by Adams, Lucia
“He did?”
“Yeah. I wanted to see if maybe I could come over and watch a movie like you suggested.”
“Um…”
“I mean, it’s Sunday and Matt said he’d be busy so maybe I should drop by and keep you occupied until he’s done with whatever he’s doing.”
“He said that?”
“Yeah, so, what do you think?”
“I—I guess. I just got out of the shower, so I need some time.”
“Cool. How about in an hour? I’ll walk over.”
“You know where I live?”
“Yeah—remember? You told me yesterday.”
“I guess I forgot.”
“Sure—well, I’ll be over in an hour.”
“Okay.”
“Later.”
“Bye.” Hannah hung up after he did.
She thought about calling Matt, but stopped herself. Maybe he realized he was wrong about Jared and would be coming over after awhile. She rushed to dry her hair and to get dressed.
The knots in her hair wouldn’t rip out, so she cut them out. Her hair stopped at the middle of her back and losing a few strands wouldn’t make much of a difference. She wondered how her hair had knotted so badly. She felt well-rested and didn’t think she had tossed and turned much on the couch.
Hannah needed to process the distance Matt kept from her as his way to give her time to get used to him. She couldn’t see him as the Matt from before, or before that. She wasn’t afraid of him anymore—well, at least no more than she was afraid of everyone else. She was sore and she knew he had fucked her two nights in a row. She hesitated to call it rape because she knew she wanted it—to be wanted, to be fucked. She pulled her calendar off of the wall and took out a red pen. She put a red x on the day before, and the day before that. Each x stood for each time Matt had fucked her. She only knew of twice, but put a small x on the line that separated the two days because she imagined he had fucked her more than once on at least one of the nights. She could give herself that—one extra x because it was more of a likely x than a hopeful x.
A knock at the door startled her, and she dropped the calendar. She quickly hung it back up and ran down her steps. She opened her door and Jared stood holding a buff-colored puppy.
“Oh! Look how cute! Come in. Is that your dog?”
“No, silly rabbit, she’s your dog.”
“What?”
“Yeah, I hope you can keep her. My sister’s friend was giving them away and they couldn’t find a home for the runt, so they were going to kill her. I thought you might be able to take her.”
“What? They were going to kill her?”
“Yeah, just put her in a bag and toss her into the river.”
Hannah stood, horrified, and took the dog from Jared. She held the dog to her face, inhaled its fur, pet it, and kissed it. “I’d love to keep her. You said it’s a girl?” She held the dog up and tried to look to see what sex it was.
“Yeah, I’m sure it’s a girl. I was thinking of you and hoping you’d like her and be willing to save her.”
“I love her! Thank you, that was so kind of you.”
“You’re welcome. My sister was calling her Skye, but you can rename her.”
“Skye? Aww, that’s so cute. It’s perfect. I adore her.”
“So you can keep her?”
“Yes! And I love her little pink collar. I’ll have to get a leash and some dog food today.” Hannah carried Skye into the kitchen, chose a bowl, and filled it with water. She set the bowl on the floor and placed Skye in front of it. “Oh, she’s thirsty. And look at her cute little tongue.”
“So I did good?”
“Yes! She’ll keep me company and you saved her.”
“Can I get a hug then?”
Hannah hesitated. “Sure!” She moved forward and hugged him, trying to pull back quickly, but he held her there and nuzzled his face into the swan of her neck. Skye barked and Hannah pulled out of the hug. She felt creeped out.
Jared was smiling, “How about that movie?”
“Yeah.” She didn’t sound nearly as enthusiastic as he did. She started going through a pile of movies. “What do you want to watch? Action? Funny? I’ll guess you’re like most guys and hate romance.”
“You got anything scary? I haven’t watched a scary movie in a long time.”
“Umm…Pet Sematary might be cool since you brought me Skye. Have you seen it?”
“No, is it any good?”
“Yeah, it’s a Stephen King story. I read the book and it scared the shit out of me.”
“Sounds good, put it in.”
“Can I get you something to drink or some popcorn?”
“I’ll take something to drink.”
“Okay. I have Pepsi, Mountain Dew, grape juice, and I think I have some liquor left.”
“Mountain Dew, please.”
Hannah went into the kitchen to grab the drinks. Skye was following her around. She brought them back, set them on the coffee table, and picked Skye up. She kissed the dog’s head and looked at him. “Oh, she has some tartar on her teeth. How old is she?”
“I dunno. I’ll ask my sister. She’s an older puppy probably because all the others have been gone from the litter for a while now.”
“Oh. Okay.”
The movie started and Skye slept patiently on Hannah’s lap. Her small furry chest rose with each breath. Occasionally, Hannah would notice Jared starring at her. At first she ignored him, but then she started sensing something was off. She kept her eyes on the movie, trying not to flinch.
When the movie was done, Hannah jumped up and put Skye on the floor. “I have to go to the bathroom—I’ll be back.”
She saw the phone sitting on the vanity in the bathroom, so she shut the door and locked it. She dialed Matt’s number, but no one answered. She sighed, and sat on the toilet.
After a few minutes, she flushed and went downstairs. Skye was perky and smiling; her little toenails danced on the linoleum. Hannah smiled at her. Jared stood in the doorway between the kitchen and the living room. She tried to walk past him and he moved in front of her. She took a step to the left, and he mirrored her movement. She moved to the other side and he did the same.
“What? You wanna dance or something?” Hannah joked.
“Maybe.” There was no humor in Jared’s voice.
“I—I need to go to my parents’ house and I can’t wait to show my sister Skye.”
“No you don’t.”
“What?”
“You weren’t going to your parents’ house. You just want to get rid of me.”
“Jared—no, I have dinner with them every Sunday, they’re expecting me.”
Jared’s eyes flickered. “I was just messin’ with you, Hannah.”
Hannah forced a laugh, “Yeah, I figured as much. I hate to kick you out, but maybe I’ll catch you over at Matt’s this week.”
“I doubt that.”
“Why?” Hannah smiled.
“Oh, Matt’s girlfriend is in town; we probably won’t see him again until she comes up for air. You know what I mean,” Jared made a blow job motion with his hand and his face.
“Girlfriend?”
“Yeah, didn’t he tell you about Marilyn?”
“Marilyn? No—no, he didn’t.”
“They go way back. You probably shouldn’t bother them.”
“No, of course not.”
“Is it all right if I stop by again? You know, to check on Skye.”
“Yeah,” Hannah smiled through the pain. “Yes, sure.”
“Cool. I’ll go since you need to leave and all.”
“Yeah, I’m going now.”
Hannah gathered Skye up in her arms, grabbed her purse, and left. Twice, she made sure the door was locked, and walked to her car. Jared waited on the sidewalk. The thought of Matt with his girlfriend drained the blood from her body. She knew she was stupid to assume he felt anything for her, and she cursed herself for feeling so needy.
/> “Hey, Jared, can I give you a ride on my way out of town?”
Jared smiled, “That would be great,” climbed into Hannah’s car, and cheerfully gave her directions. When she stopped at the intersection he wanted dropped off at, he leaned over and gave her a quick kiss on the lips before jumping out. “See you later, Hannah.”
And he was gone. Hannah touched her lips. Maybe she was wrong about Jared. Maybe.
CHAPTER 9
Face down in a hamster cage
Hannah hadn’t seen Matt or Jared in four days, but she came home late—on purpose, trying to avoid Jared and she didn’t bother calling Matt. She felt fucked and dumped, and it hurt. Her week at work was slow. Donna was on vacation, visiting her mother in Philadelphia, but Bob offered to take her to lunch on Friday like they usually did. Afterwards, they sat in his truck behind the dumpsters, passing the fat rolled joint between them.
“C’mere,” Bob said as he pulled Hannah’s head towards his. “It’s shotgun time.” The joint was backwards and in between his lips as he blew out. A string of smoke quivered before Hannah sucked it in and sharply inhaled.
Hannah pulled her head out of his grasp and coughed. “Fuck me, that’s hard on the lungs.”
“Okay.”
“What?”
“Okay, I’ll fuck you.”
“Ha-ha, Bob.”
“How ‘bout you give me a little head?”
“Are you kidding me?”
“No. C’mon. I’m fucking hard.”
“What about Donna?”
“We won’t tell Donna.”
Hannah placed her hand on the door handle. Bob unbuttoned his jeans and slid them down a few inches. His erect cock popped out of his underwear and pointed up.
“C’mon, Hannah. I waited a long fucking time to get you alone.”
Hannah knew she should leave—she should bitch him out for even imagining cheating on Donna. Instead, she slid across the seat of the truck and put her mouth on his cock. It tasted bitter and sweaty and his hand engulfed the back of her head until it forced her deep into his curly hair.
This is like being face down in a hamster cage, Hannah thought. She squeezed tears through her tightly closed eyes and concentrated on getting him to finish. Bob dug his hand into her shirt until he freed one of her tits, pinching the nipple with the same intensity in which he thrust her head on his cock until he blew his load into her mouth.
When he was done, he let her up and she gasped for air. Her face was red and there was cum smeared around her lips. She wiped it off with the back of her hand and smoothed her hair down.
Bob buttoned his pants, “I’ll drive you back. I gotta get to work—we’ve been short a guy all week. Hey, you know—your friend Matt. Did you know he got arrested?”
“What? Matt got arrested?”
“Yeah, on Sunday. He got picked up in Pittsburgh buying H.”
“H?”
“Yeah, you know, heroin.”
“Well, when’s he getting out?”
“He was supposed to get out today, I’m not sure.”
Hannah felt dumbstruck. She wondered if Jared had known, and she also wondered if he invented Marilyn. Bob dropped her off at City Hall and she stood on the sidewalk, looking up at it. The old, massive stone building had gargoyles perched on the roof’s four corners. They were watching her, watching them.
Hannah went to the bathroom and washed Bob’s scent off of her face with medicinal smelling hand soap. She gargled with orange juice—the only thing she had—and let it penetrate the film of his semen on her teeth before she spit the juice into the sink. She turned and looked at the toilet and considered sticking her finger down her throat to vomit what remained of Bob into the toilet, but the thought of tasting him again sickened her. She looked at herself in the mirror; she felt only disgust with herself. The sleeves of her shirt were pulled up and she saw all of the red cuts she had made that week, stupidly over what she felt was Matt’s rejection. More scars that can’t be hidden. Dumb fucking bitch. How the fuck will anyone think you’re pretty with all of those scars? But Bob said he had been waiting. Did he find her attractive? A week without Donna riding his cock…she often spoke of their active sex life—maybe he just wanted to be satisfied.
She seemed in a daze the entire day. She felt guilty for sucking Bob’s dick, but also for not knowing Matt was in jail. Stupid! You should have gone to his fucking house. You could have helped him. And Jared—did he know about Matt’s arrest?
Hannah left work at the end of the day and drove to Matt’s house. After two knocks, he answered the door, wearing only a tight fitting t-shirt and boxers. The fabric took notice of each move his lithe body made, and so did Hannah.
“Hey.”
“Hey. Can I come in?”
“Yeah,” he said, stepping aside and letting her in.
“Bob told me you got arrested. Are you okay?”
Matt laughed, “Yeah, I’m fine.”
“What happened?”
“I was in Pittsburgh buying shit and I got pulled over after my first stop.”
“Bob said it was heroin.”
“Yeah, well Bob has a big fucking mouth.”
“Is it true?”
“Yes, Hannah, it’s true.”
“How did you get out?”
“My mom posted bail.”
“Oh, fuck.” Hannah knew Matt’s mother didn’t have the money to make any amount of bail.
“Yeah, it cost a fuckload to get her car out of impound. She convinced my grandma to drain her savings and get one of those payday loans so she could come up with the money.”
“Shit, Matt, I’m sorry. What’s going to happen now?”
Matt laughed, “I wait for my hearing notice to come in the mail.”
“What about a lawyer?”
“Public Defender, baby.” Matt flopped onto the couch, picked up the remote, and shut the TV off. Luckily, the first guy didn’t have much shit to sell me so I got busted with very little H.”
“That’s good, at least—and your mom?”
“She’s pissed as hell, but I’m gonna pay her back.”
Hannah took her coat off and sat on one of the chairs. “I have some money in savings if you need help.”
“Yeah? How much?”
“About five thousand dollars.”
“Shit, Hannah. You’re like an old fucking lady stuffing money into an account, huh?”
Hannah looked down. The comment upset her and reminded her of the things Matt used to say to her when they were kids.
“Hannah, don’t take that the wrong way, c’mon. It’s a good fucking thing.”
“It is?”
“Yeah, rainy day and all that shit.”
Hannah smiled.
“When could you get that money out?” Mat slid to the edge of the couch and faced Hannah.
“Um, the bank closes in an hour, so before then, or tomorrow for sure.”
“Could you lend me that money and give me a ride? If I borrow some of it, I could make it back over the weekend and repay you by Monday or Tuesday at the latest.”
“You could? How?”
“Same way I was gonna make it before I got arrested.”
“You’re gonna buy drugs?” Hannah exclaimed. “But you just got arrested.”
“Yeah, well I guess I didn’t learn my lesson.” Matt sat back on the couch. “I know it sounds risky, but it really isn’t. I could double the money in a few days. That way I could pay you and my mom back. C’mon, Hannah. My little brothers are gonna starve this fucking month.”
Hannah sighed and thought while Matt eagerly looked at her. “Okay.”
“Yes!” Matt jumped up and clapped his hands once. He grabbed Hannah and kissed her on the cheek. She smiled, and they immediately left the house.
There was a brief discussion over who should drive, but Hannah argued they’d be less likely to get questioned if they were pulled over and she was the driver. Matt agreed, and they headed for the city.
They made three separate stops for the drugs—the first was for weed and coke, the second for bricks of heroin, and the third was for Percocets. On the way down, Matt had removed the panel behind the glove compartment and stuffed everything inside except the Percocet—they wouldn’t fit. He removed his sock, dumped the pills into them, gently lifted Hannah’s breasts up, and tucked the sock under them so her bra held them up.
“Don’t worry, they’ll be safe there.”
Hannah smiled. He had touched her and she trusted him.
They were nearly home when Hannah asked Matt if he wanted dropped off at his house. The conversation had been light and fun, but Matt seemed puzzled.
“Aren’t you coming in?”
“I’m sorry, I didn’t know if you wanted me to.”
“Hannah! God, you’re so—well you’re always apologizing and shit. Of course I want you to come in. What’s wrong? Don’t you want to?”
“Yeah, I do, it’s just that I’m worried about my puppy.”
“I didn’t know you had a puppy.”
“Yeah, I just got her. She’s been alone all day.”
“Fuck, yeah, stop and we’ll grab her and take her to my house.”
“Really? You wouldn’t mind?”
“Fuck, even I like puppies.”
CHAPTEr 10
Carpet Angels
& Chasing Dragons
Skye had to pee so bad, she was shivering. Hannah let her outside and checked for accidents on the carpeting, but there were none. She ran upstairs and brushed the final traces of Bob off of her teeth. After she let Skye inside, she grabbed two clean bowls from her cupboard and some packets of dog food. With Skye in her arms, she returned to the car and handed the dog to Matt.
“Hey, she is cute. What’s her name?”
“Skye.”
“Skye? That’s a cool name. Did she piss all over your house?”
“No. I even looked but couldn’t find anything.”
“Fuck, she must be one smart dog to get housetrained so fast.”
