by S. K. Lessly
I tried to let her hold me, but I was starting to feel claustrophobic so I moved back from her. She touched my face.
“Oh, Kenya, I’m so glad you’re safe. I was so worried. Are you okay? When are you coming home?”
“Give her breathing room, Marianne.”
My mother gave my father one of the coldest looks I had ever seen from her.
“Mind your business, Virgil. I think you have done enough.”
I frowned and looked at my parents, wondering what the hell she meant by that.
“Well, I can see where you get your beauty from.” Mama Joe came up next to me and commented.
She wasn’t alone either. Pops was on the other side of me, and I felt, not saw, Liliana, Malcolm and Nolan behind me.
Mama Joe moved closer and stretched her hand to my mom. “Hi, I’m Josephine, but you can call me Joe. This is my husband Jeramiah, my daughter Liliana and her husband Nolan, and my son Malcolm.”
I saw Wayne and my father tense a little at the mention of Malcolm’s name. I really needed to ask what I missed.
My mom stepped up and took Mama Joe’s hand.
“Hello, Josephine, I’m Marianne: this is my husband, Virgil, my daughters Latisha, Rasheda, and her boyfriend, Wayne.”
My eyes went to Wayne. I couldn’t hide my surprise and my disappointment, especially when Rasheda reached for her man’s hand. He gripped it tight and pulled her close to him. I should feel hurt at this point, right? I mean, Wayne and I were best friends, in my eyes we were more than that, but I had to remember he proved we were anything but. Apparently, what I felt mattered to only one person, me.
“Thank you for inviting us, and thank you for taking care of our daughter.”
“As if we had a choice.” I heard my father say under his breath.
He looked over my head, so I assumed he was looking at Malcolm.
To Mama Joe’s credit, she placed a genuine smile on her face and said, “First, Kenya is an amazing woman. It was our pleasure to have her with us. Now I know my son can be a bit domineering at times, but it comes from a good place. He trusts no one but family when dealing with something or someone precious to him. He knew Malcolm could protect her from anything and anyone.”
Mama Joe then looked at me and said, “Kenya, sweetheart, why don’t you show your family to their table? Please enjoy your night.”
I nodded and took my mother’s hand. I didn’t look back at my family as we walked.
When we got clear of the Coopers my father said, “We are not staying here a moment longer than necessary. Kenya, you need to stop this foolishness and selfishness. Pack up your things so we can take you home. You need to be around family.”
I turned on my father. “I am with family.”
“You think these people care about you? Did you learn anything from me?”
I walked closer to my father.
“Oh, yes I did actually. I learned how to hate, but I’m trying not to let that be the only thing I learned from you. I don’t think these people, as you call them, care about me, I know they do. So respect my wishes or you can leave now, otherwise please have a seat, get yourself a drink and try not to embarrass me.”
I turned to walk away and heard Rasheda say, “Do you hear that, Tisha? Our sister finally got a back bone.”
When our eyes met I didn’t see anything callous in them. She smiled at me and sat down next to Wayne. I really should be pissed at that scene, and I was trying to find the emotion but nothing surfaced. I just smiled back at her and went back to my table.
Throughout the night I sat with my family, talking to my mom and sisters mostly. Liliana created a slide show of their family to be played during the night. We all laughed and awed and looked on silently, reverently, as we saw through simple photos how much Pops and Mama Joe were in love. The unconditional love they had for each other then, and as he guided his wife along the dance floor after the slide show, you could clearly see they still had it.
My mom asked me questions about where I lived while I was away, and I told her about my life in Pittsburgh. I didn’t make eye contact with the men at the table. I was fighting the urges to punch my father in his face and knock Wayne upside the head.
Don’t get me wrong, I wanted to fight my sisters too. But seeing Wayne with my sister was something I wasn’t ready for. I mean, from all the things Rasheda did to me growing up, how Wayne could be with her was mind–boggling. I will admit they looked good together. He seemed to genuinely love my sister, and Rasheda was a lot to take in. Knowing my sister, I knew who was running things in the relationship. Then again, the way Rasheda was sitting in her seat quiet as a church mouse instead of commenting on everything and everyone she saw, maybe I was mistaken.
“So what’s up with you and that white boy?” my sister, Rasheda, asked.
Yeah… there she is…
I looked at her for a moment before I asked, “What do you mean?”
I felt all eyes on me at the table and even some from surrounding tables as well.
“Oh come on, you know what I mean. You had that boy coming to our house, knocking people around, cussing people out and shit. Is that your man or what?”
I looked at Rasheda confused. Malcolm did confirm that he, Josh and Shane went to my house to get some help from my family, but I didn’t know what actually happened.
I shrugged. “Well, if you’re speaking about Josh, yes he and I are together.”
“How did that happen?” Latisha asked. “I mean, all our lives we’ve been told to stay away from them. All they want to do is bring us down… and you go and leave your family for them.”
I took a deep breath and turned to my direct left to face her. “Well Latisha, I didn’t leave my family for anyone. The day I left New Jersey I didn’t have a family. No one had my back or cared about my well–being. I was out there on my own. So I don’t believe I left anyone.”
“So you blame us for what happened to you, is that it?”
“Latisha, now isn’t the time or the place to discuss this,” my mother scolded.
Latisha, however, didn’t get the hint, and she kept talking.
“No… I’m not going to sit here and pretend she just didn’t leave without so much as a word. She sent you, mama, a stupid fucking card one time in the whole five years she was gone. Then out of the blue some badass wannabe comes in our house, attacks Noah, disrespects my parents and leaves without reprimand. I’m sorry, I won’t be a part of this. I won’t sit here and pretend this is okay. She’s always been able to get away with murder. She always got the attention because she’s lighter than us with good hair and green eyes. Well, fuck that. Y’all have me fucked up for real.”
She folded her arms and looked at me. All eyes were on us I could feel it. But I wasn’t fazed by it at all. No, I was livid.
I leaned away from my sister and said to her, in a quieter tone, “Wow, I’m sorry for the attention I got. Believe me, if I could’ve changed that I would’ve. I mean, how great do you think it was for me the many times I went to bed without eating when I was four years old because you two did some shit and instead of taking the heat, you blamed me. You knew for a fact I got punished harsher than either of you combined, but that never stopped you. Or maybe I should bring up the many times I would clean the whole house, and just before our father walked in the door, you two would dirty the house again and tell him I cleaned nothing?”
“Oh please Kenya, that’s not that big of a deal. It was a joke.” My sister responded.
“Are you kidding me, Tisha? I spent two days in the basement with nothing to eat and drink because of that joke.”
“You are over acting Kenya…” my father huffed.
“No, dad, I’m afraid not. Any attention I got wasn’t good attention. Ask Wayne the many times he snuck out of his house to bring me food to the window after like the third day I was left in the basement.” I looked at Wayne. “Remember that day? My so–called family. You know, the ones that I so selfishly lef
t without so much as a goodbye, left me in the basement for four days. They got so excited that some family invited them upstate that they jumped in the car and forgot I even existed. So please excuse me if I decided I was done being around a family that didn’t give a shit about me. And a man that felt it was okay to choke the crap out of me in order to get himself off. I had no one to go to, so I did the best thing I could. I took care of myself.” I stood. “And I tell you if I had to do it all over again, I wouldn’t change a thing except you wouldn’t be here tonight.”
I turned away from my mother who reach for me and walked out of the hall. I couldn’t believe my sister went there. Well, I guess I should. I mean, Wayne used to tell me that my sisters were jealous of me, and I used to tell him how much that wasn’t true.
I’d rarely talked to anyone or complained about the different things I went through as a child. I’d told Josh and Josh’s mom some things, but not the about the times where I went to bed hungry and woke up for school late so I didn’t get a chance to eat until lunch, all because of something I was accused of doing that my sisters actually did. Sometimes I think my father knew it wasn’t me, but he just punished me because. I don’t think he liked me, and when I say I did nothing to deserve that but be born is an understatement.
I made my way out onto the deck and let the cold breeze from the ocean cool me down. When I think back to everything that had happened to me growing up, the many days and nights I spent in the basement, was definitely the reason why I accepted so much darkness in my life. I spent most of my young childhood in the dark, hungry and cold. Darkness became my solace and what I expected and sometimes felt I deserved. If anything positive happened in my life, I never felt comfortable with it. It was easier to accept the darkness because I was so used to misery.
But I didn’t want the darkness anymore. I got a taste of light and warmth, and I seemed to crave it. I wanted that warm and fuzzy feeling you got when someone that loved you embraced you. That love that they feel for you seemed to flow from them to you, and you feel it all through your body.
That’s what I feel when Mama Joe hugs me, and Pops. When Liliana puts her arm through mine, and when Malcolm places a protective arm around my shoulders.
And the moment I see Josh, I feel everything he feels for me by just looking in his eyes. He doesn’t have to touch me, and I can feel how much he loves me, desires me and just... I don’t know how to explain it. I just know he doesn’t hesitate to make me feel how much he loves me in everything he does. It’s overpowering, it’s exhilarating, and it’s so fucking intense. I feel sometimes I’m going to lose my mind if I don’t have him.
I feel like I need him, desperately. He has told me multiple times that I was his obsession. Well, he’s mine too.
I heard footsteps behind me, and I quickly wiped my eyes, feeling tears collecting and not from the brisk wind blowing off the Atlantic. Wayne came up next to me and put his jacket on my shoulders.
“So that was something back there. I’m liking the new Kenya.”
I looked over at his smiling face, and I couldn’t help but smile back.
“Yeah well, the new Kenya is so exhausted from dealing with her family.”
Wayne leaned over the wooden rail that protected us from the falling in the ocean and looked down into the blackness.
“Yeah, I will admit your family is a lot to take.”
I chuckled and shook my head. “Yeah well, my advice to you is get out while you can.”
Wayne was silent for a minute, and I continued to look out at the night sky.
“Can I ask you a question?” Wayne said to me.
“Sure.”
“When things went bad for you, why didn’t you call me?”
I looked over at Wayne and rolled my eyes in the night as I responded, “Seriously Wayne… the way we left things, the things you said to me, I felt like we weren’t friends anymore. Besides, what would you have done anyway?”
He stood tall and turned me to face him. “Look, I know the shit I said was fucked up, and to be honest, I didn’t mean any of it. It was my father. He told me that Noah wanted you, and that you two made more sense than the two of us. I fought it though, Kenya. You have to believe me but… I mean, I guess you were right. I couldn’t stand up to my father for you. How was I going to protect you?” Wayne looked down at the deck and exhaled. When he looked back at me, he said simply, “But I like to believe I would have at least tried to figure something out. I mean, to think that son of a bitch put his hands on you. That’s unacceptable.”
I knew that look of defensiveness and helplessness in his eyes. He felt guilty because he wasn’t there for me. I get it, but honestly, this wasn’t about him. I couldn’t feel bad because I didn’t lean on him, someone that was just as weak as I was.
I said to him, “Wayne, you and I both know I couldn’t go to you. You would have tried your best, I have no doubt, but I didn’t feel you were able to help me. I mean, what happened during those times I was MIA living with Noah? You told me you were moving on and that I didn’t matter to you anymore.” I put my hands up to stop him and added, “Regardless if you didn’t mean it or not, I felt like I had no one. No one cared that Noah had me locked up in his house. I felt alone, and I had no one. I had to learn to help myself, and I did that.”
I moved closer to Wayne and I told him, “Look, I don’t blame you, if that’s what you’re thinking. I’m sure if you were able to help me, you would have. There was just no way you could you’ve helped. No, the only person who could was Nickels, and he came through just when I needed him.”
Wayne studied my eyes and slowly brought his hand up to my face. He touched my cheek lightly.
“I’m so sorry I wasn’t there for you when you needed me. I’m sorry I wasn’t strong enough back then to stand up for you.”
I smiled slightly and stepped back from his touch.
“You’re definitely forgiven, Wayne.”
I took off his jacket, handed it back to him and walked back toward the hall. It was time for me to call it a night and go back home. Or rather, to the beach house I was calling home for the moment. Maybe Malcolm had, had enough and could take me home.
Joshua
Josh was exhausted from the twelve hour trip home, but he was running on the need to see her. He’d gotten updates on how she was doing, but the deep need to see her with his own eyes, to feel her in his arms was too overwhelming for him to wait. The moment he walked into the hall his eyes went in search of her. He heard a screech from his left, and he smiled. He knew exactly who that was and braced himself for the impact that was undoubtedly coming.
Liliana slammed into her brother just as he opened his arms to her.
“Shit woman…” He laughed and kept hold of her.
When they parted, she punched him in the chest. “Damn, it took you long enough to get home.”
He grinned. “Yeah well, I had a pit stop to make in Mexico, so…”
Liliana stared at him. “Yeah and were you successful?”
Josh shook his head.
He tilted her chin and said, “My dear sister, what do you think?”
Josh was then surrounded by his brother and his parents. He kissed his mother, hugged her and his father. Malcolm came up to him and clasped his forearm.
“Glad to see you made it in one piece.” He looked behind Josh. “Where’s Shane?”
“Parking the car. Where’s…” Josh’s voice trailed off when he caught a glimpse of someone in the corner of his eye.
He turned and found Kenya walking inside the hall. He froze, captivated by her as if he was seeing her for the first time. She was beautiful and strong. The dress she wore contoured her curves and complexion. Her hair was in loose curls, and she wore very light makeup that only accentuated her beauty. It was a struggle to grab air in his lungs, she took his breath away with every sway of her hips.
He moved away from his family unable to take his eyes from her. When she finally saw him, she stopped too.<
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Josh felt the stupid grin spread across his face and shyness and humbleness took over. He couldn’t move any further he thought, as he knew his knees would give out.
Kenya smiled back. She took a few deep breaths and the warmth and calmness she mentioned earlier washed over her. There he was. He was in one piece, and he looked incredible. He was in another black Italian suit, that from this distance, she couldn’t tell what brand. He cut his hair, but he left his five o’clock shadow trimmed and lined along his jaw.
She wanted to feel him, she wanted to touch him. She needed him she knew, and she didn’t care what that made her or what other people felt or thought. He was the other fifty percent to make her whole, and she wanted nothing in the world but to feel how whole he could make her over and over again for the rest of her life.
Josh made the first move finally, unable to resist her any longer.
Kenya moved too, and the moment they were in arm’s length, he pulled her into his embrace.
“Oh God, Sweets, I’ve missed you so much…” Josh mumbled in her neck.
He felt her body tremble but wondered if it was really hers or his own body that was trembling. He hugged her tighter, wanting to never forget the feeling of her body.
When she moved back from him, he wasted no time claiming her mouth. He’d thought and dreamed of tasting her again ever since he found her laying in that hole. The craving and hunger threatened to consume him, but he didn’t deepen the kiss. He knew the moment he did that, he wouldn’t be able to stop. He did make sure to get a sufficient taste of his woman before he pulled back and rested his forehead against hers.
While he kept his eyes closed, his hands roamed her face and her arms, her back, her hips, trying to satisfy the urges for skin–to–skin contact.
He felt her hands go through his hair, down the back of his neck to his shoulders and back. Her hands went inside his jacket with her own need to touch her skin to his.
She growled in frustration, and Josh couldn’t help but chuckle, as he was feeling the same way. He leaned slightly away from her so he could look in her eyes. He brought both his hands back up to the sides of her face.
