by S. K. Lessly
“Fuck!!!!!!”
****
After days of contemplating on what to do and telling himself he was no good for her, Josh realized he needed to let her go. She deserved better than he could ever be for her, no matter how much he tried to convince himself otherwise. The fact that he just received word that he had to travel to D.C for work made things even more clear. He wasn’t sure when he would be back, if at all, so saying goodbye was evident.
He knew he needed to talk to Summer immediately, but he first had to talk himself into believing that not returning was for the best. He knew he would never be the same without her, but at least he could save her from himself. He still decided to make sure her ex would no longer be a factor, but he wouldn’t be the white knight riding in to save her. He would make sure she never found out it was him that freed her.
A clean break was what he needed, so when she called that night to say she was home, he decided to set her free.
“How was work today?” He asked her.
He didn’t know what else to say to her since he really hadn’t been saying much of anything the past few days.
Summer answered softly, “It’s been fine. What about you?”
“It’s fine actually. I’ve found the people I was looking for pertaining to my case, and I’m about to wrap up everything soon. I uh… have to go out of town for work, so before I go I was hoping I could take you to dinner tomorrow night so we could talk. That is, if you’re not working.”
He heard her take a few deep breaths, but when she spoke, he could hear the tremors in her voice.
“Um no, I’m actually off tomorrow and the following night, so I’m free. Well, I do have something to do tomorrow night, but I think we can meet.”
Josh frowned and was about to ask her what she had to do but stopped himself.
He sighed too, however, and said as upbeat as he could, “Sounds good. So is six o’clock, okay?”
“Yes, that’s fine. Do you want to meet or will you pick me up?” she asked.
“I’ll pick you up.”
They said their goodbyes, and as she hung up, he fought the urge to hurl his phone against his living room wall.
Chapter 9
Kenya
For the life of me I can’t understand how I ended up at Finn’s after I hung up with Josh, but there I was. I was nursing a drink that Joy made for me, and I sat in the corner at the bar, watching her work.
I was hoping if I drank a little, I would be able to make sense of what happened in my apartment four days ago and what to expect from Josh tomorrow. I had run that night over and over in my head, and I still hadn’t figured out what happened. At first I thought, oh my God he knows everything. But I quickly down played that. I mean, how could he? If he knew everything, he would have already confronted me about it. No, he freaked out for something else, and since that day I hadn’t seen him to ask why.
Joy finally got a chance to come and talk to me on one of her breaks. She made herself a drink and waited for me to spill my guts.
She already knew that Josh hadn’t been around for the last four days, but I hadn’t told her completely what happened. I just told her he was working a whole lot, and our schedules were conflicting. Now though, I needed her help. I can’t and won’t let Josh go.
No way.
He’s mine.
“So what’s going on with you, chica? You’re never here on your day off,” Joy said, leaning on the bar next to me.
I sighed deeply. “I have a confession to make.”
“Okay,” Joy added, snatching up my glass and taking the rest of my drink down.
She made me another while I spoke.
“Josh hasn’t been ignoring me because of work, something happened.”
Joy’s eyebrows rose, but she didn’t speak. I took another deep breath and told her what happened. I explained everything and in great detail. I was even feeling little hot under the collar while I was giving her the play by play.
Joy stood up slightly and looked at me, “Okay that sounds like everything was going the way it should. Why did you stop him?”
I looked down at my drink and threw it back quickly.
When I slammed the glass down I blurted, “I’m not that experienced with men, and I freaked. I felt like he wouldn’t want me if he found out.” Joy looked at me first, then burst out laughing. “You don’t have to laugh so hard,” I said and rolled my eyes.
When she looked up at me she stopped laughing, but the smirk wasn’t gone.
“I’m sorry, it’s just so like you. Because you haven’t been with a lot of guys you think what, he wouldn’t want you?”
“It’s more to it than that, Joy. I mean…”
Joy shrugged. “Not every girl is experienced with men. And ‘quiet as kept’ sex isn’t that hard to figure out.”
I sighed, frustrated. “It’s more to it than that, Joy.”
Joy looked in my eyes for a minute then shook her head as she said, “I just think you’re over thinking things. Look Sweetness, I’m sure Josh will understand that you aren’t experienced. I know how much you want to please him, but trust me, you’ll figure it out. Just do what you’ve done in the past, and I’m sure…”
“Joy, that’s just it,” I interrupted, placing my hand over hers. “I haven’t done anything in the past. Don’t you get it?” I paused and looked at her. I waited for her to really take in what I was saying to her. When things finally clicked, her eyes went wide. I nodded. “Yeah.”
Joy put her free hand to her mouth for a minute while she just looked at me.
She then shook her head and said, not moving her hands from her mouth so it came out more of a mumble than tangible words. “You’re a virgin?”
I nodded.
She then smiled like I was a freaking fluffy kitten and covered my hand with hers and squeezed.
“Oh my goodness, you are sweet, Sweetness.”
I snatched my hand from hers.
“Fuck you, Joy.”
Joy’s eyes went wide.
“Oh my, you have some teeth about you, too.”
I rolled me eyes. “Can you stop making fun of me and help me? I don’t know what to do. I’m not sure what happened or what I did wrong. I admit I was startled a little bit when he had my hands above my head. But the look in his eyes took away any fear and doubt. I wanted nothing more but to explore with him so I just…I stopped him to tell him I was a… you know…” I looked around conspiratorially first then continued. “But I don’t know, he started freaking out saying he was sorry for hurting me. I didn’t understand at the time, and for the longest I’ve been trying to figure it out but now, as I sit here talking to you, I think I get it.”
Joy nodded. “Yeah, Sweetness, he thought that maybe he was too rough, and it was freaking you out.”
I nodded. “Yeah, I know, but I’ve tried to talk to him. I tried to tell him that night that I rather…” I looked around again to make sure no one was eavesdropping, then I said softly, “I really liked what he was doing, you know. I mean, he had me pinned up against the wall, and he was aggressive and demanding. I was so turned on, Joy… I don’t know if it’s sick or not, but I rather liked how aggressive he was.”
Joy leaned close to me. “Okay, what is the extent of your experience or lack of…? I mean, how far have you gotten? Has a guy fingered you before, or ate you out, or even sucked on your tits …”
I shook my head frantically, then looked around.
I said softly, “Well, yeah, a little... So, okay… So Wayne and I used to go to the same college and remember I had a crush on him right? Well, one night I practically threw myself at him.”
Joy’s eyes grew wide. “No shit, not you.”
I nodded. “Yes, believe it or not. You know how we grew up together and were really close as kids. I also told you before that my father was Lucifer and made my childhood a living hell. Well, Wayne’s father was no better to him. So, you know, we had a bond growing up to be there for each other.
”
“Yeah, I remember you told me about him, so what happened?” Joy asked.
“Well, during our last year in college together Wayne and I got closer,” I began. “It was the last few days before the end of the year, and we just found out that we aced all of our finals and were celebrating by taking shots and listening to music in his dorm room…”
“Ugh, I’m so glad we are finally graduating. I can’t wait to get out from under my father.” Wayne told me.
Wayne was on his third shot, and I could see the drinks were getting to him. I’m not sure how I knew that since I barely could see him through my now slanting eyes.
“Yeah, me too. Do you know I’ve gotten like ten job offers from that last article I wrote?” I told him.
He nodded. “I told you, baby, if you just believe in yourself, who gives a fuck what anyone else thinks?”
I secretly loved when Wayne called me baby. I was screaming for his attention this last year of school. I seemed to have grown completely into my body, and cravings were starting to take over. Wayne had definitely grown into his height with bulk and muscle. Gone were the braces and the glasses from his awkward childhood. He was a deep chocolate Adonis with a great body and a great mind to boot.
I sighed deeply and closed my eyes. It seems that no matter what I do or how I dress I can’t get him to even look at me. For a while I thought he was gay, but he’s had his fair share of women throughout our four years of college. All of course hated me and would try and split us apart. Wayne never let them though. He would always tell them that he and our friendship was a package deal.
“Hey, you okay over there?” I heard his deep baritone voice call out to me.
I didn’t answer. I’ve been holding this V card for years, and I wanted to give it to him so badly. I wanted to give him my heart and body, and it was that moment I felt bold enough to do it. I sat up slowly and stood to my feet.
Wayne’s eyes followed me as I stood. “You okay there, baby?”
I widened my stance to ground myself, then smiled.
“Yup, I’m good.”
I looked down at my clothes, trying to figure out what to do first. I wore a simple sundress so I started to slowly bunch up the bottom of my dress. Wayne’s eyes went to my hands and watched as my dress traveled slowly up my legs.
“Um… what are you doing?” he asked, trying to hide the growing apprehension inside him.
I ignored his question and asked, “Do you think I’m attractive, Wayne?”
I concentrated on his face and the widening of his eyes as my panties were revealed. His Adam’s apple bobbed slowly as he licked his lips.
“Come on, stop playing around,” he said as he shifted himself in his pants.
My eyes went straight to his lap, and I saw the bulge he was so desperately trying to hide. I pulled my dress over my head and dropped it to the floor.
“You didn’t answer my question, Wayne. Do you think I’m attractive?”
“You know you are,” he said in a whisper.
“Then why haven’t you tried anything with me? You never tried to touch me or to kiss me.”
Wayne seemed to be struggling with himself as his eyes darted from my body to my face back down to my body.
I moved my arms to my back to unlatch my strapless bra when Wayne jumped to his feet. He made it to me quick and stopped my arms. I dropped my arms and went for the now prominent hard on.
“What the fuck are you doing?” he asked panic now stricken in his voice.
I put my arms around his neck and looked up at him. I got on my tippy toes and kissed his lips.
I said softly, “I’m taking our relationship to the next level. I want you, Wayne.”
Now I have to stress how this is so not my personality. But the alcohol that I consumed is taking over my common sense. Apparently it took over his as well because he was kissing me back. His arms went around my waist, and he pulled me to him. His hands went into my long hair as he directed me through my first kiss.
He walked me backwards to his bed and laid me down.
When he pulled back he looked at me and asked, “Are you sure, baby?”
I nodded. “I’m more than sure, Wayne.”
I guess after I gave him the okay he started to take over. His hands roamed my body as he kissed my lips, my chin and jaw, traveling down my neck. I moaned as a wrapped my legs around his waist and started to gyrate my hips against him.
We were getting hot and heavy. Wayne had his fingers in my panties, and he was stroking me to something that I could only guess was a climax.
“Yess… please… finally…” I panted.
“I can’t believe this… Damn, you feel so good, baby… so tight.”
“Yes, Wayne, I’ve been waiting for you… waiting to give myself to you… Oh God!”
It was that moment that Wayne suddenly stopped. The hooded look in his eyes was replaced with panic.
“Whoa, what do you mean?” he asked.
Confused I looked at him panting, “What?”
Wayne didn’t say anything at first. He just stared at me. Finally, as if something went off in his head, he jumped off me.
“No, no, no, Kenya… please, tell me you are not still a virgin?”
The way he was looking at me made me feel like I was laying in front of Curtis, my brother. I quickly took the blanket from his bed and covered myself.
I tried to sound nonchalant as I spoke. “What’s the big deal, Wayne?”
Wayne rubbed his head and closed his eyes.
“Sweetheart…” he started but didn’t continue.
I took this time to jump up and grabbed my dress off the floor. I quickly got dressed feeling completely humiliated. I felt the tears start to gather in my eyes as I searched around for my bag and laptop.
“Wait, baby…” he started, but there was nothing he could say to get me to stay.
“No, it’s okay, Wayne. I get it,” I told him, trying my best to get out of there as quick as I could.
Wayne grabbed my arm to stop me, but I snatched out of his grip.
“No seriously, Wayne, no big deal.”
I risked a look in his eyes and saw the pity etched in them. I shook my head, failing to stop the tears from falling. Wayne hugged me from behind and stopped me from moving. I closed my eyes as I felt him put his lips against my temple.
“I’m sorry, okay? I just… I don’t want your first time to be because you’re drunk and shit? Your first time should be special because you’re special. And I’m so honored that you want me to be your first.”
He turned me around in his arms and wrapped me in one of his hugs he would give me when I was having a crappy day. I buried my face in his chest, inhaling his scent grabbing all the strength I could from him.
“Don’t cry, baby, okay? I’m not saying I don’t want to. You have no idea how much I do. Let’s just take our time, okay? I want the day I make you mine to be special.”
I looked at Joy as she stared at nothing. Finally she said, “Wow, Summer, that’s um… wow.”
I shrugged. “Yeah well, at the time I didn’t think it was wow. I wondered if something was wrong with me.”
“Okay, but what about that asshole of an ex? You two were together for how long?”
“Six months…” I reminded her, knowing where she was going, but I really didn’t want to open that subject; I just wasn’t ready.
“Okay, so for six months you held out?”
I shrugged again just said, “Yeah, I held out, and maybe it was more because of the rejection from Wayne. Tell me how would you feel if you threw yourself at someone you’ve had feelings for, and he rejects you? So yeah, I held out from Noah, and well, when I left, I had my V card intact. But, Joy, I’m so glad I didn’t do it with either of them because, to be honest, that night, with Wayne, I just wanted to get laid. People around me, like my roommate in school for instance, talked about nothing else and I was so curious. So I figured what better way than to give it to my fr
iend, you know. And with Noah, it was just not the right time.” I closed my eyes. “Josh is different, Joy.”
“You’re falling in love with him.”
I nodded. “I think I am…No, I know I am, and I know I’m crazy for feeling this way, but I can’t help it. I want nothing more than to give myself to him but he won’t let me, and it’s fucking frustrating.” I sighed and pushed my glass to her.
She took it, poured me some tequila, my soothing juice, and pushed the glass back to me.
I took it, and as I closed my eyes to the burn it produced, she said, “Okay, so what we have to do is find a way for you to seduce him.”
I nodded. “Yeah well, you better come up with something quick. He’s going out of town in a few days, and he’s trying to say goodbye to me tomorrow night.” I updated her on our last conversation we had. I added, “So first, I was hoping you would cover for me tomorrow, and second, I need your help to convince Josh we belong together.”
“What other plans do you have tomorrow besides dinner with Josh?” she asked me.
I shrugged. “I don’t have any. I just said that to make me not sound so pathetic.”
Joy smiled. “Huh, okay I get it… so first, yes, of course I’ll cover for you. And second, I know just want needs to be done. Trust me, when Josh gets a look at you, he won’t be able to keep his hands off you… and you can kiss that V–card goodbye.”
****
It was a little after five, and I had hyperventilated like twice today. I’d been trying to figure out how to broach the subject about my past and who I really am to Josh, but I was afraid. I didn’t know how he would react, so by the end of the day I’d decided to just figure out how to keep him around. Then after that, like a few months after, I’d tell him who I really was.
My cell buzzed and when I saw it was Josh, I tried to bring my breathing down.
“Hello,” I said softly.
“Hey, I’m going to be late picking you up for dinner. Is that okay? Are you completely starving?”
“No, it’s fine. Um, what time would you be here?”
