“The one where he told her to get started without him. Ah, I thought so,” I smiled, sliding my thumb over the apples of her cheeks as they got redder. “Are you embarrassed that I saw you touch yourself tonight?”
“Shh,” she urged, her head going over her shoulder to check and make sure Jake wasn't lingering around.
I laughed. “They sound like they're going to break through the wall. They can't hear us.”
She turned back to me, looking uncomfortable as she cleared her throat. “But, yeah, sorry again for making you worry...”
“It's alright,” I said, trying to force myself to distance myself from her. My hand dropped. “I'm gonna go.” I had to go before I pushed into her apartment and fucked everything up. “Keep your phone by you. It's a safety thing,” I said. “And lock your door.” I paused in my orders, watching as a fully amused smile overtook her features. It was truly the first of its kind I had gotten to see and it sent a stab through my chest. “What?” I asked, wanting to know what she was thinking.
“You're bossy,” she said, almost giggling.
I felt myself laugh and snort at the same time, shaking my head. She had no idea. “Phone and lock, okay?”
“Okay,” she agreed and she was fighting a smile.
I needed to fucking go.
“Tomorrow night. Seven.”
I didn't even wait for a response, just turned on my heel and got out of there as fast as I could without it looking like I was running. But I was fucking running.
I drove home trying to convince myself to sever ties with her. It was the right thing to do. Truly, the only thing to do. On a professional level. That was supposed to be all that mattered to me. I worked my ass off to get my career. I had never done anything that could ever even remotely threaten it before.
But I was all kinds of line crossing with Ava.
I just couldn't fucking shake the idea that maybe she was worth the risk.
“You're late,” Eddie said, making a surprised laugh escape my lips. He sounded like an angry wife when her husband didn't call to tell her he was going to miss dinner. “Get laid?” he asked, giving me one of his lopsided smiles and I realized his eyes weren't bleary from booze or dilated from drugs.
“Work,” I clarified. It was mostly true.
Eddie nodded his head, moving toward the kitchen and getting a glass of water. Water. “Surrogate work, right?” he asked, drinking.
“Yeah,” I nodded, pulling off my tie.
“Subs,” Eddie said, watching me.
“What? I asked, slipping out of my jacket too.
“I'm on subs. That's why I'm not fucked up.”
“You went to the clinic?” I asked, so surprised I froze mid stride.
That wasn't like him. He never acted without my spurring him into it. At least not when it came to recovery. There was never a trip to a session that I didn't drive him to. Or a clinic visit to get suboxone. Or a trip to the pharmacy to make sure he didn't use the maintenance drugs to get high.
Eddie shrugged, looking away from me. “Thought maybe it was time for you to stop having to take care of me.”
“Eddie, man...”
He shook his head, silencing me. “Been leanin' on you too long. Need to get on my own feet.”
He was right. He did.
But still.
“If you need anything though...”
“I know,” he said, nodding at me. “Now go get some sleep. It's fucking late.”
It was, so I moved into my bedroom and undressed. I lay down in bed. But sleep wouldn't come.
Before I even knew what I was doing, I picked up my phone and dialed.
“Hello?” Ava's hesitant voice met my ear.
“Take your clothes off.”
“What?” she asked, sounding suddenly alert.
“Take your clothes off, baby,” I said, my tone gentler. She wasn't ready for the demanding side of me. She probably never would be. Not in the course of ten sessions anyway.
“Why?”
I chuckled softly, shaking my head in the dark of my room. “How about you don't fight me on everything?”
“Why could you possibly want to...”
“We are going to masturbate together again,” I told her, my cock already throbbing in need.
“Oh,” came her surprised reply followed by a long enough silence that I knew she was starting to freak out.
“I can hear those gears turning. Just take off your clothes and lay back down, okay?”
“Is this... part of the... program?”
No fucking way.
And I should have been hanging up.
I should never have called in the first place.
“Yeah, baby,” I lied instead, closing my eyes against the lead feeling settling in my stomach at doing so.
I could hear rustling for a minute and an image of her stripping out of her clothes flashed in front of my eyes. “Are you naked?”
“Yes.”
“So am I.”
“Chase...” her shy voice reached my ear.
“Run your hand down your body,” I told her, cutting her off and cutting through her insecurity. My hand moved as I imagined hers did as well.
“Okay.”
“Are you wet baby?” I asked, grabbing my cock.
A short pause before, “Yes.” Her voice was airy. Turned on. Fuck me.
“Mmm. Touch yourself. And I am going to touch myself. Just... relax. Let me hear you.”
The silence stretched on for a long minute before her breath became faster, a hitching evident on each inhale and the sound sent a surge of desire right to my cock.
“Does that feel good?” I needed to hear her. Not just her breathing. Her. I needed to hear her. I had expected a timid 'yes'. What I got was way better. What I got was a unexpected moan. “Fuck baby. You sound so sweet when you moan.” After that, the moans and whimpers came fast and frantic and I knew she was close. I was too.
“Chase?” her voice reached to me.
“Let me hear you come, Ava.”
Then, as if she had been waiting for the command all along, she did. With a loud half-gasp, half-cry that pushed me over the edge along with her. “Fuck,” I growled as I came hard.
I took a few deep breaths, standing to get cleaned up. On the other end of the phone, I could hear her breathing slow to normal.
“Ava?”
“I'm here,” she said, sounding both sleepy and contended at once. I ignored the warmth I felt in my chest, pushing that shit away to be dealt with at another time. Or never. Never worked for me too.
A million things flashed in my head to say.
Not one of them appropriate.
In the end, though, I sighed to myself.
“Tomorrow at seven.”
Then I hung up, knowing sleep was never going to come.
Fourth Session
“You're out?” I asked, watching Eddie stuff his clothes back into his bag.
“Place is ready,” he said, zipping his bag and moving into the kitchen. “Thanks for letting me crash.”
“Anytime,” I said, watching him collect his wallet and keys.
The leaving was the worst. Even when he was drunk or high off his ass when he was staying with me, there was a sort of comfort in knowing I was around to keep an eye on him. I was there to make sure he didn't get alcohol poisoning or OD on whatever the drug of the week was. Him heading back out always had a swirling pitfall feeling in my stomach. Knowing he was alone. No one would be around to look for the signs of shit going south.
But he was a grown ass man and I couldn't stop him.
So he was leaving.
And I would just have to deal.
“Do you want me to go to any of your appointments with you?” I asked, shrugging into my suit jacket.
“Chase,” he said, his tone serious enough to make me look up. “You've taken care of me for long enough. I got this.”
I got this.
That was what he told me the day before he OD'd the first time when he was eighteen and out on his own and I was still stuck at the group home.
I was praying I wasn't going to get that call again as I made my way to the office.
I was bone-deep tired after a night of no sleep. And I still had ten hours before my appointment with Ava.
“Hey babe,” I said, wincing at myself when she walked in wearing jeans and a simple long-sleeve purple tee. I had to stop calling her pet names. Had to. “You look nice.” Jesus fuck. What was wrong with me?
Something came across her face at my words then that cut through my internal chastisement. It was something that didn't fit on her face right. There was a tension in her jaw that made her lips turn down ever so slightly and lowering of her brows that spoke of something I couldn't quite place. Anger? Resentment? Coldness? Something akin to those emotions. Something that didn't belong to Ava.
“What's with the look?”
“Nothing,” she said practically before I stopped speaking, shaking her head and the look drained from her face.
“Want a drink?” I asked, needing one myself.
“Sure,” she shrugged, following me through to the bedroom and going to the stereo to choose a playlist.
I mixed drinks as a blues playlist came on. It wasn't just any blues playlist. It was a sad one. It was labeled specifically for that purpose. I knew something was up.
“Want to talk about it?” I asked, handing her a martini.
“Talk about what?”
“Whatever is making you tense and play sad music.”
“I knew the music thing was some kind of test,” she accused, lowering her eyes at me in mock anger. “Sneaky.”
I felt my lips quirk up and shrugged. It was sneaky. It was also a really good way to figure out someone like Ava- someone who would rather sell her kidneys on the black market than tell you what she was really feeling. “It's a good way to get an idea what kind of mental state a pat...” I couldn't even get the word out. She wasn't a fucking patient. “Someone is in,” I said instead.
The look came back. Stronger. It was a quick flash that pushed away something else that almost looked like pain from her eyes. “Clever,” she said, draining her drink and putting it aside. “I'm assuming this is a clothes-off session again,” she said, her voice off, almost a little hollow.
“Yes,” I said, nodding.
“Okay,” she said and her hands went immediately to her jeans, unfastening them and pushing them down. She was out of them before I could even draw a breath. Her hands went to the hem of her shirt. She took it off in one quick jerk, leaving her there in just her bra and panties, every ounce of her seeming to spark with tension. But not anxiety. Not nerves. Something else. But damn if I could figure out what it was.
“Ava... what's going on?”
“What do you mean?” she asked, hands dropping from the clasp of her bra. “This is what I am supposed to be doing, right?”
I swallowed past the irritation I felt building. “Maybe if you communicated with me instead of assuming things, you would already know the answer to that,” I said, putting my drink down. “Talk to me.”
“It's nothing. Jake said something that put me in a bad mood,” she said but it rang only half true to my ears.
“Come here,” I said, holding open my arms. She moved into my arms and I wrapped them around her, feeling her hands slip up my back and dig into the material of my jacket. “Tonight I wanted to undress you,” I admitted, briefly letting the longing slip into my words. It was my turn. Finally. I could touch her. Not just her back or her hair. We were at the point where I could... touch her. And I wanted to start that by slowly lifting her shirt, then getting to my knees to help her out of her pants. I wanted to look up at her with my face level with her heat and see her eyes lit with desire.
“Sorry,” she said, sounding like she genuinely meant it, like she was sad she missed out on that opportunity too.
“It's okay. I still have some things to remove,” I said, my hands sliding up her soft back to rest over the clasps of her bra.
“Am I going to undress you?” she asked, her words muffled against my chest.
“Yeah, baby.”
Then I felt myself stiffen because her hands went up between our bodies, the closeness making her palms press hard against my stomach as she slowly started unfastening the buttons of my shirt. I couldn't tell you if I was more pleased by her sudden boldness or more worried about it. It just simply wasn't like her.
Her hands reached the top button and they slipped underneath the material, gathering it and my jacket and pushing them back to move them off my body. I released her just long enough to let that happen, then rested one hand on her hip, the other going to the side of her neck, trying to get her to face me. “Ava...”
She shook her head at me and her hands went for my belt. Her hands slipped inside the waistband of my slacks as she undid the button. I was hard. And I mean... hard. That was all it took. She pushed my pants down and I slipped off my socks and shoes before stepping out of the legs. Before I could even finish, her hands went to my boxer briefs, not even pausing before pushing them down, leaving me completely naked before her.
Her gaze was fixated down, looking at my cock and a weird noise got caught in her throat. “Ava,” I said, my tone firm, and her eyes rose to mine. “While I'm glad you're taking the lead, babe,” I said, my hand moving from her neck to her cheek, “I want to make sure it's for the right reasons.”
Her lips pursed like she was thinking. “Are there... wrong reasons to undress you?” she asked, then her hands moved to stroke over my abs and I couldn't fucking think of a good enough response to that question.
“Fine. I'll let it go for now. But I will get to the bottom of it eventually,” I vowed. “Go get on the bed.”
Christ. Not only did I need to knock it off with the pet names, I needed to stop being so bossy with her.
She simply moved away from me and went to lie down.
I climbed in with her, moving to sit on me heels beside her, reaching behind her back and unclasping her bra. I worked the straps down her arms, leaving the cups to keep her hidden until her arms were free, then pulling the material away.
Fuck me.
It felt like I had been waiting so long for that moment.
That moment when my hand reached out and brushed over one of her perfect breasts, feeling a shiver move through her whole body at the contact. My eyes lifted to her face as my hand brushed across her chest again, watching as her lips parted, feeling her back arch off the mattress, pressing her breast further into my hand.
Christ. She was going to be my fucking undoing
My fingers moved to her nipple, rolling it between my fingers and she sucked in a shaky breath. “You okay?”
“Yeah,” she said, her tone breathless, needy.
“Thank god,” I said, moving to her other breast, rolling that nipple to a hardened point. “You have no idea how hard it has been not to touch you. This is what we are doing this session,” I said, looking down at my hands. “I am going to touch you here,” I said, squeezing her breast slightly as my other hand moved a slow line down her belly until it rested over the juncture of her closed thighs, “and here.” I paused, letting that sink in, seeing a bit of anxiety bubble up. “Look at me, Ava,” I said, waiting for her eyes to find my face. “I am going to touch you. And you are going to touch me.” I gave her another second. “Do you think it would be better for me to touch you first or...”
“Me touch you,” she blurted out, cutting me off.
“You're sure?” I asked.
“Yes,” she said, sounding mostly confident in her decision.
“Okay,” I said, pulling my hands from her and she made an objection sound in her throat as I moved to sit upright against the headboard. “Come here,” I said, holdin
g out an arm and she slid into my body.
She was tense. Even with me holding her. Her body was taut. Her breathing shallow. I reached for her hand, interlocking our fingers, and squeezed. “You nervous?”
“A little.” More like a lot. But I wasn't going to push it.
“A little isn't bad, right?” I asked instead, running my free hand up and down her arm. “Give me a number.”
“Four... ish,” she decided, taking a slow, deep breath, her nose close to my chest as if she was trying to breathe me in.
“I can work with fourish. How about the idea of me touching you?”
“Seven?”
“I can work with that too,” I said, untangling my fingers from hers and pressing her palm against my chest, my hand over hers. “But let's not think about that yet, alright?”
“Alright.”
I slid her hand down my chest, my stomach, the muscles twitching under the contact, down my pelvic bone. My cock was so hard it was painful as her palm moved down my happy trail. But then she tensed. Her hand curled into my skin like she could hold on. I smiled down at the top of her head, pulling her hand up toward my face and kissing it before pushing it down the same path. That time much more quickly. Until I helped her wrap her hand around my cock. Her hand instinctively tightened and I felt my cock twitch as I groaned. “That's it. Touch me, baby,” I encouraged, my hand dropping from hers.
Then she did. She was a little hesitant at first. Her hand stroked upward, her thumb circling over the head and I groaned again, my body going stiff as her hand got more sure with each stroke. Up and down. Then up and down with a twisting motion, making my hand dig into her arm as the pressure built.
“That feels good, baby,” I told her, wanting her to know she was doing well, wanting her to feel good about herself as she stroked me toward fucking oblivion. My hand moved over hers for a second, squeezing her hand so it grabbed me harder. “Just a little harder,” I told her, letting my hand fall. Her hand gripped me as she continued her stroking. “Yeah, just like that,” I said, tilting my head up to the ceiling, eyes closed, letting the sensation of her jerking me off overwhelm my body. I wanted to get completely fucking lost in it.
Dr. Chase Hudson (The Surrogate Book 2) Page 7
