by J. S. Scott
Mine For Christmas
Copyright © 2014 by J. S. Scott
All rights reserved. This book or any portion thereof may not be reproduced or used in any manner whatsoever without the express written permission of the Author except for the use of brief quotations in a book review. The story is a work of fiction. Names and characters are the product of the author’s imagination and any resemblance to actual person’s living or dead, is entirely coincidental.
Proofreading: Alicia Carmical - AVC Proofreading
Cover by Cali MacKay – Covers by Cali
ISBN: 978-1-939962-52-2 (E-Book)
Chapter 1
Chapter 2
Chapter 3
Chapter 4
Chapter 5
Chapter 6
Chapter 7
Chapter 8
Epilogue
“No. I don’t want to have another baby. Ginny is enough,” Simon Hudson insisted gruffly to his wife.
Kara Hudson gave her husband of two years an obstinate look. But really, it was difficult to get truly angry at Simon. Her eyes roamed over his fierce expression as he held their sleeping baby closely against his chest. How did a woman get irritated with the man who was holding their child in his arms as if she was the most precious thing in his life?
She and Simon had had this discussion about having another baby several times over the last few months. Kara didn’t want Ginny to be an only child. She knew what that was like; the loneliness had been almost unbearable when she’d lost her parents in a car accident right after she graduated from high school.
Kara hadn’t always been rich, married to one of the wealthiest men on the planet. Simon had rescued her from homelessness, and then proceeded to turn her inside out with a fierce, protective, all-consuming love that had changed her entire existence. Her husband might be one of the most stubborn men on the planet, but she loved him with every fiber of her being.
That’s why I hurt so much right now. I need him to want me the way he used to, to consider having another baby together so Ginny isn’t an only child like I was.
It wasn’t like she wanted another child immediately. Ginny was only sixteen months old. But Kara at least wanted to discuss it. She couldn’t figure out Simon’s reasoning for being so adamant about not having another baby someday. He was an incredible daddy, and he loved their daughter so much, but he seemed almost terrified of having another child. Crossing her arms in front of her, she asked him calmly, “So this is going to be all your decision?”
“Fuck,” was Simon’s grumbling response. “I can’t win. I want you to be happy, but I don’t want you to have another baby.”
The frustration on his face made Kara’s heart melt. He always wanted her happiness. Most of the time they compromised when they didn’t agree, but this wasn’t really a situation where any give-and-take was possible. They either had a baby…or they didn’t. Moving forward, she gently traced the scar on Simon’s whiskered cheek, her heart skittering as his eyes flared with heat. “I want you to be happy, too. You adore Ginny. I don’t understand.”
Things had changed since their daughter was born, Simon’s previously fierce desire for her body seemingly diminishing. At five-foot-eight, Kara could carry some extra baby weight that she hadn’t managed to take off, no matter how hard she tried. But the additional pounds definitely showed, her figure more rounded, and probably not as attractive. Simon now treated her with gentle tenderness, like she was as fragile as blown glass. Every time they had sex, he used a condom, even though she was on birth control.
No more spontaneous, carnal sexual interludes.
No more uncontrollable passion, both of them unable to wait until they had torn each other’s clothing off to satiate themselves.
No more caveman possessiveness, when her husband had been a dominant beast, demanding her surrender.
And she missed all of those things. Badly. Simon could still drench her panties with one look from those dark eyes of his, make her want to grasp his coarse, dark hair and kiss him until he lost control. The problem was, he didn’t lose control. Not anymore. The condom usage and the lack of passion had made her afraid to even try to test his boundaries. She was too afraid that she couldn’t cross them anymore, and it would crush her heart to have verification that he didn’t feel the same way about her as he had when they were first married.
He was giving her one of his dark stares, stroking a gentle hand down Ginny’s back in an unconsciously protective manner as he answered hoarsely, “I can’t do it again, Kara. I can’t.”
She took her hand away from his face, dropping it to her side. “Okay,” she relented. “I’m going to work out. Can you put Ginny down for her nap?” Kara needed a good, hard run on the treadmill. It was obvious that Simon wasn’t in the mood to talk, and this wasn’t a situation where they could negotiate.
Not waiting for him to answer, she bit her lip to keep her tears from falling as she turned and walked toward their home gym.
“Kara?” Simon called after her in an urgent, yet strangely hesitant tone.
She stopped, but didn’t turn around. “Yes?”
“You and Ginny make me happy. I don’t need anything more,” he answered in a low, serious voice. “But if you really won’t be happy without having another baby, I’ll think about it,” he grumbled unhappily.
She turned and gaped at him, astonished that he was backtracking.
He’s doing it for me, even though I can see it’s killing him to even think about it.
Nodding slowly, she swallowed hard as she looked at the heart-wrenching sight of Simon and Ginny together. Dressed in jeans and a tan fisherman’s sweater, her husband was the hottest man on the planet to her. Although Kara was fairly certain that Simon had gotten over being self-conscious about his scars, she could never really explain to him that there had never been another man who moved her like he did—not even close. Her husband and child were her entire life now. “I’ll think about it, too,” she agreed huskily. “Maybe it wouldn’t be so horrible for Ginny to be an only child. It was just hard for me because my parents died when I was so young.”
“Ginny will never be in the position you were in, sweetheart,” Simon promised. “Even if she’s an only child, I’ll give her enough love to make up for not having siblings. And she’ll never be alone and penniless,” he vowed fiercely.
“I know.” Kara’s response was gentle, knowing Simon had already made sure Ginny’s future was secure. And her daughter would always have Simon’s mother and her Uncle Sam and Aunt Maddie. Ginny adored her cousins, Noah and Brianna. She probably wouldn’t really feel the lack of family in the future.
“I’ll take care of Ginny right now. Relax,” Simon demanded.
Kara smiled at him weakly, loving to hear him being his usual bossy self. She’d learned a long time ago that he wasn’t really arrogant; his sometimes overbearing dominance was manifested by protectiveness and not selfishness. “I’m going to torture myself on the treadmill. It’s hardly relaxing.” Turning again, she made her way to her workout, pondering Simon’s comments.
Maybe I’m overreacting because of my own history. I love my daughter, and I don’t really feel a desperate need to have another child. But Simon’s such a good father. Why doesn’t he want another baby?
As she entered their home gym, her blue eyes caught her own image in the mirror, and she frowned. Her dark brown hair pulled back in a ponytail, her rounded curves covered by a pair of gray yoga pants and a matching t-shirt, Kara knew she looked frumpy. She’d never been anything more than acceptable in the looks department, but Simon had always salivated over her like she was
a goddess – at least he had, before Ginny was born. She’d never understood what he saw in her that was so irresistible, but she’d loved it. Not that he treated her badly now—he spoiled her and Ginny rotten—and he was still the same bossy, ultra-possessive alpha male she’d fallen in love with, but sometimes he was….emotionally distant. Especially since she’d brought up having another child a few months ago.
Mounting the treadmill with determination, she started off slow, increasing the speed quickly as she warmed up, her sneakered feet pounding on the moving surface the only sound in the room.
She and Simon used to exercise together, but they couldn’t do that anymore. Usually they had to trade off, each watching Ginny for the other so they could do their daily workouts. Simon worked himself hard every single day, and he had a hot, muscular body as a result. Personally, she’d been slacking, working out sporadically when she wasn’t working at her job as a nurse in her best friend’s clinic or taking care of Ginny. Okay…Maddie wasn’t just her best friend anymore. Maddie was also her sister-in-law now, since she’d married Simon’s older brother, Sam. Kara had cut way down on her work hours since Ginny’s birth, only working one or two days a week. Since Maddie had given birth to twins, she’d become more of a medical director at the clinic rather than a practicing physician. The overprotective Sam made sure she had plenty of time at home with their babies.
Panting as she pushed her body harder, Kara tried not to remember all of the sexy times she and Simon had had in this gym. When she’d first gotten pregnant, Simon had wanted to move out of their penthouse, find a home outside the city somewhere. Eventually, she’d convinced him to stay—the last thing she had wanted to do when she was sick and pregnant had been to move. Besides, they’d made an adorable nursery for Ginny in a room close to the master bedroom, and the penthouse was so enormous that they could probably build an entire playground in one of the bonus rooms. Simon’s computer lab was on the second floor, taking up one of the extra spaces, but there were plenty more bedrooms and spaces that they weren’t even using.
Kara was startled out of her thoughts as the treadmill slowed down quickly, a large masculine hand slamming down on the controls to reduce her pace down to a walk. “What the hell are you doing?” Simon’s annoyed bellow echoed through the gym. “Are you trying to kill yourself?”
Coming out of her daze, her chest heaving, Kara glanced down and was surprised at the distance and speed she’d been doing. Unable to speak, she simply shook her head at Simon, struggling for air, her heart racing inside her chest wall. Grasping the bars on the treadmill, she walked slowly, her muscles screaming with pain.
“You weren’t doing those speeds and that distance even before you were pregnant and worked out every day. It’s too damn much. You’ll hurt yourself.” Simon’s voice held irritation.
She knew she’d been pushing too hard, determined to lose her baby weight.
“Five more minutes of that shit and you’d have keeled over,” he stated angrily, watching her carefully as he stopped the treadmill completely.
His muscular arm wrapped around her waist and bodily lifted her off the treadmill, and then scooped her up and strode toward the living room.
“I need to shower,” she told him, breathless, as she wrapped her arms around his neck. Inhaling his intoxicating scent, she smiled as she realized it included a hint of baby powder, which she found incredibly appealing. Simon could change a diaper expertly, but he still hadn’t managed to not make the powder fly everywhere when he was using it.
“We need to talk.” Simon was unyielding. “You were starting to cry earlier. I don’t like it.” He dropped onto the sofa in the living room, taking her with him and situated her on his lap. “I want to know why.”
Simon never liked it when she cried—under any circumstances. Even if she cried happy tears, he didn’t like it.
“I’m fine,” she assured him, wanting to cry because of the way he cared about how she was feeling. She hated feeling even slightly disconnected from him, and since she’d started keeping her negative images of herself quiet, she’d thrown up a wall between them that was hurting her heart.
“If this is about having another baby—”
“It’s not.” She tried to wiggle off his lap because she knew she was heavy and she was stinky, but he wrapped his steely arms around her waist, keeping her exactly where she was. She relented with a sigh, knowing exactly how stubborn Simon could be. If he’d decided she was staying…she wasn’t going anywhere. “I’m beginning to realize how selfish I was being. My maternal instinct is satisfied. I don’t need another baby to make my life complete. I was already ecstatic because I had you, and Ginny is a miracle to me. I guess I worried because I was so alone after my parents died. But you’re right. It will never be like that for Ginny.” Kara’s parents had been dirt poor, but they’d been happy. Unfortunately, they’d been her only living relatives, and when they’d been killed so suddenly and traumatically, she had been lost without them.
“I’m being selfish, too,” Simon rasped. “But I can’t watch you go through that kind of pain again. I barely lived through Ginny’s birth. I was caught between the miracle of you struggling to bring our child into this world, and the fucking agony you were in. It has nothing to do with not wanting another child with you, but I can’t do it.” He released a masculine sigh. “And then there was the endless colic and teething. Jesus, you looked like you were going to drop over at any moment during those months. I don’t want to see you look that tired and worn out again.”
“You were just as tired, and you were always right there with me,” Kara argued, acknowledging that those had been difficult months, endless nights with little or no sleep for both of them.
“That’s different,” Simon said belligerently.
Kara pulled back, only to meet his ferocious expression. “That’s why you don’t want another child? Because you think it will be painful and difficult for me?” Her eyes filled with tears, the enormity of the reasons for Simon’s hesitance slapping her in the face.
It’s all for me, because of me. He’s trying to protect me…as usual. Had she not been so wrapped up in her negative imaginations, she might have realized why he was being hesitant earlier.
He looked back at her, their gazes clashing together and holding. “Why the hell else would I object?” Simon asked, perplexed.
She reached out and stroked his cheek with her palm. “Oh, Simon,” she sighed, hating herself for never asking him exactly why he didn’t want a child when they’d discussed it before. She’d been too busy wondering if he was losing his passion for her, if she was less attractive to him now. Her damn post-pregnancy insecurities were getting to her. “I love you.”
His grip tightened convulsively around her waist. “I love you, too. That’s why I don’t want you to hurt anymore.”
Kara’s heart ached as she glanced at his agonized expression. With Simon, everything was black and white: if something would hurt her, he’d do whatever it took to avoid it. “The pain was quickly forgotten as soon as I held Ginny for the first time,” she told him softly.
Simon shook his head, the movements stubborn. “Not for me. Fuck. I still have nightmares about you screaming, of being terrified something bad was going to happen to you. That was the longest day I’ve ever had to live through, and I think that one damn day took years off my life.”
Kara bit her lip to keep from smiling. She’d told Simon many times that if he didn’t stop saying bad words, Ginny was one day going to add them to her limited vocabulary. She hadn’t seen him curse in front of Ginny since she’d told him that, but Simon would never be an angel. He’d been through too much, lived his early life so tough that he was lucky he’d survived, much less become a self-made billionaire along with Sam. The fact that he could still be so sensitive to her needs constantly amazed her. He’d never been able to stand to see her unhappy or in pain. She knew it, but
it still astounded her. “You’re an amazing man, Simon Hudson.” Leaning forward, she kissed him softly and backed away again, aware that she was still sweaty and smelly. “I forgot all about the pain very quickly. And those colicky days, the teething and sleepless nights are all part of being a new parent. It’s over. Let it go.” She wanted him to stop tormenting himself. He’d been there with her every step of the way—except for the actual labor pains, and he’d been up whenever she was up with Ginny, even though he’d needed to work the next day.
“It can’t happen again. Not if we have a choice and it doesn’t matter to you if we have another child,” he said gruffly.
“It doesn’t matter. And it won’t happen again. I’m okay with not having another child.” Watching the agony in Simon’s expression had convinced her having just Ginny would be fine. In reality, she could end up pregnant again someday. Birth control was amazingly effective, but there was always a tiny, tiny chance that she could still get pregnant. However, she wasn’t about to remind Simon of that little fact. He’d never get rid of the condoms.
His muscles relaxed, and he shot her a relieved grin. “Thank Christ!”
Her heart lighter, she asked him teasingly. “Are you going to let me take a shower before Ginny wakes up? I smell.”
“It’s not like I haven’t had your sweaty body in my arms before, sweetheart. Except those times were a lot more satisfying,” he reminded her in a graveled voice.
“We were both sweaty.” Kara wanted to remind him that they hadn’t had hot, sweaty sex in a long time, but she didn’t. Did it matter if their sex life had mellowed out when they both loved each other? Having a child was wonderful, but exhausting. Wasn’t it natural for things to change?
“Don’t work out like that again. It’s dangerous,” Simon warned ominously.
“I know.”
“And Ginny isn’t here. Mom and Michael took her for the night.”
Kara gave Simon a shocked look. He rarely let their daughter out of his sight. “Surrounded by security?” Knowing Simon, he’d likely sent an entire army of his security detail to watch over Ginny while she was with his mother and her new husband. Ginny’s grandparents adored her, but Kara was surprised that Simon had relented to an overnight visit.
