Full Bodied Murder

by Christine E. Blum

  I shook it and introduced myself.

  “And I see you’ve met Bardot.”

  My dog was sitting perfectly still and smiling. I gave her a squinting glare when no one else was looking. She was so damn enjoying this.

  “We’re pretty much going on a hike as well, Jodi and Macy and a couple of others, why don’t you join us,” said Jack, rubbing his fingers through the side of his beard. A “tell” that he was uncomfortable.

  I looked past them to the other teams and they clearly had other plans and were already setting off into the woods. I was about to say something snide, moi? When I heard Peggy’s words replay in my head.

  “The best way to get a man to stop doing something is to tell him how good he is at it.”

  “You guys go. Jodi, you’ll have a blast, Jack knows lots of special spots in there. Hope you brought a picnic,” I said, giving her my best smile, which I learned from Bardot. Wide mouth, creating side dimples.

  Jodi was at first surprised but then beamed at the thought that I would not be raining on her parade.

  Jack’s beard was now starting to show a bald spot.

  “But you should come, don’t you want to see what Bardot can do?”

  “You look so hardcore, I was planning more of a ‘hike-walk,’ ” I said, looking down at my Keds.

  “We’ll go slow, this isn’t a trial, it’s just for fun.” He smiled and Jodi didn’t.

  “And whatever’s in that backpack smells delicious,” he said, cocking his head to the back seat of my car. “Bring that too.”

  So off we went.

  “Today we are doing things a little differently,” Jack said to the group. “There is no source tracking scent that we can provide the dogs. The scenario is that a small plane has gone down in the woods and we have to search for any traces of human life.”

  Right about now I wished my human life could be untraceable.

  “The test subject today is carrying some reward toys that we have worked with in the past. He is out there in the woods and is instructed not to show them until the dog who finds him has performed the ‘stay-and-bark’ task. You all remember what that is, right? The dogs have to bark ten times.”

  “Perfect-o,” said Jodi. “Macy and I practiced this all last week.”

  Well, pin a rose on you. I’m even starting to hate her dog now.

  When we walked further along the path and the trees got thicker and closer together, Jack told us to unleash our dogs. When I bent down to get Bardot’s clasp unattached from her collar, she thought we were playing “Doggie WWF,” a little game I made up for living room rug fun.

  I know, I need to grow up and this proves it because she put her paws on my shoulders and flipped me over onto the ground. Trying to get up and get control of her just exacerbated the situation. She did a perfect pounce on my back with her front paws and I can tell you that, no, not all wrestling is faked. With deep humiliation and leaves and God knows what else in my clothes and hair, it wasn’t until I laid facedown, counted to ten and slammed my hand on the ground that she let up. When I looked up, she was sitting triumphantly by Jodi’s side.

  Et tu?

  To Jack’s credit he did pretty well at stifling his laughter. The other teams looked at me like I’d just stripped naked and taken a mud bath.

  Jack helped me up and tried to brush as much forest floor detritus off me as he could.

  “Also, there is a little extra snag in today’s challenge,” Jack continued with a twinkle in his eye that I swear Jodi wanted to lick. “Between us and the ‘missing person’ is a hill and moving runoff from the basin up above, courtesy of the recent rains. It has formed a creek about ten feet wide. The dogs will have to pick up the scent in spite of these obstacles.”

  The next thing I knew, I was trying to keep up in my Keds as everyone took off. They had the benefit of boots with rubber cleats. About the third time the treacle-like terrain pulled my sneaker from my heel and my foot landed with force on the hard outer canvas, I gave up and took my shoes off entirely. At least in socks I could use my toes for traction. I happened to have a couple elastic hair bands in my pocket, so I used them to anchor the socks to my ankles.

  As I got closer to the pack, I could now see that Bardot was leading the charge. The hell with everything else, my dog was making me proud. Jack waited for me at the base of the hill.

  “Shoes not working out, huh?” He grabbed my hand and pulled me along.

  “They’re fine, I just want to be more ‘one with nature.’ ”

  We both laughed as we reached the top.

  Sure enough there was the raging water below. It had the dogs totally confused.

  “Come on, Macy, use your advanced sense of smell. You can do it, girl!” Jodi was sniffing with her, as if that would help.

  The dogs seemed to be working as a team now, if one smelled something and went in a certain direction the others did so as well. Kind of like a school of sardines in the ocean.

  Except for Bardot. For once she was still with her nose extended high over her shoulders. Her throat muscles expanded and contracted with each intake of air.

  Oh well, we’ll always have Rose Avenue.

  All of a sudden she bolted up and raced down the hill. The other dogs took a minute to register this and then tore after her. She was on a direct path to the creek.

  Oh no.

  I looked at Jack and saw that he was thinking the same thing.

  “Jack, please tell me she knows that this is not a pool she can dive into. That it’s not deep. She knows that, right?” I could barely get the words out I was running so fast.

  “I’m sure she does,” Jack said while kicking up his pace to another gear.

  Bardot was about five feet from the creek now and was not slowing up. She runs like this at home toward the pool and then points her body down, excited for the first dive of the day.

  “Jack, she’s not stopping,” I shouted.

  “Neither am I,” he yelled over his shoulder between giving commands to Bardot.

  As she reached the water’s edge, I didn’t know whether to look or not. I let out a silent scream that would have had Edvard Munch reaching for a canvas and watched in terror.

  Remember the homerun scene from the movie The Natural?

  With grace Bardot lifted herself six feet into the air and in a perfect arc cleared the water with room to spare. She landed and just kept on going.

  Moments later we heard it: “Woof, woof, woof, woof, woof, woof, woof, woof, woof . . . woof!”

  I screamed for joy and jumped up on Jack who pulled me into him. The other dogs had now crossed the creek on foot and were headed toward Bardot. Jodi just stood and watched, crestfallen. I felt a little sorry for her, this was such an important part of her life.

  “You know dogs learn by example. If you ever want to bring Macy over for a pool date with Bardot, we’d be delighted.”

  Now Jodi was out of her comfort zone.

  “Gee, thanks,” she mustered in a soft-spoken voice.

  Just then my cell phone rang. It was Aimee. I stepped away to talk to her.

  “Halsey, how soon can you get here? There’s someone on the roof again and Kimberly’s gone for the day. I’m scared that more rats will be coming down, but I want to catch them in the act.”

  “Crap, I’m in Malibu, twenty minutes if the traffic gods are with me. What about your Jamaican boys, can’t they help you?”

  “I tried calling them but no one answered. Same with Peggy and Sally, I guess I could try Cassie.”

  “It may be better not to. I’m on my way and if you think you’re in danger, call 9-1-1. Promise?”

  “Okay, but hurry.”

  I came back to everyone and explained, “I’ve got to run my friend needs help right away. Come, Bardot,” I shouted to her.

  She came running, all proud and puffy, her rescue toy hanging out of her mouth. Her tail was wagging furiously and she wasn’t even out of breath.

  “What’s going on, i
s everything okay?” Jack asked softly. “I’ll walk you back to your car.”

  “Yes, everything’s fine, that was Aimee, she thinks someone is on her roof again and she really wants to catch them. She’s still stinging from those rats in her shop.”

  In a turn of the tables, Jack was now working to keep up with me. Never get between a woman and her mission, right?

  “So whoever’s up there could also be the murderer?”

  “Yes, listen I gotta boogie or we won’t have anything.”

  “This is too dangerous, I’m coming with you,” he said, opening the back door of my car for Bardot to jump in.

  “You’ll do no such thing, we’ll be fine. I’ll call you as soon as I know anything. Go back and talk to your team, I bet they could use some words of encouragement right about now.”

  I tried to keep my smile under four hundred watts.

  Chapter 26

  Even in the strip mall the Christmas spirit had started to take hold. That is to say that the Taquería now displayed a FELIZ NAVIDAD banner in multicolored, shiny paper letters across their window, along with a picture of burritos standing upright on little legs in green pointed shoes and sporting elf ears. You had to wonder what the sots who wandered out of the liquor store at two a.m. swigging Everclear thought about it all.

  I sat parked at the curb across the street, hoping to see who was on Aimee’s roof. It was dark by the time I’d arrived and most of the shops were closed and their storefronts unlit. Bardot was passed out in the back, helped by some of her favorite music, Andrea Bocelli singing “Caro Gesu Bambino.” His dulcet tenor voice always put her in a trance-like state.

  I could make out the shadow of someone moving above the Chill Out but really couldn’t see any more detail. I grabbed my flashlight from Dad’s backpack, got out, and gently closed the car door. I didn’t want to announce my arrival.

  Aimee opened the door for me the second I reached it. I gave her a reassuring hug.

  “Have you called the police?” I asked in a whisper.

  Interesting, unlike any other emotion, I noticed that when Aimee gets scared her face drains completely of color.

  “No, so far thank God, they haven’t done anything for me to report. Plus, as soon as they heard the sirens I’d bet they’d split and we would never know who did this horrible thing to me.”

  “I’m going out to take a look, if I’m not back in ten minutes, call the cops.”

  “Halsey, I don’t know, something could happen to you. Maybe we should forget the whole thing.”

  “We’ve got to put a stop to this, you know that, Aimee. Besides, maybe this is just the work of pranksters, it would be pretty harmless, then, wouldn’t it?”

  “I guess.”

  “Ten minutes, mark your watch.”

  I slipped out quietly and went around the side of the building to the shed that housed the patio tables and chairs. Right away I saw a ladder leaning against it, and thought that I should just wait for whomever to come down. I got my flashlight ready to shine on their face and set up the camera on my phone. Pretty straightforward and once accomplished I’d run like hell.

  The only problem was that no one was coming down and after six minutes I was afraid that I wouldn’t make my deadline before Aimee called in for reinforcements. Whatever they were doing up there took time, something I didn’t have. I started to sneak back to Aimee when my foot hit something hard and I heard the tinkling sound of a rolling bottle.

  I froze.

  When the noise finally stopped there was complete silence. I started to think that maybe the person on the roof got spooked and went down another way. After eight minutes I decided that it was do or die, so I climbed the ladder and crept up the building wall to the roof. Once again my rock climbing class didn’t fail me.

  When I felt the edge of the roof, I slowly inched my head up, all I wanted was one look at a face. Instead I saw a shoe coming toward my face.

  And that was the last thing I saw.

  Chapter 27

  A soft beeping sound woke me just enough to try and take in my surroundings. I was indoors because it was very quiet and comfortably cool.

  “Well, hello, beautiful.”

  I blinked several times and Jack came into focus. Afraid to move my head, I let my eyes wander back and forth to try and figure out where I was. It was dark and very little was registering, except that I was lying in a bed. And I could see Jack’s beautiful, smiling face inches away from mine.

  “I can’t really see, where am I?”

  “You’re in the hospital, darlin’. And don’t worry about your eyesight the doctors are keeping it very dark in here so you don’t overstimulate your brain. You might also have some double vision but they said that’s normal. You’ve had a pretty serious head injury.”

  I won’t lie, I got about half of that. But I understood “don’t worry” and “normal,” so I figured that I was ahead of the game. Thankfully my mind was not a blank, but I tried to restrict the flow of memories of what had happened, to go easy on my head.

  My eyes went wide.

  “Bardot? I left her in the car!”

  “Shhh, she’s fine. I tried to pass her off as a service dog so I could bring her in here, but she found a spare IV pole, discovered that it rolls, and went tearing down the hallway with it.”

  I laughed and then regretted it. My hand went to my neck to try and understand why my throat hurt so much.

  “You’ve been through the wringer, babe, besides the head wound, when you fell you hit your neck on a ladder rung. Here, sip some juice, it’ll make your throat feel better.”

  He raised a cup with a straw to my mouth.

  “I didn’t fall, I was pushed,” I managed to squeak out.

  “The cops are waiting to hear all about that, just as soon as you are well enough.”

  He smoothed my hair and stroked my cheek.

  “Why do they need to talk to me? Didn’t they catch who did this?”

  “I’m afraid not, the roof was empty when they got there, and they found very little evidence to give them any clues.”

  “What the hell,” I tried to shout, but sounded more like I was talking through a paper cup and string phone line.

  He gently put his arms around me. “Relax, you need to stay quiet. You don’t need to think about anything but rest right now.”

  The door to my room opened, and two cops popped their heads in.

  “Everything okay?” asked the nurse. “I think it’s time for you to go, all of you, she needs to rest.”

  “I need to find out whose shoe connected with my head!” That was a little better.

  “Can you describe the shoe?” one of the cops asked.

  “That’s it, OUT!”

  The nurse called for a sedative to be brought in.

  “Sweetie, I’m going to go, but I’ll be back first thing in the morning. I’ve postponed my trip home until after Christmas and when you are completely better. Maybe you and Bardot will come with me. I love you.”

  He kissed me gently on the lips and slipped out as the orderly entered my room. He handed the nurse a syringe.

  Wait; did he just use the L word?

  The sleeping potion entered my IV before I had a chance to savor this.

  * * *

  “Okay, I’d like to review everything we have for Halsey,” Jack said, addressing the Wine Club. It was late, and no wine was being served.

  Jack had dialed in my Skype account while the group assembled around the computer monitor in my office.

  “Yay,” they all cheered upon seeing my face appear on the screen.

  “How are you feeling?” Peggy asked.

  “I’m getting better although I suffered a major trauma to my head,” I answered.

  “She should recover fully but she needs to take everything really slowly or she could get swelling on her brain, and that would be very dangerous,” added retired nurse Sally.

  “Thank the Lord,” said Cassie who had found reli
gion in the midst of this terrible ordeal. She was wearing a white blouse under a black cardigan with the top button closed. A silver cross on a beaded chain was draped above it. However, the red leggings seemed a little off topic.

  “Aimee, the last thing I remember is getting to the top of the ladder and being kicked in the head. What happened after that?”

  “I found you splayed out on the roof of the shed. I remembered thinking how lucky you were that you didn’t fall all the way down, but then I saw all the blood on your head and I retched. It was horrible.”

  “You saved her life, Aimee, that is what you need to remember now,” Peggy advised.

  “I had to stay behind and provide the cops with access and answer any questions. The ambulance I called came right away and took you to St. John’s. Jack and the girls met you there.”

  “Thank you so much, Aimee,” I said, a little shocked at how serious this was.

  “What did the cops say?” Cassie asked.

  “They came in the shop after they were done on the roof, and I offered them some yogurt and coffee, even sandwiches, but they said no. You would think they would be hungry being out all night and climbing around.”

  I remembered that Aimee rambled when she was nervous.

  “The cops, Aimee, what did the cops find?” Jack gently tried to steer her back on course.

  “Well, they weren’t regular cops, their jackets said DEA on them. They said that when dispatch heard the location of the crime, they were told to investigate. They asked about the guys who run that vacuum shop. I know they didn’t do this, Halsey.”

  I took a sip of water.

  “Maybe you should rest, Halsey, we can pick this up again tomorrow,” Sally said.

  “No, no, please go on, Aimee.”

  “I told them about Ali Baba and Zeke, and they wanted to know if I’d seen them earlier in the day. I realized that I haven’t seen them for a week or so. I thought about it more and I guess they’ve been closed since the fifteenth.

  Aimee dropped to a chair; she appeared as though she was trying to piece things together in her mind.

  “They said that they talked to the landlord that night, and he said that he hasn’t been able to reach them and they are late on their rent. He told them he came by a few days ago and changed the locks. I’m just worried sick.”