‘Does he have a girlfriend?’ The words had spilled out before Anna had had a chance to stop herself. ‘I mean, I wonder if she knows what’s happened.’
‘Well, there was a girl he seemed keen on. He emailed me a photo once – funny-looking little thing with the strangest hair.’
Anna’s hand went instinctively towards her head, and just as hastily away again. ‘So what happened?’ Her voice was shaky.
‘It didn’t last. I never found out why. We were in Patagonia for over a year you see, and half the time miles from anywhere – just a satellite phone once in a while. I asked a few questions, interfering auntie that I am, but he clammed up, wouldn’t speak about her. He said she wasn’t worth wasting his breath on.’
‘I’m sorry, Mrs Croft, but I must be getting on,’ Anna said, feeling the colour rushing to her face.
‘Of course you must, dear,’ Ruth nodded. ‘Forgive me rabbiting on like that. As if it was of any interest to you.’
Anna smiled wanly and headed for the car.
‘Now you just tell your father not to worry,’ Ruth called after her. ‘We’ll look after this place like it was our own. And you must come over and meet Felix – lovely girl like you might be just what he needs to help him get over the shock of what’s happened.’
‘Bye, Mrs Croft.’ Anna yanked open the car door and gave a half-hearted wave in Ruth’s direction. Firing the engine, she shot off down the drive, spraying gravel in all directions. What a fool she had been to imagine that she could somehow put things straight, and even make Felix fall in love with her all over again. That was never going to happen. Once Felix knew that his aunt was living in Anna’s old home, he would probably avoid the place like the plague; and even if he didn’t, as soon as Ruth discovered the truth, she would make sure that Anna didn’t come within ten miles of him, never mind get an invitation to Hampton House.
He said she wasn’t worth wasting his breath on. Ruth’s words echoed in Anna’s head as she stamped her foot on the accelerator and sped down the road towards Marina’s village. But every turn in the road reminded her of things they had done and places they had walked. The tears that blinded her made her incapable of driving; she pulled off the road, lay her head on the steering wheel and sobbed until she made herself feel physically sick.
Ten minutes later, peering in the driving mirror and wiping the smudged mascara from her cheeks, she gave herself a firm talking to. What good, she demanded of her reflection, did it do to go over and over every detail? It only made matters worse. She blew her nose and was about to drive the short distance to Magpie Cottage, when her phone rang.
‘Hi Shannon, how are you?’
‘Better than you, obviously,’ Shannon replied. ‘You’ve been crying.’
‘No, no – it’s just hay fever.’
‘Stop the bullshit,’ Shannon replied amicably. ‘So what’s up?’
Knowing that there was no way that she could pull the wool over her friend’s eyes for long, she gave her a shortened version of the morning’s events.
‘And so, that’s that,’ she concluded. ‘As soon as Ruth finds out from Felix that I’m the girl that blew him out, and . . .’
‘Hang on, hang on,’ Shannon butted in. ‘What’s it got to do with her? Like she’s Felix’s nanny or something?’
‘No but . . .’
‘Anna, you’ve got to stop letting other people run your life for you,’ Shannon declared. ‘There were only two people in the relationship – you and Felix. And OK, you don’t know how he’s going to feel – but now he’s had a brush with death, maybe he’ll be wanting to see you more than anything on earth.’
Anna gave a short laugh. ‘You always were a romantic,’ she said.
‘Better that than a pessimist,’ her friend replied. ‘Now I’ve had the best idea.’
‘Not another one of your schemes,’ said Anna.
‘It just came to me and it’s the best yet,’ replied Shannon, totally unfazed. ‘Felix is coming back and he’s bound to stay with his aunt, right? So how about we work it so Wild Chicks get a slot to play at the Kellynch Festival? The cream teas are always in your – well, theirs now I guess – garden and he’d be bound to spot you.’
‘Oh no, the Festival!’ Anna gasped. ‘I’d forgotten all about that.’
The two-day Kellynch Festival and Fayre was an ancient tradition dating back centuries and people came from miles around to share in it. There was something for everyone: charity polo matches and horse show and gymkhana in the grounds of the nearby agricultural college attracted the county set; the Barn Theatre provided the music and art venues, and the neighbourhood gardens, Hampton House among them, hosted cream teas, craft stalls, Punch and Judy and face painting for children. The whole weekend culminated in a comic chariot race and fun run in aid of charity.
‘But your dad will have sorted it with the Crofts, right?’
‘I doubt it,’ Anna replied ruefully. ‘He’s had rather a lot on his mind. I bet you the Crofts know nothing about it.’
‘So tell them,’ Shannon said. ‘I’ve already phoned Mia and Lauren and they’re up for it.’
Anna’s mind was racing. ‘Look, Marina’s bound to know what’s going on – she’s the one who sorted all the details out with the tenants. I’ll check it out with her, OK?’
‘Brilliant,’ Shannon said. ‘Because if this plan doesn’t work, I’ll come up with something else. One way or another, Felix Wentworth is going to fall in love with you all over again before the summer’s out.’
‘Hi Marina! It’s me!’
Anna staggered through the front door, which had been wedged open with a wrought-iron doorstop in the shape of a horse’s head, and dumped the last of her bags on the stone floor. Delightful and Delicious, Marina’s two blue Burmese cats, stalked out of the kitchen towards her, mewing demandingly and eyeing her with the contempt that only that breed can muster.
‘Marina?’
Anna pushed the door open and stepped into the low-ceilinged sitting room with its ancient beams and inglenook fireplace.
On the opposite wall was Marina’s new plasma TV, in front of which her godmother stood rooted to the spot, gazing at the footage on the screen: armoured vehicles throwing up clouds of dust, Marines in desert fatigues carrying weapons over their shoulders, and then the words of the unseen newsreader.
‘The Marines from 45 Commando are being flown home to RAF Lyneham . . . commander praised the swift and selfless action of Second Lt. Felix Wentworth . . . prevented a far greater disaster. Second Lt Wentworth threw himself . . .’
It was at that moment that Marina heard Anna’s footsteps on the stone floor. She turned, gasped and reached instantly for the remote control.
‘Don’t bother, I already know.’ Anna couldn’t keep the note of anger out of her voice. Why did everyone tread so carefully around the issue of her and Felix? Treat any mention of the past as if they were delving back into something murky and sordid?
‘You know? How come?’ Marina looked both embarrassed and anxious.
‘I heard it on the car radio,’ Anna lied. ‘If I hadn’t turned up right then, you wouldn’t have said a word about it, would you?’
Marina came over and rested a hand on her shoulder, her tone softening. ‘No darling, in all honesty, I wouldn’t. What would have been the point? It’s over, in the past, all that nasty business. And now that you’re over your crush . . .’
‘How dare you call it that?’ All Anna’s pent-up emotions, all the months of being the good daughter, the obedient one, spilled over in a waterfall of words. ‘I loved him – I still do. I miss him like hell, and I know now that I should never, ever have listened to you and Dad. You used Mummy’s memory to persuade me – and she’d never have wanted me to be so miserable!’
Anna was amazed at her own courage. Confrontation was something she normally avoided at all costs.
‘Now come on, sweetheart, that’s just not true,’ Marina replied briskly, turning her attention to
re-arranging a perfectly tidy pile of magazines on the coffee table. ‘She wanted the very best for you, and Felix and that mother of his were not it.’
‘I wasn’t going out with his mother,’ Anna protested.
‘Look, don’t let’s rake all that up again,’ Marina urged. ‘What’s done is done.’
‘And did you honestly think I wouldn’t have found out about what’s happened? I do watch the news, you know.’
Marina sighed and nodded. ‘Oh, I know you would in time – I guess I just wanted to protect you. It’s been a difficult day for you, the move and . . .’
‘Protect me? Is that what you thought you were doing last year?’
Marina nodded again. ‘And I still do. And while we’re on the subject . . .’ She gestured to Anna to sit down on the ample sofa overlooking the garden, and sank down beside her. ‘The new tenants of Hampton House,’ she continued. ‘I know who they are.’
‘Yes, you said,’ Anna replied swiftly, her heart banging in her chest. ‘She’s an artist and he’s writing a book.’
‘Anna, give me some credit. I asked a few questions after you ran off in such a state. She’s Felix Wentworth’s aunt.’
‘And I suppose you couldn’t wait to tell Dad?’
‘I haven’t said a word to your father. I wanted to be sure the paperwork was all in place and he couldn’t back out of the deal,’ Marina assured her.
‘Thank you,’ Anna said.
‘Oh, I didn’t do it for you,’ her godmother told her. ‘I did it because your father needs to get an income from that house as fast as possible or he will go under. Even you don’t know the true extent of the financial mess he’s got himself into.’ She took Anna’s hand. ‘Now listen, darling, you’re older now and more mature, and I’m sure you can see how right your father and I were to persuade you to break off that rather unfortunate relationship.’
‘Unfortunate for who, exactly?’ Anna struggled to contain her anger.
‘You,’ Marina said shortly. ‘You were so young, and he was – well, from such a different background, different lifestyle – and then, of course, with the way his mother behaved . . .’
‘That was hardly his fault.’
‘And it’s not your father’s fault that he wants better things for you,’ Marina said firmly. ‘So if Felix does visit his aunt – not that it’s likely now, and I’m sure it will only be a fleeting visit because a young man won’t want to hang around with a couple of old fogies for his entire leave – well, just don’t go getting any silly ideas.’
‘I won’t,’ Anna smiled wanly. Getting back with Felix didn’t in her book qualify as a remotely silly idea.
‘That’s my girl – never look back, that’s my motto,’ Marina urged. ‘Think about the future – a lovely summer ahead of you, and then off to uni in Exeter. You’ll meet lots of nice boys there, and one day you’ll find someone who will love you as you deserve to be loved. Someone who fits in with our way of life. Set your sights on all that.’
Anna gave a half smile. Of course, Marina wasn’t aware that she’d originally chosen Exeter University for the simple reason that it was as close as she could get to where Felix would be based once he passed out. But her godmother was right about one thing: it was the future that mattered. Felix was coming home and she had one last chance to put things straight. Keeping Marina in the dark as to her intentions was more important than winning this particular argument.
‘Yes, that’s true,’ she sighed, with what she hoped was just the right amount of apology in her voice. ‘What’s done is done. And thanks so much for letting me stay here. You know, with the band and everything . . .’
The meekness of her tone had the desired effect.
‘You’re welcome, darling,’ her godmother said, giving her a hug. ‘I knew you’d see things my way. And, although I wasn’t certain at first, maybe this band of yours is a good thing. Keep your mind occupied.’
She leaned back on the cushions with an air of satisfaction. ‘Now, let’s talk about more cheerful matters, shall we?’
‘Actually,’ Anna said, biting her tongue. ‘I wanted to ask you about the village Festival. I mean, will the Crofts still open up the garden?’
‘All sorted,’ Marina declared. ‘Actually, they’re frightfully keen. I think they see it as a way of getting to know people. And Ruth seems a jolly, outgoing sort of soul. I suppose those West Indian sorts are.’
‘That is such a stereotype . . .’ Anna began, but Marina was in full flood.
‘Sadly, I’ll be in Madeira on my gardening society’s annual trip – but of course Bea Musgrove’s on the committee and she’ll take the Crofts under her wing, make sure they know what’s expected of them.’
Anna cringed inwardly at the patronising tone of Marina’s voice but continued to smile sweetly.
‘I know it will be agony for you to go, darling,’ Marina went on, ‘but I spoke to your father, and he said he’d be glad if you could just manage to pop in for an hour or so, just to fly the family flag and all that.’ She paused. ‘And I’m sure the nephew won’t be there,’ she murmured half to herself.
‘Sure,’ Anna smiled serenely. ‘No problem at all. In fact, I’ll look forward to it.’
An hour later, unpacking in the privacy of the large, under-eaves bedroom that Marina had assured her was hers for as long as she needed it, the full impact of the long day hit Anna with all the force of a runaway train. She felt exhausted – drained, emotionally and physically. Her home was in the hands of someone else; nothing would ever be the same again. Her sisters might kid themselves that they’d be back in Hampton House in a few years, but Anna knew that in reality it would take a miracle for her father to recoup all his financial losses.
So where was home now? Certainly not the apartment in Eastbourne – not yet at any rate – and lovely though it was, obviously not Marina’s cottage. Suddenly she remembered a little stone plaque that her grandmother used to have hanging in her kitchen.
Home, it read, is where the heart is.
Her heart was where it had been every day since she had first met him. With Felix. She loved her family, infuriating as they could be – but she had to admit that, with them, she had always played the role they’d given her; she was the helpful, bookish, slightly timid one who hated confrontation and was good at sorting out other people’s messes. Why did she do that, she thought angrily. Why was she so willing to let other people decide what was best for her?
She stuffed a pile of T-shirts into one of the dressing table drawers and wandered over to the window. Gazing out over the neighbouring fields, the thought that had so often niggled at her from the back of her mind reared its ugly head again.
Had Felix really loved her the way she had loved him? And, if he had, why hadn’t he answered any of her emails or texts in the weeks following the break up? She had begged for a second chance – but he clearly hadn’t been interested. Why?
Then, as clearly as if he was standing in the room beside her, his words echoed in her head.
‘It’s not going to work, Anna. You’re never going to put us first – you’ll always let someone else tell you what to do.’
Well, he was wrong about one thing. She wasn’t always going to do that. Not any more. With a bit of luck, Felix would be staying with Ruth within a week or two – but for how long? This time she had to act and act decisively if she was ever going to put right the mess she had allowed to happen.
Sighing impatiently, she turned away from the window, her mind bombarded with hundreds of thoughts and memories. Exactly when did it all start to go wrong? Was it that fateful TV programme? Or before that, when Anna unwittingly played straight into the hands of Felix’s manipulative mother? Suddenly it felt imperative that she should get it all completely clear in her head; because she had to make sure that she did things very differently this time round.
Abandoning the rest of her unpacking, she grabbed the battered tapestry holdall that had once belonged to her mother, the hol
dall in which she had hurled all her journals. She’d started keeping a diary during the dark days of her mum’s last illness, and emptying her soul between the safe covers of a book was a habit she had kept up ever since.
Kicking off her sandals, she flopped down on the bed and emptied the journals on to the duvet. She picked up the bright pink one that she had started the week she met Felix and began flicking through the pages. She skim-read the entries about ice-skating on the flooded courtyard of Fleckford Castle, the films they’d seen (or rather not seen much of because they were too busy kissing one another), the days when they’d driven to Norfolk and walked for miles on Holkham beach. Then she paused at the entry for the beginning of April and, taking a deep breath, she began to read.
CHAPTER 6
‘She had been forced into prudence in her youth, she learned romance as she grew older: the natural sequence of an unnatural beginning.’
( Jane Austen, Persuasion)
EVERYTHING HAD HAPPENED SO FAST. FELIX AND ZAC HAD both been accepted for Commando Training with the Royal Marines and had been on a real high for days. Anna had tried her hardest to be pleased for him, but when she discovered that he’d be away for thirty-two weeks with only a couple of breaks, she felt as if someone had stuck a knife through her chest.
‘Hey, don’t look so sad,’ he had said. ‘We can email and phone and, anyway, three weeks after we begin, families get to come and suss out what we’re up to – spend the day and all that. You’ll come, right?’
‘But I’m not family.’
‘I want you there. And they let girlfriends come – I checked!’
He wants me there. I’m his girlfriend. Anna had hung on to those words, repeating them to herself like a mantra. ‘I think it’s high time I met this black guy you’re hanging out with.’
Walter and the girls, along with Marina and Araminta (who happened to be ‘just passing’ – something she did amazingly frequently considering she lived ninety miles away), were just finishing supper when Walter mentioned this.
Echoes of Love Page 7
