier comment about how Kylie watched him and how Justin would jump her given the chance. Without even intending to, Drew wondered how good in bed she’d be. Would she issues orders directing his performance? Or would she drop the whole officer demeanor and let loose?
On that tempting thought he took a good look at her out of uniform. Her strawberry-blond hair glinted in the light from the jukebox next to her, and her pale skin and green eyes seemed illuminated. Drew had never really thought of her as attractive, though she clearly was. It wouldn’t be a hardship getting busy with her.
What was he doing? He muttered a curse. She was still his boss and no less inaccessible than she’d been this afternoon. Damn Justin for even putting this stupid idea in his head.
He glanced her way one last time.
How had she been looking at him?
“She wants you, man. This is your chance. I’ll call her over here.”
“Don’t bother, asshole.”
She headed to the opposite side of the U-shaped bar, where no one was sitting. Kylie hung out here often enough. He’d bumped into her now and then, though she’d always been a bit cool and standoffish with him. As a commanding officer, she was good enough, but as a person, he got the impression she was a bit lacking in the heart and soul department.
Tonight she was probably hoping for the same hazy avoidance of what had happened last week as he was. And she probably wanted to find her comfort alone, just as he did. Funny how it didn’t occur to either of them to hang together even though they’d been through the same ordeal.
The bartender was busy taking Kylie’s drink order, but when he turned to retrieve a glass, her gaze crossed the bar and landed on Drew. He saw some emotion flicker there—fear, perhaps, or dread—then she changed her expression into something that looked more like friendliness.
Justin waved her over.
She rose from her seat and rounded the bar, then took a seat beside Drew with a sigh. “Hi, guys,” she said.
“I was just telling Drew how gorgeous you look out of uniform,” Justin said, his comment totally inappropriate, especially given her rank compared to theirs.
She smirked, her expression cool. She’d probably had to deal with sexual har
assment in the Navy so many times that it didn’t even make her blink anymore.
“Sorry I can’t say the same for you,” she replied.
“Ouch.” He made a show of acting wounded. “I apologize, ma’am. Sometimes when I’m in the company of a truly beautiful woman, I lose all my good sense.”
Okay. He was laying it on a little thick, and Drew felt an unexpected surge of jealousy. Wasn’t he the one Justin thought should be flirting with Kylie?
In fact, now that she was close his thoughts circled back to her in bed. And because he was really looking, he did have to admit she was hot. Beneath her coolness, something about her gave the slightest hint that she smoldered.
He found himself suddenly wanting to find out for himself. And he wanted Justin to get the hell away from her and stop ogling her like she was a slab of beef and he was the hungry shopper.
Thankfully, after a few more minutes of Kylie shooting down his every line, Justin realized he wasn’t helping matters with his flirting. He cast a meaningful glance at Drew. “If you two will excuse me,” he said, picking up his drink, “I just spotted someone I need to say hello to.”
And with that, he was gone.
Drew breathed a sigh of relief.
“How you doing?” he asked. Stupid. He already knew the answer was lousy, but he’d never been schooled in the art of post-mass-shooting small talk.
“I’m…alive.”
“Yeah. I couldn’t make myself go home to an empty house, you know?”
“I know,” she said, wincing.
She waved at the confused bartender when he scanned the bar to see where she’d gone. He placed a glass of clear liquid and a lime in front of her.
“Tequila?” Drew asked.
She nodded. “Don Julio…seems appropriate for a night like this.”
The one-week anniversary of the shooting.
Drew downed half his whiskey, then stared at the amber liquid as images of that day crowded his head. He wanted them all gone, so he drank the rest of the Jameson and waited for the haze to come.
The images remained.
“You did your best there, you know,” he finally said, figuring she was probably at least as racked with guilt as he was. “There’s nothing more you could have done.”
“Yeah,” she said unconvincingly. “I guess. That’s what the therapist keeps telling me.”
He looked over at her until she met his gaze. “I know you feel responsible because they were your people.”
Her expression went from blank to crumpled with grief, which wasn’t what he’d expected. The Kylie he knew didn’t show strong emotions in public. Ever.
Drew put a hand on her back as she fought to regain control, covering her face with her hands. When her hands dropped into her lap, he could see she was on the verge of bursting into tears. His gut wrenched. He supposed even ice queens had to grieve, but he should not have felt so stricken by her emotion. After all, he was grieving, too.
“I can’t get any of it out of my head. If I let myself think about it, I see the scene unfold over and over again. Only in slow motion, which makes me think of all the things I could have done. It’s driving me crazy.”
“Same here,” he said, lifting his empty glass at the bartender and nodding for another round. “Hence the whiskey.”
Kylie nodded and picked up her own alcohol, swirled it around in the glass, then took one long drink that emptied it. Afterward, she exhaled and closed her eyes. An almost visible peacefulness passed over her features. Drew watched, transfixed.
Why had he never realized Kylie was a beautiful woman? He didn’t usually go for girls in uniform, let alone girls in uniform as devoid of femininity as Kylie seemed. So obviously he’d never seen the standard issues.
And yet, looking at her now, he could see something he’d missed. For one thing, she looked vulnerable. Not the invincible admiral-to-be that she behaved like at work, but a real, flesh-and-blood woman. And when her face showed emotion, she seemed pretty in a way he couldn’t have guessed. Beautiful like storm clouds, like angry surf.
It didn’t hurt that she wasn’t in uniform right now. She was wearing a black tank top that hugged her slender curves and a pair of jeans that he couldn’t help noticing did the same when he let his gaze drop below her face.
Whoa. Did he just check out his boss? This was Lieutenant Commander Thomas he was having less-than-pure thoughts about, not any old girl in a bar. It was one thing to speculate about her as he had when she showed up at the bar. It was something else entirely to sit beside her and imagine how she’d look after he peeled off that top and got his hands on what was actually an impressive rack now that it wasn’t covered by a sexless uniform. He’d bet she had a tight bod—
Damn it. He was doing it again. Entertaining inappropriate thoughts about her. He reminded himself that she assessed his work performance and if he screwed up by offending her, she could deep-six his career in zero seconds flat. But even that sobering thought didn’t completely stop the sexual journey his mind was on. Man, what was with him tonight? Must be the grief. Or pain avoidance. Or Justin’s innuendo. Or maybe the Jameson was turning him into a mental perv.
“What?” she asked.
He realized he was staring dumbly at his boss like a love-struck schoolboy. Great.
“Oh, nothing. I just—” What? Was thinking how damn hot you are when you’re not being an uptight commander? “I was just wondering if you knew whether we were getting a forced R & R.”
“Officially, no. But it wouldn’t surprise me. Kind of like the counseling, R & R seems to be the commanders’ way of dealing with us.” She paused, as if contemplating the situation. “You know, it’s the last thing I want right now—to have a bunch of time on my hands to think about things.”
“My thoughts exactly.”
“So if the orders come down, what are you going to do?”
“I’ll probably head to Hawaii. Throw myself into training for the S.E.A.L. test.”
“Sounds like the perfect distraction.” She caught the bartender’s eye and motioned for another drink.
Drew made a mental note to watch out for her and make sure she got a cab home. Someone with her slender build surely couldn’t handle too many shots of tequila before things would start to get messy.
“What about you?” he asked. “Any idea what you’d do with the time off?”
“Go crazy.”
“You might want to make a more specific plan than that.”
Before he could pursue the subject further, Justin rejoined them.
“Hey, something’s come up—” he nodded toward a cute brunette hovering near the door “—so I’m outta here. You coming with?”
“Nah. I’m good here.” Drew wasn’t ready to leave Kylie. Someone had to make sure no one took advantage of her, right?
“All right, then. Lieutenant Commander, a pleasure to see you. Next time I’ll keep my senses and show you a much better time than this guy.” Kylie rolled her eyes at his boast. “I’ll catch up with you at the next workout session,” he said to Drew with a slap on the back. Justin walked away, pausing to give Drew a thumb’s-up behind Kylie’s back. Drew ignored him.
An awkward silence descended.
He marveled at how odd it felt to be sitting here with Lieutenant Commander Thomas, of all people. She’d never talked to him much at work, except to give orders or instructions, and she was always noticeably cold and distant. Now, though, she seemed like a normal woman.
And what had changed? The shooting, of course. If he had to guess, he’d say she’d been humbled by it. The day of the shooting was the first time he’d ever seen her shaken. And that had been the first time he’d realized she was more than just a pencil-pushing officer. In her refusal to escape while she had the chance and her determination to face Caldwell, she’d demonstrated a selfless desire to protect her subordinates. She’d revealed herself to be a true leader who cared about her people and would lay down her life to keep them from harm. It
had been a glimpse behind the ladder-climbing officer who played everything by the book and kept everyone at arm’s length.
“Why are you looking at me like that?” she said.
He’d had enough to drink that he didn’t consider telling anything but the truth. “I was just thinking how brave you were last week, and how if I had to have a leader to go to war with, I’d choose you.”
She stared at him for a long time. “Thank you,” she finally said. “I’m not sure I deserve kudos for bravery, but I appreciate you saying it. Really you were the one who saved us from getting shot. I haven’t shared how grateful I am for that, but I really do want to say it. Thank you for saving my life.”
Drew shook his head. “I didn’t do enough. I failed the people who died that day.”
Kylie sighed. “That’s exactly how I feel. I can think of dozens of actions I should have taken. But your actions were heroic. You have to believe that.”
Drew stared at his glass, unwilling to accept her words but not wanting to seem ungracious by arguing any further.
When she placed a hand on his arm, his entire body went on red alert and all his dirty thoughts about her crowded his brain. He’d never have expected her touch to affect him that way.
“Hey,” she said, her tone noticeably lighter now. “Will you help me pick some songs from the jukebox? If I have to hear ‘Love Shack’ one more time, I’m going to start a bar fight.”
Drew couldn’t help but smile. “Sure, why not.”
She stood and he watched her begin walking toward the jukebox. He caught sight of exactly how well her jeans fit her, hugging her ass and accentuating her narrow waist in a way that should have been criminal. An image of the two of them together, their naked limbs tangled together, formed. Kylie’s long wavy hair—now freed from the stiff bun she wore at work to cascade down her back—splayed across the pillow. Her delicious ass was cupped in his hands and he buried himself deep inside her.
He fought to banish the lustful image, but it seemed burned on his mind’s screen. His boss wasn’t just pretty, she was downright smoking hot. So hot, in fact, that if she propositioned him right here, right now, he’d have her bent over the bar before she finished the sentence. Forget the Navy. Forget his career. Burying himself in Kylie seemed worth the cost.
Seducing A S.E.A.L. Page 2
