I hear the curtain behind me open and I know she's here because the hairs on the back of my neck are standing to attention. It's like I'm tuned into her whenever she's near and that terrifies the shit out of me. I've only ever let one woman get close to me before and that was in the early days of the band. Vanessa. And she turned out to be bat shit crazy. I'm still ignoring her call's and her attempts to get in contact with me. I mean the nut job made a scrapbook of how our future was going to pan out like our wedding... bloody kids and even where we'd live.
Hold fuckin' on a min we'd only slept together three maybe four times... and she was going postal on me. No way was I having that so I packed her off too New York on an all expenses paid trip and told her we were over.
Shaking my thought's of crazy exes and connections I think I have with Allie I look up and see Allie standing in the aisle next to my seat.
Wow... she's bloody gorgeous. She has this natural look about her that most girls would die for, and she's not even aware of it.
Giving her half a smile I gesture to the empty seat next me.
"Sit down and buckle up we need to talk... again" I demand with no room for her to argue with me.
She swallows back what I think was either going to be some serious F bombs thrown my way or it's nerves which in that case she shouldn't be nervous... I mean I've seen the woman naked for Christ sake.
She take's the empty seat but from what I can only think of as an act of defiance she doesn't fasten her belt.
And boy if that isn't a massive turn on for me.
We sit in awkward silence for a few painful moment's when she spits out...
"Why am'I here Connor? You made your choice when you snuck out on me without even a Thanks for the quick fuck." With so much venom in her voice I know she'd rather put hot needles in her eye's than be here with me right now... and I don't blame her.
This is all on me.
I'm letting the fear guide me right now. How am'I going explain the reason for my leaving. Will she understand or will she run for the hills? Do I tell her the whole truth cause that will definitely make her run in the opposite direction. There might be a lot stuff about me in the press but that part of my life I try to keep private.
Which isn't exactly that at the minute.
*****
Be with someone that gives you butterflies,
Makes you smile and makes you horny,
Every single day
Chapter 18
Allie
My god I now know what Annie Lennox was singing about in that song- Walking on broken glass- because right now that's how I'm feeling.
Like if I poke the bear enough then he's going snap and eat me alive. A very sexy bear...
I thought I had broken the awkward silence between us when I spat my venom at him for sneaking out on me.
Now he's just sat there stiff as a board, his jaw so tight it looks like it's going to snap at any minute. So I try again...
"Look Connor I have no idea why you wanted me up here with you but it was clearly a bad idea. So we slept together no big deal, it's not like I expected a marriage proposal from you. One night no strings attached I get it so let's forget about it." I say as I start to rise out of the seat he demanded I sit in.
"Sit back down Allie." He growls.
Raising my eyebrows at him in a who the fuck do think your talking to gesture and sighing in defeat because frankly I'm really not in the mood for an argument with him which I'm sure the whole of the plane would hear if he carry's on growling at me like that so to avoid any sort of embarrassment mainly on my part cause I doubt he embarrasses easily I slowly sit back down.
"I get it ok! You got what you wanted and you split it's what you do Connor, let's just put it down to a mistake and move on... like you said we have to be civil to each other because of the tour." I'm actually proud of myself at how composed I sound when I'm actually scared shitless.
"A mistake? I wouldn't go that far, we both wanted it, I didn’t hear you complaining Allie not... once. But is that what I was to you Allie? A mistake?"
He whispers as he looks straight at me, hurt clearly written all over his face.
His cocky smile and attitude no where to be seen.
I'm actually shocked at how serious he's being right now. He's having a laugh if he thinks I was going to fall at his feet and beg him to sleep with me again just so he could walk out on me again.
"I didn't say you were a mistake I said what we did was a mistake Connor... there's a difference" I say with some resolution in my voice.
The poor guy is actually shaking right now to the point that if he was a cartoon character he'd have steam coming out his ears. Something's not right. Putting my hand on his arm and giving him time to pull himself together and letting him work through whatever it is bothering him I sit in silence.
Taking a deep breath he finally say's-
"I really don't know how to say this without sounding like a complete arsehole Allie"
"Right... ok......" I trail off dreading what's going to come out of his pretty mouth next.
"I like you Angel, so please do not think I left because of you or what we did, this is all on me and my insecurities."
"Your insecurities?" I question trying to pretend that I'm not bubbling up with excitement that he just admitted he liked me.
Holy cow!
Composing myself I let him continue...
"Yes my insecurities Angel, I don't talk about it with anyone especially women, I've always got what I wanted and left just like you said because I won't allow myself to get close to a woman, I have my reason's Angel, reason's I won't bore you with but I thought I could handle staying with you for the night but I started feeling something I can't explain to myself let alone you and then that's when my fear reared its ugly head and I left and I can't apologize enough for that because you didn't deserve that from me."
Fuck me sideways that sounds like a shit load of baggage I didn't realize he had. I'm not equipped mentally to deal with this amount of crap.
Where the shitting hell is Karina when I need her?!
Back in England that's where.
He's still looking at me as if he's expecting me to say something but I have no clue what to say to him.
"I know you weren't expecting that but I just wanted you to have some idea of why I did what I did and how sorry I'am." He blurts out obviously sensing awkwardness.
"I really would like us to be friends and not just because we'll be working together for the next four months." He smirks at me.
Clearing my throat of the lump I gained when he mentioned us being friends I choke out a "Sure we can be friends, I'd like that."
The captain come's over the radio and announces that we'll be landing soon and could we please fasten out belts.
I get up out of my seat and start to walk past him when he grabs my arm and I feel the heat from his hand through my cotton shirt.
There's that tingling sensation again. It's like an electric shock but a good shock, that's the only way I can describe it. And by the look on his face I'm pretty damn sure he felt it to.
"I'll see you soon Angel." He winks at me as he releases my arm and let's me go back to my seat.
My mind is totally blown by Connor's mini confession. The guy has some serious issues. And like any woman I'm intrigued at what they are and I'm starting to think that Mr Connor Blackwood needs a new outlook on life. No one can go through life living in fear or worry about the outcome of things, you have to live in the moment and see where things take you. Everybody makes mistakes and you learn from them, it's how you move on from them that counts. And I know just the person to help do that..... me!
*****
I love you for your personality
but that dick sure is a bonus.
Chapter 19
Connor
Friends.
I told her I wanted to be her fucking friend. What a dick.
Why couldn't I just stop talking when she said one
night that's all. I could have got away without having to say anything to her. I could have taken it for what it is. Sex with an attractive girl. No instead I tell her I've got issues which I'm still trying to deal with.
Suppose it'll keep her at bay for now... it has to.
I'm currently pounding the shit out of the treadmill in the hotel gym. It's where I've been since I got off the plane and arrived at my hotel. I needed to work off my frustration somehow and seeing as I'm trying to do the right thing by keeping Allie at arms length the gym was my only option. When what I really want to do is go up to her room strip her bare and have her coming apart in my arms.
"So this is where you’ve been hiding is it fucknut?" I hear Johnny say from behind me.
I should of known the fucker would come looking for me.
Coming off the treadmill I wipe my face with my towel and drink half a bottle of my water. I need a few moments before I deal with his interrogation.
Finally I turn to him and see him smirking at me from the doorway.
"So a stomach bug you say?" He questions with raised eyebrow's.
"Fuck off Johnny." I grit out between my teeth.
"Ha, I knew you were bullshitting." He laughs.
Shrugging my shoulders and walking over to the weights bench I sit down and learn forward with my elbows on my knees and my head hanging.
"You only coming in today doesn't have anything to do with a particular little spunky blonde now does it dude?" He asks as he walks over and sits on the other weight bench across from, a clear sign he's getting comfortable and settling in for a long arse conversation he's going to make me have.
Well here you go Johnny boy how's this for news!
"I slept with her." I blurt out thinking I might as well carry on now. "Then I left once she fell asleep, I started feeling shit I've never felt before with a woman and that's when.... I bolted. I hadn't seen her since but knew I had to speak to her before we kick started the tour so I made sure I was on the same flight as her."
"Oh wow... and did you talk to her on the flight?" He pushes.
"Yeah I did... it was a fucked up conversation then I told her I wanted to be her friend."
"But you don't want to be just her friend do you pissflaps? Knowing he's got me by the balls with that one.
"We can only ever be friends John, I can't screw up this tour, I can't screw up again... period, I have to think of you guy's I won't let you all down again after you were all there last time for me."
Failing just was not an option.
Not giving him a chance to respond I continue with my verbal shit that I just can't seem to stop from flowing out of my mouth now that I've started.
"Plus you know me cunty chops, you know how I grew up I can't become my mum dependent on some fucker else, plus there's Vanessa that chick was bat shit crazy, then there's Rebecca she's around a lot lately and it's bugging me why, She calls and texts me all day, nearly everyday and when I speak to her or go see her she's absolutely fine, like she only wanted me around for a fucking chit chat. I'm scarred for life where commitment and women are concerned."
"Hold on a shitting minute Blackwood do you hear yourself talking? Your chatting shit dude, there was several things totally wrong with the bullshit you just spouted off at me although...... them two bitches are crazy and weird so I'll give you that." He says holding his hand's out to his side's like he's daring me to argue with him.
"It's not bullshit it's all true douchbag." I agree.
"No, it's not and I'm going to tell you why it isn't so you better listen and listen good fuckwit."
I go to open my mouth to respond when he interjects me...
"Just shut up a minute will you, and listen for the love of god Connor!"
Now I know he's serious because he never uses my proper name.
"Your fuck up of a Mother only depended on Daddy dearest for the drugs and yes you made a mistake when you decided to get off your face twenty four seven. You tried your best with Rebecca and your still trying now. You got help and now your clean, we're more than just bandmates dude, we're family and no matter what happens to any of us Con we've always got each other's back... plus Allie isn't nothing like Vanessa, that bitch just wanted you for what you could do for her and her shitty career."
I get everything he's saying I really do but I guess I'm just set in my ways and have been for far too long.
"Now you have twenty four hours before sound check and rehearsal, I suggest you go have a shower because quite frankly you smell like dog shit and then go see her before she realizes that your stinky arse just ain't worth the time and walks off this tour before it's even began." He say's as he gets up and heads for the door. "Oh and one more thing this conversation never happened and if you decide to stop being a pussy and give the poor girl a chance I'll keep your secret till you decide to go public with it. You know telling everyone your off the market. "He says with a slight smirk on his face. And with that he leaves slamming the door behind his hairy arse.
I stand from the bench seat and I begin to pace the gym my thoughts running wild. Johnny was right I'am being a pussy but this girl has got my head all kinds of messed up but one things for sure I know I have to be inside her again.
Then we can talk... yet a fuckin' gain. Does this shit ever end. Is this what a relationship is like?
Damn if I fucking know.
*****
If you are lucky enough to find a weirdo
never let them go.
Chapter 20
Allie
I'm lying on the hotel bed with my earphones in listening to Clare Bowen singing about Black Roses and battlefields and I wonder if I'm fighting of losing battle with Connor. He want's to my friend one minute, then the next we're having sex, then he want's to be my bloody friend again... Jesus, I'm starting to get whiplash. But I can't deny how I feel I want him in ways I've never wanted another man, but this man has some serious issues and I don't want to make them any worse for him.
He calls me Angel every chance he gets and I have absolutely no idea why.
Getting up and throwing my phone and earphones on the bed I decide to take a shower to wash the smell of travelling off me. When I arrived I quickly unpacked although there's no point, I'm not staying in Germany long straight after the show we get back on the tour bus the next morning for the next venue In Poland at the weekend.
I'm just stepping out of the shower when I hear a loud knock on my door hoping and praying it isn't Kyle to see where I'am and why I haven't gone for drinks with them like they asked me to when we arrived. I just couldn't face it I'm exhausted especially after my conversation with Connor.
Wrapping a white fluffy hotel towel around me (which I fuckin love by the way, I may have to try and pinch me and karina one when I leave) I shout out.."I'm coming." To whoever is waiting for me to answer.
Pulling the door open "Look Ky...." I trail off when I see it isn't Kyle that's standing on the other side of the door.
"Expecting someone else?" Clearly he's now pissed off thinking I was waiting for Kyle.
He looks me up and down noticing I'm only in a towel with dripping wet hair and when he finally meets my eyes I'm greeted with his smug smile I could just knock right off his face.
"Nice outfit Angel."
"What do you want Connor? I'm exhausted and I really don't have anymore head space for you today!" I spit out at him holding onto my towel for dear life. I don’t want him seeing my lady bits right now. Not when I'm mad at him.
He doesn't answer me instead he stares at me for a heartbeat then before I know it he's on me. Our lips are fused together, tongues battling it out. My hands are in his hair pulling him closer to me. He's cupping my arse pulling me against his hips his arousal standing to attention against my lower belly.
"Wait... I'm still mad at you... ooh.. Connor..."
"Fuck being friends!" He breathes out before he brings his lips back to mine.
Before I know it the door is shut, I've lost my towel a
nd my back is up against the door with Connor planting open mouthed kisses along my jaw and behind my ear. I moan out my appreciation and dig my nails in his muscular shoulders.
God I need him naked and fast. Is this what make up sex feels like because it's hot as hell?
Slipping my hands underneath his t-shirt all I can feel is his solid back and bunched up muscles. I grab the hem and start lifting it up over his head only breaking our connection to dispose of the offending item of clothing. I can’t get it off him quick enough, the loss of his lips to much to bare.
"Oh wow." I say on a winded breath when I take him in. I know I've seen it all once before but it wasn't long enough.
"Like what you again see Angel?" His voice weighed down by lust.
Nodding my head because apparently I've lost my voice, I make a grab for his belt and start stripping him of his jeans. Once he steps out of them he lunges for me, pinning me to the door with his hips whilst one of his large hands hold both of my wrists above my head and the other explores my body.
I can feel the wetness on my inner thighs. I need him inside me now. He's starting to become my craving, a craving I can't stop. Don't want to stop.
When he touches my drenched opening I nearly come on the spot. How does he do that, he only has to touch me and I'm goner... Lost to his touch.
"Yes... please Connor touch me." I beg and I'm not ashamed one bit that I have to ask him for it because I'm past the point of no return.
Syren's Angel (The Syren Series Book 1) Page 7
