by S. K. Lessly
“Summer, wait a minute…”
He grabbed me by my arm, but I yanked it out of his grasp.
“For what? No, don’t worry, I get it, Josh … I get it, believe me.”
Josh moved behind me and pulled me into a tight embrace.
“Sweets, just give me a second to explain.”
“Get off me, Josh!” I yelled, and he obeyed instantly. I moved away from him and stopped but didn’t turn to face him. I felt so humiliated and embarrassed. “There’s nothing to explain. I’ve seen what I needed.”
Josh moved in front of me and put his hands up. He pled with his eyes and I saw a lot of emotion in them, but I refused to let that affect me.
“It’s not what you think, okay? I want to explain everything, but I can’t right now. I’m working and…”
“Working? Really? Are you working with the company that you resigned from before you went out of town?”
Josh frowned. “Resigned? What are –”
I interrupted him not wanting to hear another word from him. “You said you would call me the moment you came back. I’ve been calling you and texting and nothing.”
“I know, but…”
“You didn’t bother to return any of my calls. Hell, you couldn’t even send me smoke signals… and now when I finally see you, you’re on a date?”
“Sweets, I know this looks bad, but I’m not on a date.”
I laughed. “Oh really? So, what would you call that upstairs?”
I folded my arms in front of me and waited.
Josh sighed deeply and said slowly, “Work.”
“Humph. Work…What are you? An escort or something? No, you know what, don’t answer that… just leave me alone.”
I spun away from him, but he came up behind me and wrapped me tight in his arms again. “Just give me a chance to explain.”
“Let me go Josh, please.” I couldn’t keep my voice from shaking as I felt the tears starting to fall.
I looked up toward the sound of someone coming down the steps toward us. The moment I saw the beautiful black girl that was with him come down the steps, I struggled against him. I needed to get out of here.
“Please, Josh,” I whispered, closing my eyes tight, willing him to let go. He sighed deeply, then suddenly I felt him let go. I gasped lightly from the sudden feeling of loneness that came over me the instant he freed me. It felt final and it was breaking me. I didn’t say anything to the woman as I passed her quickly, hoping to just get far away from them both as fast as I could.
I didn’t bother saying too much to Mr. Creepy and I’m sure from the state I looked he wasn’t going to bother asking what was wrong. Still I mumbled something about cramps as I passed him.
When I finally got home, I climbed into bed and cried myself to sleep. I heard my phone ringing, but I ignored it. I knew it was Josh, and I didn’t want to talk to him or see him. I knew, however, he would make his way to me at some point, so that morning I rose early, left his car in front of my apartment and caught the bus to the other side of town.
I found myself in the West Mifflin area at Pittsburgh’s amusement park called Kennywood. I spent the majority of my day there walking around, riding rides and eating everything I saw. I watched a very entertaining show the park put on and just sat and watched the people walk by.
It was late when I left the park but not late enough. I caught the bus back close to town and found a bar in the Strip District that I could drown my sorrows at and not be bothered too much. Fortunately, the drinks in this place were strong as hell, so it didn’t take very long for me to drown. I swear I didn’t think they put juice in with the alcohol at all. The fried chicken was the best I’d tasted though.
After my third drink and the pep talk I gave myself repeating this wasn’t my fault, I decided to go home. The messed up part about this was I didn’t have my cell phone. I didn’t want to be bothered by it when I left this morning, but now I truly needed it. I looked at the female bartender and asked her if she could call me a cab. Of course this enlisted a bunch of offers to take me home or to go home with them. I smiled but declined, trying very hard not to offend anyone. I knew no one here, and I didn’t want to get into trouble I couldn’t get out of.
I gave the bartender pleading eyes, and she felt my fear and came over to me in two minutes to tell me she called me a cab. Twenty minutes later, I was riding along Penn Ave heading toward town and to my apartment.
As I rode past The Pennsylvanian, I thought of Josh again. I tried my best to keep him off my mind. But sitting in the bar drinking and hearing sad music being played or all day seeing couples hugged up at the park made my heart ache.
I thought about calling Joy, but I didn’t want to bring her down. Plus, if I was going to make my exit I needed to make it soon, and calling her would make this harder than it already would be.
I don’t know why, but I blamed myself for everything. I knew the rules, but I ignored them. I’d spent too much time here, but most of all, I let my guard down and let people into my heart. Joy I would never forget, nor the people that I worked with. But Josh, he’d be the one person I’d never get over. I really should have known better. Happiness just wasn’t in the cards for me. It never was, not long term anyway. I really should have just taken this for what it was; fun while it lasted. I could at least say I made love with a man that meant the world to me, even though I didn’t mean the same to him.
I leaned down into the cab, thinking about the time I’d spent with Josh. The many times we went to the movies, met and had lunch in the park. We used to talk for hours on the phone, telling each other our deepest desires and dreams.
I mean, I thought this man was my soul mate, the one person that would save me and protect me, but boy was I wrong. I wiped the last of my tears and I pulled out my contacts and threw them out the window as I rode in the taxi. I rubbed my eyes and moaned at the feeling of freedom even if it was only for just a few minutes.
The cab pulled up to my building, I paid him, mumbled a thanks, and I walked into my apartment building imagining how good my bed was going to feel and how messed up I would be in the morning. Maybe I’d be so sick I wouldn’t even think about him.
I walked in my door, or rather stumbled inside, locked it and leaned against it. The room started spinning out of control, or maybe it was me, which could be very plausible.
I pulled off my sneakers and left them by the door. I walked slowly around a partition type wall that separated the doorway from the kitchen with my head in my hands. I needed some water, I knew, to help with this killer hangover I was beginning to have so headed toward my kitchen when I froze. The scent of cologne I knew all too well invaded my nostrils. My head shot up, and my eyes looked on a very quiet yet brooding figure that was Joshua Cooper.
He was sitting in one of my dining room chairs, leaning back against my counter. It was dark in the apartment so I couldn’t see his face, but I could feel the vibes of anger coming off him.
Don’t let him faze you, girl. I frowned to get into character.
I asked, “How did you get in here?”
He simply replied, “Where were you?”
I folded my arms trying to show indignation and deepened my frown.
“Get the hell out of my apartment!”
“That’s not going to happen. Where the fuck were you?”
I ambled to him, voice rose as I concentrated on one of the Joshes in front of me. “How dare you come in here and question me.” I pointed at my quarries, not really sure which was the real one and which was the double. “Get the fuck out, Josh!”
If I haven’t mentioned this, being around Josh has rubbed off on me, and in some instances not in a good way. I have found that cursing seems to be the best way to communicate my feelings to him, or it’s the only way he listens.
“Make me.” He folded his arms…. He folded his arms?
“I don’t have to make you. I’ll call the cops on you. That’s what I’ll do.”
He
laughed. “Yeah, good luck with that shit.”
I walked as quickly as my drunk self could muster and went into my room in search of my phone. When I didn’t see it, I came back out and looked at him.
“Where’s my phone?”
He answered. “We need to talk.”
“No, we don’t. You need to give me back my phone then you need to get out.”
“Sit down,” he said simply with a calm tone that was really driving me mad.
“No, damn it, I will not sit down. Give me back my phone. And…” I looked around as if we had an audience in the room. “How did you get in here?”
“Sweets, I’m this close to tying you to a chair and making you sit down. Now sit the fuck down so we can talk.”
I yelled, “What part of no don’t you understand? I will not sit down. I will… Argh…” I squelched as Josh sprang up from the chair, grabbed me by my arms and lifted me on my counter.
He moved in between my legs and put his arms on either side of me, caging me.
“Oh my God, woman, can you shut the hell up for one fucking second? Honestly, you’re lucky I’m fucking in love with you, I swear to God…”
He’s what?
I tried to move away from him, but he wouldn’t let me.
“Back up, Josh,” I said softly as the words he spoke suddenly hit me, and the pain of what I saw started coming back.
“Did you hear what I just said to you?” Josh looked at me, but I refused to let what he said get to me.
He couldn’t possibly be in love with me after what I saw.
So I repeated, “Back up.”
“No.”
“Damn it, Josh, move.”
“What part of ‘no’ don’t you understand? So here’s how this is going to go. You’re going to listen to what I have to say. Then I’m going to let you ask me whatever you want. And you will tell me where the fuck you were and why you left your phone.”
Since I couldn’t fold my arms, I rolled my eyes to signify my crossness.
“Are you kidding me?”
“No, I’m not… and after that, if I haven’t bent you over my knee and laid my hand to your ass by then, I’m going to fuck some sense into you.”
My eyes grew wide then I narrowed them. “How do you get off…”
“I haven’t actually, which is another reason why my patience is growing thin.”
I said nothing to that, because hell, what could I say?
Instead, I asked, trying to gain some type of control, “Where’s my phone?”
He answered quickly, “In little pieces all over your bedroom floor.”
Son of a bitch.
Josh and I had a staring match for a while before I saw his now dark blue eyes turn back to their usual color.
He said to me, “Now I know you’re pissed, and you have every right to be. I’m sorry I didn’t call you back or respond to your text messages. I didn’t get them until yesterday.” I started to say something, but he gave me one of his signature frowns, and I shut my mouth, for now. He continued, “The reason why I didn’t get them is because I was working.” He took a few deep breaths and kept his eyes on mine. “The woman you saw me with yesterday works for me. We were working on a case, and we needed to appear that we were together.”
My lips twisted. “Oh really, so what compliance officers now do undercover work? Do you think I’m stupid?”
I pushed at his chest to move, but he didn’t budge. Damn him and his solid muscled self.
“I’m not a compliance officer, Sweets. That was an undercover assignment that I was working on. I work for the government.”
Bullshit! Frustration, pride and most of all anger consumed me, and I raised my hand to strike him. He caught my wrist and brought it down behind me. I tried to hit him with the other, and he grabbed that one too and put it behind me also. Apparently this wasn’t my finest hour as he brought his body closer to me, which was really turning me on. I squirmed a little to try releasing some of the throbbing that was going on in between my legs… yeah, it wasn’t working.
Josh tightened his grip on my wrists that he now had in one hand.
“Where were you?”
“Out,” I said to him, feeling the liquid courage raging through me. “You broke in my apartment.”
“Yeah, we established that. Why did you leave your cell phone?” He asked, his frown deepening.
“None of your business. Where do you get off breaking into my apartment? How did you even get in here? Did someone see you breaking in? God, what if someone wants to repeat how…”
He cut me off. “I didn’t break any glass or crawl into any window. I walked in the front door.”
I frowned and thought about how my front door looked a minute ago. I leaned forward and looked at it again, confirming there was no sign of him coming in that way. I looked back at him puzzled.
He ignored me though and replied, “Fuck how I broke in, the fact is when I did break in you weren’t here. You haven’t been here all day. As a matter of fact, when I called you multiple times today and last night you didn’t pick up or respond to my texts or messages.”
I scoffed and rolled my eyes. “Yeah, how did that feel?”
“I’m really starting to lose my fucking patience, Sweets… where were you?”
“I told you I was out.”
“By yourself?”
I smiled. “Does it matter who I was with. You were pretty occupied with someone yourself last night. Why should you have all the fun? After all, you did introduce me to a feeling that I seem to want to chase every second of every day now.”
I closed my eyes for emphasis and moaned slowly… Yeah, I was playing with fire, but again, the liquid courage was working its magic, and well… I was so fucking horny at this point I would probably say anything to get him to take me… I’m turning into an unprincipled slut. If that even exists.
I opened my eyes just as Josh narrowed his eyes at me, and he started turning red.
“Don’t you fucking play games with me.”
“Oh, so it’s good for you to but not for me. You don’t own me.”
Josh’s eyebrows went up. “Oh I don’t?”
“No, you don’t. Now get out before I yell and scream for my neighbors to call the police.”
Josh leaned into me further and without wavering his gaze, said, “You know I came here thinking we could hash this out. Maybe talk about this rationally, but I see that’s not going to work. You have this notion that you don’t mean anything to me or that we’re not together and that’s unacceptable.”
“Together? Are you serious? We are not together,” I replied.
“Yes, we are.”
I shook my head, “Ah, no, we are not. God, even if we were, I called you, I don’t know how many times, and you never responded. You don’t do that to a person you are ’together’ with.”
“I was working, Sweets.”
“I texted you and left you messages.”
“I was working,” he repeated
“So I guess that’s okay then,” I added
Josh tilted his head to the side and said, “I apologized for it, haven’t I?”
“Huh? Unbelievable.” I closed my eyes, trying to calm my breathing. I was trying to not react to how close he was to me.
“I’ve missed you,” he said, his voice getting lower.
I opened my eyes just as his hands went to touch my face, but I moved my face out of his way. “You have a messed up way of showing it.”
“I’m sorry, Sweets.”
“Yeah? Well, I don’t accept your apology,” I added for good measure because I really needed him to move back.
I was losing control. “Why don’t you just go now? Save us both the trouble.”
He shook his head and inched closer to me.
“Can’t do that,” he said as his eyes fell to my lips.
“Why?” I asked softly.
“You know why.”
I turned my head. “I can’t do this,
Josh. You’ve moved on. Let me go so that I can do the same.”
Josh let go of my wrist and covered my face with both of his hands.
“You are out of your fucking mind if you think for one second I’m ever letting you go.”
Patience seemed to have diminished to nothing as Josh then crashed his lips on mine. When his hand went into my hair and tugged, I gasped from the shock, and he took full advantage. His tongue entered my mouth, and he deepened his kiss moving my body closer to his. I tried my best not get into the kiss; really I did, but…. Holy shit! The feeling that went through my body was something I couldn’t control.
Josh gripped my shirt, and, before I could protest, separated from my lips, yanked my shirt off, and then attached his lips back to mine, this time roaming my back and neck with his hands.
Josh broke our kiss. The desire and wanton coming off him was palpable as he said to me, “You’re mine. Do you hear me?”
“Joshua… please just let me go,” I breathed out.
He shook his head. “I can’t, Sweets. You’re my obsession. Do you know what that means? I’d die without you.”
I shook my head, ready to protest, to say something, but the next thing he said to me literally took my breath away.
“I’m in love with you, Sweets, and I know you’re in love with me. Don’t deny it. I can see it in your green eyes that you feel the same way.”
“You barely know me,” I told him.
“That’s not true, baby. I know everything there is to know about you. I know what makes you happy, what makes you smile and laugh. I know what makes you blush, and I know exactly how to make you moan my name. That’s all I need to know.” He then crashed back into me, searing me with his words and soul.
Our kiss from that moment turned into a sexually fueled frenzy. I gripped his shirt tight in my fists, trying desperately to rip it off his body. He took the hint, leaving my lips as he began to get rid of the offending material between us before he gratified my growing desires to get entangled in everything Joshua Cooper.
“Oh Josh,” I whispered to him, hands tangled in his hair, charging him it seems as he yanked down the front of my bra, pulling it from my body. He then leaned over and took one of my nipples in his mouth.
