by Tara Ahmed
Though I didn’t understand what was hurting him, I knew that he needed someone, anyone- beside him.
This wasn’t about the video anymore, and it wasn’t about me.
“You want to help me?” he asked, laughing manically. “Then leave. Get the fuck out of my life just like she had! That’s all you women do anyway. You fuck me over, and then leave. Would you ever marry a guy like me, Dorothy? Would you?”
I bit my lip, as a tear trickled past my cheek.
“James,” I said. “Let me help you. Please—“
He laughed once more, shaking his head.
“You wouldn’t,” he answered. “A girl like you would never marry a guy like me. Why? Because I’m an asshole, Dorothy. I was born an asshole, and that’s who I am, and that’s who I’ll always be—“
“That’s not true!”
“It is!” he said, his voice breaking. “Now…are you leaving, or should I?”
“Can’t we talk about this?” I asked, wanting desperately to make him feel better. “I don’t even know what’s wrong with you—“
“And you’ll never find out,” he barked. “I’m out. Don’t know when I’ll be back.”
I watched with a heavy heart, as he strode towards the door, opening it. Another tear stung my eye, trickling down my chin, as he stood before the open door- facing his back to me.
“You aren’t below me, Dorothy” he whispered. “I’m below you…I’m below everyone.”
I wanted to stop him then, but he exited out the door, slamming it closed. The echo of his departure rested like a ghost around the room, hovering around me in a slow circular wave, raising the small hairs on my neck.
I had never been so confused in my life.
Five minutes after his leave, I decided that I couldn’t just sit there like some damsel, waiting for tomorrow. Even if he didn’t like me, it wasn’t right to leave him isolated during a tough time. I knew how cold it felt to be alone, without having anyone to turn to, and it was a feeling that I wouldn’t even wish upon my worst enemy.
Running to his room, I grabbed the iPhone he’d forgotten to take with him when he left. It sat on the corner of his bed, dipped into the white, wrinkled, comforter. It felt wrong to touch someone else’s phone without their knowledge, but I had no other option.
I swiped through his contacts, before stopping on Richard’s name. Chewing my bottom lip, I felt an unease rush through my chest, as I clicked the name, pressing the phone against my ear.
Richard answered on the third ring.
“What do you want?”
I frowned.
Did he always greet James with such hostility?
I shook the unnecessary thoughts, not wanting to get distracted by Richard and James’s unfriendly relationship.
“It’s me,” I said, panting.
“Dorothy.” He said my name softly, as though tasting it on his tongue. “Is everything alright?—“
“James and I had a small disagreement, and he left, and I’m a bit worried, so can you please tell me where he would go when he’s feeling down?—“
“Whoa, whoa, slow down,” he said. “Now…tell me slowly and clearly. What happened?—“
I gripped the phone tightly against my ear, licking my bottom lip. My heart pounded within my chest, as I thought about James and where he would be at this moment- alone and troubled.
“Please, just tell me where he would go! I don’t have time!” There was longing in my tone, as James’s sad eyes flashed across my mind over and over again.
Richard hesitated. “South Street Seaport. He’s at the top floor of the boat, near the end. “
I sighed, relieved.
“Thank you!” I said. “Thank you so much. I owe you!”
“Wait,” he began. “Tell me what’s wrong—”
“I can’t,” I said. “And I’m sorry for leaving so abruptly this morning! But right now, I really got to go.”
Before he could object, I hung up.
The last time I’d visited the seaport was a summer ago, with April and a few classmates. We ate on a bench overlooking the ocean, talking about our every day on goings, as the hot sun bore over our back. The day was lazy, but beautifully so, for we walked down the rocky brick road, entering tourist shops, and watching the local performances. It was a simple memory, but also, one of the finer recollections that I’d remember for a long while.
Surprisingly, it was not a crowded day, for the mall inside the shop, was not littered with heads and arms and souls. Soft light streamed through the row of doors leading to the balcony, as I ran towards it, circling my palm over the rugged handle. A few people noticed my anxiety, turning their heads towards me, their eyes- clouded with judgment. I ignored their gaze, as the cool spring rays dawned over my white dress, withering by my neck.
An elderly couple sat on a bench at the center of the balcony, their hands intertwined, as the man placed a light peck upon her cheek. She blushed pink, as her deep brown, crinkled skin, glowed. His love had become her foundation- his kisses, her gloss, and I found myself wondering, for a moment, whether I’d ever have a bond like theirs.
I exhaled a deep breath, my pony tail swaying over my back, as I walked towards the front of the balcony. I noticed the diamonds glisten over the oceans waves- the rich, aqua sky, hovering over the liquid quilt. A tourist ship went past, as the people inside, waved- some taking pictures of the bridges behind them.
And then, there was James.
Like Richard had said, his brother stood at the end of the balcony, staring at the bridges overhead- his mind, elsewhere. He didn’t notice when I approached, but when I stood beside him, placing my hands over the cool, metal handle, he turned.
“You called Richard?” he asked.
There was a calmness to his voice, as the winds blew past his white shirt, the blood stain- stark against his sleeve. I glanced at his finger, noticing that the blood had dried.
“Yeah,” I replied. “I didn’t look through your phone or anything—“
He smiled. “I know. You wouldn’t do something like that.”
I smiled a little as well, for he spoke as though he’d known me for the longest. My smile widened, for it amused me that it hadn’t even been a week since we met, and already, I was being tugged by this stranger.
“Why do you like it here?” I asked.
His gaze never left the sea, as his irises roamed over the icy water- exhaling a deep breath.
“When I was eight, my mother brought me and my brother here,” he said. “She was a busy woman, and didn’t have much time for us, but when she did, she made sure to spend the whole day with us. She’d take us right here, and this is where we’d stand. She’d tell us that if we looked close enough, we could see mermaids drifting through the waves. I still search for those mermaids, but sometimes I wonder, maybe she became a mermaid. Wherever she went, wherever she is, I mean.”
The warm breeze howled past, as I placed my hand over his on the railing, giving it a gentle squeeze. His eyes flicked to my palm, then at me, and I wondered if he would pull away.
He didn’t.
I wanted to ask where his mother went, or if she had passed away, but decided that was not an appropriate question to ask. His eyes held a pain that I imagined he clouded in front of others, and this was probably a moment he would not have again; a moment to trust another- to share with them, a piece of himself.
“Did you ever lose anyone, Dorothy?” he asked.
“Yes,” I replied. “My parents.”
There was a silence, as the rush of a passing ship went by- the passengers waving gallantly at us. I gave them a small wave, smiling back, as they snapped pictures. James glanced at me, his brown eyes lingering on me for a few seconds, as I turned my gaze to him.
“Did they love you?” he asked.
I smiled. “Very much.”
Another silence passed between us, but it was a comfortable stillness in which I could feel his emotions through his eyes, without the nee
d for words.
“She left us,” he said.
I turned my head towards him, my heart clenched.
“She’d found another man during one of those long winded business trips, and sent a letter, explaining her goodbye. She said that we were better off without her. I never lost hope though. I knew she’d come back, and ten years ago, on my 18th birthday, she had. She came unannounced, with that man she’d left us for. You know what pissed me off the most? It wasn’t that she was with another guy. No, she deserved better than my dad. He wasn’t a very…loving husband. No, what made me mad was how happy she looked. Oh, Dorothy, you should have seen her. A flower would fade next to her glow. But that glow, came from him. She wasn’t miserable for leaving us…she was happy. My final words to her were that she was a lying, cheating, whore, that didn’t give a damn about me, and sure as hell didn’t give a damn about anyone other than herself.”
He laughed a bitter laugh, as tears glistened over his eyes. My eyes stung as well, as I wiped a free thumb under my lids, wiping the salty water away.
My palm tightened over his, as he smiled sadly, staring at the quiet sea.
“You never saw her after that?” I spoke softly.
“No,” he replied. “It was too late. She wanted to stay a week more, but I was so angry, I told her to leave and never come back. She tried to hug me, but I only pushed her away. The next day, the newscast announced that flight 187 had crashed at 8:29 a.m.…I killed her. If she stayed a week longer or even a few days longer…she would still be here. But I ruined everything. I killed her, Dorothy. I killed--”
My hand left his, as I slid behind him, throwing my arms over his waist in a tight embrace. My tears streaked over the cotton of his white shirt, as he froze- rigid against the railing. My eyes closed, as the pulse of his heart pounded away, thumping in a melodic rhythm.
“It wasn’t your fault!” I said, tears spilling past my chin. “It wasn’t. You didn’t know! You were just a kid- sad from being abandoned by the one person you love the most. Please…please don’t punish yourself.”
My shoulders slumped, as I cried silently against his back, my hands tightened over his middle. He turned, facing me- his eyes slowly tracing over my face. My hands dropped from his back, dangling at my sides, as I stared at him- wide eyed.
The soft gust swept through us, as his hands cupped my cheeks, his lips gently meeting my forehead. The sound of his peck against my flesh- echoed so loudly against my ear, I was sure passersby could hear it. My body flashed hot and cold, as I gazed at him, my brows wrinkled together.
“Thank you,” he said.
He walked around, striding past me, as I stared at his retreating back. The wind swayed his shirt like a passing tide, as he exiting out the door.
I stood there for a moment, my back against the railing- my heart jittering like ants within my chest, as my mind re-ran the kiss from a moment ago.
Chapter Fourteen
It had taken me a couple minutes to convince him that the food at the gyro stand, would not, in any way, kill us.
The evening sun had dipped to a deep red, as the moon lay full over the purple sky- navy clouds overlooking the rich horizon. James and I stood behind a tall, elegant woman, dressed in a grey business suit. Her dreadlocks were tied with a crystal band at the back, as the winds swayed her soft black hair along her curvy waist.
“You gonna order, lady?”
I snapped my head to James, who yawned lazily- a hand covering his mouth. I glared at him, but he merely shrugged, running a hand through the silk of his hair.
“Excuse me?” the woman snapped. “I’m still deciding—“
James scoffed. “There are more people on the line! You’ve been deciding for the past eight minutes—“
I clenched my hand against the sides of my white dress, prepared to snap at him for his rude behavior, but then stopped when five people behind us, agreed. A middle aged, fine haired man behind James- shook his head, nodding in approval. A woman behind the man- pursed her lips, smiling, as though happy that someone had told off the lady who was apparently taking too much time to order.
“The young man is right,” said an elderly woman, standing at the back of the line. “It’s been almost ten minutes, dear. We’re all hungry—“
“I can’t believe this,” the dreadlocked woman said. “You’re all ridiculous…honestly! Alright well…um…I’d like the chicken over rice with a pinch of white sauce, but only a pinch. And maybe some barbecue over that as well—“
“It’s on me,” said James.
The woman tilted her chin, a light smile hitting her soft, red lips.
“Really?” she asked.
I frowned. I didn’t like the look she was giving him.
James shot her a sly grin, walked around me, and took out a brown leather wallet from his side pocket. His brown bangs tossed in the wind, making him appear almost boyish, as he handed six dollars to the man inside the cart.
My teeth clenched, as I saw him smile at her once more in that charming way of his, grabbing her bag of food from the gyro man, and handing it to her. Her deep brown skin, flushed- her lips parting to a flirtatious smile.
Her long fingers trickled over his knuckles as she took the bag of food from his hand, slinking it over her wrist.
I glared at her wrist.
When she walked away, James quickly made our order, and the people behind us, exhaled a breath of relief, thanking him for getting her to leave. We gave them our goodbye, but as we walked towards a small round table at the farther end of the street, I felt a burning sensation simmer through my chest.
We arrived at the circular metal table, sitting across from each other. I took out the food from the bag, slamming it on the table, breathing hard. Well, I didn’t really slam it, but I intended to. Grabbing the fork, I took my plastic box of lamb over rice, opening it. The scent of hot, spicy, rice swirled under my nostrils, as I stabbed my fork within the meat.
“Unbelievable,” said James, taking a bite from his box. “She took ten minutes to decide on an order! What a woman. She had nice legs at least—“
“Can we just eat?” I snapped, swallowing my food. “It’s been a long day, so we should eat, go home, and then sleep—“
He laughed. “What’s up with you? That time of the month?”
I gripped my fork, staring intently at my box of rice- then lifted my eyes slowly to meet his.
“Whoa, enough with the scary eyes,” he said. “Relax.”
I exhaled a deep breath then smiled, but not a real smile, a forced one- one that took every muscle in me, to curve the two sides of my lips, upwards. A gentle wind blew past us, as the hem of my dress swayed by my ankles, under the metal table.
“I’m fine,” I lied. “You…seem to find that woman attractive.”
Oh, geez….why did I say that?
Licking my bottom lip, I willed my face to not cringe, but when he grinned, I could no longer hold it. My eyes dropped to my lap, and I groaned, shaking my head at my stupidity.
“You’re jealous,” he said.
“I’ve had enough to eat. Let’s just go home—“
He laughed, beaming.
“You barely touched your food,” he said. “You usually eat a truckload, I thought you’d end up gobbling my share as well—“
“I’m not very hungry,” I insisted.
“Because you’re jealous.” He said this slowly, his eyes gleaming in mirth.
“I’ll wait by the car,” I said.
My face was boiling, as I got up from the table, not even bothering to close my box of food, for fear that he’d notice my shivering hands. Ignoring his grin, I turned, walking at my usual pace towards the car, so as to appear like I wasn’t flustered.
Midway down the street, I stopped before the crossing sign, realizing that I didn’t actually know where he’d parked his car. I wanted to get out of the awkward situation so badly, that my brain decided that saying something stupid would be the best way to go.
<
br /> As I thought about how ridiculous I was reacting to him and that woman, a strong arm slinked over my back, resting on my shoulder. I didn’t have to turn to know who that warm hand, and lavender like scent, belonged to.
James’s lips met the cave of my ears- a hot rush zooming through my neck, as his hand squeezed my shoulder.
“I think it’s cute,” he whispered, his lips almost touching my lobe. “You’re pretty when you blush. Did you know that?”
I gulped.
I could feel his smile radiate through our one inch proximity- my heart pounding like a band of drums within my chest, as I turned my head slowly towards him.
James took a step back, placing his hands within his pockets, raking his eyes over me. There was an appreciative glint in his scrutiny, and it took me a second to realize what he was doing.
“Are you…are you checking me out?” I crossed my arms over my chest, suddenly feeling exposed.
“I am,” he replied. “It’s not a crime.”
The crossing sign changed, as I shook my head, walking through to the other side. He followed, still grinning like the flirtatious Prince he was, while I tried my best to still the rapid beating of my heart. When we got to the other side of the street, I turned towards him, allowing him to lead the way to the car.
“It’s creepy,” I said. “Staring like that, I mean. It’s just…creepy.”
He had long strides, and I had to walk twice as fast for my average legs to keep up.
“Creepy?” He laughed once more. “You’re a grown woman and you say the word ‘creepy’? Interesting—“
“Don’t insult my vocabulary!”
He shot me a wink, grinning, as we got to his car at last. The shiny, silver Mercedes glowed under the night sky. He took out the key from his pocket, gripping it within his palms.
“You’re a little girl,” he said, leaning against the side of the car. “Only little girls would find that creepy—“
“Your ignorant assumptions of my character are completely wrong,” I said, rambling. “Any woman would find that creepy.”
He stared at me for a moment then dropped his gaze to my shoes, travelling up my dress, leading to my neck, and then stopping, for a second, on my mouth. That familiar hot chill slithered through my spine, but I suppressed the shiver- glaring at him.
