“I’m serious.”
“I know you are. That’s why it’s funny.”
Drew looked around at the rare stretch of deserted beach, and the shelter of the rocks where they stood. “We probably wouldn’t even get caught.”
“I’m not sure I want to test that theory.”
“There goes that conservative streak of yours again,” he said, half disappointed at her reluctance to be daring, and half wanting to get to the heart of why she was afraid. This wasn’t the first time he’d butted up against her fear, but it was the first time he wanted to really push the issue.
A hurt expression crossed her face before she recovered and presented her usual cool mask of detachment to him. Thanks to this time together at least now he knew it was only a mask, and not an accurate representation of her real feelings.
She sank onto the sand, her legs out in front of herself, and reached for her toes without commenting.
A wave of frustration hit Drew. He wasn’t going to let her avoid the topic.
“Seriously, Kylie. Why does it seem like there are two sides of you that are so different?”
She sighed. “I don’t know what you’re talking about. Lots of people wouldn’t want to have sex in a public place. I don’t think that makes me emotionally flawed.”
“It’s not just that. It’s the way you present yourself to the world. At work, you’re an ice queen, but since we’ve been together this past week, you’ve been so warm and passionate and real. But when I least expect it, the ice queen comes back.”
“Like now?” she said sarcastically.
“Yes, exactly.”
“Your male ego won’t let you accept even a minor rejection, so you have to blame it on me being frigid, right?”
Drew winced at the accusation. “That’s not fair, and it’s not true. This has nothing to do with my ego. And I wouldn’t classify this as you rejecting me at all.”
“Then what’s the problem?”
He knelt in front of her and took her hands in his, forcing her to look at him. “I just want to understand. Really understand.”
“Understand what?”
“You.”
She blinked at that, clearly unsure what to say.
“Why?” she finally asked.
“Because I’m interested. You’re someone I care about. How could I not want to understand you?”
She took a deep breath and drew her legs up into a crisscross position, then rested her elbows on her knees. She looked out at the approaching storm.
Fat drops of rain began to fall on them. After a few seconds, the drops morphed into buckets, and they were forced to seek shelter. A rocky outcropping nearby formed a sort of half cave, and they dashed for it. By the time they were beneath the cover, they were drenched. But the rain went a long way toward cooling him after that hard run.
Kylie sat on the sand to watch the rain fall over the ocean, and Drew sat beside her, patiently waiting for her to speak.
When it seemed like she would remain silent forever, Kylie said, “I guess I should explain. This happened to me a long time ago. I never talk about it, but my whole life changed then. And I changed.”
“What was it?”
“I was seventeen, and I was known as the town wild child. I’d always been a good student, and on the surface I followed the rules well enough to keep my parents happy and get into a good college when it was time. But I had this part of myself that desperately needed to rebel.”
“And that’s the part of you I’ve been getting glimpses of, right?”
She shrugged. “I guess so. It’s been a long time since I’ve let myself even bend a rule, so maybe you’re right.”
“What did you do to rebel then?”
“I snuck out and partied. I drank, I experimented with drugs…and I had lots of casual sex. My parents would have been horrified if they’d known the half of it.”
“They never found out?”
She shook her head. “I was an expert at sneaking. And because I kept up my grades and went to church and did what they asked, it never occurred to them that I wasn’t what I seemed. They trusted me so never checked on me after I went to bed. I’d climb out my window and meet up with my friends. They were older and didn’t go to my high school, so the chances of my rebel life intruding on my daily life were pretty remote. You know what’s funny? I was doing all this crazy stuff and no one bothered to look past the good-girl persona to see that I was heading for a whole lot of nothing good. People only see what they want to see.”
“So what changed? Did you get caught?”
“No. I got pregnant. The game was up.”
“Oh, wow. That must have been rough.”
“It was absolutely terrifying. One broken condom showed me exactly what a shallow, reckless brat I was. I’d gotten accepted into the Naval Academy and suddenly I wasn’t so clever for juggling this double life and pulling a fast one on everyone. Instead my stupidity threatened my future—I couldn’t go to the academy with a kid in tow. Worse, when I told my parents, they were devastated. I don’t think I’ll ever forget the look on their faces—like I was a deceitful stranger who’d stolen their precious daughter.”
“So what happened to the baby?”
“I knew I wasn’t ready to raise a child, especially not alone. I didn’t even really know the father. He was just some guy…”
Her voice trailed off, and Drew felt a pang of sympathy for the scared girl she’d been. It could have just as easily been him or any of his friends who’d made such a mistake.
She continued. “My parents wanted me to have an abortion, even though they’d always been opposed to it. They were so afraid of me messing up my life. They were so desperate to have their plans for me work out, as if by maintaining my grade point average then going to the academy, we’d be able to put this unfortunate incident behind us and I’d be the daughter they’d thought I was. There were times when I was convinced their plans for me meant more to them than I did.” She sighed. “Despite their pressure and expectations I decided to go ahead and have the baby, then give it up for adoption.”
“And did you?”
She swallowed hard and looked away. “I had a miscarriage when I was almost three months pregnant. I guess everyone considered it a blessing of sorts. But I didn’t. I just felt so sad.”
Drew wanted to comfort her, but words escaped him. He really couldn’t begin to imagine how she’d felt.
“It was impossible to explain to anyone why. I got really depressed after that—stopped talking to my friends, stopped going out. I just went through the motions of my final semester of high school in a daze.”
“You’d gone through a major trauma. It makes sense that you were depressed.”
“Everyone around me was so relieved. My parents kept saying it was God’s will, that I was given a second chance—stuff like that. Yet it all felt so wrong and so sad. No one seemed to care that a baby—my baby—had died.”
“Yeah, they were probably too caught up in worrying about your future to look at it that way, huh?”
“I guess.” She paused, biting her lip as she watched the rain. “It’s so strange to talk about it now, after all these years. I really haven’t talked about it to anyone.”
“Ever?”
“Ever.”
“I’m honored that you’re sharing it with me,” he said, feeling lame even before the words exited his mouth. They weren’t adequate to express how he really felt. “How did you get past it so you could go on to the academy?”
“I don’t know. If anything, the academy did it. That first year was so grueling, and such a different world. I was so physically and mentally exhausted that I could only think about surviving each day. It kind of helped me forget.”
“I guess that’s the intent. That first year breaks down who you were and turns you into someone new.” He’d never attended a service academy, but he’d heard the stories of how brutal they were.
“Right. In a way that’s w
hat I needed.”
“I’ve heard one way to cure depression is to get your mind totally engrossed in something new.”
Kylie nodded. “I never thought of it that way, but yeah, I suppose that’s what cured me.”
“Except, everyone needs someone to talk to about this kind of thing. Holding it in for all these years is a pretty big burden.”
She looked at him, and he was surprised to see what appeared to be an expression of gratitude in her eyes. “Especially around my parents. I think it’s always bothered me that the pregnancy and miscarriage have become a taboo subject no one ever mentions. We pretend that part of my life didn’t happen.”
“You don’t have to pretend, though. You can’t control what your parents do or say. If they’re ashamed or embarrassed, that’s on them, not you. You have to make your own peace with your choices. Past and present.”
Outside, the rain fell heavier, and the waves crashed closer and closer to the rocks where they sat. Drew was pretty sure the tide wouldn’t reach them, but he kept an eye on its movement just to be safe.
“You’re right,” she said. “It’s odd how we can get trapped into the roles our families set out for us. We never think of questioning them.”
“I don’t have that same pressure since it was mostly me and my sister trying to survive. There wasn’t much in the way of parental expectations.”
“I don’t know why I let mine become so influential. It’s like all that rebellion as a teenager never took place. I’ve spent my whole life since then trying to be the perfect daughter, trying to regain their trust and redeem myself.”
“Guilt can do that.”
She nodded.
“Maybe you need to forgive yourself.”
“I think what I really want,” she said, her voice sounding uncharacteristically shaky, “is for my parents to forgive me.”
He reached out and put a hand on her thigh. He wanted to pull her close and hold her, but he knew she’d resist. He sensed she had more to say. “They’ve never given you that?”
“Not overtly, no. Like I said, they act as though those months didn’t happen. But they’re cautious around me, as if they’re braced for the next big revelation about my true character, the next disappointment.”
“Maybe you should tell them how you feel.”
She laughed out loud then, a bitter, harsh laugh. “God, that would blow their minds. We don’t talk about how we really feel in my family. We stay tight-lipped and pretend everything’s okay, all the time.”
“Do you think some part of you has always been rebelling against that?”
“I don’t know if it’s that complicated. I was a kid, and I wanted to have fun. I felt a lot of pressure, being the only child, to be the perfect daughter. So I blew off steam—albeit in a self-destructive way.”
“It makes sense. They were probably way too strict, right?”
“Yeah. I don’t know why, but I’ve always felt like their way was right and anything else was wrong. Maybe because their way was so close to what I heard in church every Sunday.”
Drew thought of how she had always seemed so controlled, so exacting, and it made a hell of a lot more sense now. “You don’t have to follow all the rules all the time to be a good person.”
She shook her head. “I’m halfway through my thirties and haven’t figured that out yet?”
“You’ve been doing a pretty good job of doing your own thing lately.”
“Yeah,” she said quietly. “I suppose I have.”
“Maybe you just need to relax and go with it.”
Thunder boomed overhead, and a warm breeze whipped at them. Kylie pushed her hair out of her eyes as they watched the storm bending the palm trees outside. Drew understood her a lot better now. Her duality, the way control and uninhibitedness seemed to battle inside her. She was even more attractive to him now that he knew how she’d come to be the woman she was.
A coy smile played on her lips then. “You think?”
She slid across the sand closer to him, taking his hand and moving it up her thigh. Then she straddled his lap and dipped her head to kiss him.
Right before her lips met his, she cupped his half-erect cock and whispered, “Still up for action?”
14
KYLIE WASN’T SURE what had gotten into her. She normally didn’t consider talking about her parents or her checkered past a prelude to sex, but at the moment, she couldn’t think of anything she’d rather do than get Drew naked right here on the beach. The rain had chased away the last of the beachcombers and swimmers, so whatever bit of modesty had been holding her back was gone.
Thunder rumbled overhead as she tugged off her top. Drew stared at her, looking a little stunned.
“I’m glad you took my advice so quickly,” he said when his gaze dropped to her now-bare chest.
He slid his hands up her belly and cupped her damp breasts in his palms. Between her legs, she could feel his erection growing harder.
“I’m all sweaty,” he said. “Want to swim first?”
“I want you inside me,” she said, her voice husky with desire. She nipped at his earlobe, then his neck, kicking off a wave of sensation in him.
He let out a ragged breath and grasped her hips, pressing himself harder against her. “You’ll have me inside you soon enough.”
Then he set her aside and stood, grabbing her hand and pulling her up.
“You’re going to make me wait now?”
He smiled a half smile and shrugged. “C’mon, let’s take a dip in the rain.”
Kylie loved the feel of the rain against her skin, so didn’t argue further. She peered out around the rocks to make sure the coast was clear, then stripped off her shoes, socks and bottoms. “This is the part where I admit I’ve never been skinny-dipping.”
“Not even as a teenager?”
“Nope.”
“You’ve been missing out.”
He was naked now, and he took her hand to sprint across the sand into the crashing surf. The wind and rain on her skin was one of the most luxurious feelings she’d ever experienced, and she squealed with the delight of it.
When they reached the surf, Kylie waded in without hesitation, Drew just ahead of her. Once he was waist deep, he turned and pulled her to him, lifting her in the water so that she was a little deeper than him, her bare chest concealed by his. The waves lapping at them concealed that they were both naked.
“There, you’re safe now,” he murmured. “No one can see you.”
But safety was the last thing on her mind. She felt carefree, intoxicated by the sudden freedom she felt—a freedom that was both literal and figurative.
She wrapped her arms around Drew’s shoulders and her legs around his thighs before kissing him for all she was worth. There was no worrying about anything at the moment. She wanted nothing more than the sensations of his body against hers, of the rain and wind and ocean on her skin. She wanted to absorb it all so that she’d never forget the luxury of it.
His tongue lapped hungrily at hers. From the hardness of his erection nudging her, she knew that he wanted her as badly as she wanted him. Only then did she remember that he wasn’t wearing a condom.
“I don’t have any protection,” she said.
“Neither do I.”
She felt a moment of panic. She took birth control pills—just in case—but she’d always considered condoms a necessary precaution.
“I’ve been tested recently, and I’m clean,” he said.
“Me, too,” she said, but still that deep-seated phobia held her back.
“Are you worried about getting pregnant even on the pill?” Once again he astounded her with his perceptiveness.
“I know it’s safe. I’m just…” She shrugged, at a loss to articulate such an irrational fear.
“Hey, I get it. We don’t have to do anything, okay?”
His willingness to concede to her neuroses put it in sharp focus. She was safe with him. “No,” she said firmly.
> This was her chance to prove she could accept the risks inherent in living a full, rich life. She was going to take it. She needed to prove to herself that she could.
He looked at her with those enigmatic blue eyes, and she couldn’t help but melt under the power of his gaze.
“I want to do this,” she said, to make sure he understood, and she shifted her hips then to allow him easier entry.
He positioned himself at her opening and slid inside, just as a wave broke nearby and the foaming surf washed past them. She moaned at the pleasure of it, and rocked her hips in time with his, accepting him as deeply inside as he could go.
Her clit rubbed against his abdomen, causing her enough stimulation that she felt on the edge of orgasm after only minutes. He pumped into her slowly at first, but his thrusts came faster until Kylie could only hold on for the ride.
He was panting against her neck, moaning softly under his breath, as she felt herself start to go over the edge. She cried out at the suddenness of it. The startling intensity overtook her as another crack of thunder sounded overhead.
Kylie cried out, gasping as the waves inside her body became so much more intense than those surrounding them. She realized, as the orgasm passed its peak and the waves of pleasure slowed, that she was reacting as much to the sensation of his bare, unsheathed skin inside her as she was to any of the other stimuli.
Having him bare inside her was physically intimate in a way nothing else they had done together was. And she understood, in her extreme caution, yet another pleasure she’d been denying herself all these years.
Drew’s thrusting quickened, then faltered as he reached his own climax. He held her so tightly she almost yelped.
He gave a final thrust and groaned against her ear, then reclaimed her mouth in another hungry kiss as his breathing calmed.
They ended the kiss, yet remained quiet, as if unwilling to break their connection. The moment stretched, until she started to feel too vulnerable and exposed. With his usual insight Drew changed the mood by licking a raindrop from Kylie’s nose, then he smiled at her and sighed heavily.
“Wow,” he said. “You don’t mess around.”
“Me? Far as I could tell, it took two of us to do that.”
Seducing A S.E.A.L. Page 11
