by Bru Baker
But none of that came out when he opened his mouth around Crawford. Mateus just couldn’t seem to force the confrontation. He was afraid Crawford might not feel the same, even though it seemed like he did. What if Crawford really didn’t want him, and it wasn’t a case of Crawford’s overactive conscience putting the brakes on? God knew he had some messed-up ideas of what marriage actually was, thanks to Davis.
Mateus had never actively hated someone before, but he was pretty sure that was what he felt burning in the pit of his stomach whenever he saw the way Crawford shrank into himself around his ex-husband. He was still cordial and perfectly professional, and he doubted Crawford let it affect business decisions, but he was different socially around Davis. Less. Like he wanted to take up less space and not be noticed. It wasn’t something Mateus liked to see on anyone, but least of all someone who was usually larger-than-life like Crawford. Davis just seemed to suck all the air out of the room where Crawford was concerned, and Mateus felt driven to do whatever he could to get him breathing again.
A lot of the questions he had weren’t something he could easily sort out, but one was. Mateus bit the bullet and went in for the kill. He really couldn’t take not knowing any longer. “Are you still in love with Davis?”
Crawford gave him a sharp look. “No. Why?”
His answer had been knee-jerk, and Mateus didn’t know what to make of that. Was that because he was used to denying it or because he really wasn’t?
“Because you were happy about making him jealous, and even though you complain about it, I can tell he doesn’t annoy you as much as you pretend he does.”
Crawford snorted. “Oh, trust me, he annoys me a lot more than I let on. That’s how Davis works, though. He gets off on knowing that he can control people like that, so I don’t let him see how much he gets to me. But he does. I gave serious thought to declining the assignment, even though it would probably have meant getting fired.”
Crawford took a breath and rubbed a hand over his face. “Listen, I’m not in love with Davis. I’m not sure I ever really loved him, but I sure as hell don’t now. Our divorce—it was messy. Ugly. I was in a bad place for the first year after we split. But then I realized that I was still letting him have control over me. Because of love.” Crawford’s lip curled. “I’ve done a lot better since realizing that love is just a way manipulative people twist lust to get what they want.”
Mateus gaped at him. “That is not love. My God, Crawford, how can you be so bitter?”
Crawford leveled a flat look at him. “Davis married me to get ahead in the company and then cheated on me in my own bed pretty much every time I went on a business trip.”
Mateus’s heart hurt for him, but he still couldn’t wrap his mind around Crawford really meaning what he was saying about love. “That doesn’t mean you didn’t love him. It means he’s a terrible person, but it doesn’t reflect on you.”
“Then I’m a goddamn idiot, aren’t I?”
“No. Never. But it’s time to let Davis go and start putting yourself first.”
Mateus wanted to hug him, but he was sure the contact wouldn’t be appreciated right now. The chasm between them at the moment was much bigger than the one he’d imagined when he thought Crawford was still pining after Davis. “Love isn’t logical. It just is.” He held a hand out tentatively, and when Crawford didn’t flinch away he let it rest lightly over Crawford’s breast pocket. “We don’t fall in love with our brains. We fall in love with our hearts. You can’t shut yourself off because you were hurt.”
Crawford stalked toward the bedroom, but he left the door open as he started packing. “It’s working so far,” he called over his shoulder.
Chapter Eleven
CRAWFORD had looked over the numbers until his eyes crossed, but he still didn’t see a way to make the hotel’s fine-dining restaurant profitable. There were too many other similar restaurants nearby, and the hotel didn’t have a celebrity chef to boost its profile. Hiring a new executive chef might work, but it would be a gamble. And since they were already taking a gamble on expanding the spa, they didn’t have the leeway to make it work.
It was frustrating, because this was the last piece of the puzzle. He and Mateus had been here for more than a week, and Crawford had actually made good progress powering through his audits and meetings. No one other than Davis had complained about the accelerated schedule, and even though Crawford was exhausted from his late nights and early mornings, it would be worth it if it meant finishing up here early. Which he’d be doing, but only if he could come up with a way to make the hotel’s restaurant profitable.
“I give up,” he conceded, shoving his laptop away in disgust. “Fine dining isn’t going to work in this location. So what do we do? Convert it to casual dining? Use the space for a coffee shop and dessert bar?”
Those were things that had worked at other failing locations, but there wasn’t a lot of foot traffic out front, which meant they wouldn’t draw in tourists looking for a pick-me-up. He stretched and looked over the pile of paperwork to catch Davis’s eye. He looked every bit as exhausted as Crawford felt. Though he was probably sleeping better at night.
Crawford had spent last night on the pullout sofa in the sitting room of the suite he was sharing with Mateus. He’d given Mateus the bedroom when they’d moved into the new suite, since Mateus wasn’t the one who needed to be up at the crack of dawn for breakfast meetings and interviews. It just made sense for Crawford to be the unlucky one who had to sleep on the lumpy sofa bed, since he’d be up early enough to clean it up and stow all the linens before the maids came to clean the room.
Mateus, he’d learned, was not a morning person. He was fairly useless before he’d had his first cup of coffee in the a.m., and even then he was mostly incoherent until he’d been up and around for a bit.
“What were the room service numbers for the last year?” Davis asked as he sifted through a pile of paperwork.
Crawford squinted at the report in front of him, his finger tracing down the column. “Not stellar. It looks like only about thirty percent of guests are ordering breakfast, and those are full meals. Maybe a coffee shop that offers light breakfast fare?”
Mateus had complained this morning about the lack of simple breakfast options on the menu. The menu was mostly full breakfasts, and the muffins and yogurts were expensive to buy à la carte.
Davis hummed thoughtfully. “There’s that local chain coffee shop. Happy Bean? Java something? Some pun. Maybe they’d want to open a location here. I don’t know that we could take the overhead for a coffee shop, but maybe we could rent the space out? It’s an interesting idea.”
“Don’t sound so surprised,” Crawford said dryly.
“I’m not surprised you had a good idea, I’m just surprised that you aren’t arguing to keep the fine-dining space. You always argue for those.”
“When it makes sense. It doesn’t make sense here.” Crawford didn’t know why he felt so defensive. If it had been anyone other than Davis, he wouldn’t have felt so attacked, but being around Davis was still too raw for him not to take everything personally.
Davis held his hands up and made a placating gesture. “I’m agreeing with you. Jesus. I hope your new boy toy doesn’t mind the nagging.”
Crawford took a deep breath and bit his lip. It was sore and chapped already from constantly worrying at it over the last few days, and the twinge of pain helped him keep his temper.
“Though I suppose you make up for it in other ways.”
Crawford jumped when Davis’s hand crept up his thigh. He stood up abruptly, knocking over the chair he’d been sitting in. They were in Davis’s suite because it had a large table to work on and was more private than the conference center’s boardroom, but he was regretting that decision now.
“What the fuck, Davis?”
Davis shrugged, his expression bland. “I just thought you might be up for a little fun. After all, that was never our problem. We were always at our most comp
atible in bed.”
Crawford’s lips curled in disgust. “You’re compatible with everyone in bed,” he snapped. “And I’m married, asshole.”
Davis’s Cheshire grin made Crawford’s stomach turn. “That’s never been an issue for me.”
“I remember,” Crawford growled. He slammed his laptop shut with more force than was probably advisable and hooked his hand around the strap of his satchel, not bothering to gather up the papers he swept off the table with it. “I’m going to work in my suite. I’ll feel out Sacred Grounds to see if they’re interested.”
Davis snapped his fingers. “I knew it was a pun!”
Crawford shook his head, still seething. This was exactly why he hadn’t wanted to work with Davis. He had absolutely no moral compass, and he was a complete jackass too. “If you need something from me, e-mail. We have a meeting with the management staff tomorrow morning. I don’t want to see you before then.”
He turned when he reached the door, his muscles so tense they quivered. “If you ever touch me again, I’ll break your hand,” he said, holding eye contact with Davis so Davis could see he was serious. “And I don’t want you near Mateus. Leave him alone.”
Davis rolled his eyes. “Worried he might stray so soon?”
Crawford gritted his teeth and left, resisting the urge to slam the door behind himself, but only just barely. He bypassed the elevators and took the stairs the four floors up to his own suite, but he was still shaking with anger by the time he let himself in. Mateus was lying on the sofa with a book, and Crawford brushed off his startled hello with a growl.
He’d dug his running clothes out of his suitcase by the time Mateus appeared in the bedroom doorway. He still had the stupid book in his hand, and he looked wide-eyed and confused. Crawford wanted to jump him and kiss the concerned look off his face, which was exactly why he was going running.
He hadn’t evaluated the hotel’s fitness center yet, so he’d justify disappearing midday as a facilities inspection. He usually liked to work out in the hotel gym to see how well the setup worked and how well-used it was among guests, so it wasn’t like he was actually slacking off. But if he’d stayed in that room with Davis another minute he’d have broken something, and he was in no place to do anything that required any sort of concentration.
Mateus didn’t shift aside when Crawford moved toward the door. He stood his ground, meeting Crawford’s eye with an almost defiant glare. “What happened?”
“Nothing happened, I just want to go for a run.” Crawford closed his eyes and took a breath to calm himself before he said something he’d regret. Mateus wasn’t the one he was mad at, after all. It wasn’t fair to take out his anger on him. Especially since he was obviously just trying to help. “Davis,” he said flatly. “Davis happened.”
Mateus sucked in a breath through his teeth. “Are you all right?”
Some of the tension went out of Crawford’s body at the way Mateus was sizing him up, obviously looking for any sort of injury. “Just my pride,” he said, deflating further when Mateus looped an arm around his shoulders and pulled him in for a hug.
“I’m sorry,” Mateus said quietly. His breath puffed against the shell of Crawford’s ear, making the tiny hairs on his neck stand at attention. It felt so good to be held like this again. Intimacy wasn’t something he’d experienced much of since Davis. Casual hookups were good to scratch most itches, but they didn’t provide much comfort.
“Not your fault.” Crawford let himself relax into Mateus’s embrace when it became clear that Mateus didn’t intend for the hug to be quick.
“What did he do?”
Crawford felt ashamed to admit that an unwanted touch from his ex could make him so upset, but he didn’t want to lie to Mateus. “Felt me up.”
Mateus stiffened. “That—”
Crawford shushed him. “It’s fine. He didn’t get far, and I let him know in no uncertain terms that if he ever touched me again, he’d be sorry.”
“He shouldn’t have touched you in the first place.” Mateus gave him a squeeze and let him go. Crawford almost stumbled at the loss. He felt less like he was about to fly apart at the seams, but still angry and hurt. And now confused on top of everything. Why did Mateus feel so safe? Crawford rarely let his guard down around anyone, but Mateus worked his way past his defenses every time, effortlessly.
“You’re right. But Davis is an ass, so I should have expected it. And he didn’t do any actual harm. Just pissed me off.”
Mateus gave him a stern look. “He did do harm. He touched you without your consent. He made you feel threatened. You should file sexual harassment charges against him. Surely your company doesn’t support that kind of behavior?”
Revulsion roiled in Crawford’s stomach at the thought of George or anyone else knowing that Davis had come on to him. “No,” he said, shaking his head. “I’ll handle it myself.”
“If he did it to you, he probably does it to other people.”
Davis was smarter than that. He knew he’d rile Crawford up with the touch—either to goad him into bed with him or just piss him off. Davis was an opportunist. He wouldn’t have tried something like that with anyone else.
“I doubt it. But I’ll watch him,” Crawford said, yielding under Mateus’s disapproving look. “If he steps one foot out of line with any of the other staff, I’ll report him in a heartbeat.”
Mateus frowned but didn’t push. He seemed scarily good at knowing where Crawford’s boundaries were. He stepped back, his book still in his hand.
“I’ll be here when you get back from your run if you want to talk.”
Crawford really, really didn’t. But he was touched that Mateus was so concerned about him.
“Thanks.” He balled his running shorts and T-shirt up and waved them at Mateus as he made his way to the bathroom to change. “But pounding out a few miles on the treadmill will do wonders. I’ll need to work some more today, but maybe we could go out and grab some dinner later?”
Mateus watched him solemnly for a moment before he nodded. “Sure.”
Crawford offered him what he hoped was a reassuring smile. “We’ll stop for coffee on the way back. I need to check out Sacred Grounds. I’m thinking about seeing if we can house a franchise here. You can try their cinnamon latte and let me know what you think.”
Mateus grinned. “And you’ll have something with more sugar than coffee.”
Crawford shrugged. “For research’s sake,” he said as he shut the bathroom door.
Mateus’s laugh rang through the wood, bringing a real smile to Crawford’s face. He caught sight of himself in the mirror, and he couldn’t remember the last time he’d felt so light and happy. He dropped his clothes on the counter and blew out a breath. Bantering with Mateus was entirely too easy. It felt comfortable and natural, just like knowing how Mateus took his coffee and that later, when Crawford suggested restaurants, Mateus would pick a place that was close enough to walk to because he liked being outside.
As they got to know each other, Crawford couldn’t help but want to go deeper and learn more about Mateus. It was well beyond friendly interest. There was no denying he was attracted to Mateus, but it was starting to feel like more.
He definitely needed that run.
Chapter Twelve
“I DON’T know what lit a fire under your ass, but I can’t complain. You’re slated to be in Vancouver for another week, but I agree with the report you sent. There’s no reason for you to stay. The management team there can implement the plan, and Davis said he’s happy to stay to oversee the contract with Sacred Grounds, so you’re clear to head home. Do you need Helena to change your flight?”
Crawford doubted that George didn’t know exactly why he’d worked so hard to finish up early, given the hissy fit he’d thrown in George’s office a few weeks ago about being forced to work with Davis. But he let it pass without comment. “No, I already arranged it.” It would have been hard to explain the necessity for a long layover in Seatt
le to George’s assistant.
“Well, I guess I’ll see you—”
“I don’t have anything else on my calendar for the next week, so I figured it would be a good time to take some of that time off I’ve accrued, actually.”
George made a noncommittal noise. “There’s the—”
“I’m taking the week,” Crawford said firmly. He had almost two months of vacation time stored up, and he intended to start using it. First, with this week so he could get Mateus back to his brother’s orchard, and then, to go visit Adam in Japan after he got settled in, maybe in a month or two. It was time to stop using work as a crutch and actually start doing things he liked to do again.
He didn’t know if it was spending time in close proximity to Davis or if it was the gentle lectures Mateus had subjected him to over and over, but Crawford was starting to realize that he’d been letting himself drift through his life since the divorce. Probably even before that. He was more than his career—especially since he didn’t even like what he was doing now that he’d been promoted up into top-level management. It was too far removed from what had drawn him into the business in the first place.
“All right.” George sounded taken aback. Probably because he was used to Crawford being such a yes-man. That was going to change. He was going to cut back on the travel and delegate more to his staff to free up his time for the kinds of projects he wanted to work on. Not that he knew what those were, but he’d figure it out. Mateus had told him it was time for Crawford to start putting himself first, and he was embracing that.
He looked over at the sofa, where Mateus was cramming all his new clothes into his carry-on bag. Maybe Crawford should go down to the store in the lobby and buy him a duffel. Most of the things they sold at the hotel were tasteful, but there was a luridly colored bag with the word Vancouver written on it over and over again in a rainbow of colors that was both ridiculous and absolutely perfect for Mateus.
