by Bru Baker
“Isn’t that fast?”
Crawford sighed dreamily, like a preteen with a heartthrob magazine. “It is. I know it is. But it just feels right. The right property, the right time. And since I don’t need financing, I’ll be able to close sooner. And they’re letting me keep all the furniture, which is great because then I won’t need to start from scratch.”
“That’s great. I’m really happy for you, if that’s what you want.”
Crawford shifted around so they were both lying on their backs, staring at the ceiling, shoulder to shoulder. “So Bree had an idea. And you can say no, but I think it’s kind of perfect. Crazy, but perfect.”
Mateus held his breath. After the day they’d had, he wasn’t sure he wanted to know what Crawford would label as crazy.
“How about we have a vow renewal ceremony in the new barn during our home visit? It would show Officer Suarez that we’re the real deal.”
Would they be the real deal? Or were they still pretending? Before Mateus could ask, Crawford was talking again.
“And that way we’d be able to get started on promotional materials for the bed-and-breakfast too. Bree has a friend who’s a commercial photographer, and she’s free next Friday, so we could shoot the vow renewal and have some great shots to put out there. I won’t be ready to open for guests for a few months, but most weddings are booked months if not a year or more in advance, so it’s perfect timing.”
And some weddings were planned an hour in advance, with rings purchased five minutes before the ceremony and witnesses pulled from the clerk’s office.
Those didn’t really count, though. At least, theirs didn’t.
Mateus swallowed hard and tried to force himself to drift off to sleep with Crawford whispering in his ear about his plans. It was a far cry from the type of pillow talk he thought they’d be having, after their time together in the barn. The encounter obviously hadn’t meant as much to Crawford as it had to him, and Mateus only had himself to blame for that. Crawford had made his views on marriage and love painfully clear over the last few weeks.
He curled in on himself tighter, willing his body to ignore the line of heat at his back where Crawford was touching him. Mateus had been naïve enough once to think that sex might change things between them, but he wasn’t going to make that mistake a second time. He’d rushed things, and that was on him. He wouldn’t do it again. Mateus was going to slow things down and do it right, but having Crawford so tantalizingly close was making that difficult.
Chapter Eighteen
Five days later
THEY’D run out of time to whitewash the inside of the barn, and Crawford was glad now they hadn’t. The weathered wooden planks caught the shadows from the hanging lanterns beautifully, and paired with the way the spaces between the boards let in rays from the setting sun, the entire place had a soft, hazy glow. Someone had strung delicate white lights through the hayloft, crisscrossing them between the beams to illuminate the aisle down the middle of the barn, and it looked ethereal.
It was like nothing he’d seen before. All of the weddings he’d been to over the years had been beautiful in their own way, but they seemed sterile and cold compared to the breathtaking backdrop the barn provided. It felt homey and warm, and even though it was larger than some of the churches he’d been to ceremonies at, somehow the space was intimate and cozy. It was everything his first wedding hadn’t been, and Crawford had to swallow past the growing lump in his throat and remind himself this was all just for show. They’d get some beautiful pictures out of the ceremony for the inn’s brochure, and hopefully Officer Suarez would be satisfied enough by what she saw to leave them alone for a few months.
The catering crew they’d brought in was putting the finishing touches on the cake table, which was set up at the back of the barn. They weren’t having a formal reception, just some dancing and drinks and a buffet of gorgeously rustic appetizers that Bree had delighted in helping them pick out. And the cake, of course. Crawford averted his eyes, not wanting to see them place the cake topper with its smiling grooms.
He nearly choked up when he saw the smile on Adam’s face as he made his way down the aisle toward him. He was so lucky his brother had been able to join him, even though Brandon and Karen had already flown out to Japan.
Adam clapped him on the back. “Bro, I gotta say, you don’t do things by half. Not only are you remarrying a total stranger, you’re doing it in style—in the house you bought on a whim.”
Crawford gave him a pained smile, and Adam’s smirk slid off his face.
“What’s up? Cold feet?” He looked around, his posture straightening when he saw the immigration officer declining a flute of champagne from a passing waiter. “It’s a little late for a crisis of conscience, if that’s what’s happening.”
Crawford huffed out a laugh. “No. But can I talk to you in the house for a minute?” The house was off-limits to wedding guests, since they’d focused all their efforts on getting the barn into shape for the wedding and the photo shoot. There were still holes in the floor upstairs, so they’d locked the doors to keep curious guests out. It was their only hope of finding any privacy amid the crowd milling around.
Adam shot a second glance over at the immigration officer, who had a small notebook out and was talking to Bree and another woman. “Are you asking to talk to your brother or your lawyer?”
“My brother.”
“Then, yes, and it won’t even cost you anything,” Adam said, drawing a small smile out of Crawford.
Crawford jingled his keys. “Let’s go into the house.”
They’d been over at the house last night, but they’d been so busy setting up the postnup paperwork for Mateus to sign that they hadn’t had time for much more than a cursory tour. Adam had to fly out in the morning, but Crawford was determined to find some time to give him a proper look around after the reception. They’d brought in a band, but that was mostly for the pictures. There would be a few cursory dances, and then they’d send everyone home.
Crawford and Adam ended up in the drawing room. The heavy brocade curtains were open, and Crawford could see the band setting up a dance floor in the yard. Beelzebub was on the windowsill, looking fat and happy in a slice of sunshine. He’d taken to the new house immediately, and there was already cat hair on most of the furniture.
“So what’s up? Did Mateus change his mind about the postnup? I mean, you technically can sign and file that whenever, since the cat’s already out of the bag marriagewise. But I’m strongly recommending you do it soon to shield your assets as best you can. It’ll also shield him from the debt on this money pit, which I’m sure he’ll appreciate.”
Mateus was more in favor of the paperwork than Crawford was, which went a long way toward confirming Crawford’s suspicion that they didn’t actually need it. Though that was probably just his feelings for Mateus clouding the issue, and he was well acquainted with the fact that he couldn’t trust his feelings.
“I’m not sure I can go through with any of this,” Crawford blurted.
Adam gave him a puzzled look. “You already married him. This is just a show for the immigration officer and the cameras. And it looks great, man. You’ve got a gold mine with this idea. After these pictures are published, every hipster in a two-hundred-mile radius is going to be tripping over their hiking boots and skinny jeans to book this place.”
“The vows, I mean.”
Adam shot him a funny look. “You’ve already exchanged vows. You’re literally promising the same things you’ve already promised.”
“That’s the problem,” Crawford said, misery seeping through him.
Adam frowned. “You’ve lost me.”
“My vows. I didn’t mean them when we were married, so it wasn’t a big deal. They were just words. But I’m falling in love with him. I do mean them now. And it’s going to be so freaking obvious that I’m head over heels for him.”
“Well, good. That’s exactly what you want. You’ll knock it out o
f the park for the immigration officer.”
“No, I mean it. I’m fucked. He’s gorgeous and modest and charming and perfect, and I’m absolutely and completely fucked.”
“I thought the problem was you weren’t,” Adam joked. He sobered immediately when Crawford didn’t laugh. “Ah, shit. You did. And then—what? Felt guilty about taking advantage and refused to talk about it? Bro. This was exactly what I was worried about when I asked you if you were sure about what you were getting yourself into.”
Crawford rubbed a hand across his eyes. “It wasn’t a problem when I married him. I didn’t fall for him until later,” he said wryly.
Adam made a sympathetic noise. “Don’t shoot the messenger here, but are you sure you’re not just confusing lust for feelings?”
“Lust is a feeling,” Crawford said, his stomach turning sour. “And no. It’s—I’m in way over my head. There’s lust. But there’s also a lot more.”
“And you’re sure you’re alone in this? He seems to really like you.”
A wave of guilt crashed through him, hot and sharp. Mateus had been distant since they’d had sex, and that was entirely his fault. He shouldn’t have gotten carried away in the moment. They should have had a real talk before jumping in, and afterward Mateus had avoided him. It had made things pretty clear.
“That was for his brother’s benefit,” Crawford explained. “Duarte doesn’t know this is all a sham. Mateus said his brother believes in true love, so our marriage of convenience would be deeply offensive.”
Crawford was going to have to find another term for their relationship, because it certainly wasn’t convenient. It didn’t bother him that they’d married out of necessity, for practical reasons—he still didn’t really care about the institution itself. He could take or leave being married to Mateus; it was Mateus himself that Crawford was having a hard time imagining living without.
“It’s beyond ridiculous,” he said. Maybe expressing it out loud would make it less true. Adam always accused him of being in his own head too much. Maybe getting it out there would help Crawford see reason. “We’ve only known each other a month. I can’t possibly be in love with him.”
“I don’t think there’s a rule book. Whether it’s ridiculous or not, if it’s what you’re feeling, it’s what you’re feeling.”
Crawford sneered. “When did you become Dr. Phil?”
“About the time you started channeling Nicholas Sparks.”
Crawford gave Adam a sour look. “Ha, ha.”
“Listen, it’s your life. But Crawford? Maybe you don’t recognize it because it’s been so long since you’ve felt it, but you’re happy. I haven’t seen you like this in years. And maybe it’s really selfish, but I’m glad. I hated the thought of leaving you alone.”
Crawford snorted. “Japan isn’t that far. I’ll still see you. And I’m not alone. I have Beelzebub.”
Adam didn’t look convinced. “You like your stepdaddy, Bub?” he crooned, scratching behind Beelzebub’s ears. Instead of snapping at him like he usually did, the cat started purring and rolled onto its back, exposing his belly. “Ah, you do, don’t you? You have a big ol’ crush on Mateus, just like your daddy does, don’t you?”
Beelzebub let out a loud purr. Crawford had never seen him so relaxed and happy. Apparently he’d hated the sterile apartment as much as Crawford had. And he had really taken to Mateus. He’d even slept in Mateus’s arms last night.
And Crawford had been jealous. Of his cat.
God, he was screwed.
Chapter Nineteen
IF Mateus could get through today, things would get better. Officer Suarez would be convinced he and Crawford were really together, and they could start actually moving on with their lives. Though that was going to be harder after Crawford opened his bed-and-breakfast….
Which was—something. A complication, to be sure. It would make their breakup harder on everyone. Everything would be so much easier if they could stage a fight and Crawford could disappear back to LA, but apparently nothing in Mateus’s life was going to be easy.
Crawford had tried to talk to him a few times, but Mateus didn’t need to hear the words come out of his mouth. He didn’t want Crawford’s pity or his lectures about love being a lie.
He wanted to wallow in his own hurt for a bit and then move on. Which was going to be a lot harder with his husband living next door. Granted, next door was actually five miles away. But Crawford and Bree got on like a house on fire, and half of Crawford’s plans for his bed-and-breakfast involved the orchard. Mateus wasn’t likely to get rid of him anytime soon.
Mateus didn’t think he could bear it if Crawford gave him some condescending breakup speech. Especially since they’d never actually been together.
He sighed and examined himself in the mirror, then tugged on his bow tie. Luckily Bree had declared that tuxedos were too formal for a barn wedding, but that hadn’t gotten him entirely out of dressing up. She’d forced him into a brown tweed suit that was too hot for the season and capped it off with the bright red bow tie he was struggling to straighten.
He had no idea what Crawford was wearing, but it was probably something devastatingly handsome.
Mateus sighed and gave up on his tie. Bree would fix it before the photographer got there.
Without even a cursory knock, Crawford opened the door and strode in, looking determined.
“I wanted to talk to you before—”
“I don’t think you’re supposed to see the groom before the wedding. It’s bad luck.”
Crawford quirked an eyebrow at him. “Since we’re already married, I don’t think that holds any water.”
Mateus shrugged. “I need to go down and make sure the chairs are right. And that the band is setting up in the right place.”
“Duarte and Adam are taking care of that. I—”
Mateus held up a hand, cutting him off. “I know, all right? You made it clear. I don’t need you to spell it out for me. I’d rather we not do this today, okay? You can tell me all about how it was a mistake and you regret it later, but let’s just get through the wedding first. I won’t—I’m not expecting anything of you. I get it.”
While Crawford stood there in stunned silence, Mateus stalked to the door and left. He’d go hide in the back of the barn until they were ready for him.
EVERYTHING about the ceremony had been choreographed, including who Officer Suarez was going to sit with.
Mateus and Crawford would walk down the aisle together, and there would be a short ceremony and then the reception. Crawford looked pale and shaky when Mateus met him outside the barn, but he offered Mateus a small smile, so it must not be regrets. Probably nerves, thanks to Officer Suarez.
They made it down the aisle without a problem, but Crawford surprised everyone when he went off script and took Mateus’s hands in his before he dropped down to one knee when they got to the front. The justice of the peace shifted. “Usually we do this part standing up, gentlemen,” he said with an uncomfortable chuckle.
Mateus couldn’t take his eyes off Crawford, who was staring up at him with a small, expectant grin on his face. He glanced over at the justice of the peace and winked. “I’ll just be a moment,” he said before turning his full attention back to Mateus.
“Will you marry me?” he asked, his gaze intent. His voice was clear and strong, but Mateus could feel tiny tremors going through Crawford’s hands. Crawford was nervous, yes. But maybe not about Officer Suarez. About… him?
A thrill shot up his spine, and Mateus was sure his own hands were shaking too. The barn was dead silent, and he kept his eyes locked on Crawford, not wanting to look around and see everyone watching them. “I believe I already have.”
Their guests laughed, and Crawford cracked a smile and squeezed Mateus’s hands.
“True. But we missed out on this part, and I didn’t want you to regret not having a real proposal in twenty years when we’re telling our niece about our wedding.” The tone was jovial, li
ke he was joking, but he wasn’t. Crawford was actually asking Mateus to marry him. To spend their lives together.
Mateus’s heart was in his throat, and he wasn’t sure he’d be able to speak without letting a sob escape. He nodded instead.
Crawford clucked his tongue softly. “I need words, Mateus. You haven’t given me any, and this is your choice. I didn’t do a good job of this here in this barn before, and I want to fix that. I didn’t mean for that to be a onetime thing. I meant it when I said I wanted you. You. All of you, for all of time,” he said, his tone hushed. No one beyond the front row would know what he’d said, and the significance wasn’t lost on Mateus. The immigration officer was in the back. If Mateus didn’t want this—for real, not just on paper—then all he had to do was say no. Crawford wouldn’t call a halt to the ceremony or divorce him. He wasn’t the kind of man who’d go back on his word. Even if Mateus refused his offer to make their fake marriage a real one, Crawford would do the honorable thing and fulfil his commitment to save Mateus from deportation.
Instead, he was the type who proposed a genuine marriage to his own husband on bended knee during their very public vow renewal.
“Yes,” Mateus managed to rasp out. “Yes, I’ll marry you. Of course I will. I love you.”
Crawford’s entire body stiffened at Mateus’s admission, and a look of pure joy lit his face. “I love you too.”
Mateus was definitely shaking now. Crawford stood, still holding Mateus’s hands, their arms at awkward angles as he pulled him closer and kissed him sweetly on the mouth.
The justice of the peace coughed. “Again, doing things a little out of order, gentlemen,” he said, laughter in his voice this time.
Crawford stepped back but didn’t let go of Mateus’s hands. “Sorry. We’re ready now,” he said, his eyes never leaving Mateus’s. Mateus let out a watery laugh, and he heard Bree start to sob in the front row.
