His steps falter, his head whips around to look at me. When he gets a good look at me he turns around, his eyes searching mine. I drop eye contact and stare at my feet. I know his heart now. It’s Leona’s.
He’s still leaving. I can see it in his eyes. He’s checking to see how serious I am because he knows he’s still going.
“Don’t do this, Ella,” he grits out between clenched teeth. “We can talk when I get back but right now I need to go.”
His voice is angry and his anger fuels mine. My blood boils. I realise I’m losing again. They keep winning, and I keep getting hurt.
“Then go,” I scream. Damon’s eyes widen and he looks taken by surprise at my outburst. I don’t care, I’ve had enough.
I always lose.
Damon closes the distance to me in four strides, putting his hands on my shoulders, concern shining in his dark eyes. “Ella?” he questions. When I don’t reply he talks again. “Look at me,” he quietly demands.
I don’t. I can’t.
“Listen to me beauty. I need to go and make sure she’s okay. She was followed home and they tried getting in her house.” His hands clench my shoulder tighter as he pauses. “She’s not safe. I’m going to get her and take her to a hotel or her parents and I’ll come straight back. I need to make sure she’s safe.”
I look up at his words. His chocolate eyes are stormy dark. It’s not true. I don’t believe it. I don’t believe her. She’s taking him away, just like she said she would, and on my birthday of all days.
“Ringing the police didn’t occur to her?” I ask. When Damon doesn’t respond I continue. “Ring someone else to go to her. Ring her parents. It doesn’t have to be you,” I plead. “You were going to...” I close my eyes, looking away wishing my tears away.
“Beauty–”
“Please don’t go,” I cry. Tears slide down my cheeks making me turn away. I just want to be loved. I just want to be picked first for once. My mum left, Pops, Lydia. They all left and now Damon is too. I don’t want him to go.
Pick me, I want to beg. For once just someone please pick me.
I drop my head.
Defeated.
Damon’s arms wrap around me in an instant and pull me into his hard chest. I cry because I know this is it. This is the last goodbye. I won’t be here when he gets back, I can’t be. He’s still going to go to her.
Pain in my heart steals my breath. Why can’t I be loved? His warmth envelopes me, his smell invading my senses, comforting me. I don’t want his comfort. I want him to stay. I want him to pick me. I want his love.
I want to take this moment with me. I want to hold on to this embrace and feel him against me even when we’re apart. I sink into him, letting him hold my weight. I just need to soak in is strength. His warmth. His touch.
One. Last. Time.
Damon’s arms squeeze me to him with each whimper that leaves me. I can’t help it. I’m alone again. No one wants me. I need this breakdown before I can pull myself back together.
I breathe him in, feeling his heart pounding steadily against my ear. I calm with each thump in his chest. I turn my head and press my forehead against his heart. I’m not alone. I have my baby. I already love my jellybean. This is it. I press my lips right over his heart.
Time to let go.
I pull back and breathe deep, filling my lungs as much as possible before it ends. My revenge is done. If I stay and wait for him then Leona will be a part of my life forever. My baby’s life too. If I play until I break him Leona will still be here. I can’t take them both on. I’m not strong enough.
I look at Damon. I need to protect our baby. I can’t have Leona in its life so I need to leave. My baby will always come first. I’m not my mum, I’ll never leave my jellybean, and I will do what is best for my child.
Living.
Live my life for me, for my baby. “Go,” I say, my voice void of emotion. He needs to leave so I can.
“Stay. Wait for me beauty.” I don’t answer. I’ve numbed myself, and I won’t allow my emotions to fill me. I’ve locked them away.
I need to be strong.
Damon sighs before leaning forward to kiss my head, his lips lingering. I shut my eyes. He takes a deep breath then turns and walks away. I don’t open my eyes until I hear the click of the door.
I walk to the table and remove the bracelet. I lay it straight on the table near the ring box. I pick it up and place it on my open palm. Tonight could have been amazing. It could have been the best birthday ever, but that fucking bitch took that away from me. I can’t look at the ring. I don’t want any ‘what ifs?’
She won.
I walk upstairs, gather my things, and go to Tom’s all on auto-pilot. Tom takes one look at me and pulls me to him. My knees give way, my body sagging. Tom supports my weight as I break down, before he scoops me up and carries me to his bed. He pulls the covers back, tucks me in, and climbs in behind me, holding me to him.
I fall apart. Every single emotion I have held in flows out of me like a tidal wave that I that I am unable to stop. Tom doesn’t speak, doesn’t move. He’s everything I need at the minute. I cry myself to sleep, wrapped in his strength.
I need his strength.
CHAPTER SEVENTEEN
JUNE 20TH 2014
I wake up and the pain in my chest is like a sledgehammer pounding me repeatedly. I feel like I have been torn apart. Reaching across to my phone I see I have ten text messages and fifteen missed calls. I can’t deal with them now so I throw my phone down on the floor and snuggle back under the covers.
There is a knock on the door and I turn my attention to the sound, waiting to see if Tom will just walk in or wait for me to answer. I’m not ready to see him yet. After a few moments I hear his footsteps walk away.
Turning my head back into the pillow, the tears flow freely, as I slip into my own personal darkness.
****
A knock on the door pulls me from my pity party. I’m slumming it in bed. I’ve refused to move all day and just sulked to myself. I knew it wouldn’t take long before Tom had enough of my ignorance and came to find me.
“Ella, I know you’re awake. I’m coming in.” He doesn’t wait for me to respond before he walks in his bedroom door. Letting out a groan I turn over to face him, knowing I look like shit. Tom grimaces when he sees my red, swollen eyes and puffy face. “That bad?” he asks softly.
That’s the thing about Tom. He always knows my moods, how best to approach subjects, and when I need soft. I need soft and he’s giving it to me. I give him a small smile and pat the bed next to me, inviting him to join me lying down.
“It’s over,” I tell him once he’s settled in beside me. I speak to the ceiling rather than him. “I’ve left him. I was finally ready to let go of the past, to move on, but Leona will always come first and I can’t live like that.”
“Wait, what? I thought you’d let go of the past, Els,” he says in an accusing tone, turning to look at me.
“I did, I was, but then I caught him and Leona in a kiss–”
“WHAT?” he roars, cutting me off, sitting up in bed. I pull on his arm to get him to lie back again.
“Damon said she kissed him and he pushed her away,” I try to explain.
“That’s convenient.”
“Well I think that did happen. I saw them through the window, shut my eyes, and when I reopened them he was watching me. I left and he chased straight after me. He asked me to marry him.” I don’t continue. Instead I wait for Tom’s reaction, turning to look at him from the side. He doesn’t disappoint. His head turns, his eyes widen, his jaw gapes open and he shakes his head in puzzlement.
“Holy shit, Els, I... fuck... I don’t even know what to say. That’s some fucking news right there.” I let out a chuckle. He’s got that right. “So you came here and told him no, right?”
“Well no, I said yes. That was before we went to Hunters.” I look away, back to the ceiling.
“WHAT? So you were engaged an
d didn’t tell me?”
“Tom, I didn’t tell anyone but that’s not important. I wasn’t sure if I believed him.” I look at him again. “I thought he was playing me. I wanted revenge and only accepted for that reason.” He looks shocked, not knowing what to say so I carry on. “He makes me believe in happily ever after, Tom. Makes me want things I never knew I wanted.”
Tom grabs my hand and gives it a little squeeze, encouraging me to continue. I take a moment to gather my emotions. Why did I fall for a man that I shouldn’t have? Why is he the only one who has ever made me feel wanted? Loved. Cherished. I let out a sigh as tears fill my eyes.
“I love him,” I whisper.
“I know,” Tom whispers back before pulling me into his arms. Why couldn’t I feel like this for Tom? I know he’d treat me right, would always put me first. “So what happened? Why did you leave?”
“Leona,” I look at him. “We were having an extraordinary meal. He spoilt me for my birthday and was just giving me an engagement ring but she needed him and he went running. I asked him to stay with me, to let someone else help her, but he still went. I can’t, I won’t, be second best to her.” Tears spill from my eyes, running into my hair. “She told me at The Hunter he will always go back to her and I guess she’s just proven her point.”
Tom is silent for a beat, obviously trying to think of the right words he wants to say. I brace myself waiting to see if he thinks I made the right choice by leaving.
“What was her reason for needing him?”
“What does that matter?” I counter, but Tom just waits for me to answer. I sigh, “She said she was followed home and someone tried to grab her, but I know it’s just a game. I know her better than she realises.”
“Explain.”
“She seemed to encourage Lydia to try and get Damon back, but she’s never made it a secret that she believes Damon belongs to her. Why would she help someone get the man she claims to be hers? I didn’t realise at first, I was so hell bent on getting revenge on Damon, but the more I look at the diary, the more I realise Leona played a bigger part. I need to work out what part.”
“No you don’t. You said you were going to put the past in the past, Els. Live your life for you, don’t live it for revenge.”
“That’s the thing though, Tom, I wanted to live my life. I wanted to live it with Damon, but Leona has come between us again. If she played with Lydia then I want her to get her comeuppance,” I tell him seriously.
“Els, I don’t think you’re gonna like this, but it needs to be said. Who’s to say Lydia was led along in a game? I mean, can’t she have gone a bit obsessed and wouldn’t leave Damon alone? Yeah, Leona might have encouraged her but you know as well as I do that Lydia could get obsessive.” He raises a brow letting me know he knows what he’s talking about.
Lydia could get very possessive over her things. We had many fall outs over me touching her stuff, but never to the extreme of acting crazy. Lydia had some issues but everyone does.
“No.”
“All I’m saying, Ella, is maybe things aren’t all as they seem. You’re going off a diary. Maybe things aren’t as simple as that.”
I pause to absorb what Tom has just said. He’s right, I do only have a diary to go off but I know Leona now. I’ve seen her in action, and been on the receiving end of her treatment. I know Leona had more to do with everything that happened to Lydia.
I just need to work out what part she played.
“Have you ever let anyone look at the diary before, Els?” I give him an are you stupid look causing him to grin. “Maybe you should.” He leaves that little seed planted and waits for me to think things out.
Tom has always been there for me. He’s helped me out of many situations, and keeps me grounded. I trust Tom, I know I do. He’s my go-to guy. He’s never done anything to break my trust, only built it. I look at him laying next to me, just letting me think this through. I don’t think I would have survived if it wasn’t for Tom. Many times I thought about ending it, about joining my pops and Lyd, but Tom has always made me see that this isn’t what Pops would have wanted for me. He’d hold me and make me see that everything would be okay.
He’s been a best friend to me, and a brother. I don’t know why I haven’t trusted Tom with the diary before. He could help me figure things out, help me resolve things more quickly. As my brain ticks with possibilities I remember how towards the end of Lydia’s life, she took a disliking to Tom. She’d always liked him before, always pushed me to be with him, but something changed. I don’t know what but I’m sure that is the reason I used Tom the way I did.
“Did you and Lydia fall out before I lost her?” I ask, knowing it might be time to bring Tom in on Lydia’s secrets, depending on this answer.
Tom’s jaw clenches and he turns to look at me. His eyes search mine, looking for what, I don’t know. His blue eyes shine with intensity. He sighs, seeing my serious face. He knows this is important to me.
“Els, I–” I cut him off, the way he said my name confirms something happened.
“Tom, I need to know what happened. It’s important.”
“Are you sure you want to hear this, Ella?” He looks unsure, which instantly worries me. What the hell happened? I don’t respond. I can’t speak, so I just look at him waiting. He sighs again before changing everything I thought I knew.
“I’ve seen Damon before. I don’t think he remembers me. He’s never mentioned it again, but then again he was busy restraining Lydia.”
“What?” I shout, getting angry. Lydia never mentioned Damon physically restraining her in her diary.
“Stop thinking the worst, Els. It wasn’t like that. He could have pressed charges but he didn’t. He let me take her away from the scene and helped the girl Lydia had attacked.” I suck in a shocked gasp. This can’t be right. He must see the outrage and disbelief on my face. “She was acting crazy, Els. She would have killed that girl if Damon and I hadn’t pulled them apart. I kept tabs on the gal afterwards but as Damon said, nothing more would come of it if I took Lydia away from the scene.”
“I don’t understand,” I tell him honestly, searching his face for more answers.
“Ella, this is going to be hard to hear. Are you sure you want to hear this? It will help you see things differently but it’s going to hurt to hear some things about Lydia.” I nod my head, needing to hear what he’s about to tell me. “Lydia was stalking Damon.”
I sit there in shock, shaking my head slightly. That’s not true, is it? My mind darts to passages in Lydia’s diary that didn’t make much sense. I think of all the erratic behaviour from Lydia before the end. Was Lydia stalking Damon? I honestly don’t know for sure.
“How do you know?” I ask Tom quietly, holding my breath.
“I was just walking towards RoundHouse bar and I heard all this screaming down the side alley. You know me, I’m a nosey fucker,” I smile at him. “I went to see what was going on when I recognised her voice. I thought the worst at first and ran to see what was happening to her. This man was restraining her and I was ready to go in, guns blazing. Then I took in the scene. Blood was everywhere. She’d beat a woman to within an inch of her life.” Tom’s eyes are distant as he remembers that night.
Tears stream from my eyes as I hear what my sister did. My heart rate speeds up, waiting for the rest of the story, knowing it’s only going to get worse.
“I tried to pull Lydia away from the man and she went crazy. She slapped me hard, and added her nails in the mix. I was shocked. I’d never known Lydia to strike anyone. It didn’t make sense, but then she was crying and clinging to the man.”
“It was Damon, wasn’t it?” I ask in a small voice, already knowing what his answer will be. Tom nods his head solemnly.
“It was. He was comforting her, telling her she needed help and he would help her. At first she didn’t respond but the more he spoke about getting her the help she needed, the more she became aggravated. Els, she wanted to kill a girl for being
out with Damon. She nearly did kill her.” He shakes his head at the memory. “She kept trying to get free to get to the girl again but Damon held strong.”
“When? When did this happen?”
“After she was fired, about three weeks before she...” I swallow past the lump in my throat. How do I not know about this? My heart breaks for Lydia. She wasn’t well. She needed help but no one was there to help her.
“You’ve kept it a secret all this time?” I ask. You’ve got to be kidding me. “Get out. Get the fuck out!” I scream. “You’re only just telling me this now? You knew Damon, knew Lydia loved him and you didn’t fucking tell me?” The betrayal I feel is a physical pain. I trusted him, he’s my one true friend, and he lied to me.
I know it sounds accusing but how could he keep something like this from me?
“I thought you were my friend Tom. I fucking trusted you and you’re telling me you knew? I can’t believe this.” I shake my head. Standing, Tom paces the room and shakes his head.
“Ella, you love her. You’d just lost everything. How was I going to broach the subject that your sister was crazy?”
“She wasn’t crazy,” I snap. He looks at me with pity. “You could have told me this when I told you my plans, Tom. You could have told me then.”
“Ella you had opened yourself up to me for the first time in years. I couldn’t risk losing you when you were so fragile. You needed me.” My anger begins to diminish.
“Els, she wasn’t well. She was inappropriate at work, invited herself to meet his parents, got fired for her behaviour, and continued stalking him after that. She attacked a woman for being with him, Ella. She really meant to hurt her and I’m sure she would have if Damon hadn’t stopped her. She wasn’t well.”
“How do you know all that?” I know he hasn’t seen Lydia’s diary so how does he know she met Flora and George?
“I asked who he was. Damon told me her was her boss until recently and was considering getting a restraining order but knew it wouldn’t help her. He tried to get her help but she wouldn’t allow it. He told me to take her home and that he would make sure nothing more came of the assault on the condition that she went to his offices on Monday to get the help she needed.”
Warped (The Manipulation Trilogy Book 2) Page 11
