by Blake Nelson
The next day I had a meeting with Mr. Perry and we talked about where I could go. And poor Mr. Perry, because last year Camden got four people into Stanford and we didn’t get any. And they had people that went to Harvard and Yale and we only had one person, Jim Dietz, who went there. So Mr. Perry wanted people to apply “early decision” and he said I should figure out over the summer which one was my favorite and he suggested Berkeley or Brown or maybe Wellington which was a good small school. And I was relieved because I thought he was going to make me try for Stanford, which everybody said was all computer nerds and feminists and law school types.
And I had written Todd another letter but I hadn’t heard back from him and I went downtown to the library just about every day and I always looked for Carla to see if she had any news. And then one day Matthew came running up to Rebecca and me in the parking lot and he said Color Green was opening for the Astral Planes from England in a club in Seattle and we immediately started plotting ways to go.
And then one day in the cafeteria, Greg and Cybil and me and Matthew were sitting at a table and Jerry Kruger came up to Matthew and started picking a fight. Cybil just got up and walked away. Matthew told Jerry he was going to kick his ass and Jerry said he was going to kick Matthew’s ass and Greg started to say something but everyone told him to shut up. And then Cybil came up behind them and she had a folding chair and everyone saw her except Jerry and she lifted the chair up and smashed him right on the head. And then Matthew tackled him and Cybil kicked him and Matthew kept punching him in the face until Mr. Angelo dragged him off. All of them got in trouble and they were going to be suspended but there had just been this big assembly about sexual harassment and everyone said how Jerry harassed Cybil and other girls and she was only defending herself. So Cybil got out of it and only Matthew and Jerry got suspended.
Then in Writing Concepts we practiced writing college essays because all the teachers said how stupid we were and how bad the essays were last year. Mr. Boswell told us to write about a role model so I wrote about Cybil but he didn’t mean like that, he meant a real role model, someone like Mrs. Katz. So I wrote about Rita at summer camp and even put in a little about Brad, not the sex but just how their life was up in Harper’s Ferry being close to nature and dealing with tourists and all that. But it was boring so I made Rita Hispanic, which might have been true since she had a dark complexion. Then I put in some stuff about how she was from Honduras and her brother was in the army and her family were chicken farmers and had escaped to America blah blah and Mr. Boswell thought it was so brilliant he read it out loud in class and I was so embarrassed I practically crawled under my desk. And after class everyone was laughing and Betsy Warren told me what a great bullshit artist I was. And it was the first time I ever talked to her and she seemed pretty nice but then she asked me if I wanted to buy some LSD and I was like, no thanks!
Meanwhile, we figured out how to see Color Green in Seattle. We told our parents we were going to the University of Washington to visit the campus. We made up some friends of Matthew’s that went there and we were set. It was me, Cybil, Rebecca, and Matthew. And Friday after school we went to Matthew’s and his mom gave us cookies and we got in his car and got on the freeway and it was so exciting! And Matthew played Color Green tapes and me and Cybil bopped around in the back seat. And after a while we settled down and talked about stuff and Cybil said Richard would probably get into MIT and the way she talked it was like he was already out of the band.
Then Matthew wanted to check out a truck stop so we stopped at one and sat at the counter and had coffee and all the truckers talked to us and asked us if we were flower children because I had my cow dress on and Cybil was wearing her Pax T-shirt with the big peace sign on the front. And the waitress was being mean and filling our cups too full and you could tell she was jealous. And then outside the sun was going down and the sky seemed so big and beautiful and we skipped around the trucks and they were like these huge hissing monsters. Me and Cybil climbed up on one but there was a man sleeping inside and he got all pissed until he saw we were girls and then he was like, “Hey! Come back!”
Back in the car we talked about the new image of Sins of Our Fathers and the new songs and were they switching to a more anger thing instead of peace-and-love type stuff? Cybil just shrugged. She didn’t know. But Matthew did and he told us the new philosophy of the band and it sort of bugged me that Cybil was letting him take over. And Rebecca was agreeing with everything Matthew said and being the biggest kiss-ass. And all the time nobody mentioned Todd but I kept thinking about him and what I would say to him and how I’d act like we were just friends which was probably all we would be, if even that.
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Seattle was so cool. And we were pissing our pants and looking around at everyone and it was Friday night and there were people with leather pants and skanky heavy-metal girls and about ten million bums. And we were freaking out because Seattle was so much wilder than Portland and would people think we were just a bunch of dumb high school kids? And then we got lost and even Matthew was losing his cool and he finally stopped and asked this couple where the club was but they were tourists from Germany and they didn’t know anything. So we drove around and looked for someone to ask but we couldn’t find anyone and then we saw the Germans again and we gave them a ride because they were students and they wanted to go too. So we drove around some more and found some yuppies and they gave us directions and we finally found it. We parked but then the Germans had pot and Matthew wanted to smoke some so we had to walk around and find a place and it was totally scary because if we got in trouble our parents would kill us. They found this little park and I kept looking around and the Germans were smoking their pipe and handing it to Matthew and being so casual and saying, “It is good bud, yes?”
So then we went back to the club and got our money ready and got in line and I knew something was wrong. First of all, people were being really pushy and rude and Rebecca had to push this guy and the Germans yelled at him with their accents and that saved us. But then when we got to the front the bouncers were like, “Where do you think you’re going?” They said it was over twenty-one only and we were like no way and they said yes way. And people behind us were pushing and calling us jailbait and Cybil stomped on somebody’s foot and then the bouncers told us to leave. So we ran back to the car and looked in the newspaper we had and it said all ages and we ran back and tried to show the bouncers but they just pushed us away. And then it was sold out and all these other people were shouting and arguing and we couldn’t believe it. We were in shock. And the bouncers told everyone to clear the sidewalk and we walked away and the streets were dark and it was starting to drizzle and all these bums and drug dealers were lurking around and we all turned to Matthew like what should we do but he was totally stoned on pot and he couldn’t even remember where the car was.
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It was Cybil’s idea to try to sneak in. Me and Rebecca were like, yeah right, but Cybil thought there must be a back entrance so we walked around the block and sure enough there was an alley with a locked fence across it. Matthew went first. He crawled up on a Dumpster and climbed the fence and jumped over to the other side. Then he snuck down the alley and around a corner and we waited while he checked it out. And Rebecca was freaking out like what if there were dogs or Matthew got shot, how would we get home? Cybil got on the Dumpster to look out and me and Rebecca were supposed to be watching the street but it was too scary so we climbed up with Cybil. And then Matthew came back and did thumbs up and Cybil immediately started climbing over. And me and Rebecca were like, Cybil, but she said, “You wanted to see the show, didn’t you?” And there was no way we were going to get left behind on that dark street so we started climbing. And the fence was all wet and gross and I immediately caught my tights and got a big run and Rebecca caught her dress but Cybil had jeans on so it was easy for her. And then we ran down the alley and it was misting and dark and spooky as anything. We gathered at the corn
er and peeked around and there was a loading area with a van and a rent-a-truck and we all ran behind the van and hid. And then a door opened and we could hear the music inside and this guy ran out and got something from the truck and hurried back in. Cybil ran after him and tried to catch the door but it locked. So we stayed behind the van and then a different guy came out and he lit a cigarette and he just stood there and we peeked through the van windows at him and then Cybil whispered that we should try to talk to him, it was our only chance. But it didn’t matter because he heard us and he stepped around the van and there we were.
His name was Ian and he was English and he was the singer of the Astral Planes. We told him we were friends of Color Green, besides being big fans of his of course, and he said Color Green was playing right now and it was almost over. He knocked on the door and asked the man if the supporting act was over yet and the man said yes. And when they opened the door we could hear Todd saying good night to the audience. And then Ian told us to wait in the truck because we were going to catch cold. So we squeezed into the truck and we were all wet and I looked down and I had this huge rip in my cow dress.
It got worse. When Todd and Luke and everybody came out there was an extra person and it was female and it was Jessica. I knew it was her. She was dressed like she was grunge but it was totally fake because she was super clean and her face was creamy smooth and you could tell she was a star and probably a total bitch. And I was so embarrassed and jealous of Jessica I didn’t want to get out. But Ian had told Todd we were there and he opened the door and very slowly and very reluctantly we came down from the truck. And Todd looked at us and Jessica looked at us and they said we looked like drowned rats. I stayed as far away as possible from Todd but he saw me and smiled at me and I just turned away. And everybody was looking at Jessica and she knew it and she just laughed at us and told Todd we were his fan club and weren’t we cute? And it was so embarrassing and Matthew was stammering to Todd about what a big influence he was and finally Cybil took charge and asked Ian if we could leave through the club so we wouldn’t have to climb the fence. Ian got a bouncer to escort us and we said goodbye to Todd and the bouncer marched us through the club. It was hot inside and loud and packed with people and then we were outside again, back on the cold sidewalk and we were all wet and Jessica was right, we were like drowned rats.
But at least Matthew wasn’t so stoned now. We got in his car and cranked up the heat and we didn’t know what to do and I suggested going to the University of Washington. So we asked some people and we found our way there and we found the main drag of coffee shops and stuff and we went into a cafe and had tea. And then Matthew talked to this girl with a Cyanide T-shirt and she told us about this lounge on campus where we could maybe sleep. So we tried to find it and we got lost and then we found a party of the University Hiking Club and it was all these drunk guys with beards. And then we found this passageway to another building and we walked around and looked at all these classrooms and offices and read the cartoons on the doors. And then we met two hippie guys and they told us about another party and we tried to find it but we got lost. And then we found these women with dreadlocks and they were checking us out like they didn’t believe we were prospective students because we were so dirty and wet. But they showed us where the party was and we went in and it was this dark room with all these cool people dancing and a band playing and we were like, wow. And the people were dressed like HOP! except even better and it was like Outer Limits minus the skinheads and the jerks, and just the coolest people. And even Cybil was excited and we pushed up toward the front and the band were these cool punk boys with sunglasses and ripped shirts. And we started jumping around and dancing and all the college guys were noticing us and trying to meet us but we ignored them and it was so fun!
Cybil found some girls who were in a sorority and me and her slept there and Rebecca and Matthew slept in a lounge somewhere and had wild sex all night. According to Rebecca. And back at school she told everyone about our wild adventures, which freaked me out because I didn’t want Mr. Perry to hear about it. And I told my parents that I liked the University of Washington but I didn’t know if it was good enough academically and it seemed like too much of a party school.
And then a couple weeks later Cybil was downtown and she thought she heard two girls talking about Todd and it sounded like he was back and living with Carla. I had not heard from him or written to him and I had gone out with Kevin a couple times and we had pretty intense sex. But I didn’t love Kevin. I loved Todd. Maybe not in a practical way but definitely with all my heart. And in a way it was easier to love him because he was safely out of reach and always in Seattle and I didn’t have to worry about loving him too much or playing hard to get. I went to Taco Time with Cybil and I asked her what I should do and she told me not to get my hopes up because Todd was a big shot in cool Seattle and we were nobodies in stupid Portland.
Then Sins of Our Fathers got their first headlining show at Outer Limits and Matthew was so excited and we all went to his house to help make posters. We picked out cool pictures and lettering and then the next day we went postering downtown and we ran around and stapled the posters on telephone poles. And I swear, if you want to meet people putting up posters is the best because pretty soon these two skater boys were helping us and letting us ride their skateboards and then we met their girlfriends and these other boys came and pretty soon there was a whole mob of us. And everyone loved the poster, which was this Vietnamese guy shooting another guy in the head and beneath it huge letters that said: SINS OF OUR FATHERS. And other people came up to us and we gave them posters out of the stack to put up in their rooms. And then Rebecca came running up the street and she had just given posters to Carla, and Carla said Todd was in California seeing about his record but he’d be back and she’d bring him to the show.
The next day was Matthew’s seventeenth birthday and we celebrated by putting up posters at school but of course the teachers ripped them down immediately and Mrs. Katz made an announcement saying there would be no unauthorized political advertisements allowed at Hillside. But we had already given out a bunch so some people had them in their lockers and in general it seemed like people at Hillside were finally noticing that something cool was happening. At lunch we had a little birthday party for Matthew at Taco Time but he was really stoned on pot and it was sort of weird. And then after school I went over to Cybil’s to try on some miniskirts and help her figure out her outfit for the big show. And we listened to Girl Patrol and talked about school and going to Seattle and it was the nicest time I’d had with her in a long time.
The show was on Friday night and Outer Limits was total chaos. There were four other bands, Party Hats, Curmudgeon, Nation of Pain, and Drano. And there were people running all over and everyone was nervous including Richard and Greg, who were arguing with another guy about where they could put their stuff. Me and Rebecca sat outside on the curb and there were all these skinheads across the street and some redneck flannel boys and one boy kept puking in the bushes and it was definitely not a University of Washington party.
And then when Party Hats played we went inside and Jerry Kruger was there. He was in the front and he was slamming and so was Bobby Wingate, who was a Hillside football player, and they were totally smashing people. And me and Rebecca exchanged looks like, What are they doing here? And everyone was bumming out and trying to get away from them and Elaine of Party Hats even said in the mike that they were assholes and to go back to the suburbs. And me and Rebecca were so embarrassed because if it wasn’t for our posters around Hillside they wouldn’t have even known about it.
And then Todd and Luke and Carla showed up. They were outside on the sidewalk and I was afraid to go out there but then Matthew wanted to smoke pot and Rebecca wanted to go with him so I went too. We went out and walked down the street a little ways and I didn’t even look in Todd’s direction. Matthew found a doorway and he lit his pipe and smoked it and Rebecca smoked some too. And I just
watched and then Todd and Luke came running over and it was so embarrassing because I thought they were coming to talk to me but they just wanted pot. And Todd was ignoring me and smoking pot and Matthew was trying to ask him about record contracts and how did he meet Buzz Mitchell. And then Todd offered me the pipe. I shook my head but Matthew was like, “Go ahead, Andrea.” But I had tried pot once and it made me so stupid I couldn’t talk. And then Rebecca took it from Todd and told them I was allergic and that saved me. And meanwhile Jerry and Bobby Wingate had come outside and some girl was yelling at Jerry and he just laughed and when her hippie boyfriend tried to say something Bobby Wingate pushed him over a car hood and dropped him in the street.
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Jerry Kruger and Bobby Wingate had found freak paradise. There were hippies and faggots and punkers in every direction. And then they saw the skinheads across the street and they started saying stuff to them and then they saw Matthew and they were like, “All right, look who’s here!” And we were heading back inside and Matthew whispered to Luke and Todd to watch out and I thought something would happen for sure but Jerry just said, “You guys better be good, we want to slam!” And Luke sort of pushed past Bobby Wingate and nobody pushes Bobby Wingate but the way Luke did it, so casual, like he didn’t even notice that Bobby weighed about a thousand pounds, Bobby didn’t even do anything.
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I tried not to look at Jerry but there were all these people jammed around the door and I was stuck and Jerry was grinning at me. So finally I said, “Why don’t you just go home.” And Jerry was like, “But Andrea, we like it here!” and I was like, “You do not!” And I turned away and tried to ignore him and then I saw the skinheads. They were coming through the crowd and they were bouncing and whooping like Indians and they were going for Jerry. And then this other boy backed into me and people were pushing to get out of the way and then I saw Jerry’s head jerk down and all the other skinheads swarmed around and then everyone was falling over and I got tripped and a girl fell on me. And I was trying to get up and then Matthew appeared and he grabbed my wrist and yanked me up so hard I thought he was going to break my arm. And then someone screamed and everybody ducked and Matthew grabbed me around the waist and dragged me inside. And everything was in total confusion and everyone outside was trying to get in and everyone inside was trying to get out. And then it was like this electric shock went through the crowd, like something really bad was happening and we all knew it together at the same instant. Our fun night was gone. And Matthew let me go and I was rubbing my arm and looking around and everyone had the same horrible look on their face. And Todd was looking for Carla, and me and Rebecca went back to the dressing room and Cybil took one look at us and said, “What? What is it? Andrea, what is it?” I just shook my head and said it was a fight. And then we all went to the front door but the commotion had moved down the street and the Outer Limits guys were trying to keep people inside and then Todd came running down the street and he couldn’t find Carla and his face was white as a ghost. And Rebecca was in shock and I turned back and looked at the stage and all I wanted was for Cybil to sing and everybody to dance and have fun and why did boys always have to wreck everything?
