“You don’t get it Leona, I won’t be happy without her.” I say brokenly.
“No, you don’t get it, Damon. If you plan to still marry her then she’ll be the one standing you up at the altar. Do you really think she’d marry you after what you’ve done?” She laughs menacingly. “If you leave her then at least your secrets are safe.”
“I love her,” I say but I know that won’t make a difference. I can see in her eyes she knows she has me by the balls. If Ella finds out my past secrets from Leona I’ll never stand a chance at keeping her.
“I love you,” Leona says, trying to wrap herself around me. I go numb. I’m fucking stuck. If I marry Ella then her pain will be a million times worse than if I leave her, she will find someone to put her back together after then pain eases, and she could still have a good life without me.
Could I survive without Ella?
No, I know I couldn’t. She’s my fucking everything but Ella could live a happy life without me. I push Leona away and turn to leave. I need to sort this shit out. I need to make a decision on where my life goes next. I wouldn’t just lose Ella if my secrets came out, I’d lose everyone.
My mum. My dad. Spence. I’d fucking lose them all.
“Think about it carefully, Damon. You don’t have to lose everything if you chose right.”
“What about the baby?” I whisper.
“I can give you another one, Damon. You don’t need her spawn.”
“The spawn you’re talking about is mine, my daughter and I will never, ever fucking leave her for anything.” I roar. I want to smack the bitch. I’ve never before wanted to hit a woman as much as I do Leona at this minute. I don’t waste my breath on a reply. I leave slamming the door behind me.
I need air and I need time to think.
I don’t go to Spencer’s. I drive into the night, hoping the answers I need will come to me before my wedding day tomorrow.
CHAPTER FORTY-THREE
SEPTEMBER 27TH 2014
ELLA
I feel sick with nerves. The morning has passed by all too quickly, and everything has been a flurry of activity with no time to breathe. Now I’m standing looking at myself in the full length mirror. It’s my wedding day and I’m waiting to marry the man I love.
My dress is ivory chiffon and lace, layered over champagne satin. Its floor length with a sweetheart neckline and empire waist, and it shows my pregnancy enhanced cleavage and belly. The bust is made of delicate lace that looks like flowers floating down my dress. A champagne satin ribbon clinches under my bust. Simple, yet elegant. I feel like a real princess in this dress and the way it hugs my rounded baby bump makes it all that more special.
I’ve kept my makeup to a minimum because I know my emotions will tip over at times, and tears will just ruin anything more than the small amount I’m wearing. A little waterproof mascara, a splash of blusher and clear lip gloss are all I need.
My dark hair is flowing down my back in ringlets whilst the top of my hair has been gathered back and held in place with a beautiful vintage pearl and diamond hair comb that Flora gave me earlier. She wore it on her wedding day and her mother wore it for her wedding day too. It matches the sparkles on my thick cuff bracelet. Not too much bling, just enough.
I look away from my reflection and check the time. Fifteen minutes and I‘ll be walking down the aisle to tie myself to the man of my dreams. I still need to tell Damon who I really am but he assured me it won’t change things between us. I can only hope he’s right.
Everyone I’ve seen in the last half hour has seemed panicked, but no one will tell me why. I’ve been left alone and it’s the worst feeling in the world. I have too much time to think, too much time to worry. What’s happening down there? Why is everyone so stressed?
I chew my lip as heat floods my body, and I suddenly feel like I could pass out it’s so goddamn hot in here. I fan my face with my hands to no avail. My breathing becomes laboured and I start to panic. I don’t know what the hell is happening to me. I need fresh air.
A knock on the door has me swinging around to see who it is. It’s Tom, and he looks dashing in his suit but his eyes betray his cool, calm exterior.
“What’s happening, Tom?” I ask before he gets fully inside the room.
“What?” He’s trying to act aloof but it’s not working.
“Tom.”
“Nothing, Els. Everything is okay.” He tries to reassure me, but it doesn’t work. Now I feel like I’m trapped in a fire, with no air to breathe, and no way to get away from the scorching heat. Tom sees my panicked state and walks over and places his hands on my arms. “Breathe, Els. Take a deep breath... that’s right... in, hold it... out. You’re okay.” He keeps his voice soothing.
I breathe with him, calming myself slightly. I’m still too hot, I need fresh air. I pull away from Tom and stride to the door as fast as my legs will carry me. The door is still slightly open and I can hear people moving around, barking out orders.
“Where are you going, Ella?” Tom asks behind me.
“I need air, Tom. I can’t breathe.”
“No, Els. Let me open a window or something. He tries pulling me back into the room but I shrug him off and turn to him.
“What’s happening down there, Tom?” I ask suspiciously.
“Nothing, Els.” I glare at him, and he sighs. George’s voice travels down the hall. My eyes widen as I take in his conversation.
“Where is he, Spencer?... what time did he get to yours last night?... he didn’t?” I can hear the confusion in George’s voice. I’m sure he would be sporting a frown just like I am. Damon isn’t here? Holy shit, Damon isn’t here.
I fly down the hallway toward George’s voice with Tom hot on my heels. This can’t be happening. He can’t have stood me up. He wouldn’t. Then a name slams into my head.
Leona.
It has to do with her. That’s where he ran. That’s the last place he went. Fuck.
I round the corner and find George on the phone with Flora clutching his sleeve, her face a mask of worry.
“Damon’s not here?” I ask with a hitch in my voice.
Silence.
I fucking hate silence. It’s the worst kind of noise. No noise at all. George looks at me with worry and pity, Flora looks devastated and Tom looks pissed. Tears fill my eyes as my mind finally comes to grips with the possibility that Damon has changed his mind about marrying me.
I turn to Tom quietly saying, “He found out,” and I run.
I turn and run away from it all. I speed down the stairs, out the door, and down towards the flower garden. I can’t look at anything to do with the wedding. I don’t want to see anything to do with what should be the happiest day of my life.
Tears stream down my face as I come to the conclusion that I’m not enough. Everyone leaves me eventually. I should have seen this coming.
I fall to my knees, not caring if I get dirt on my gown. “Why?” I scream to no one in particular. “Why can’t I just be loved?”
Arms band around me, lifting me off the dirty ground. Awareness currents through me, I know that touch. I would never not know that touch. I turn and stare into the chocolate brown eyes I love so much.
Damon.
He’s here. He’s got me. Just like he always says he would. I sink into his hold, just relieved that he’s here.
“Beauty, why are you crying?” he asks softly. All of a sudden my pain turns to anger. I punch him in the chest as my tears continue to flow.
“Why am I crying? I’m crying because of you, you arse. Where the hell have you been? I thought you’d changed your mind. I thought you’d left me,” I hiccup.
“Never.” The conviction in that one word steals my breath. “I’m keeping you forever, beauty. I’ve told you that.”
“Where were you?”
“What?” he asks puzzled.
“You didn’t stay at Spencer’s. No one knew where you were.” The hurt in my voice is evident. Damon’s eyes widen as he take
s in my words.
“Fuck, I’m sorry, beaut–” I cut him off before he can continue.
“Did you stay with Leona?” I demand.
“NO,” he shouts. “No, of course not Ella, I stayed at a hotel. I needed time to sort some things out. We need to talk later beauty.” My faithful friend doubt sets in.
“Do you love me?” I know he does but I need to hear him say it. I feel so vulnerable, I just need reassurance.
“I fucking love you with everything I am Ella. I will never, ever, love anyone the way I love you.”
I smile at his words. “I love you too.” It gets easier and easier to say those words each and every time I do.
“Shall we go get married? We have an audience,” he says with a chuckle. I look past him and see George, Spencer and Tom standing there with big grins on their faces, and Flora is crying. She walks over and slaps Damon on his arm before kissing him.
“Don’t you dare do that to Ella and me again.” She kisses him a second time before turning and leaving. A small smile is playing on her lips as she gathers our audience and walks towards the house. “Get moving, we have a wedding to start.”
****
Fifteen minutes later I’m standing in the bedroom ready to walk outside, down the steps and makeshift aisle, to the man I love.
“You ready, Els?” Tom asks in a soft voice.
I smile at him before inhaling a lungful of perfumed air. The smell of roses is strong in the breeze blowing in from the open balcony doors. He grasps my hand and turns me to face him.
“I’ve known you a long time now, Ella, and I’ve never seen you this happy. I tried to bring you back from your grief but I now know it was never meant to be me.” He rubs the slope of my nose with a finger, bringing his thumb down to rest against my bottom lip. His piercing gaze is so intense that I hold my breath. “I know that now,” he whispers.
“Tom.”
“It’s okay Els. Damon gives you light. You shine again.” My heart thumps in my chest as my throat closes. “I’ve loved you for as long as I can remember, Ella. I’ve only ever wanted you to be happy and you are. I see it every time I look at you. Damon gives you that.” I give him a watery smile. It’s true, I really am happy. My hand drops to my stomach, caressing my baby bump over the material of my dress. I’ve never been this settled before, so at peace.
I’m content.
“I love Lacy,” Tom declares. My eyes widen, I know he cares for her but I didn’t realise he is in love with her. My heart takes off in a gallop. I’ve never felt this emotion that’s swimming around my mind before, and I’m not sure what to make of it.
I’m over them moon for him, because if anyone deserves to be loved it’s Tom. He’s put up with a lot from me but still always stayed by my side. He’s been my constant. Lacy is lucky to have the love of a man like Tom, and I hope she knows that. Happiness isn’t the only emotion I’m feeling.
I’m sad, maybe even a little hurt, but not because I want Tom, I don’t, but I feel like I’m going to lose him. He’s been in my life for such a long time, been with me through my darkest moments, and held me when I’ve needed it. How would anyone find it easy to let go of that support?
I blink my eyes, trying to stop the tears from falling. I love Tom too. Not in the way I love Damon. It’s a family kind of love and I realise that Tom is just that. I’ve never really been all alone. Tom has always been there, he’s my family.
“Hey, no tears on your wedding day,” Tom smiles, pulling me close. “I’ll always love you, Ella. You’re like the sister I never had,” he frowns. “That’s a bit incestuous. You’re my best friend, Els.” I laugh at him, resting my head against his chest, finally feeling like I can breathe again.
I will never lose Tom. He’s proven to me again and again that he’s here for the long run, and I feel my body relax as Tom wraps me up tightly, and kisses my temple.
“You’re the most beautiful bride I’ve ever seen, Els.”
“This is your first wedding Tom,” I say as I roll my eyes. Tom was so excited when I asked him to give me away, and he actually shed a tear.
“I’ve seen brides before though,” he laughs before turning serious again. “You’re stunning, Ella.”
Love shines in his eyes but it’s a brotherly love. I hug him tight before stepping away. I stare into his beautiful blue eyes.
A sense of tranquillity settles over me. I’m surrounded by love, and I’m about to open my life to a whole new family.
“Els, it’s time,” Sofia’s excited voice calls through the door. I laugh, finding my nerves are calmed, and smile up at Tom. He looks so handsome, and the adoration glistening in his eyes fills me with the need to kiss him.
I lean up and press my lips to his cheek. “I’m ready.”
****
I step out of the kitchen doors and take in all that is Flora and George’s back garden. The small changes make it appear almost magical. A white carpet runs from the kitchen patio doors, down the length of the garden in between all the white covered chairs that are wrapped in gold ribbon, to the place where I know Damon stands.
Small white pillars are at the end of each row of chairs and alternate with candles then white and ivory roses on either side of the makeshift aisle. The roses make a beautiful perfume in the air that I can’t help but inhale.
A temporary dance floor has been set up over the pool, at the side of the garden. A wooden frame has been erected around it and thousands of fairy lights are draped over it. It looks like a giant chandelier. I know when the sky starts to darken those twinkling lights will make a stunning backdrop.
When we decided to have a quiet, intimate wedding, I didn’t expect quite so many people, but I pay them no attention as my eyes greedily seek out the man I love. Damon takes my breath away as I take him in.
All the groomsmen are wearing navy blue suits with ivory shirts and gold ties. They look smart but Damon, my God, Damon looks fucking delicious.
He has the biggest smile on his face and his eyes are smouldering. I can’t wait to marry this man. I want to run to him, and stay in his arms forever.
Tom places his arm through mine, giving me an encouraging smile as he leads me down the aisle. I can’t look at anyone. My eyes are focused solely on Damon. When I started this crazy plan this was to be the outcome, but now I’m here for different reasons.
I love him.
In our crazy messed up world we have made it together, and after everything we have been through, everything we have overcome, we are finally here. I feel like I am home.
I take the final step and I’m by his side, staring deep into his warm eyes. I turn to Tom and smile as he places my hand in Damon's and leans in to kiss me on the cheek, before moving to stand with the other groomsmen.
“Hi,” I whisper.
“Hey baby,” Damon says with a smile. His eyes are bursting with joy, shining with pure happiness. He takes my breath away.
Damon drops my hand and pulls me closely into his side, so his hand is around my waist, while the other one gently cups my belly. Our backs are to our guests but our attention is on each other. Leaning his head close to mine, he places a gentle kiss on my head, before moving along my jaw, and stopping by my ear. I close my eyes and let his love fill me.
“You look beautiful Ella. I love you.” I turn my head so I am staring directly into his beautiful chocolate eyes. Damon trails kisses down my cheek, and when his mouth reaches the corner of mine I turn my body and press myself against him, pulling him in to deepen the kiss. When his mouth gently parts my lips and I feel his tongue dart in I let out a quiet moan.
I hear someone clearing her throat and only then do I remember where we are. I pull away and a blush paints my cheeks as I hear people laugh. Spencer lets out a snide remark about climbing Damon which I choose to ignore.
Turning my body back to the officiate I smile awkwardly, but her return smile makes me want to chuckle as she takes in all of the glorious man that is Damon, letting me know she
would be doing exactly the same thing as I.
“Ladies and gentlemen, we are here today in the presence of family and friends to share with Ella and Damon the most important moment in their lives. Love is something beyond the excitement of romance and being in love. It is a committed, thoughtful decision. Love is nurturing, and love is listening. Love is caring about your partner and love lightens burdens because you divide them. Love intensifies joys because you share them.”
My eyes fill with tears as I look up at Damon. I never thought this day would be possible, and I never thought I would love Damon unconditionally, as I do. I no longer care what the reasons were that lead us to this moment, all I care is that I'm here, that this is my life now, and this is the path we have chosen together.
“Damon and Ella have chosen their own vows to share today.”
Damon turns his body so that we are now facing each other. A lump forms in my throat as my heart beats faster, and I can no longer seem to breathe as I listen to Damon speak.
“Ella, I love you. You are my world baby.” He gently cups my face. “Today I give myself to you in marriage. I promise to encourage and inspire you, to laugh with you, and to comfort you in times of sorrow and struggle. I promise to love you in good times and in bad, when life seems easy and when it seems hard. When our love is simple, and when it is an effort. I promise to cherish you, adore you and love you with everything I am. These things I give to you today, and all the days of our lives.” I can’t help the sob that escapes my throat as I try to get my breathing under control.
Damon drops to his knees in front of everyone and cups my bump. He does this a lot but never in front of so many people. I don’t take notice of our guests. My gaze is firmly locked on Damon.
He looks up at me and the love shining in his eyes steals my breath. He really does want me forever. Damon gives me a small smile and blows me a kiss. I let out a giggle then gasp as he speaks to our daughter.
“Hello Princess, it’s daddy again.” I roll my eyes at him. He always starts his speeches the same. “Don’t roll your eyes at me Mummy,” Damon growls without looking away from my stomach. I giggle and our guests join in. “Ignore Mummy, Princess. This is serious. Daddy loves you so much already. I can’t wait to meet you, and I want to promise you something right here in front of all these people who will love you too.” I sob, only just realising he’s making separate vows to our baby.
Warped (The Manipulation Trilogy Book 2) Page 23
