"I know where I'm supposed to be Angel but there are more important thing's that require my attention right now and that's you. Us. She goes to speak but I silence her with my lip's and I feel her hot little body melt into mine.
Yeah... so much for people not seeing us together.
She finally pull's away from me and instantly I feel the loss of her body against mine. I've never felt this kind of connection with a woman before.
Not even Rebecca.
Unknown to her she manage's to pull my head back to the here and now and away from the thought's I have running around my head by rubbing her soft delicate hand up my bare arm.
"I know we have a lot to talk about rock star and we will but right now your band and your team are celebrating without you and that's just not right you should be with them even if it's just for a little while because I'll still be here when your done." She tell's me soothingly.
"Promise?" I ask.
"I promise." She reassures me.
"Now go... I'm going to head back and get a shower and call Karina before she kill's me for not giving her the details on how awesome the first show was." She say's on a laugh.
The way she speak's about her best friend I can tell their close and she misses her that's when an idea hits me as a way of saying I'm sorry for the whole Vanessa bull shit and thanks for how she's dealt with it all. She's gonna freak.
"Now go and I'll see you in a bit." She demand's which just sounds funny coming from a woman of her size.
Holding my hands in the air in a 'I surrender' motion I start to walk backwards away from her and say "I'm going... I'm going." She give's me one last smile before she turns and walks away in the opposite direction swaying her tight little arse and hip's the little minx know's I'm watching her.
As I turn to head to the guy's I get this hollow feeling in my chest and a horrible gut wrenching feeling in my stomach... I miss her and she's only just left me, It's so foreign to me I have to force it away. It's time to celebrate my comeback. And that's exactly what I plan to do.
*****
Mistakes are always forgivable if one has the courage to admit them.
Chapter 26
Allie
God it feel's good to wash away the sweat and grime from the show, it also feel's like I'm washing away the old me and embracing a new, more confident me. The old me wouldn't slap and rip some fake bitches hair out but since I've been doing the horizontal tango with Connor I feel like I can do anything. I mean don't get me wrong I still have my insecurities like all girl's my age- am'I enough for him? Is he going to hurt me? Can I trust him? Will he break my heart? The list is never ending. And for one reason or another Fat Joe and Ashanti's song What's Luv? pop's into my head and the line "What's luv got to do with it? It should be about us, it should be about trust" scream's at me and I realize that after what he said about us being more important than celebrating, that I do actually trust him and there is an us. But do I love him? I can't love him it's way too soon. I'm going drive myself crazy with all this mad thinking, so I quickly finish my shower, get out and dry myself sharpish and get dressed in some short's and a tank top so I can settle down to phone Karina.
The phone doesn't have a chance to finish ringing once before she answers...
"You better be ringing me with juicy detail's mofo or else I do not want to speak to you? Do I put the phone down now or not?" She throw's at me in a rush down the line, voice deadly serious. The bitch would as well.
I don't even get a hello. Nowt.
"What no hello for your best friend? No Hi mofo how was your first show in front of thousand's of people? Or did you fall flat on your face with your two left feet." I say sarcastically but she know's I'm only pulling her leg it's how we work.
"Yeah yeah we'll get to that... now get to the good bit because whilst your off touring and dancing with one of the most gorgeous men who has had the pleasure to grace this earth, us regular people still have a normal job and have to live vigorously through you so come on give me the deets now.... please?" She add's on the end so I'll put her out of her misery. "And also did you... fall on your face? Cause if you did I so would have pissed myself."
Giggling at her way of word's I take a deep breath and wonder how and where do I start with everything that's happened since I spoke to her last, which feel's like day's ago. When in fact it was only a few hours ago.
"Well the show was fantastic I felt so alive up on that stage, I'm finally getting to do what I've dreamt about since I was a little girl and the band was just awesome. And no I didn't fall on my face thank you very much." I tell her feeling like I'm on top the world with my new job but at the same time my head's all a jumbled mess because of my mixed up feeling's for Connor.
"That's fabulous Al I'm really proud of you, now what I also want to know is did you get to talk to Mr God himself about what he said earlier?"
I should of known she wouldn't of been happy with just the detail's on the show and now I can't get out of telling her even if I tried because this woman is like a cat she can smell bullshit a million mile's away.
"Well we talked, he explained a little bit about what he said and why he said it, but we seem ok now, he's just out celebrating the first show with the guy's now and we're going to talk in a bit. Plus something happened just before the show mofo." I ramble on hoping she will just except the answer I've given her but I know that the chance of that happening is slim to none.
"What do you mean something happened Al? Are you ok?" She rushes out at me worry in her tone.
"Yes I'm fine don't worry... there was this woman called Vanessa... and she's nothing but a fame whore tramp." I start telling her everything that went on before the show and my conversation with Connor after the show finished.
Twenty minute's later I've told her everything and for once she's quiet!
"Oh wow girlfriend... what a night you have had, but yet again I'm so proud of you for sticking up for yourself... because from what I can tell that woman is just plain nasty."
She didn't see Vanessa, I'm sure if she did she would have given her worse than I did.
"I can think of a few thing's I know you would have said to her if you saw her mofo and another thing Connor isn't mine we're just having fun." I tell her knowing I'm lying but trying to sound unaffected because I now know no amount of denying it to myself isn't going to work.
I'm falling for this cocky rock star I just hope the fall doesn't break me along the way.
A beeping noise come's through on my phone indicating I have a text so I cut Karina short with a promise that I'll phone her as soon as I can and that I really am fine and not too worry about me.
Going straight to my messages I realize I have I text and it's from Connor.
Rock Star: Hey beautiful I did what you told me to do, I celebrated with my boy's but now I'm back in my room and missing you so if it's ok I'd really like to see you in my room it's on the 8th floor room 832.
Your
C.
Xx
I type one back straight away before I give myself a chance to talk myself out of it. My stomach filled with excitement at his sign off.
Me: Be there in 10 Rock Star.
A.
Xx
Before I've even thought about it I've re-brushed my teeth and hair and put it in a messy bun on top of my head, I've grabbed my hoodie to hide my pj's shoved my phone and room key in the pocket and before I know it I'm in the lift making my way up to the eighth floor.
I must be mad because I know I'm setting myself up for heartbreak!
He says "Jump"… I say "How high?"
*****
I didn't fall in love with you because I was lonely, or lost. I fell in love with you because when I saw you for first time, it was the only time that I had ever wanted to make someone a permanent part of my life.
Chapter 27
Connor
I need sex.
There's no other way of putting it really.
That's my
reasoning in my head for leaving the celebration's early and for coming to my room and texting Allie and I'm sticking to it. Even if the achey gut feeling and the tightening in my chest is telling me different right now. I'm not ready to admit to myself that what we're doing is more than fun, but if I don't soon Johnny's either going call me on my bullshit or I'm going to fuck this up and hurt her badly in the process, and after what she did for me tonight hurting her is the very last thing I want to do. Unfortunately though it's who I'am. I'm damaged. I'm screwed up. Music is the only thing I'm good at and I nearly lost that through my own stupid and selfish choices.
Once I arrived to the celebrations I finally checked my phone and I wish I hadn't bothered. Fourteen missed calls, seven texts all of Rebecca
I need to get my head on straight because she's on her way up and I'm pacing my hotel room floor like a mad man. What I wouldn't give right now for a decent line of the good stuff to calm me down... No no no I can't go there it would be too easy to just get some delivered in thirty minute's and be off my face in forty five! I cannot and will not go there again.
There's a knock on the door making me almost jump out of my skin and stop my pacing and I just stand there like an idiot staring at the dark wood hotel room door expecting someone just jump through it. Another knock raps again then I realize it'll be Allie. I texted her. I asked her to come. I told her I missed her. I wasn't lying when I wrote it and hit send. I shouldn't have texted her at all for both our sake's, but I just couldn't help myself.
The girl is addictive.
I head toward's the door pushing all my thoughts to the back of my mind. Hoping to god she doesn't see the turmoil on my face that would give it all away.
I swing the door open...
"It's about time angel, I thought you were having doubts.... Rebecca." I'am in complete shock. How in god's name does she know I'm here let alone what room number? She knew when the tour was starting and what country we were playing at but that's about it. I don't need this shit right now.
"Expecting someone else Con, nice to see something's never change. Who is it this time a backing singing, one of your groupie's.. Or maybe even one of the new dancers. The blonde is really pretty." She says whilst leaning against the door frame.
"What.. How did you... wait a minute how have you seen the dancers? Have you seen the show.." She cuts me off as she pushes past me, I take a quick look out on to the corridor to check I don't see Allie or more to the point she doesn’t see me or Rebecca.
"Please, I know I like your music but I couldn't sit through a full show. You know I get bored easy. Plus I didn't come here for that I came to see you."
"What for? I saw you before I left, I made sure you were ok and I told you I'd see you when the tour finished in four month's time." I say trying not to sound pissed off, which I'am, I'm seething, anger radiating off me in waves. She just shows up out of the blue no warning, nothing. And any minute now Allie is going be at the door, how am I meant to explain this, first she see's me with Vanessa and then she see's me with Rebecca alone in my hotel room. Yeah I know how it's looks I'd think something was going on to, if the shoe was on the other foot.
"Yeah, you did but it wasn't enough, I needed to see you. So surprise I'm here." She's smiling at me like I'd actually be happy she's here. Which I'm not.
I should of known she was up to something when I checked my phone after the show, and I had over twenty missed calls and numerous amount of texts off her, which I deleted straight away without answering.
"What....How did you know where I was staying? Have you been speaking to Johnny?" If she says yeah I swear to god I'm gonna kill him. It couldn't have been him though, he knows about Allie and what's happening between us... even if we don't. So there's got be a different way she found out.
"I'm not going to lie Con, no I haven't ran into Johnny.. yet, although it'll be fun when I do, I know he can't stand me so I like to keep him on his toes. Actually you told me... well not in so many words but..."
"Just fucking tell me Becky and stop playing games." I'm getting even more mad now, and she's just about grating on my last fucking nerve. I don't know why I haven't just thrown her back out the door yet. But I'm intrigued to know what it is that had her coming all this way just to see me.
"I looked at your phone when you had a text come through, you went to the bathroom before you left and Clint texted you with all the details on the hotel." She deadpans as if I wouldn't have a problem with her going through my phone. I'm about to hit the roof when there's a little tiny knock on the door....
I'm so fucked...
*****
Not telling me something because you 'don’t want to piss me off' is properly the best way to piss me off.
Chapter 28
Allie
Who the fuck is that....
As I'm about to walk around the corner to Connor's room I see her. She's leaning against his door not a care in the world. I spin on my heels that fast I nearly fall over myself. I don't think she saw me. I fight against myself whether to a have another quick look or not, when curiosity get's the better me. I just couldn't help myself... could I? I wish I had never looked now, because when I do I see her enter his room and him looking out into the corridor probably to see if I'm there yet!
That's when the tears start to fall. First it was Vanessa and know this girl. How fucking many are there? Pull yourself together Allie... think. think..think....
Wait.... I don't think she saw me.. I definitely know he didn't. I try to come up with a plan so I don't look stupid, better yet so I don't get hurt.
Yeah that’s a joke as well. Of course I'm going end up hurt.
What would Karina do? She's had more experience than me, if she was here now she would... I've got it....
I gather up as much of my strength as I can right now and wipe away my tears. I roll my head around, side to side, front to back loosening the muscles in my neck and shoulders like I'm getting ready to go twelve rounds with Mike Tyson. I think I'm trying to find my inner heartless bitch persona. I don't think it's working.
I round the corner and walk the couple of yards to his door. This is the last time I let myself cry over him or any other man.
I take a big deep breath and knock on the door. I can hear them talking, I can't quite make out what they're saying but it sounds heated. I stand and wait for him to answer....
"You can do this Allie." I tell myself just before the door opens. But not all the way only one side of his body is on show.
"Allie... hi... I erm thought you changed your mind..." I cut him off from his rambling. He's so full of shit!!!
"Yeah... I'm not feeling so good but thought I should come up and tell you in person. "Did you have fun with the guy's?" I ask him before he asks what's up with me.
"You not feeling to well... that's a bummer. Can I ask why?" He asks.
"Ermm.... I think it's something I eat on the plane it's sort of come from nowhere and I don't want you to catch anything." Few that was quick thinking. Go me.
How the shitting hell I manage to hold it together knowing he's got another woman in his room, only a few feet away from me, is beyond me. I'm slowly dying inside and all I want to do is scream at him.
I have to end whatever this is between us now before he breaks me even more than he already has.
With the biggest lump in my throat and that awful dreaded sick feeling in the pit of my stomach I pluck up the bollocks to tell him -
"Look Connor.... I don't know how to say this so I'm just going say it ok?.... I've been thinking and this thing we have." I say pointing between him and myself. "It's just not going to work out, I'm sorry but I need to be focused on what I'm doing right now and that's dancing, I can't afford the distraction so.... erm... I.... I'm going to go now... and erm... get in bed we have an early start in the morning, so I'll catch you tomorrow... yeah." I don't give him time to answer.
Trying my damn hardest not to break down and demand answers, I walk away with my head
held high, when all I can feel is my heart breaking into a thousand tiny pieces.
So much for me not getting hurt.
Yep silly little Allie Whitbury has only gone and fell in love with the big bad rock star, talk about gullible. Maybe that skank Vanessa was right? I'am a little girl, who can't handle a man like Connor.
I walk away from the only person I have ever loved, the only person I have ever let get close to me other than Karina.. and all for what? Every step I take is another crack in my heart and another brick added to the wall I've now started to build around it.
*****
He is my secret.
My beautiful little secret.
Chapter 29
Connor
What the fuck just happened?
Has she just told me things between us are over? I'm so bewildered right now.
I feel like I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. My heads telling me to sort this shit out here with Becks, then get rid of her, but my heart is telling me to run after Allie.
Closing the door on a sigh, I do what my heads telling me to do, then I just hope and pray to all things holy that I haven't just royally fucked up things with my Angel.
"Well thank fuck for that I thought that bitch was never going to shut up.... or fuck off." Rebecca pipes up from behind me. I almost forgot she was there... almost.
"What the fuck did you just say?" I turn on her aiming all my anger towards her.
"What?.. Oh come on Con.... you can do so much better than Miss goodie too shoes. What's her name Ellie... Allie."
"That's it Becky I've have had enough... I'm sick to death with all the texts and calls. I helped you get clean, I've helped you sort your life out. I brought you an apartment... outright, got you a job at the coffee shop just around the corner from you. I even gave you twenty grand to start you off. What more do you want from me?" I'm having this out with her once and for all. But I'm knocked off my feet when she answers me.
Syren's Angel (The Syren Series Book 1) Page 10
